Mother in law nightmare — The Bump
August 2015 Moms

Mother in law nightmare

I need advise.. This is my 4th child I have two from my previous marriage and this is my second from this marriage. My husband is military and was gone for the last pregnancy and birth. His mother kept trying to barge in my room while I was with my mother delivering. once my son was born she came and kept flashing pictures of him like an inch away from his face and was taking pictures of him while I was breastfeeding. I was angry but bit my tongue. The next morning she was there grabbed my breast and forced it into my sons mouth. This all being said our daughter is due soon and instead of vein a witch I asked my husband of she could be at our home with the kids during delivery, and then have her come up when my mom takes over watching the other kids. He flipped out on me told me I was selfish and ignorant. My heart was broken. Everyone knows they take the baby for tests after they are born, I just want this moment to my husband and I. Am I wrong?

Re: Mother in law nightmare

  • I would just flat out say you want it to be only your husband in the room with you- if that means your mom isn't in the room for this one then maybe that's what it takes? That's a tricky situation. I'm a private person- I am okay with my husband and my mom being there, but no one else!
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  • I did try to explain it to him he didn't understand. He actually walked out and left for like two hours I slept on the couch.
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  • Yeesh. I think you have every right to ask MIL to stay away until you are ready for visitors.

    My MIL wants to take my daughter during labor. She even bought Elmo sheets for a sleepover.
  • I have thought of that also I might talk to my dr about it because she actually got in her face the previous delivery... My dr had me take a serum and I was going to the bathroom all over the place and she was trying to come in haha and the dr escorted her to the waiting room. My dr is very awesome when it comes to me so I might have to ask her to handle things w/o my husband knowing.
  • Yea he's a very interesting person and when it comes to his mother God forbid someone goes against her wishes... I try I really do
  • Oh hell no!! She grabbed ur breast to feed YOUR son?! I would of lost my shit and flipped out and kicked her ass out and say now u can wait til were home n ready! How dare she act like that and flash the camera right in his face! Like the normal light doesn't bother him enough as it is. I would stand ur grown with ur husband bc u r not wrong n her actions last time proves that. DEFINITELY have ur doctor/nurses/hospital security know that who is NOT allowed in the room. I would start off by asking her how important her being there is. THEN say ok if its THAT important, here are MY rules for this day. Bc it is MY newborn baby and MY body. Firstly I'd tell her how hurt u were by her actions n uncomfortable u were that she put her hands on u, she is not a doctor or nurse. It wouldn't even be ok if she was ur mother.(I'd say it even if it not true) set rules n boundaries ahead of time n tell her if she breaks 1 rule then she will have to wait for a call when she's allowed back or when ur home. Easy way (following ur EVERY wish) hard way (staying her ass home or getting kicked out) do whatever u have to so ur not upset n worried about her.

    My bfs mom is a crazy bitch, n will call her after he's born. Thankfully he realizes how crazy she is n on bored
  • Yeah I'm more concerned with the fact that your husband resorted to name calling!!! What your MIL did was not OK but your husband calling you selfish and ignorant is worse. Ultimately it's up to you who you want to be there (we have so little control over what happens during birth, how dare someone try to take away what little is left!!!!) Your husband should be supporting your wishes. Period.

  • Agree with @Miz_Liz - my husband however would never dare speak to me or act this way about anything, but for sure not with regards to the issue you are dealing with. I do not understand how some people feel so entitled! No you can't come and gawk at my vagina, witness my pain, document the entire event with your disposable camera, grab my boob and put it in my newborn's mouth - how is this even remotely ok in someone's brain, let alone in your husbands?!?!! I would try talking with him again and be firm about your requests - sure he loves his mom and wants to please her - but there are boundaries and I don't think you are out of line at all with wanting your delivery and moments afterwards to be with your husband and new baby. There is a time and place for visitors to be invited in to meet baby - for some its at the hospital and for some its not till home - its your decision and no one can fault you for that. 

