I'm sorry I need to vent.

haayitstayy · July 2015

So my fiancé and I are a young couple (both 21) this is our first baby and for right now we're still living at home (in a 3 bedroom apartment with his mom, dad, & sister. So we're in a bedroom with a crib and all of our baby stuff) . Well recently we've been discussing moving out and have looked at a few places . Tonight we went to look at a house and compleatly fell in love , it's in our price range and is literally perfect . The only problem is now his family is being so mean to him .. Like telling us "the #1 relationship killer is financial problems" & that I only like the place because I wanna play house. That it isn't smart because it's 30min away . Like what the f**k. Shouldn't they be happy for us? Shouldn't they be proud that he's stepping up and wanting to provide for his family? I mean honestly I'm proud of the fact that he doesn't wanna stay at home and mooch off his parents and that he'd rather take the step with me and become a family and raise our son in our own space on our own terms. When are we supposed to move out never ? I'm just so frustrated that they are putting him down and making him second guess moving out. His grandma said "your taking away the baby before I even get a chance to know him" LIKE SERIOUSLY ITS A 30MIN DRIVE . Why can't I have dinner at my house ? Ugh I'm just frustrated .

irsam · July 2015

I hate in laws lol they are the reasoning to break ups and divorces. You both have to do what's best for you both. It's nice they want you both loving at their home and wanting to help with baby but it's not a far drive. Just sit with them and tell them it's not far and they can always still be part of his life. Don't stress it Girl in laws will give wrinkles lol

dominican22 · July 2015

Omg I'm so glad we moved out when we did b4 DS1 and if their already giving you bs and your not even out its best to leave now their going to be butting in all the time and how to raise your child and since your at their house you feel bad if you say anything. It can work out when I got pregnant the 1st time I was 17 barely out of high school by the time I was 4 months pregnant baby daddy had a place for us to move in I didn't even get my first job until I was 19 my son was 8 months by then but it was because of legal issues that I couldn't work anyways my point is we made it and we were way younger on little money so it can be done trust me keep your head up and don't let them get you down these last couple of weeks

jen010815 · July 2015

Hi this is my first post so i hope you receive it, me & my husband are a young couple. Im 20 his 22 & we got married last year. The stress & headache from in laws & family members was ridiculous, had comments like. "It'll never work" "i want go to the wedding" "ill withdraw my money out the wedding" "Do you want all this stress to kill me". All because i wanted to move out 3 months before the wedding to get everything in order, but i sat down with him & i had to make it clear. Are we living for others or ourself? We got to move out & be independent one day. So don't stress sit down & talk to your fiancé & let him know the sooner the better so you can come to terms with independent living & build your foundation & routine for your child. Im sure he'll jump on board, if not you jump boat & he'll follow.
Thats what i done & now i been living with my husband independently for a year & can officially say we've got our head round all the finances & house work & headaches. So now in next 4 weeks when our son comes he'll be in a calm, controlled, loving environment.

Hope you get the results you want

kkdb14 · July 2015

Lurking from June 15. I got pregnant with LO on my 18th birthday, and boyfriend turned 19 4 days later. We've been talking about getting our own place since we found out about the pregnancy. I now have a 5 week old and we still live separately in our parents' houses. Get out while you're able to regardless of what in-laws say. I wish we were able to long ago. Hopefully sooner than later I'll be able to do the same....

qtjo5 · July 2015

It could be that they just want to make sure you two are steady and financially okay to step out on your own. A baby changes a lot and right now you may think you two are okay but the baby may cause a burden on your finances. I wouldn't take it personal, in fact you should feel blessed that they want to continue to help you once the baby is here. I am 30 and still have my in laws asking me and DH to move in so we can save money. Mind you both of us work great job, college educated and have zero debt.

rainbowBOOM · July 2015

I'll start by saying being young doesn't mean you can't handle being on your own with a baby. However, I'm sure his family is just concerned. Baby's have a lot of hidden costs and a lot of stress you don't realize until they're here.

Hopefully their reaction is because they want to help ease that stress, but obviously are showing their concern in the wrong way.

The biggest and best thing you can do is keep positive communication open with your FI. You have to be on the same page and present a united front. It's a great first step in developing a happy and strong marriage for your family.

Maybe you do end up staying in your il's home for say the first 6 months, but just try not to make any quick decisions one way or another. Sometimes letting people help is the most mature decision that can be made.

megmansell · July 2015

My only question is by in your price range do you mean that you will acquire zero debt in the process? Financial stress is a huge burden, one I never would have taken the time to consider when I was 21. It is easy to say something is affordable without truly looking at the math. Take the time and make sure you're accounting for increase in gas expenditures and will still have money left over to enjoy yourselves in life. Being housepoor is when you really feel a strain.

shenry43 · July 2015

Honestly people were giving me and my now husband but bf at the time a whole bunch of shit when we were house hunting. I was 23 he was 22. And it was the best choice I ever made. Sometimes financially it can be hard but we have never been late on any payments and have managed to put a new roof on and redo the bathroom along with other projects as well. As long as you both have the means it will be so much less stress if you are out of your own. It's nice that they want to help you guys out but should be supportive in your decisions.

babydoll1008 · July 2015

We lived with my in-law's when I was pregnant with my first. They were supportive when we moved out and nice people but I totally get the fact that you just need your own space to grow as a family. I felt like I was invading on their space even though I am sure they didn't mind at all.

