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Done having kids?

engaged224engaged224 member
in Babies on the Brain
My husband was set on having 2 and I was too until I had my second and I started wanting another. He has always shot it down but now she's 18 months and he has gone back and forth lately of how we could have a third. I don't know what to do. Having a third would mean everything would be tighter money wise, do able just tighter. Having 3 would also mean we are out numbered and we have 2 high maintenance girls. :-/ I just can't decide and I don't know how to feel okay with being done. And I would have to decided like now because I'm over 30 and it takes at least a year for us.
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  • Katm89Katm89 member
    I you don't know how to be okay with being done, then is sounds like you know what you want. Money becomes tighter with a second child as well, but you didn't consider not having a second for various reasons. I don't know your personal situation but it sounds like money seems to be the main factor and it's definitely something to consider. But, having children is definitely a matter of the heart as well. You certainly don't want to regret not having another child... but I can't see you regretting the birth of your third child( most people don't regret their children).
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  • StarbucksShipStarbucksShip member
    edited June 2015
    Okay, this might be real unpopular, but...

    Everything you stated in your post indicates you can think of plenty of reasons not to have a third child. Yet, you're struggling with "I don't know how to feel okay with with being done." It sounds like there might be a part of you that has some reservations other than money about having a child. Not knowing you and having my own biases, that's what I interpret from your statement. That maybe you're not on board with a third, but you're having trouble adjusting to a new stage in your life (that is, no longer TTC or raising infants). Again, I might be WAY off, but that's how I see it.

    Do you have some funds to see a mental health professional together? Not trying to be rude by suggesting this! And not suggesting you don't continue to discuss this on the forum. But maybe sorting out your decision with someone who is trained to help you examine the actions and beliefs you make might be more reassuring.

    edit: for clarity
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  • tiff16tiff16 member
    I have similar feelings right now. How do you know when you're "done?" I haven't brought it up with my husband but my biological clock has started ticking.
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  • DesignermommaDesignermomma member
    Me too! I have 2 boys and want to try one more time for a girl. I love my boys so much but I just don't feel done yet. I'd like to wait a few years but I'm over 35 and time is ticking. I worry about our age, having enough time and money for a third. My husband I wishy washy too but mostly on the not having another side and it hurts every time he makes a comment when our youngest is being difficult.
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  • mrsdarveauxmrsdarveaux member
    I am dealing with this also. We have a boy and girl. Boy is 3 and girl almost 2. I want another and my hubby doesn't really want another. I don't want him to be unhappy but I am not done. We are discussing it and trying to make a family decision. I feel torn because I agree with you about money. It would be pretty tight but we could make it work. I don't want to make a bad decision for my family but I don't know how to know what the right thing is. I'm feeling confused.
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