Husband's loss of sexual desire

Re: Husband's loss of sexual desire

• eish22 member

  June 2015

  Thanks ladies. Yes I am definitely going to have my doctor talk to him when we go back in a couple weeks. My doctor is a man, so maybe that will help him believe him lol. And yes I was also thinking about suggesting a position where he can't see my belly, that might help. I think it's hard for him to combine my rolls as both wife and mother. And he doesn't see me as sexual anymore because of that, hes very excited and happy about this baby, as I am too, hes actually the one who brought up having a baby in the first place, so I can see how him thinking anything at all could harm it and wanting to protect it in every way he can. A pretty sweet reality but frustrating in sexual terms for me

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• Rusty NailHer member

  June 2015

  I was in this exact situation last year. I was pregnant with my husband's first child. I was incredibly weirded out by it. He just said that pregnant women didn't "do it" for him. It was apparently a big turnoff once I showed. I went 7 months without. It was pretty agonizing, but I lived. Once I had clearance from the doctor in January it was on! Now I am 14w and luckily still getting some as of recently. I count my blessings as I know it won't last long. It'll be alright. Just very frustrating. If push comes to shove and he isn't budging, try and compromise or just take care of business anyway.

  
  

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• kabnpauj member

  June 2015

  My husband is the same. He hasn't touch me at all for 4 months now. He's afriad of hurting the baby, and even more disgusted with me now that my breasts are leaking liquids (I think it's breast milk building since sometimes the liquid is clear and sometimes it's kinda clear white).

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• LuiOchosa member

  June 2015

  eish22 said:

  Before we got pregnant, and even through most of the first trimester, until I started showing just a little bit at 11 weeks, we had a great sex life! We did it all the time, even when I felt sick and crappy in the early first trimester! Now my husband wants nothing to do with sex at all. Every time I initiate it he makes an excuse as to why he doesn't want to or can't at that moment. And I'll say "you always have some reason why you can't! " we've talked about it a couple times and he's worried about hurting the baby, and weirded out in general that our baby is right there while we're having sex. Last night I said " what do you think we're just not going to have sex for the next 5 months, I'm going to go crazy, and you know we won't be able to for a while after the baby's born! " he seemed a little shocked by that reality, then said we can do it tomorrow when we wake up and he pinky promised, hes still sleeping so we'll see! I have a high sex drive anyways, and he's never had one as high as mine but always kept up and enjoyed it, but I can't keep going like this. It makes me feel disconnected from him when we don't have sex for a long time. We're still very romantic, he holds my hand everywhere we go, and kisses me and tells me he loves me constantly, and I love him for that but I'm not sure how to get through to him that he's not hurting the baby and I have needs! Anyone in a similar situation? Or experienced this? Any help or even empathy would be appreciated. I haven't met anyone who's had this problem.

  
  The same situation as I have. my first trimester was a bit hellish. I was put to bed rest for almost three months because I was at high risk of miscarriage. That means I could not engage in strenous physical activities, including and especially sex. So on my 2nd trimester (when everything got better), we finally were able to have some intercourse. Ever since then my sex drive increased while my hubb's decreased. He said he was afraid he'd hurt the baby and that he dont want to shake my body too much (again he thought the baby migh not feel good about it). Of course, I'm getting frustrated from time to time. I mean like gaaaahd! I was craving for it like some food. (Btw, additional addictive factor: i felt this so-called orgasm for the first time when i became pregnant. Crazy but true). So, when he doesn't want to do it, I do myself, or if I want him, he lets me give him bj's. So far, it satisfies me. So @eish22 I suggest you talk it over with your husband. Find some 'alternatives' when you really want to do it but he doesn't want to. You'll survive! Few more months to go!

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• brecam15 member

  June 2015

  During my first pregnancy my husband was the same way! He was still the same loving great guy but he once literally RAN from me yelling that he wouldn't hurt our baby. It was the most hilarious thing - to me. But he was serious. I tried to talk to him, reason with him, show him the books, etc but no dice.
  He did eventually get over it, I'd say this whole stint lasted maybe month and a half. But I literally forced the poor guys hand by going full dramatic. Think tears and snot. Not cute lol. It wasn't until we started utilizing different positions that he felt were shallow enough (sorry if this is tmi) like spooning and what not that he really started being super excited about it.
  Just have patience...or jump him. And let him fully control the movements. Good luck!!!
  Ps. Second and my current third pregnancy ZERO problems

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• PrimRoseMama member

  June 2015

  Honestly? I'd respect his desires & get yourself some good sex toys. It's ok for him to not want to have sex for the reasons he specified. Yes, you have needs & I get it, but I always get uncomfortable when any sexual partner is pressured to have sex outside their comfort zone.
  
  You said he was still being sweet & hasn't been an asshole about it.

  
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