Unpaid time off... mom or dad?

VesperLove · June 2015

We have run into a decision in our household. We are saving so one of us has the ability to take a few extra weeks unpaid to stay home with baby. I get 6-8 weeks for recovery. DH will likely take two weeks vacation and then go back.

If this were your situation, who would you have utilize those extra few weeks unpaid? Obviously this is geared toward moms that do have to go back to work.

Ive run into a few different perspectives IRL and was wondering your take.

ammnam14 · June 2015

If I was in your situation I would probably stay home. I know my husband would go crazy if he had to stay home all day with a newborn. If he had more experience with kids and felt 100% comfortable taking care of business then I would be okay with him staying home.

nik6499 · June 2015

My husband is actually going to be a stay at home dad, it's the most logical and fiscally responsible thing for us. I'll have 10-12 weeks maternity if I use my leave at half time.

AJo32 · June 2015

For us it would make the most sense for me to stay home because my husband makes more money that I do so we'd lose out on more if he were home unpaid. Plus, hubby might lose his mind at home with a newborn by himself, haha! I also think it makes more sense for mom to stay home if you plan on breastfeeding baby. Every family is different through so you'll just have to weigh the pros and cons and decide what's best for you. Good luck!

hummingbird35 · June 2015

Bf has a very demanding job where he is needed in a management role, so I'll be staying home. I'm also nursing so that is a convenience factor. He'll prob only be able to get about two weeks, whereas I'll get six. Then I'll be taking my baby to work with me.

If you want to breastfeed and you want your husband to take a few more weeks to bond with the baby, you could always pump/ and or freeze some milk!

vbrannin2010 · June 2015

We have no idea yet. I just graduated this May and am doing internships all summer. Hoping to start job searching, or get a job offer from my internship sites, by the end of summer when our oldest starts pre k. I'd be making more money than my husband and better benefits, but I feel that I need to stay home for a bit. I breastfed all my girls for at least 15 months with no supplementing. Financially, we are saving up for whatever scenario. If I am working by the time the baby arrives, he's talking about staying home indefinitely. It'll be unpaid, but with daycare costs, my salary would be more substantial.
Why can't we just pick money off trees!

(

amw2133 · June 2015

Hubby is going to be home with baby most of the time as he works nights mostly and I work days. Because of this I would want to take the extra days off since hubby will be home with baby. I'm so jealous that he gets to stay home but I'm very happy that I have a husband that wants to stay home with our baby.

angelicmommy · June 2015

vbrannin2010 said:

We have no idea yet. I just graduated this May and am doing internships all summer. Hoping to start job searching, or get a job offer from my internship sites, by the end of summer when our oldest starts pre k. I'd be making more money than my husband and better benefits, but I feel that I need to stay home for a bit. I breastfed all my girls for at least 15 months with no supplementing. Financially, we are saving up for whatever scenario. If I am working by the time the baby arrives, he's talking about staying home indefinitely. It'll be unpaid, but with daycare costs, my salary would be more substantial. Why can't we just pick money off trees! (

AMEN

yl1m32015 · June 2015

I'll be staying home and once I return to work it will only be a part time/contingency basis. My dh works crazy hours and makes triple what I do. He's going to take 1-2wks of fmla, but it's unpaid. So he'll be going back shortly after baby comes. Especially because he makes triple time on holidays, it's just too much money too pass up. Not that I wouldn't love him being home, but when we can pay our mortgage with one holiday shift, it's silly to turn it down.

Shanna729 · June 2015

I am very fortunate to have 12 weeks paid. My husband unfortunately will probably be taking a week off unpaid to be home with us due to a new job change and only getting a week of
PTO this year which he will use in Aug for our Jamaica trip. I wish he could spend more time at home with us but the ship must be kept afloat! I'm sure whatever decision you make will be the right one for your family.

yankeebabeme · June 2015

oh its me with the unpaid time off! I have a parttime job (22-30 hrs a week) and I don't get paid off time for anything. But I will have my job still when I can return and work a little here and there (ideally)

chelseymmcghee · June 2015

My entire ML is unpaid! I work for a small company so since we are under 50 employees we don't have FMLA and in KS it's not required to give a maternity leave. My work does however have a small policy granting time off, but it's unpaid. I plan on taking 4 weeks unpaid time off and my one week's vacation. So, 5 weeks total.

I'm trying to save like crazy. We are paycheck to paycheck which makes it hard knowing I won't have income for a few weeks. Praying it works out.

lablover920 · June 2015

Luckily winter time is DH slow time. We both are working for my family business so our situation is a little flexible. I will be able to take 6 weeks paid off. After that DH and I will rotate days off (unpaid) probably for a few more weeks before we go the daycare route.

mistycray · June 2015

If it were me, I would. If you're nursing, you'll probably want to continue to build that sold foundation before returning to work.

blansaw · June 2015

If you are nursing, you should stay home.

chimirossi · June 2015

After my six weeks paid leave, my husband is going to take six weeks at about half pay. This way we both get the bonding time. I plan to pump at work and maybe come home on my lunch breaks sometimes while he is home. I'm a teacher, and this just makes the most sense for us.

grkgdss00 · June 2015

I'm in your shoes, will only get 12w time off, 6w partially paid thanks to the state of CA and then going back to work.

I would def use those few extra weeks for mom.

dp1320 · June 2015

If you plan on breastfeeding, it would be easier for you to stay home (rather than pumping at work multiple times a day), especially since they go through a growth spurt around 6 weeks where they are constantly eating. If you're not concerned about that, then I'd say do whatever is best for your family and you both feel comfortable with!

