Bigger Families and other peoples comments

leap_frog · June 2015

I've only posted about my pregnancy twice on Facebook (u/s pics) so far. Both times I received a lot of support, but I'm still getting those comments like "You're crazy!!" "You've lost your mind" "OMG, Four?!" Generally harmless, yet still rude IMO.

I honestly don't get random people's hang ups about MY family size. My husband and I are thrilled. Our parents and extended family are beyond supportive. I'm having a hard time understanding how a random facebook friend (or 6) can be so concerned and effected by me having another baby. I don't get it.

Anyone else out there experiencing rude comments? Annoying right? I just want to share my u/s pic and not be judged.

CaraBoonie · June 2015

I'd unfriend every single person who ever said anything negative about my family, both on Facebook and in real life. Unecessary baggage.

SisterSunshine · June 2015

I might have said How rude!

mekaswifestyle · June 2015

I'm pretty young and I already have a 3 yo and some of my "friends" say the nastiest things! I just laugh ... I'm an adult and I can support the children that I have so what do there opinions matter?! Don't let anyone steal your joy(:

HiImBrit · June 2015

We don't have large family (#2 for us plus we have our 7yo nephew living with us). The comments I'm getting are how close our new baby and DD will be. They say things like "Wow, you guys should have been more responsible". People will never be happy if you don't fit into the "American Dream" bubble.

Yay for 4 kids!! Just think of how much help you will have later and how fun family gatherings will be when they are grown!!

jennaonthego · June 2015

This is why I haven't announced yet. I will be getting the same type of comments. This baby is #4 for us too. I have a 6 year old, a 5 year old and a 3 year old.

steph_pegasus · June 2015

It is outside the "social norm" and I think that some people find it surprising that others desire that, but I agree that there is absolutely no reason to make a tactless, rude comment about it. However, you've had 3 already so probably met with your fair share of unsolicited and judgmental comments regarding everything pregnancy and child-raising.
Don't let them get you down. Enjoy your pregnancy and family in spite of it

SummerOH · June 2015

People comment no matter what your family size is, how old you are, etc. This will be our third and we might have a fourth down the road. It's normal for our families (DH is 1 of 4, I'm 1 of 3), but people definitely have comments. On the flip side, I have friends who have chosen to be one-and-done and they get a lot of criticism, too. It's like if you don't have 1 boy and 1 girl then you're crazy.

Emott13 · June 2015

My first LO is going to be almost exactly 2 yrs old when this little nugget is born. We haven't had comments about family size but lots of people responded with "already?! You're crazy!" Probably the most offensive though is when people say "well, you're catholic so you like, HAVE to have kids, right?" No, actually, we just happen to like our child so we thought why not share the love?!

mamaksweez · June 2015

Emott13 said:
My first LO is going to be almost exactly 2 yrs old when this little nugget is born. We haven't had comments about family size but lots of people responded with "already?! You're crazy!" Probably the most offensive though is when people say "well, you're catholic so you like, HAVE to have kids, right?" No, actually, we just happen to like our child so we thought why not share the love?!

Oh no, we haven't said anything public yet, but our LO will be 19 months when baby comes... I am not ready for rude comments about the lack of age gap...

jencook25 · June 2015

Good on you! Im going to be a FTM with this pregancy, though its not my first pregnancy. I would love 4 kids... Im even considering 6, but we'll see how we go. My sister in law has 5. Even I am so sick of the hearing people saying things like "wow, you guys dont watch enough TV!" Or something equally as rude and innaproriate. I cant imagine how over it SHE is!! I vote just tell them, "Yes, we ARE having another, because we want one. Too bad for you if you disagree, but we see kids as a blessing, not a burden!". Unless your asking them for financial support or significant baby sitting duties, how is your reproductive plans any of their business!

ChipMonster · June 2015

My mom's first comment when I told her I was pregnant: "It's too soon!"

Ohhhh sorry baby!!

Geez, I wanted my babies close together and I don't really care if you think it's too close, I don't. She's happy though but I guess she was in shock. Babies will be 21 months apart.

