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I don't want the father involved

sam301sam301 member
in 2nd Trimester
We had only been together 2 months we were at a friends birthday one night And I wanted to leave because I was extremely tired. we came home after and we had an argument about it, he got his car drunk then crashed it. I broke up with him the day after. Then the day after that I found out I was pregnant. I'm personally against pregnant termination and I knew deep down I could be a mum so I decided to tell him and we got back together. Things were ok but then he bought a door seat brand new car (ummm where will the baby go?) then he brought up baby names and said I had no say in any baby names all the names I liked were rubbish. Well as if he wasn't acting selfish and dominant enough already i found I was having twins and his first reaction was "twins are ugly I can't have two people in my family looking identicle it's just wrong" one thing after other he made me feel sad about everything to do with my pregnancy I decided to break it off with him. He told me to get an abortion immediately, that he didn't want me to ruin his life by having the pay child support for both babies and he doesn't want children to a broken relationship.
I ignored all the things he said and continued with my pregnancy as a single mum. He now was to be involved in everything and keeps asking about the scans, doctors appointments, when I will find out the gender of the twins and if I have any baby names picked out. I feel bad because I know I should give him the chance to be a father but all the things he said and done 6 weeks ago makes me want to just do it all on my own.
I'm don't want him on the birth certificate at all or in the birthing suite at the hospital. I don't want him to have any say in the names.... What should I do I feel horrible but this is what I want...
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Re: I don't want the father involved

  • Linc13Linc13 member
    What a horrible thing to experience in such a beautiful time of your life... I truly hope that you can make a decision that will benefit you and the twins in the long run! God bless and good luck sweetie
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  • amberrmariee20amberrmariee20 member
    Terrible story ... Alrhough by law the father can go for split custody, and regardless what he does or did as long as he doesn't put the children in danger he will be aloud to see them... They are still his children, regardless what type of person he is, you chose him not the children... When the kids grow up they will want to know their daddy, and keeping them from him doesn't help them any it will only hurt the kids !
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  • kjacks6347kjacks6347 member
    As a person who grew up most of her life without her father I have a little advice. He sounds like a bad boyfriend/husband. I feel it is unfair to try and predict his ability as a father based off of things that he has said to you. I'm not trying to be mean at all, but it sounds like you're going to keep your kids from him because he has hurt your feelings. Remember to do what's best for the kids and not just what's best for you.
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  • MelissadmagMelissadmag member
    Follow your instincts. He sounds like a complete ass, but is maybe coming around to everything? Do what feels right in your heart for you and your children. If he continues to bring you down then you can do it on your own, you don't need to be in a relationship with him. You can decide after the babies are born how involved you want him to be in their lives. I wouldn't cut him out of their lives though unless after seeing his interactions with them he is a terrible dad or something. It's going to be hard to decide how involved with them he should be until after they are born and you can test the waters. Good luck! 
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  • ewhitledgeewhitledge member
    Don't take this the wrong way, but how old is he? The comment about twins being ugly sounds like something a child would say.
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  • christina4436christina4436 member
    He should be involved when babies come if he wants to be but wouldn't want him around before then. He gave up that right when he trash talked them and treated you like crap!
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  • groovylocksgroovylocks member
    He seems mentally unstable and I think this is the angle you should approach when dealing with the legal system. I don't like exploiting the crazy anymore than the next guy but in all honesty, you don't want this kind of unstable or inconsistent weirdness around your children. 

    I think you should allow him to visit, to see his kids, maybe have a weekend here and there with them if you feel he's capable of that. But I'd be very careful with allowing a person who is this unstable to have any major influence in your child's life unless he is able to stabilize himself. From his comments, I'd assume his age to be somewhere in his teens and this is not normal behaviour for an adult. 
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  • PrimRoseMamaPrimRoseMama member
    Get your ducks in a row to arrange child support & visitation for him. You can ask to have it supervised.


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