MIL + Baby Registry = I'm irritated!

TracyYoung819 · June 2015

Hello everyone! I rarely post on here but I regularly check up on the conversation and progress of all our pregnancies! Congrats everyone on our journey

So I'm sure similar topics have been posted but I'm so irritated. I've been agonizing on how prepared to be for baby with clothing and diapers. I've read all the posts on here of what has been most helpful (thank you for your input to us ftm's!) and decided I'd rather start with the NB/ 0-3 month sizes for onesies and clothing and go from there to account for how much our son will grow (or how slow he'll grow for that matter). Plus, I'm a "please get us what we need if you want to get us a gift" kinda gal (hubby's the same). (I didn't even know how many packs of onesies to put on there to be stocked up!)

We finally register and send out a mass text to inform people about the shower and where we are registered. MIL posts a text in the group text saying she looked at our registry and said 'you may want to consider having larger sizes for clothing', gave me a formula to account for growth, and even had the 'I think most mothers will agree' phrase in there. Oh and 'just a thought to consider'.

I tried to sound polite but wanted my point across. I said 'we decided we want newborn and 0-3m sizes to accommodate to his growth.' Also said I'm most concerned about being prepared for the first three months because we have nothing prepped (except for furniture type stuff and some diapers and wipes). I didn't say this in the text but both of us get overwhelmed in how much to be prepped for baby. I said in the text (which yes may be snarky) 'but if people want to get larger sizes they can'.

I'm frustrated because she knew we were registering and could have told us that moons ago instead of in a group text AFTER we registered. And, I appreciate the advice but at same the time that's how my husband and I decided to start preparing for baby. I don't want to have all this unused clothing because people over bought for us, or have to wait to use the clothing when we need the smaller sizes before the bigger sizes. She could have politely asked me about bigger sizes 'oh I see you didn't have any, can I ask why?' instead of basically suggesting I did it wrong and/or go back to add things because she suggested it.

Besides, what we REALLY want help on (even if it's gift cards) are the bigger, expensive items or even grocery gift cards since we'll be on limited income during half of maternity leave. (I've tried to go for the grocery store gift card idea but apparently it's too non-traditional).

Anyway, I just wanted to rant where people will understand where I'm coming from. My aunt (love her dearly) told me to quit worrying. I said "I'm not worrying I'm irritated but I'll stop talking about it.'

I care for my MIL, but this is a handful of times where she had crossed a boundary with me, when she simply could've asked more politely which in turn shows my methods are respected.

Rant over, and thanks for listening! (Btw, at the time I have terrible aches and pains which are making me irritated and crabby more often than I'd like. Isn't sensitivity to the pregnant woman with things like showers and advice common sense for women family members before us?)

DylansCandyBar · June 2015

TracyYoung819 said:
Hello everyone! I rarely post on here but I regularly check up on the conversation and progress of all our pregnancies! Congrats everyone on our journey

So I'm sure similar topics have been posted but I'm so irritated. I've been agonizing on how prepared to be for baby with clothing and diapers. I've read all the posts on here of what has been most helpful (thank you for your input to us ftm's!) and decided I'd rather start with the NB/ 0-3 month sizes for onesies and clothing and go from there to account for how much our son will grow (or how slow he'll grow for that matter). Plus, I'm a "please get us what we need if you want to get us a gift" kinda gal (hubby's the same). (I didn't even know how many packs of onesies to put on there to be stocked up!)

We finally register and send out a mass text to inform people about the shower and where we are registered. MIL posts a text in the group text saying she looked at our registry and said 'you may want to consider having larger sizes for clothing', gave me a formula to account for growth, and even had the 'I think most mothers will agree' phrase in there. Oh and 'just a thought to consider'.

I tried to sound polite but wanted my point across. I said 'we decided we want newborn and 0-3m sizes to accommodate to his growth.' Also said I'm most concerned about being prepared for the first three months because we have nothing prepped (except for furniture type stuff and some diapers and wipes). I didn't say this in the text but both of us get overwhelmed in how much to be prepped for baby. I said in the text (which yes may be snarky) 'but if people want to get larger sizes they can'.

