How do you talk with your partner about wanting to have a baby??

GioSav · June 2015

....

StarbucksShip · June 2015

"Hey sweetie, I'd like to talk about us having kids." Then I listen and ask questions as needed.

WifeMakesALife · June 2015

With DH we've known we wanted kids since early on when we were still dating. I would not have married him if he wasn't on the same page. I'm guessing you want to TTC but aren't sure how to approach it with your partner. Has it ever been mentioned before in your relationship? I ask because if not then how do you know you want to be with this person? And if you have talked about it before but not for awhile then just do that again.

SparkE82 · June 2015

I just asked my hubby if he wanted kids. Then went from there. But we have the type of relationship that we can talk to each other about absolutely EVERYTHING.....LOL. We probably tell each other things that we really didn't NEED to talk about (tmi type of stuff)

jnnfrrose6 · June 2015

Kids were never not discussed, but timing and what made sense for us was the main conversation. It was a given we'd have a family at some point, so we just made sure we were on the same page on when to start and occasionally discuss to make sure we were still on the same page.

kosmo86 · June 2015

2 years ago when I first was started dating my husband he told me he didn't think he wanted kids. I was crushed! After a few more months he told me he really never thought about it before we started dating and maybe he would be receptive. A year in he told me he would probably want a child in a few years. We then got engaged and really starting talking about it a lot more. We got married in april and decided we were going to start right away

I think I just kinda starting mentioning small things and if he was receptive I kept talking till he looked unconfortable/bored. His major concerns were that he would be broke, so I really got our finances in order and we both got some raises so now we are in a great position for a kids so it seems like a good time.

We did decide 1 and done for us though.

LadyMillil · June 2015

We talked about having kids before we got married to make sure we both wanted the same things. When I was ready I let him know. he wasn't ready then so we agreed that he would bring it up again when he was ready, which was a few months later.

SchmancyNancy · June 2015

Tell him you are pregnant and wait for his response. Haha jk

cattlebride · June 2015

We talked about it while dating. Children were important to both of us and we both wanted to make sure the other was on board with having a family. It was also a discussion that is brought up in a lot of premarital counseling.

letyourheartbeyourguide · June 2015

I think the above advice is great if you haven't talked about kids at all. If you've discussed having kids in general (i.e. that you both want kids, together, at some abstract future point) but aren't sure how to bring up wanting to start TTC soon, I'd suggest something like "I'd love to discuss our thoughts on when we want to start trying to have a baby." If you get nervous before these types of conversations, you may want to jot down a few ideas or thoughts first. If your partner tends to get nervous/uncomfortable, maybe try bringing up the topic and ask him when would be a good time to discuss it more - gives him time to process a bit first. Good luck!

ljwisniew · June 2015

don't do what I did our first time talking about it...

"honey, I wanna start trying right away"

"babe, I'd like to wait a year after we get married"

"I hate you!!!"

RiverSong15 · June 2015

"Hey, so lately I've been thinking about when would be the best time to have kids. What are your thoughts on that?" Listen and go from there.

WorkingOnMyNightCheese · June 2015

What everyone else said! I think that DH and I just talked very openly about timing. Make sure to start as a conversation and not "we need to have kids right now!" Not that you'd do that, but just some advice!

wanderingtx · June 2015

GioSav said:

....

Why the dirty delete, OP?

lalala2004 · June 2015

What happened that would make the OP delete?

mrsmtothek · June 2015

My husband was the one ready for kids years before I was, so that conversation came up on the daily on his part lol. I still don't feel entirely ready, but sooner or later I knew I had to face the music haha!