But the reasons you pointed out are the reasons you should move to that place you love. The constant opinions from your in-law's won't stop and that affects your relationship with your spouse.

You should definitely get out of there while you have any sanity left lol

cris01215 · July 2015

Several years ago when my husband and I were engaged and looking for our first place, we chose a house a good 30 minutes from my parents place. My mom wasn't very happy about it, but for us the distance made the relationship better in the long run.

It'll be much easier for you and your fiance to transition in parenthood and grow in your new roles without the interference of extended family members.

If the place you love is in your price range and ya'll have a budget that you can live on and raise your child, then go for it!

ashleytiff · July 2015

It sounds like they will be more of a relationship killer.

celiadever · July 2015

qtjo5 said:

It could be that they just want to make sure you two are steady and financially okay to step out on your own. A baby changes a lot and right now you may think you two are okay but the baby may cause a burden on your finances. I wouldn't take it personal, in fact you should feel blessed that they want to continue to help you once the baby is here. I am 30 and still have my in laws asking me and DH to move in so we can save money. Mind you both of us work great job, college educated and have zero debt.

This! If they are truly worried about finances, I would sit down and talk to them about it. Living on your own has a lot of expenses you don't always think about. Now adding a baby to that can really pack on the stress. So they may genuinely be concerned for you guys but may be going about it the wrong way. Me and DH are 29 and had our house built last year, and even though we both have very stable careers (he works for Boeing, I am active duty) our families voiced concerns still. Our electric, water and sewer bill alone is about $300 a month. Then moving into a new place, you need furniture, kitchen appliances, utensils, linens... all that cost money. And this is basic living things without a baby needing diapers, wipes, food, etc. So maybe sit down and talk to them and hear them out, and if you guys really have a plan explain it to them to ease their minds. I know in-laws can be frustrating, but as long as you maintain open lines of communication it tends to make things easier. But, I personally wouldn't want to live with my in-laws either. Good luck!

jerseygirl227 · July 2015

ashleytiff said:

It sounds like they will be more of a relationship killer.

That's what I was thinking.

If it's in your price range and you can make it work, then do it. I'm sure his family is just worried about the both of you. Heck, I'm 43 and my father still says and gets concerned about things that make me think that he thinks I'm still 18, lol.

My fiance and I just bought a house. We'd been living in a townhouse with my sister for a few years. We, too, were in one bedroom with all the baby stuff. Drove me crazy. So I totally understand. Moving was the best thing for us.

Brittpetitti · July 2015

I'm in the same situation as you both being twenty one and have our first baby due in a week. We have had many up and a hell of a lot more downs but living on your own together will be more beneficial to you guys and the baby. A half hour is not that bad and it's a good feeling to be able to have time to yourselves with out other people constantly around.

ktabs · July 2015

Well they are going about it the wrong way but the message is genuine I'm sure. Living on your own is so much more expensive than you ever thought. And... Financial stress is a quick way to end a relationship. You want to get out on your own but really really make sure you are looking at that budget. Make sure that you have more than enough or go with something cheaper and more temporary... Just to get your feet wet

Good luck!

itsrandiyo · July 2015

Agree with PPs, they probably are going about it the wrong way. But that doesn't mean they may not have a point or a true concern. It's important to look at every faucet of your finances and make sure you will be able to afford the mortage, as well as, the bills that come with a house aside from the mortage(water, sewer, electric, gas, Internet/cable*, house insurance, property taxes). Then, along with those you will have all new expenses with the baby. Lastly, when you are still living with your parents some people don't think/or pay for even their basic expenses for themselves yet. Examples: your own cell phone, health insurance, car insurance... I mean most people assume if you are thinking of moving out you are paying those things, but In my experience that's not the case. However, if all your ducks are in a row and your fiancé has a good job(sounds like you will be a SAHM) the best for sanity would be to buy the house. 30 minutes is nothing

daniellelea1985 · July 2015

Me and hubby were not a young couple (29 & 34) when we moved in with his parents so we could save a month before baby #1 came. Thought it'd only be a few months but it turned into a year and a half before we found the house we wanted. We saved.SO much money and were by no means "moochers". Honestly, it was a blessing. I had help with the baby and got to know my in laws on a new level, even my SILs. Sure, MIL can get annoying but that's what happens when you have two strong matriarchs under one roof. We learned to compromise so well and learned from eachother. Financial stress and social seclusion are big time marriage killers. I'd reconsider your position and try to look at it more positively.

shaley29 · July 2015

Sounds like they have your best interests in mind. I totally understand wanting to have your own place, but until you have lived on your own you just don't get the costs. Your bills should only take up about 40-60% of your income. You should have money in savings to cover at least 2 months of bills (most recommend 6 but in this economy it's not easy ). I'd really reconsider their offer, save some money and when you have adjusted to life with a baby then try and move out. Perhaps just save the money you would spend on living on your own and see how you do!