Funny things my husband says:

bhargrave88 · June 2015

Ladies, I'm sure we have all been there! You are out in public or with your husband at an appointment and someone says something and the next thing that flies out of your husbands mouth leaves you rolling with laughter, or red faced in embarrassment, or both.

Because my DH is at the dentist today, I was reminded of how at his consultation appointment with his dentist, (DH is in his mid 30s with no real cavities or issues. Other than grinding holes into his teeth!) and the dentist kept looking in his mouth in astonishment, saying "you are genetically blessed!" And then again "man, you are genetically blessed! Most people don't get this lucky!" after the 3rd time, my husband calmly replied "yes, I know! Just ask my wife! I'm sure she will agree!". Dentist stops, turns red, then couldn't stop laughing for nearly a minute.. And continued to chuckle the rest of the exam.

Not sure I can ever show my face there...

) but it is now a standing joke with us about him being "genetically blessed".

Share some of your funnies with us!

cseley321 · June 2015

When we were registering, the lady who was helping us asked if this was our first. I told her yes, and then of course the labor comments come rolling in about how painful it will be and how mad I will be at my husband for getting me pregnant. He chimes in, "she can't blame me, it was her doctor that got her pregnant!" Of course he was referring to my doctor who did IVF, but of course she did not know that and I was beyond embarrassed to say the very least.

I love him, but sometimes he is just a mess.

Wering · June 2015

With first baby?

Someone asked me when I was due, and my husband immediately jumped in to say, "Oh, she's not pregnant, she just can't stop eating." I laughed and the other lady was mortified. I had to explain to her.

While checking out at Kohls with a maternity top, the clerk asks if it's our first and I said yes. She asked my husband if he was excited, and he shrugged and said, "I'd probably be more excited if it were mine." OF COURSE ITS HIS! What a stinker.

I asked him to keep joking (like jumping up when I sit down on the other end of the booth) or reminding me that he hasn't seen me do "labor" yet so what am I complaining about, etc. Every once in awhile he'll look at my stomach (while in public) and go, "Whoa! What happened here?!"

LOVE HIM.

hitcj4687 · June 2015

"This is my first baby Jamie.. How am I supposed to know what's expected of me?!" ...... Oh cuz I'm so experienced in the baby department considering this is my first baby too Tyler!!!!

ChanelLovesB · June 2015

"I'm excited to meet my son babe. But can they wipe the cheddar off him first" - Brennan *facepalm- facepalm- facepalm* X_X

banfrog · June 2015

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mrsb30 · June 2015

My husband is always happily talking about how big my boobs have gotten. One night I told him they will probably get even bigger when my milk comes in. He looked at me with this shocked looked on his face and said "what do we have to do order it!?!". Of course he was totally joking, but I still found it pretty hilarious.

KaylaLovesNoah · June 2015

My husband works on a ranch, so everything is cattle related. I get questions like "With cows it's like this, it's got to be similar with humans, right?" No, dear, it's really not. I'm use to it, so I find it adorable. I still don't leave him alone around any other pregnant women though, I want to keep him around and one comparison to a cow could end badly for the poor guy

)

HeatherLeane · June 2015

I had to explain to my boyfriend that we didn't need to return the diapers that we got at our baby shower because the 1 on the package didn't mean that they were for a 1 year old. He is so incredibly smart but sometimes so clueless.

JNOVA2015 · June 2015

A few weeks ago I was reading DH the bump weekly update. I said "baby Jack is the size of a pineapple this week, he's getting so big!" DH responded "yeah, and spikey!!"

Last week he also said "wouldn't it be awesome if the baby is a prodigy like Tiger Woods? I mean at golf, not at nailing Denny's waitresses."

KristinaD217 · June 2015

Hehehe
The other night I asked H "do my stretch marks look bad" (I was joking because I love them) and he replies with "yes" after that word came out of his mouth his face paled. I wish I could have gotten it on camera! He wasn't listening to me and now says that I tricked him into saying yes!!! Hahahahaha!!!

hjphillips · June 2015

banfrog said:
DH wanted to be surprised with each baby so when people asked if he wanted a girl or boy, he'd reply he was hoping for a puppy.

DH used to tell people he was hoping for a velociraptor, and would then proceed to tell people of our birth and feeding plans for our velociraptor baby. "She's probably gonna have real sharp talons and teeth, so a natural birth is just out of the picture. Breaks Hanah's heart but we just can't risk her getting shredded up and all."

gmd88 · June 2015

My dear sweet husband all concerned about my swollen feet suggested I take a warm bath so my pores will open and I can sweat out the fluid.... Sorry honey. Not quite how it works. He really wants to help but idk where he gets some of his theories...

kristendot2007 · June 2015

My husband likes my bigger breasts much more than I do obviously. I mentioned that I hate they are getting stretch marks. His reply: you shouldn't worry about your stretch marks. Your boobs are so big, poor peanut will get stretch marks around his mouth. His mouth will look like the bottom of a watermelon!" No, honey, that won't happen...

kjandericka · June 2015

We went to Chili's to eat dinner one night and the hostess was asking me about the pregnancy while walking us to our table. Right before she sat us she said, "do you know what you're having?" and DH replied, "probably a hamburger." He was obviously too preoccupied with National Hamburger Day to realize that she was talking about the sex of our baby. He was clueless as to why we were so amused by his answer. I *very lovingly* explained his mistake. He was slightly embarrassed but now he refers to our baby as his little hamburger.

sarahmu7 · June 2015

These are all so stinking adorable I can't even stand it!
Unfortunately I don't have a husband story, but the best man in our wedding, Bob, couldn't figure out the middle name we picked for a boy was his. He kept suggesting different names, even jokingly suggesting Roberta for a girls name. It took him a few months to figure out James Robert.