Be open and honest with him about what you want, and in turn be receptive to how he feels/what he wants. Until you're on the same page with one another it can feel like a balancing act, just be patient. Good luck

GioSav · June 2015

Alright awesome thank you all for the advice, we have talked bout having kids but not alot maybe just once so i don't think its time we should be having a kid, also he is very nervous n uncomfortable when we start talking bout serious stuff.. i really love this guy but he's not what i want he needs to open up more how do i get him to break out of that? Please need advice !!

cattlebride · June 2015

GioSav said:
Alright awesome thank you all for the advice, we have talked bout having kids but not alot maybe just once so i don't think its time we should be having a kid, also he is very nervous n uncomfortable when we start talking bout serious stuff.. i really love this guy but he's not what i want he needs to open up more how do i get him to break out of that? Please need advice !!

How old are you op? The answers will vary drastically depending on your age and the stage of life you are in. You seem like you are perhaps younger?

Edit for typos

lalala2004 · June 2015

If "he's not what you want" don't have a kid with him, break up with him! I'm not going to give advice on how to change someone. That doesn't work. I also question how old you are?

GioSav · June 2015

I am 19, going to be 20.. im not trying to change him but he seems more open n stuff online then in person n i try talk to him about it he just changes the subject.

cattlebride · June 2015

He's not ready for a little one, and you are young. When you are with the right guy at the right time the topic of kids will come up and you will both be on board. Guys in general will freak out discussing future plans that include a we and children. Have fun op, date the guy. Find out about him, where he's going in life, if he likes roller coasters and cotten candy. In other words date and enjoy the moment. Take classes for fun figure out what you are going to do with your life. Enjoy the moment and don't rush through the steps so fast.

I know old fuddy duddy talk. I was engaged at nineteen though and my signifigant other at the time was pushing to have a baby. I'm am so glad that I chose to call off the wedding, step back, and grow. Who you are now is not who you will be even 2-3 years from now. There's probably a reason you guy doesn't want to talk about this stuff. Its too early. Good luck op but please don't be ttc.

Everycol0r · June 2015

Like, what?

It doesn't sound like either of you are ready for children.

Kristin712 · June 2015

tkarliem45 said:

GioSav said:

....

Why the dirty delete, OP?

I don't think it was a DD. I saw it a minute after it was posted with no responses and the message was the same.

Everycol0r · June 2015

ALittleCountry said:

Everycol0r said:
Like, what?

It doesn't sound like either of you are ready for children.
I didn't have the brain capacity to even go into that one...

I'm just drunk enough to still make sense but give no cares.

MrsPittman13 · June 2015

GioSav said:
I am 19, going to be 20.. im not trying to change him but he seems more open n stuff online then in person n i try talk to him about it he just changes the subject.

QFP

mommygrams0730 · June 2015

GioSav said:
I am 19, going to be 20.. im not trying to change him but he seems more open n stuff online then in person n i try talk to him about it he just changes the subject.

Do not try to have a baby, I'm begging you!

Mel90412 · June 2015

Holy crap, you are 19?! When I was 19 I was in college, eating 3 day old pizza and going to class so hungover I was likely still drunk. And I was doing everything I could to NOT have a baby. There are plenty of better things to do at 19. I recommend racking up credit card debt, taking road trips with fellow immature 19 year olds, and eating whatever the hell you want while you still have a teenage metabolism! You won't regret those things!

lalala2004 · June 2015

@GioSav At the risk of over-sharing, I'm going to tell you a little bit about my past:

I was engaged at 19, married at 20, to a guy that I hoped would "mature". He didn't. Thankfully I did not have children with this man. Things at 28 look a lot different to me than they did at 19!

If I would have done things differently, I would have dated around, hung out more with my friends, spent more time studying, finished college earlier, and been more involved in extra-curricular things at college.

My advice to you is to date around and find someone who is more compatible to you. If they are the right one, you won't be asking yourself these questions: Trust me!

PrimRoseMama · June 2015

He doesn't want to talk about it because he's not ready. He's not mature enough to outright day it, but y'all are too young. Wait.