I'm frustrated because she knew we were registering and could have told us that moons ago instead of in a group text AFTER we registered. And, I appreciate the advice but at same the time that's how my husband and I decided to start preparing for baby. I don't want to have all this unused clothing because people over bought for us, or have to wait to use the clothing when we need the smaller sizes before the bigger sizes. She could have politely asked me about bigger sizes 'oh I see you didn't have any, can I ask why?' instead of basically suggesting I did it wrong and/or go back to add things because she suggested it.

Besides, what we REALLY want help on (even if it's gift cards) are the bigger, expensive items or even grocery gift cards since we'll be on limited income during half of maternity leave. (I've tried to go for the grocery store gift card idea but apparently it's too non-traditional).

Anyway, I just wanted to rant where people will understand where I'm coming from. My aunt (love her dearly) told me to quit worrying. I said "I'm not worrying I'm irritated but I'll stop talking about it.'

I care for my MIL, but this is a handful of times where she had crossed a boundary with me, when she simply could've asked more politely which in turn shows my methods are respected.

Rant over, and thanks for listening! (Btw, at the time I have terrible aches and pains which are making me irritated and crabby more often than I'd like. Isn't sensitivity to the pregnant woman with things like showers and advice common sense for women family members before us?)

I can't get past the mass text w/your registry information. Including registry info in the shower invitation is about as far as you should go. Stop trying to dictate what gifts people give you. Be gracious for what you get and return/exchange what you can't use.

aleecats · June 2015

I guess I'm confused. Your worried about accommodating your babies growth but want to refuse anything bigger than 3 months? Your baby could out grow that faster than you think and it's smart to have SOME in bigger sizes. I have mostly 0-3 months clothes but I have some stuff ranging from newborn to 2T, and I'm happy about it. I'm super preped for a long time to come. Saving money in the long run which seems to be your concern since your fixed income. So what's wrong with bigger clothes?

And btw I think it's rude to try and dictate (even though you said they can get bigger clothes but even you said you'd said it rudely) what people buy you. Especially since most people don't shop from the registry anyway.

KERJF · June 2015

I hate to be negative but your post seems very .... well selfish? I do understand the point of a registry is to guide people and hopefully get what you are interested in - but you cant expect people to just go off that either. It just does not happen.
I do realize and completely understand not wanting random stuff that you may not use hanging around - we got a lot of that and I either gave it away (quietly, after thanking the person) or exchanged it when possible.
And grocery gift cards is a far reach ... people want to celebrate your baby - not feed you. Accept the gifts you get so you dont have to buy stuff and use your own money to buy your groceries.

WDDCH · June 2015

Sorry I agree with the others. A registry is a suggestion. No one has to buy from it. And your baby will outgrow NB within a month. Not everyone will gift you practical things either (I got a candle votive once, of all things).

It was probably best for her to give you some really great motherly wisdom outside of a group text... but I ultimately agree with your MIL.

CEW225 · June 2015

I must agree with the others. Be careful with newborn stuff. I was 9 lbs 2 Oz when I was born and was pretty long and mom said I really didn't fit into NB stuff very well. I basically jumped straight into 0-3 from the get go, so I was already ahead of the game.

It can be frustrating when other people are telling you what to do, but getting bigger sizes, especially in bodysuits and such can be a big blessing because you never know how big they will get in a certain time frame.

kjjellybean · June 2015

People will get you what they chose to. Most do not go off of a registry. I got anything from NB-18 months with DD. And honestly they grow so fast the baby will be in larger sizes before you know it.

babyp350 · June 2015

I'm at the point where my MIL says anything and I can find a way to be pissed at her for it. I think you're getting close to that point too otherwise this probably wouldn't bother you so much!

