Worried about husband as father

WYPhD · June 2015

Does anyone else have inexplicable worries about their husband as a father? I love him and he's great with kids, but every time he does something even slightly irresponsible or DOESN'T do something minor he said he would I start to freak out about his ability to parent. I feel like a crazed pregnancy monster! Thoughts ladies?

tayzav · June 2015

Sometimes when my BF does something really stupid I question him. I'm an animal lover and he isn't, when we got together I came with a cat. He's grown to love her but I swear...she's not an outside cat and is a serious wussy, plus on top of where we live she would get eaten alive if she ever got outta the house. BF can't seem to remember to close the sliding glass doors. He's even left the front door open for gods sake! I feel like I'm constantly getting up to check everything, and that's just for my cat. I can't imagine how I'll be with my child. I sure hope he pulls his head out and starts remembering minor EASY things like that. I don't want my kid getting out and wondering the streets. Ugh! I love him but sometimes he's a moron. Hahahaha.

WYPhD · June 2015

@tayzav that's EXACTLY the kind of thing I mean. Do you tell him it makes u nervous?

queenwog · June 2015

I think you should wait and see; people (not all, but most) change when they become parents.

And it's a little late to doubt things now that the deed is done.

tayzav · June 2015

Every time it happens, yep. And he says a child is different. I guess he doesn't understand that my cat issss my child and has been for a long time. Not comparing my baby to my cat but she's important to me. And I guess he doesn't get it. I sure hope he's right about a child being different for him, so at least he can remember to close the door. Gosh.

brianna91chavez · June 2015

I can't really relate to this... Butttt when I opened this I thought you were talking about paternity.... Like you didn't know if your husband was the father of your baby is what I read the title as. I was coming to this thread with lots of useful paternity testing advice. Lol.

queenwog · June 2015

It's also harder for some men to come to grips with the fact that they're going to be daddies because they aren't experiencing it yet. They don't feel the early flutters and kicks, the symptoms that keep us up at night, the emotions and hormones... For them the bonding experience doesn't start until baby arrives on scene and they get to hold baby for the first time. That's often when the change begins; something clicks and they start understanding the responsibility before them. Chances are good that'll happen with your husband, too. He'll get there.

jessilee15 · June 2015

Also - remember that moms and dads are just different! He won't parent the way you do, or the way you want him to. You have to give him some space to figure it out. My husband does things with our toddler that drive me crazy, and the same goes for him. Don't get bogged down in some of the details (like our epic fight on whether or not we should let our son play in the sink; I think it's ridiculous to say no to everything that *might make a mess, he thinks I'm overly permissive) and remember that you have two different parents for a reason

DrMommaDVM · June 2015

Nobody is perfect. If he is a good guy and great with kids he will probably be an OK dad. Becoming a parent doesn't magically change you into a 100% responsible and self-sacrificing individual.

TacoSarah · June 2015

I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels like this.

My OH's thinking process, or sometimes lack thereof, really worries me. He doesn't look forward or around him to see how his decision or actions might affect the future or what ripple effect might be caused. Sometimes I feel like the coach in the relationship and have to point out what I think is the obvious.

But this is the first child for both of us, so it's a learning process. I think our roles may be defined already. He's going to be the fun, spontaneous parent who lives in the moment and I'll be the planner and take more of the responsibility. It's probably a good balance, if we were both one of the other it might be a disaster.

Laurenwelch8682 · June 2015

I have the same issue . And my husband already has a kid with someone else and sometimes I just wonder like... How is he going to do this?

RaisingJulian · June 2015

My fiancé and I were young. I was 17 & he was 16. So basically I thought he was going to be out the door and I'd never see him again. He's had a bad past and has made some mistakes. As soon as he held that baby for the first time. He never wanted to let go! He's the one who is so protective of our son. More than me. And he may not do much with the changing diapers and such. He works full time 12 hours a day. Barely gets any time to rest. Just so I can raise our kids. It'll be different once the baby's here. And no one is perfect. Don't worry they're all going to need some guidance in certain areas. Plus I find my fiancé a lot better with our toddler. Then when he was a newborn. He says he's more fun. Lol. I'm sure if u talk to ur husband it'll give u some peace of mind.

Alexis514 · June 2015

Not all people treat animals like a family member (I do, so I get where you are coming from). Can you gently explain to him that it would be so helpful for you if he could start prepping for fatherhood by being responsible with the cat? Make it more about you than him. I've realized some of the things I need seem totally irrational to others, but that doesn't make it any less real for me.

JLB24 · June 2015

My husband has a kid w someone else and he was way laid back and not very attentive to her. I thought things would be different with "ours" since he was a kid himself when he had his 1st. But nope...he's just as air heady and inattentive w our boys as he is w his 1st. It sucks. I find if I just accept it as opposed to dwelling over it and getting angry it makes it easier. Here I am on baby 3 and sometimes I feel like a single mom or more so like I have an extra child I have to watch over (my husband).

AshenSky · June 2015

I was worried about my ex husband... And he lived up to every fear. It started out with abuse of our dog, before I was pregnant. Then shifted to me verbally and mentally, and when it started to leak over to DD.. That's when I left.
My SO, on the other hand... Is the most amazing man I could ever ask to father my children.
Not all people treat animals like they are their family. And most men don't have the paternal instinct like we expect. But, it doesn't necessarily mean he will be a bad father. Unless there is major neglect or abuse. He will learn.

tayzav · June 2015

AshenSky said:
I was worried about my ex husband... And he lived up to every fear. It started out with abuse of our dog, before I was pregnant. Then shifted to me verbally and mentally, and when it started to leak over to DD.. That's when I left.
My SO, on the other hand... Is the most amazing man I could ever ask to father my children.
Not all people treat animals like they are their family. And most men don't have the paternal instinct like we expect. But, it doesn't necessarily mean he will be a bad father. Unless there is major neglect or abuse. He will learn.

So glad you got the heck outta that past relationship and are in a good one now. And that picture made me laugh.

AshenSky · June 2015

tayzav said:

AshenSky said:
I was worried about my ex husband... And he lived up to every fear. It started out with abuse of our dog, before I was pregnant. Then shifted to me verbally and mentally, and when it started to leak over to DD.. That's when I left.
My SO, on the other hand... Is the most amazing man I could ever ask to father my children.
Not all people treat animals like they are their family. And most men don't have the paternal instinct like we expect. But, it doesn't necessarily mean he will be a bad father. Unless there is major neglect or abuse. He will learn.
So glad you got the heck outta that past relationship and are in a good one now. And that picture made me laugh.

Me, too @tayzav !!

WYPhD · June 2015

Thanks all! He is generally a wonderful and caring person. Some of your experiences are making me feel like I should just be grateful for him! His problem is definitely more forgetfulness and irresponsibility than selfishness or abusiveness.

bbsweet · July 2015

I'm worried on a different level! My SO is soooooo protective and we are having a little girl. He's already making rules and it's like shesh wait till she's atleast born! I almost feel bad for her because her dad's so protective. I mean it's a great thing but at the same time a bit overwhelming.

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