KristieA · June 2015

Yeah what's the hurry- if you guys are still together in a few years then maybe. In the meantime go out live life! Travel! Be young! Enjoy each other! When you both are ready to talk about it and settle down, you'll know.

lalala2004 · June 2015

Mel90412 said:

Holy crap, you are 19?! When I was 19 I was in college, eating 3 day old pizza and going to class so hungover I was likely still drunk. And I was doing everything I could to NOT have a baby. There are plenty of better things to do at 19. I recommend racking up credit card debt, taking road trips with fellow immature 19 year olds, and eating whatever the hell you want while you still have a teenage metabolism! You won't regret those things!

I'm pretty sure she'd regret that! (I do!) But I'm assuming this is tongue in cheek, anyway :-)

Mel90412 · June 2015

lalala2004 said:

Mel90412 said:

Holy crap, you are 19?! When I was 19 I was in college, eating 3 day old pizza and going to class so hungover I was likely still drunk. And I was doing everything I could to NOT have a baby. There are plenty of better things to do at 19. I recommend racking up credit card debt, taking road trips with fellow immature 19 year olds, and eating whatever the hell you want while you still have a teenage metabolism! You won't regret those things!

I'm pretty sure she'd regret that! (I do!) But I'm assuming this is tongue in cheek, anyway :-)

Very tongue and cheek. Credit card debt is a right of passage for those over the age of 18. Much easier to handle at 19 than an infant. I can't imagine a teenager having a child on purpose. How about get a houseplant to neglect with your partner? You've got your whole life ahead of you!

*coaches*wife* · June 2015

Mel90412 said:

Holy crap, you are 19?! When I was 19 I was in college, eating 3 day old pizza and going to class so hungover I was likely still drunk. And I was doing everything I could to NOT have a baby. There are plenty of better things to do at 19. I recommend racking up credit card debt, taking road trips with fellow immature 19 year olds, and eating whatever the hell you want while you still have a teenage metabolism! You won't regret those things!

Love this! The graphic is awesome
And yes, I agree with pp. And I'll add that there is nothing wrong with trying to find someone to spend your life with when you are 19, but don't move too quickly. Make sure he is the right guy for you first...a baby will happen when it is time but to make it work you need to make sure the guy is right for you or life after baby will be difficult.

FiancB · June 2015

Do not go into the next stage of your relationship (whether it's beginning to date, moving in, getting engaged, getting married, or babymaking) with the hopes that your partner will change. They might a little but overall they won't. I have things I need to work on including open communication, but it's never going to be easy for me. If there is a problem or a dealbreaker present, do NOT pass go.

juliehollz13 · June 2015

If you don't feel comfortable talking to your SO about potential life events then it's red flag to a serious communication/compatability issue.Besides if you really are 19, and your bf is around the same age, and you met online, its a bad idea to even think of a baby at this time. The way my husband oh so delicately brought up the topic of children was "so, when do you wanna pop one out?" lol

*coaches*wife* · July 2015

We talked about it a bit before we got married...basically that he wanted kids and I didn't really but I'd be open to having one child.

With our first child, he was the one that brought it up. He literally said "I want a baby. Think about it". So I did and we talked about it and started trying shortly thereafter.

With our second child, our first turned one and I told him I wanted another. It was another year until we decided to try, but that was for timing reasons.

This time, he saw me holding someone else's baby and said "crap now you're gonna want another one" (he didn't mean it in a bad way though...he has always wanted a big family). So when we got home he asked if I wanted another, I said yes and we started trying.

How you talk to your SO about wanting a baby is personal to the two of you. Some people need longer conversations, some of us need more time to process so its better to just throw it out there with a "think about it" and walk away for a day or two, and some people (like my hubby and I) are just very blunt and open with each other. Think about your own relationship and how you two normally communicate. If you aren't able to communicate about wanting a baby then you probably aren't ready to have one yet. There will be TONS of communicating after the baby arrives so get good at it now

Everycol0r · July 2015

We both said, "Let's have a baby!"

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How do you talk with your partner about wanting to have a baby??

Re: How do you talk with your partner about wanting to have a baby??

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