For what it's worth, I'm having the opposite problem. People are only buying us newborn/0-3 month clothes and there is no way baby girl can wear it all! Just smile and say thank you and don't tags off! Return/exchange what you can and use/donate the rest!

BeachBabe22 · June 2015

I agree with your MIL. I was told that my daughter would barely be seven pounds when she was born and she was 8lbs 4oz. She wore newborn clothes for two weeks and was out of three month clothes pretty quickly too. She was very long and her legs wouldn't fit in the onsies with pants. It was so nice to receive outfits that were six month and larger.

Did you send out invitations for your shower is was it just through text? I also think it's pretty rude to suggest what people buy for you.

QueenWaldorf2 · June 2015

DylansCandyBar said:

TracyYoung819 said:
Hello everyone! I rarely post on here but I regularly check up on the conversation and progress of all our pregnancies! Congrats everyone on our journey

So I'm sure similar topics have been posted but I'm so irritated. I've been agonizing on how prepared to be for baby with clothing and diapers. I've read all the posts on here of what has been most helpful (thank you for your input to us ftm's!) and decided I'd rather start with the NB/ 0-3 month sizes for onesies and clothing and go from there to account for how much our son will grow (or how slow he'll grow for that matter). Plus, I'm a "please get us what we need if you want to get us a gift" kinda gal (hubby's the same). (I didn't even know how many packs of onesies to put on there to be stocked up!)

We finally register and send out a mass text to inform people about the shower and where we are registered. MIL posts a text in the group text saying she looked at our registry and said 'you may want to consider having larger sizes for clothing', gave me a formula to account for growth, and even had the 'I think most mothers will agree' phrase in there. Oh and 'just a thought to consider'.

I tried to sound polite but wanted my point across. I said 'we decided we want newborn and 0-3m sizes to accommodate to his growth.' Also said I'm most concerned about being prepared for the first three months because we have nothing prepped (except for furniture type stuff and some diapers and wipes). I didn't say this in the text but both of us get overwhelmed in how much to be prepped for baby. I said in the text (which yes may be snarky) 'but if people want to get larger sizes they can'.

I'm frustrated because she knew we were registering and could have told us that moons ago instead of in a group text AFTER we registered. And, I appreciate the advice but at same the time that's how my husband and I decided to start preparing for baby. I don't want to have all this unused clothing because people over bought for us, or have to wait to use the clothing when we need the smaller sizes before the bigger sizes. She could have politely asked me about bigger sizes 'oh I see you didn't have any, can I ask why?' instead of basically suggesting I did it wrong and/or go back to add things because she suggested it.

Besides, what we REALLY want help on (even if it's gift cards) are the bigger, expensive items or even grocery gift cards since we'll be on limited income during half of maternity leave. (I've tried to go for the grocery store gift card idea but apparently it's too non-traditional).

Anyway, I just wanted to rant where people will understand where I'm coming from. My aunt (love her dearly) told me to quit worrying. I said "I'm not worrying I'm irritated but I'll stop talking about it.'

I care for my MIL, but this is a handful of times where she had crossed a boundary with me, when she simply could've asked more politely which in turn shows my methods are respected.

Rant over, and thanks for listening! (Btw, at the time I have terrible aches and pains which are making me irritated and crabby more often than I'd like. Isn't sensitivity to the pregnant woman with things like showers and advice common sense for women family members before us?)
I can't get past the mass text w/your registry information. Including registry info in the shower invitation is about as far as you should go. Stop trying to dictate what gifts people give you. Be gracious for what you get and return/exchange what you can't use.

Yeah, I'm hung up on that as well...

mrstzouganos · June 2015

I agree with the other posters... I was actually told by my mom not to register for clothes because people will buy you what they want to clothes wise and to register for all the other stuff that we might need. My MIL didn't understand why we didn't register for clothes and I simply told her because if someone wants to buy us an outfit for the baby they can pick out the style and size they want to get us. I think it's kind of selfish to be such a stickler on what clothes that you want the baby to wear, when in reality as long as they have clothes it doesn't really matter since they are in them for such a short time.

seamonkey4 · June 2015

I also didn't register for clothes. And when I have had coupons for kohls or Gymboree, I've bought everything from 0-3 to 2T. Buy now, save later. I'm not stocking up on much NB bc they can be so hit or miss in regards to what the baby will fit in. I've gotten maybe 2-3 NB outfits, some 0-3 month and lots of 6 months.

