Anxious about my sister

LEAA14 · June 2015

My big sister and I have a great relationship and she and my husband get along great, but I am really nervous about telling her about my pregnancy. She is four years older than I am and has been with her boyfriend since before I even met my husband, and really wants to have children, but her boyfriend has completely stalled out in their relationship. He told me about a year ago that he was ready to propose, and nothing has happened (he's a great guy and they make a great couple; I just don't know what's holding him up). I know that she stresses out about it a lot since she is in her mid-30s and is worried that if she can't have children with him she might not be able to find someone while she's "young enough" (not to mention the fact that she would be heartbroken because she loves the guy). I know that she will be happy for me, but I am also worried that she (and my mom) will also feel really sad about her situation. I know that there's nothing that I can do to help this, but I'm wondering if anyone else is in a similar sort of situation?

kayjay44 · June 2015

I would definitely tell her yourself and tell her individually. I don't know what your relationship is like or what she is like, but you may want to tell her in person or you may consider telling her over the phone/email/text if you thing she will be really upset and may need time to process. Definitely give her time. Good luck!

FreshBakedBrownies · June 2015

I agree to tell her yourself privately, not as part of some cutesy family announcement and let her process it.

I think this is different from situations where your sister has infertility issues. She should be an active participant in her relationship. If she wants to be married and have kids and this guy is so great, then she needs to talk to him about it! Sorry, if she sits around quietly waiting for him to propose, that's not your fault.

kelley&rowland · June 2015

I have a younger sister that is 4 years younger than me and got pregnant before me. She is newly married and their relationship is sometimes rocky, and there are many other factors that made me think they might not be ready for kids. I know that she will be a great mom though. I was of course a little jealous when I found out the news but very happy at the same time. I only want the best for her and I know you're sister feels the same way about you. Don't feel bad at all, just share the news and tell her how awesome of an Aunt she will be. Her time will come one way or another

ecmb · June 2015

LEAA14 said:
My big sister and I have a great relationship and she and my husband get along great, but I am really nervous about telling her about my pregnancy. She is four years older than I am and has been with her boyfriend since before I even met my husband, and really wants to have children, but her boyfriend has completely stalled out in their relationship. He told me about a year ago that he was ready to propose, and nothing has happened (he's a great guy and they make a great couple; I just don't know what's holding him up). I know that she stresses out about it a lot since she is in her mid-30s and is worried that if she can't have children with him she might not be able to find someone while she's "young enough" (not to mention the fact that she would be heartbroken because she loves the guy). I know that she will be happy for me, but I am also worried that she (and my mom) will also feel really sad about her situation. I know that there's nothing that I can do to help this, but I'm wondering if anyone else is in a similar sort of situation?

I'm in the same situation (kind of), with my sister too. I plan to tell her privately in a NBD way. Then I'm telling my parents in an exciting, surprise way without her there bc she wouldn't be able to handle it.

northstar13 · June 2015

I'm in a similar situation with my two best friends. One has had many years of infertility issues and the other has had multiple miscarriages. I told each one on the phone so that they could have space to react without having to act a certain way.

ARogers26 · June 2015

I also told my BFF straight away to give her time to process it. She has PCOS and lost a baby last year.

Sprinkles07 · June 2015

My sister is 30 and doesn't think she can have kids because she has irragular periods and didn't have luck with her ex husband. They divorced 7 years of being together but less than a year of marriage. Now she is dating a 40 year old guy who has grown kids and isn't looking to do it again. Any how I hadn't thought much of how to tell her. I sent my mom a box of booties with a poem and my sister saw it first and opened it. She just called me and asked if I had something to tell her. She is happy for me and loves being an aunt to ds. Be sensitive but don't overthink it.

chitownparent · June 2015

Sisters are difficult. My younger sister had a horrible still birth at 20 weeks just last year. It was incredibly sad. Even though I think of us as very close, I haven't seen her in person for almost two years because of our geographical and work situations and, in part, because of the still birth she hasn't wanted to see family. When I got my BFP, I wanted to tell her first, but the only way I could get a hold of her was by text! When she didn't respond for almost an hour, I felt so guilty.

There is no perfect way to tell your sister, especially if she wants kids as well. But ultimately, she will be happy for you, even if a bit jealous at first. I think it is important to tell her in person, if possible, and for her to be one of the first people you tell. Good luck. Your relationship with your sister is of utmost importance.

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