Tahls84 · June 2015

I would love to have 4! I'm one of 7 and my partner is 1 of 7. Just ignore those people with negative comments. Who are they to judge? It's what you want and it's your family, the bigger the better in my opinion

xx

mesamyt · June 2015

You do you honey. This is #6 for our family. My friends are really good about keeping negative comments to their selves. Public strangers, on the other hand, are a different story. When we go grocery shopping I always get rude comments like "Don't you have enough kids already?" Or "Haven't you figured out how birth control works yet?" My usual replies include "Well this was my choice and I couldn't be happier" "I guess it's a good thing you don't pay my bills then, isn't it?" And my favorite is "Have you seen my husband?! He's freaking HOT! Bow chicka bow wow."

cjd&k · June 2015

There is always going to be someone who is unhappy with what you're doing. I moved out at 17, got a full time job that pays enough to support the baby and I alone (on top of my fiancé working as well), and got engaged at 18. I'm now 19, pregnant, and have yet to announce it due to two miscarriages. When I do, I'm expecting "you're too young" just like I got when I got engaged. I ignore it all because 1) I'm happy 2) my 26 year old sister still lives with my dad with her two kids and boyfriend and 3) everybody does things differently. If me getting married young and having a baby young is somebody's main issue, that's their problem. I'm happy and have lots of money saved for this baby. I knew what I was getting myself into.

Anyways, you have your family, you're happy, and your kids are healthy. Ignore the comments and delete people if necessary. Good luck :-)

Mamabeagle · June 2015

If you can afford it, not just 1)financially but 2)emotionally, go ahead and have all the babies you want. I think 1 & 2 are equally important.

keshakdavis · June 2015

My husband has 2 and I have 1. This will be our 1st together buy still 5 between us since we are having 2. No one in his family knows because he doesn't want to tell them yet buy mine are very supportive. Haven't announced to fb yet but I will get rid of whomever says anything negative. I'm not easily offended so they can say what they want it doesn't matter to me. Let them talk. We planned this because we were ready. That's all that matters.

Knottie1452445632 · June 2015

I'm expecting no 4 - unplanned but definitely wanted and will be loved. I have 3 more weeks until the 12 week scan and we will announce on FB then and I'm bound to get done flack as my youngest will be 19 months when baby is born! I think people are right - it's out of the social norm to have 4 kids or more and that's people's issue with it BUT it's THEIR issue and you shouldn't be made to feel guilty etc. You wanted the baby together do go girl and hold your head high. If people give negative comment perhaps go quiet and stare at them mouth open in disbelief - then they would feel very uncomfortable and silly!

I was chatting to a lady from a play group I go to and she's expecting her 5th - she loves kids and they pay for all their kids (no hand outs) so good luck to them - their decision. Her husband has a kid from another relationship who's the eldest so that makes six in total under one roof. The poor woman said to me that she took the whole gang shopping the other day inc her teenage stepson and the looks she got! She said it really upset her she said she could almost hear all the comments - I said perhaps she should confront people and say "yes we want a large family, yes we know where babies come from, yes they are all mine, yes they are all the same dad, no we don't claim any benefits - any further questions?"

I guess it's something I'll have to get used to too. All I get so far (to the few I've told) is "wow you are brave", "you've gluttony for punishment", "you are going to have your hands full", "was it planned".

So far I answer honestly and politely but I really need to come up with some better responses - any ideas?

Anyway good luck to you xxx

somewhereinafrica · June 2015

I'm pregnant and in the middle of an adoption it is possible both kids will be home only a few months apart and will be under a year apart, even my own MIL has had more than her fair share to say about how we are crazy that close together going from zero to two!

Honestly it would be crazy for my MIL to do something like that! It's way out of her capabilities and comfort zone. People have this weird thing where they project from their own perspective. What they are really saying in an unrefined way is I couldn't do that. Or what I've always told myself is that's not possible/too much/ crazy thing to do! It's lack of empathy and perspective, rarely malicious! Just not recognizing that as a grown up and a mother you bet your kids best interests are at heart and just like they probably considered their family planning choices, so have you!

Here's how I see it- some people complain they have too much in their plate, others just get a bigger plate!

Here I have read stories of a bunch of ladies who have a big plate and aren't afraid to fill it! Too some who only see life with their little plate that's totally nuts- but they don't get your big plate kinda ladies!

I do draw a line when people start actually telling you you are wrong for your choices. Then I get a little more straight talking. My MIL point about I should delay the adoption- I said because a few months alone with my other baby is really worth leaving my other child in an orphanage so life's a little less hectic for me!!?. She shut straight up! Some people just don't think.

If you want them, you love them, you're selfless enough to give anything for their wellbeing, you're capable of supporting them in all ways! Keep that family growing as quick or as slow and whatever way works.... Some families need to be big because they create the best kind of kids and the world needs more of that parents influence others are far better staying small! Some parents are best at pouring all their goodness into one. Or 10 who knows...

Congrats on #4

I would just own that baby making badge with pride! Yeah If having and wanting babies makes me crazy ... I'm totally nuts!!

amyelise25 · June 2015

My sister has 4 and people always comment. She has a good attitude about it and just replies with something positive like 'we are very blessed' or similar. Her fourth is 6 and the comments are still coming. Our generation just can't fathom more than two.

bkc92 · June 2015

My husband comes from a family of 6 boys. Half of his mom's friends thought she was crazy for having that many kids, and half of them wanted her to keep going so she could have a girl.