TracyYoung819 · June 2015

I must not have explained myself well, and without knowing my struggles with MIL it's easy to misunderstand my frustration. Reality wise no I'm not trying to tell people what to get me. Do i have ideas of what I'd like to get as gifts, yes. I am also not as selfish as the post reads, i promise.

I am frustrated about how she presented the advice and the timing that she did. Others in my family who know my MIL agree that it wasn't appropriate how she presented her advice. It was a mass text because at the time of invites we weren't registered yet, so I sent basic 'we are registered at target' text with no other info about what was on it figuring people will be asking me soon anyway.

I know registries are a guide, which is why we didn't go overboard on clothes in the first place. We didn't put many clothes on there because I figured people would buy according to what they thought was cute and wanted to get. Plus, it will be wintertime when baby is born and they still had a lot of summer stuff out. But, I assumed the registry would be a ballpark of what we are looking for anyway. Because of her advice that's why I said "if people want they can get us bigger sizes."

I was just really frustrated at the time I got the text after having just registered.

ElleMF728 · June 2015

mrstzouganos said:

I agree with the other posters... I was actually told by my mom not to register for clothes because people will buy you what they want to clothes wise and to register for all the other stuff that we might need. My MIL didn't understand why we didn't register for clothes and I simply told her because if someone wants to buy us an outfit for the baby they can pick out the style and size they want to get us. I think it's kind of selfish to be such a stickler on what clothes that you want the baby to wear, when in reality as long as they have clothes it doesn't really matter since they are in them for such a short time.

This^ You never know what will be in stock when people are buying vs. when you are registering and I've found that people just tend to buy whatever they think is cute anyway. We did register for 1 pack of plain white onesies in each size (nb, 0-3, 3-6) etc. but nothing else.

We still got a ton of really cute clothes. I definitely prefer having a variety of sizes rather than a huge wardrobe of nb clothes when you probably won't even use all of them. I'm not going to even touch on the rest.

jbettles · June 2015

To OP, I think I understand - you're not frustrated about the advice itself, more that your MIL gave it as a response that went to everyone. I know more has to be going on, because that doesn't seem like a HUGE offense... But unfortunately, sometimes we just smile and let it go when MIL's step on our toes!!

For what it's worth, it is sound advice - baby can wear onesies even in the winter, while just inside and around the house, and, in most cases, 0-3 month does not literally translate to being able to wear it for 3 months. My first was in 3-6 months after just a few weeks (mostly for her length - she was a loooong baby!).

However, I do remember being annoyed by pretty much everything my MIL said and did with my first pregnancy... Has been smooth sailing this time, but I don't know if she's less annoying or I'm just more laid back. Haha!!

sadance12 · June 2015

Just be thankful that she is trying to be helpful and that you HAVE a shower. It doesn't seem rude at all, and quite frankly, she probably didn't know it was a reply-all text.

CaboBride2015 · June 2015

Yeah I'm going to bet she didn't realize she was replying to everyone. Her point is pretty valid though based on what everyone else has told me, including my husband - I'm a ftm this is his 4th. Kids don't wear newborn for very long so stocking up on just the smaller sizes is something you might regret.

kaybee03 · June 2015

I understand it can be frustrating to deal with family, but it kind of sounds like maybe she doesn't understand that she replied to all like others said. Also, I agree with her advice! I have been to yard sales and have a lot of clothes for 0-18 months, knowing how fast they grow.