    I would agree though that this woman needs on the "no access" list at the hospital until invited. 

    GL I wish you all the best in trying to work this out with your husband! 

  • My MIL is a crazy bitch too. DH and I have been together since I was 14 (I'm 26 now) and she has tried everything under the sun to split us up. She wasn't a mother to him, he lived with his dad and I didn't even meet her until 3 years after we got together because she wasn't involved in his life. She's tried to convince him to dump me, she's tried to set him up with other people, and anything else you could think of. I tried to put the past behind us when I was pregnant the first time because I know how much the situation hurts DH and since she is super "religious" I figured since we were married she wouldn't try to come between a man and his wife (we hadn't talked to her for about 4 years at that point). However I was wrong and she was worse than ever, she made up horrible lies trying to get my son taken from me and posted stuff all over Facebook saying if I really loved my son I'd disappear from his life and all kinds of horrible stuff. I have put my foot down, she is not allowed anywhere near me or my children, she is to be given no information about us, basically to me and the kids she doesn't exist. DH sends her a text every few months and on holidays but that's about it. When I'm in the hospital the staff will be informed that she is not to be let anywhere near me or LO if she some how found out when I'm in labor. I hope it never goes to that extreme for you but you definitely want to be firm and set boundaries now and make sure she knows the rules.
  • ginger8484ginger8484 member
    edited June 2015
    Personally , I would flip the the f**k out if my mil put my breast in my babies mouth with out asking. I mean wtf?!?!? Her brain is messed up for sure and that's not an excuse either way. With my experience with my mil, I had some things go down that shouldn't of happened , but that made me realize her true colors and self. That being said, I spoken to her one last time and made it clear , and with my partners approval ,and in the clear of words to say to his mother, that if you don't act right and things don't change then there is no way my child will be around you. It's toxic behavior that I don't want my child around and pick up bad habits from anyone. Needless to say she cried and made it about her, but I don't care . This is a special moment in a woman's life to bring an angel in this world, and the nerve of some people. I agree with miz Liz on all levels, and especially speaking to nurses and who will be allowed on the list of who can visit and not. I definetly don't think your selfish at all and would have a sit down with your husband. Have a different perspective or approach towards him to where he understands. Hope he does and hope you don't stress your self out . Because I wouldn't want to go through that , I made a blast text to everyone the other day stating that mommy and daddy will let everyone know when baby arrives, how when we are ready for visitors we will let others know, and please don't call or text daddy because I need him the most. I will make sure to let the nurses know not to let anyone bother us because this is a special time for us. Plus, you have no idea what can happen during delivery. Good luck and wish your family well.
  • Ty ladies all of you for being supportive I feel better about myself and I hope with the advice I have From everyone I can face the satiation with some backbone
  • So sorry you are dealing with all of this! You have received some great advice. I hope you are armed with some tools to take that crazy lady down a few pegs!! Your husband I am giving him the side eye right now. He has some nerve
  • Hmmmmmm. I guess I feel a bit differently. I always say when it comes to MIL stories there's always backstory that we don't know about. You're right, you get to say who's in the delivery room. It's your birth. However, I always wonder how husbands feel when we allow our mothers in the room but not theirs. I mean, instinctively were closer to our own mothers but I'm sure men (some) feel the same about theirs. Your H seems to be close to his mom and he wants her apart of it. Is there no compromise here? Like, maybe you don't want her in the room but she can come up later?

    I dont know...I have a great relationship with my MIL so I don't have much experience with overbearing MIL's. I say, stand your ground but try to come to some compromise with your husband so that he feels his mother is involved too.
        DS born 8-16-2013
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  • I agree there may be some kind of compromise you can make that somehow includes your MIL without actually having her hanging around in there bothering you.

    However you should get final say on who's in there during your labour. You could say to your H that if he spreads his legs and shows YOUR mother HIS genitals, you might be willing to reconsider having his mother in the delivery room.
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