Everyone is always up in everyone else's uterus.

clabgust · June 2015

This is #4 for us!
"Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from Him"
Psalm 127

l4rk · June 2015

Oh no, we haven't said anything public yet, but our LO will be 19 months when baby comes... I am not ready for rude comments about the lack of age gap...

Me and my sister are 18 months apart and it is the BEST. We always had someone to play with and could do all the same scary things together (like overnight summer camps!) I would have my kids 19 months apart if I could...

KaraEpp16 · June 2015

I'm the oldest of four. My parents have been together over half their lives. I remember when I was younger hearing comments like "you're parents are like rabbits" and other stupid stuff. Do I think my mom and dad are crazy for having four? Slightly....but I know they wouldn't change a thing. I have three of the best friends ever, for life. Can't shake 'em. I feel like people judge what they don't understand. My mom and dad always put a HUGE emphasis on thoughts like..."At the end of the day, all you have is family." - "Family is always there, no matter what." My dad wanted to start his own large family because he wasn't very close with his. He wants us to stay together. If it was up to him he would have us all live on the same plot of land in our own houses and be neighbors.

Large families are absolutely awesome. It's a little crazy at times but it prepares you for the chaos in the world a little better, too.

daisy62103 · June 2015

I've gotten some comments about people thinking #3 was unplanned b/c of the bigger age gap and expecting her to be our last, which I didn't appreciate. I think most people are just surprised that some people choose to have that many kids. Standard seems to be 2 kids and really, raising kids is hard work!

I was a little taken aback when at my 10wk appt my midwife asked me if this one was planned. I don't understand questions like that. What business is it of hers or anyone else's???

leap_frog · June 2015

Wow! Thanks for all the responses! I'm so glad I'm not alone! (and thanks for all the congrats

) I took to my feed to post and say my normal is not your normal. Keep your judgement to yourself. I mean, my facebook feed is filled with all different kinds of families. Blended, Bi-Racial, Same Sex, Married, Not Married, Single Moms, Families with 1, Families with 6, etc. My point is - who is to say what's "normal". No such thing anymore.

Hopefully people will keep their opinions to themselves moving forward. Probably not, but at least I can somewhat mentally prepare myself for future ignorance. Sorry my husband likes me. a lot.

ATmo7 · June 2015

I'm expecting number 7 and get those responses from everybody...I'm happy with having a big family and so is my husband so that's all that matters...my age also gets a lot of comments since I'm on my 7th and only 27 yrs old

ashin121 · June 2015

You're so lucky! I come from a family of 5 girls and honestly it was so fun. I love all my sisters and always look forward to the holidays when all of us are together. (we live in different states) I think you are so fortunate! My dad has 8 brothers and sisters.

I want 4-5 but my husband wants 2 . We compromised on 3! Lol

You're going to have so much fun growing up and think about it this way... You and your DH will for sure have someone take care of you when you're older. My sisters and I are now spoiling our parents so much now. They love it!

Mommyduclos · June 2015

I'm expecting my third and got one odd remark so far. I was with my son getting X-rays so I had to tell the tech I was expecting- afterwards she seemed excited for me and asked how far along- I told her then she asked if it was my second. I said third and she said oh and shut right up. Oh so no congrats for the third? Lol I don't really take offense to the "was it planned" or "are you having more" questions though because people are just curious. I even got that question with my first and I ask people, not because I'm judging their choices but because I'm looking for women who want bigger families- like me! So don't make assumptions about hat intention behind a question.

mch9191 · June 2015

My comeback,
Yes these are the future taxpayers that will be paying for your social security and Medicare, someone has to invest in the future.

willashbaby · June 2015

As far as I'm concerned I have zero issues with RESPONSIBLE families having as many children as they please. It's when people can't afford their children and are on public assistance and KEEP having children to get more that I start getting twitchy. I know this is not necessarily the norm across the country but I see it all the time as a teacher in NYC.

BethP321 · June 2015

Don't just take it! Stand up for yourself momma! Even reading about it happening to you, it makes me hot headed. I'd never allow someone (yet alone six someones) to bring any negativity into this pregnancy, first or fourth. Four kids is a lot I will admit, but more love for mommy

. It wasn't too long ago we had people having tons of babies. My dad had four siblings, and their father had even more siblings... it's just a number and it's not a FB "friend's" concern or even their business to tell you how many kids you can have. I'd block all of them. They can be left out of the baby's life and out of yours. No one likes snoody people.

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