blovemama · June 2015

A couple of months ago during that awkward body stage, I asked my husband if I looked fat or pregnant. Guess what he said?

amylianne · June 2015

These are amazing!! I can't believe I can't think of any, but keep them coming!!

carleym93 · June 2015

My husband was with me in line at Chipotle yesterday. After taking my order, the guy behind the counter asked, "What are you having?" and looked at my belly. I said, "A girl." At this moment, my husband turns around, looks at me completely shocked, and asks loudly, "Wait... You're pregnant?!" The guy behind the counter looked very confused, so I took my Chipotle and hurried down the line :-S

MiddleSister22 · June 2015

While talking about me being on maternity leave, DH said "So what are you going to DO all day? You know, since all the baby does is sleep..." (He was serious)

honeybee530 · June 2015

Last night after dinner....completely serious..."Hey if the baby is a boy, what do you think of the name Jeter, after my idol?" *

*just posted a poll over on the baby names board to show him how ridiculous that suggestion is...LOL

joiead · June 2015

Watching our newborn son move around while he's sleeping: I say he must be dreaming, DH says about what, he doesn't know anything.

He keeps me laughing!

Unknown · June 2015

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MouseMama817 · June 2015

DH uses my pregnancy as an excuse for everything. If we have to get food from a restaurant right before they close he tells them I'm pregnant so they'll forgive him. We went to Disney and were getting on the monorail and when he saw people starting to push past me he pushed me forward and said "she's pregnant she's pregnant!". The list goes on but those are the two examples that come to mind.

He also thinks it's funny to poke fun at my weight gain. My doctor actually says I'm underweight and all the weight that I have gained is in my belly so if you're not looking there I don't look any different at all. Maybe that's why he thinks it's so funny? He calls me Large Marge all the time (Horrible Bosses reference) and If we're in public he says "c'mon Large." Lol

bhargrave88 · June 2015

Omg some of these made me LOL, which made my 2 year old laugh too.

My husband's latest kick? "I know you're pregnant, but you can still clean!".. I AM cleaning. Our 2 year old just comes behind me and pulls it all back out. After the 2-3rd time, I throw my hands up and leave it til she goes to bed. It's also really painful to be on my feet as I'm having RLP on my top right rib.. It burns and feels like my ligaments are separating (did this with DD1 & it was soooo painful!) again. He believes I make up these aches and pains to get out of doing things. He's crazy. Just like I apparently am "imagining" contractions in between my BHs.. Umm no. I know what contractions feel like dear. Remember?!

The other day I was attempting to figure out a sewing machine (only sewn by hand!) that was given to me. I cannot figure it out so DH decides that "it can't be that difficult!" And sits down to try to sew.. Without a thread in it .. Then shrugs and walks off..lol.

These are instances of ignorance rather than funny..

nakoppel · June 2015

When I was 6 months my husband goes "I feel like you've been pregnant for forever!" Bro how do you think I feel lol! And then yesterday "All of August going to work is going to be so nerve wrecking! Cause all I'll be thinking is 'is she going to call today!?' Once again bruh how do you think I'll feel! He's silly

mjones0721 · June 2015

My husband's latest kick is to put his hands on my bump and sing "whatcha gonna do with all that junk" but instead of the actual words it's "whatcha gonna do with all that bump, all that bump....deliver, deliver, deliver" lol

Ambermom043 · June 2015

My husband is NOT the type to fart in public, but we just had eaten out and he was apparently gassy.. We get to the little waiting room for the OB to come in and measure me, when all of a sudden he looks at me in horror, and goes "I farted!!???" Like he didn't know what to do, lol. So I'm like, "Start fanning it!!!" So we're both In there frantically flapping our arms around like idiots right before she walks in, haha. I never smelled anything though, so that's good! But I think he was embarrassed..

bhargrave88 · June 2015

^ I just died!!! Omg thank you

)

tarheelgirl8 · June 2015

This was back when I was about 4.5/5 months pregnant. I stood up from the couch and the following conversation occurred:

DH (smiling) - Wow, your belly is getting so big!

Me - I know! It's a little weird, right? (referring to the fact that it was still sinking in at that point)

DH (completely serious) - It's not weird at all. That's how you make a human.

Something about that phrase, "that's how you make a human" and his completely serious face was hysterical to me! I laughed so hard!

prpl11butterfly · June 2015

The other night DH told me my profile picture looked funny. I was totally lost because my FB profile pic is us from our wedding. I told him that and that I hadn't changed it in a while so I didn't understand (it was also 10 at night and I exhausted). He looked at me and said "No, like when you stand sideways, you look funny". So my profile looks funny, thanks babe. But I suppose after being with me for 12 years, it is a huge (pun not intended but I will take it as my bump is rather large) difference to the way I look.

KittykatSteph · June 2015

I was explaining to my DH that being pregnant in the hot weather is NOT fun & that I'm so hot all the time I don't know what to do to stay cool.... He started to explain
DH - "you know when a whale gets washed up on a beach....."
Me - "where are u going with this..!?"
DH - "well...they spray them with water to keep them wet so I could spray u in the garden to keep u cool?"

I know his intention was thoughtful but the whale reference...not so much! ❤️

pabeybaby · June 2015

This morning hubby was apologizing for hogging the blanket all night. I said it didn't bother me since I'm always burning up at night anyway. He said we needed to ask my doctor about it at our next appointment because he thinks it's not right. I said honey she's just gonna say that I'm pregnant and it's normal! Lol

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