TracyYoung819 · June 2015

Thanks everyone. I know the post reads worse than the frustration level is, and I appreciate the input. I am overwhelmed in general in knowing what to be prepared in any size or amount of items, so if others want to buy what they see fit the more the merrier. Plus, while registering I didn't want to come off as "that's too expensive, or that's too many items, or not enough " so was already nervous registering (I was the same way with my wedding registry). Getting the advice after registering just confirmed my registering nerves.

The whole mass text response is really what bothered me down to it.

And, as mentioned I'm at the point in pregnancy where physical pains are preventing sleep, even with approved sleep meds. Work stress has been very high of late, so my skin is more thin than I usually let it be.

Also, please don't think I'm a selfish jerk. I am super thankful for anything anyone wants to give us, and for all the love and support. We have had a ton of changes (good and bad stress) since pregnancy so emotions have already been everywhere.

beansideirae · June 2015

I had something like that, only it was a lady from church that I don't even know. my registry was sent out to the church ladies, and she sent a "reply all" email saying they shouldn't buy the sleep sacks I registered for because they might have fire retardant. I was pretty offended! it's up to us as the mom to decide what we think is safe, and we register for things we are comfortable using. if someone wants to go off registry, obviously that's their choice, but the way she did it made it seem like she's calling me a bad mom. and she wasn't even right about the fire retardant. I had my shower host send another email around, saying we had checked the sleep sacks.

TracyYoung819 · June 2015

Update: MIL apologized in the same mass text and said she didn't mean to sound critical, and that I am mom. I text back saying thank you and I appreciate it very much.

DylansCandyBar · June 2015

So you guys had this whole tift over a mass text with your shower guests as the audience? Woah. Awkward.

GeorgiaDottie · June 2015

I agree the mass response was out of line but I have to agree with your MIL and the other posters that you're going to need bigger clothes. Most newborns outgrown that first stage of clothes in a matter of weeks. Do you really want to be buying clothes every 2 months? I know I don't!

pregat40 · June 2015

Relax as you try to plan for this baby. This is my 3rd baby and I don't have it down to a science. They really don't need that much stuff and infant clothes go on sale all the time so if you have to shop while on leave it's not the worse thing in the mail. Consider not drying your baby clothes but using a line cause they have a little shrinkage and they will last a touch longer....enjoy this process don't stress about it.

lemondroplife · June 2015

I didn't register for any clothes due to the fact that people are going to buy clothes and then on top of that clothes change in stores so often. But babies normally grow so quickly. With my 9 year old, I had so many clothes, some clothes still had tags when she grew out of them.

LoveLee85 · June 2015

I didn't register for clothes because my sister gifted us more newborn-12 month clothes than our baby could EVER wear!!! LOL Especially newborn sizes....some babies will never wear that size! Straight to 0-3! Also, people will buy you whatever little cute outfit they love, without it being on the registry.

PS mass text are the devil. Lol. I hate group text, also!

mommy2b08 · June 2015

You never know how quickly they will grow. My last one was 10lbs at birth and wore 0-3m without a ton of growing room. She was almost 13lbs at 2 weeks old and very much in 6 month size. I think she wore 9 months for a couple of weeks at most and was in 12 month size by 4 months old.

tlc11934 · July 2015

Take a deep breath, it's not that important. If I learned anything the first time around it's to not register for clothes because that's what 1/2 your shower guests will bring.

TracyYoung819 · July 2015

Thanks all. Yeah we really didn't put much clothing on the registry in the first place. A handful of onesies and a handful of cute outfits that we liked. One of my close friends said they hardly dressed their child in fancy outfits those first few months due to getting used to everything and not leaving the house much. I think I'll be the same, especially because it will be the end of fall/beginning of minnesota winter when baby is born. (I'm so nervous about driving with baby, especially in wintertime!)

I could have text her in private with my response. But like I said, I was irritated in the first place as she has a habit of doing that. Afterwords my step sister and an in law said it was manipulating, but I handled it well.

Anyway, I do appreciate the advice about clothing. It's been difficult trying to figure out how to plan. I take the suggestions and try to figure out what I like best.

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