Daychare for a shy child

IrisApricity · June 2015

Hi!

We are at a crossroads and trying to decide our next move. My 5 month old currently comes to work with me. We have the option of me staying home but putting financial strain on our family, or her being in daycare for around 25-30 hours a week while I work. Our daughter is very attached to us and since 2 months old (yes, really!) she cries if anyone else tries to hold her. I am not talking about being sensitive to how she is being soothed. She could be totally content on my lap doing nothing, then someone else gets too close and she cries! Even close family members, regardless of the fact she has been around lots of people since she was born. At 12 weeks we tried her staying with my very good friend who has a home daycare but was not taking any other children at the time since she is pregnant. She went for 4 hours 12 different times and never adjusted at all. She cried, refused to eat, etc. which is not at all her personality. She is so smiley with us! My friend, who has a degree in childhood development and has worked in daycares, told me that it is unusual for a child to act that way at such a young age and perhaps it would be best to find a way for her to stay with me.

We are trying to decide if we should try daycare again at 6 months or have me stay home with her. Any experience with a very shy child in daycare?

Thanks!

Perfect Sonnet · June 2015

It sounds like she just has separation anxiety, which is completely normal for that age. My daughter was the same way. She was clingy to me and my husband, and screamed whenever anyone else came near her. I think it is a little too early to label her as shy.

It is completely your decision, but I would look at as a good thing to put her in daycare. She may struggle at first and scream and cry at drop off, but once she saw you coming back for her in the afternoon she would get over it. It is a way to learn object permanence. As she gets older, it will be easier to drop her off at places (even new ones).

IrisApricity · June 2015

@perfect sonnet - you're right, it is much too early to use the word "shy". The reason we feel it is more a personality thing is because we are both pretty shy/reserved and from viewing how she handles other situations. She is so alert and interested in the world, but she just sits quietly and watches everything. Everything I have read says 2 months is too early for the developmental milestone of "separation anxiety" or the concept of object permanence that doesn't come until 6+ months. She seems to be getting better, but it's hard to say since she is with me all the time. I am thinking once she masters some skills that allow her to play independently such as sitting, crawling, etc. she will adjust better to a daycare environment.

Thank you for the advice! You're right, I could look at daycare as a good thing!

CarrieB. · June 2015

DD2 cried pretty much straight for 2 weeks when I went back to work at 12 weeks and she was just home w DH. Some babies are a little more sensitive much eventually they get used to new child care arrangements. A good provider will be patient and sensitive to your child's needs

WLJ2 · June 2015

Sometimes it is ok to let them cry it out. If will be completely your decision if you want your LO in child care. Know that if you do, the first few weeks will be rather difficult. My son had it for a little while out of the blue around 2 1/2. He would cling to me and sometimes cry when I left. The teachers were very helpful if occupying him so I could sneak out. Most times he was fine in less than 5 minutes of leaving. I would hang back and watch the video monitor some mornings.
Have you considered a child care that has video monitoring that you can see while at work? That might give you reassurance while you are working.

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