For me, I wasn't physically or emotionally ready to go back to work at 6 weeks...but by 12 I was running out the door haha

hummingbird35 · June 2015

@dh09072012 couldn't she also pump extra early on and freeze some for those few weeks? FTM here, not sure about milk production stuff

dp1320 · June 2015

VegDumpling said:

@dh09072012 couldn't she also pump extra early on and freeze some for those few weeks? FTM here, not sure about milk production stuff

They don't recommend you pump for awhile because you're supposed to respond to baby's needs to build up your supply. Unless she had a major over supply, I don't know how much she would actually be able to save up in a freezer stash that early on!

KatherineAimee · June 2015

I'm taking 6 weeks Maternity and 6 weeks FMLA. My husband is a teacher and we are due right around Christmas. He will most likely be on vacation when I go into labor... yay! He may take an additional week or two of Paternity leave. I should be able to get paid disability for all 12 weeks here in California. Fingers crossed.

grkgdss00 · June 2015

@katherineaimee - isn't CA paid for 6 weeks via SDI? How are you being paid for the additional 6?

Thanks,

VesperLove · June 2015

Thanks, ladies. I appreciate the input and perspectives. This is definitely a decision we are going to need to talk about. I'm not sure if I'm going to BF for very long/if at all so I'm not sure I want to base our decision solely on that -- and I have to tell my work approximately when I'm going to be back due to some programs that I run (so I can't necessarily wait to see if I end up breastfeeding) ... so we'll have to keep talking about it and weigh our options! I'm sure we'll pick whichever one is best for us. I just don't know which that is yet!

momotheflyinglemur · June 2015

So stoked to be having a Christmas baby for this very reason!!! Due on the 20, but our company's winter break starts on the 18 and goes on until Jan. 4!!! So two weeks of paid leave before our paternity stuff even starts. We both get three weeks and my supervisor is super flexible. So I will stay home the whole month of January and he will go back after his three weeks.

My aunt is moving in to help take care of the baby, but I want her to be with us from the New Year onward. Should go pretty smoothly.

TomekiaB · June 2015

My husband does not have the option to take any additional time off and he currently has a better paying job. However, in an ideal world I think I would jump at the opportunity for my husband to stay home a couple weeks by himself for 2 reasons: 1. great bonding for him and the baby and 2. I think it would help establish more equality in parenting roles. I trust my husband and I know he will make a great parent but I think there is something to be said for giving him that autonomy early on so that he can develop as a new parent too. I think if you do it earlier (after 6 weeks but before 12 weeks) it would probably be really helpful. I think with hormones it might be hard for a mom to give up a couple weeks but I do think that it would pay off in the long run in making you both confident parents and partners in parenting. Shaking up "gender roles" this way could help prevent some of the primary care giver burnout that many mom's seem to get when they feel more responsible for childcare and domestic responsibilies on top of work responsibilities.

TomekiaB · June 2015

@VegDumpling

Theoretically you don't pump to early if you want to breastfeed primarily/exclusively (by breast) that is mostly because breastfeeding is a harder skill than bottle feeding and babies can get lazy if they know there is an easier option for them to eat. However, if your baby will be getting most of it's feedings from bottles when you go back to work than I think that theory is less critical since they would be a breastmilk-bottlefed baby.

Normally supply will meet demand (eventually), one way to get supply up is actually to pump more (usually to really force supply they have mom's pump after feeding the baby directly from the breast is how it is timed, or when the baby would be fed if you were with the baby--i.e. if the baby is in the hospital and mom has been discharged or mom is at work and baby is in daycare).

VesperLove · June 2015

momotheflyinglemur said:
So stoked to be having a Christmas baby for this very reason!!! Due on the 20, but our company's winter break starts on the 18 and goes on until Jan. 4!!! So two weeks of paid leave before our paternity stuff even starts. We both get three weeks and my supervisor is super flexible. So I will stay home the whole month of January and he will go back after his three weeks.

My aunt is moving in to help take care of the baby, but I want her to be with us from the New Year onward. Should go pretty smoothly.

My company is similar, we have holiday from the 23rd through the 2nd. However, as soon as baby is born, my medical leave starts. Short term disability is 6-8 weeks from birth of child so I have to notify of actual day of birth and leave starts that day. Because of that and because it is an actual leave of absence (anything more than four weeks) I dont accrue vacation days or holiday hours so I lose that week.

Have you talked with HR? I just want to make sure thats really how it works for you. i thought I would get that same benefit but it doesnt work that way for us. Exciting if you really do get that time!

jessejasonbaby · June 2015

We are in Canada so there is a year parental leave available to us. Only i am a business owner so as such am noy entitled to any pay during that year.

SO may decide to use it for a few months or even the year as it is available to either parent regardless of gender and i will run my business full time but actually take clients and go into work moreso on a part time basis. A lot of day cares here take babies starting at 1 and not often before because a year leave is typical.

I was entitled to the year last time but opted to go back to work after 5 weeks anyway because my ex works shift work and i could get out of the house, plus i love my job and hate saying no to my loyal clients. (hairstylist)

KatherineAimee · June 2015

grkgdss00 said:

@katherineaimee - isn't CA paid for 6 weeks via SDI? How are you being paid for the additional 6?
Thanks,

I believe you can do 6 weeks DI (disability) and 6 weeks PFL (Paid Family Leave).

KatherineAimee · June 2015

grkgdss00 said:

@katherineaimee - isn't CA paid for 6 weeks via SDI? How are you being paid for the additional 6?
Thanks,

9. I am on leave recovering from pregnancy and receiving State Disability Insurance payments – can I also receive PFL benefits?

You can get PFL benefits after your pregnancy disability leave. Even if you received State Disability Insurance (SDI) payments during your pregnancy disability leave, you can subsequently take PFL to bond with your new child. The seven day waiting period required for SDI when taking pregnancy disability leave counts towards the seven day waiting period for PFL.

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