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October 2015 Moms
toribeth97
member
Unsupportive family members
toribeth97
member
My boyfriend and I are expecting our first baby due in October. We announced to close family and then on Facebook around 12 weeks. I am the oldest child in my family and he is the youngest in his. His oldest sister is married and has no children, but claims to have been trying for quite some time. When we told her that I was pregnant, she blew things out of proportion and said that she hates us and even now, 9 weeks later, she gets mad when we talk about what's going on and when we show his parents the newest ultrasound pictures. We got his dad a shirt for Father's Day that said "Worlds Best Grandpa" and his sister was over because they were having a cookout, and when his stepmom showed her the shirt and she read it, the only words that came out of her mouth were "yuck. I'm going back to sleep." She is 24 years old. I would think that she'd be more mature, but apparently I'm wrong. Every time I try to show her the ultrasound pictures she gets pissed. We're having a gender reveal party Thursday and I invited her because either way she is the baby's aunt, and when my boyfriend told her what the invite was for, she said "this is bull s*** . You guys don't know how much this hurts." And I can't help but think that maybe I just should stop inviting her to things. On the other hand, we're considering asking her and her husband if they would like the role of godparents, because I would rather have someone that is family and is married than a few friends or something like that. I don't know if she'll be ecstatic or go ballistic and freak out. I understand that it probably hurts that we didn't plan on having a baby right now and that she's been trying, but when will it end?! My aunt (by marriage) refuses to be happy for us as well. She and my uncle have a son who is about 3 or 4, and she is supposedly trying for another one and isn't happy again for the same reason that our pregnancy was unplanned. She basically told me that my boyfriend, the father of my baby, wouldn't stick around. What would you do in this situation? How long will it last? Should I just stop inviting them to things and not let them be involved? It makes me feel like they think that we planned to "ruin" their plans of having a baby(or another baby) or that we've somehow "ruined" their life by getting pregnant. I just want things to go back to normal.
Re: Unsupportive family members
It's really nice of you to keep inviting her to things, but I'd personally ask her if she'd like you to stop. You can tell her you'd like her to be around but if it truly upsets her, you wont let her know. I feel like it gives her an excuse to be nasty towards you and it's just not worth it while you're pregnant. You don't need that negative energy right now. Especially since you didn't do anything wrong, she and your aunt through marriage are overreacting and being extremely selfish. I'm sorry you're going through this but you'll have baby soon and if things don't change, then you can cut them out of your life.
Our Angel: EDD: 05/11/17. MC at 6 weeks
Baby #2- EDD: 07/18/17
My boyfriend and I were TTC since August of 2014, my friend got pregnant and my sister, my friend had her baby in May, and my sister is due in July, we finally got our BFP feb 9th, leaving us due oct 15th. It really sucked hearing them talk about it all the time, and how happy they were, I just tried to avoid the whole conversation and be happy for them. But it is rough !
It does no good when things are already done. You can only move forward. I would give your SIL and aunt some space and allow them to bring up baby in the future. I would also leave it up to your boyfriend if your SIL should be invited to anymore events.
I find it very mature and respectable that you both would still consider her for such an important role after the way she has behaved.
If my brother were to ask my husband I to be godparents I'd be over the moon happy. My brother is my sons godfather and it was the best choice even when has his immature moments he always puts Wyatt first.
Best of luck and I hope things get better. All babies deserve to be celebrated, no matter how they are conceived, planned, or unplanned.
Low progesterone
Baby boy born 01/2016
Currently: NTNP
My sister is 8 years older then me. All she has ever wanted is to get married and have kids. There is a good chance she may never have kids due to health issues. I met my husband last year, we got married in December, and found out in February we were expecting. It came as quite a shock to my family, especially my sister. We were very close but now feel somewhat distant. She started dating a guy and constantly talks about getting married and having a baby of her own. She hardly talks about our baby and I've asked her to help me register and decorate the nursery but she shows little interest. She changes the subject to what she will do when she has kids.
Just like my sister needs to realize I didn't plan on this baby (and if I did it definitely wasn't to rub it in her face that I'm suddenly getting her dream life), your boyfriends sister and Aunt need to realize this too and be supportive for you despite their disappointment. They are fixing to be aunt and Great Aunt to a sweet little baby. I would think they would be happy for your boyfriend. I wouldn't stop inviting them to events, but if I were you I wouldn't let it get me down or steal my thunder. If them not being able to conceive right now justifies their actions, does that mean you can get mad when they finally do conceive because suddenly your baby isn't the spotlight?
It's easy to blame others for things that aren't going right for us and unfortunately some people don't see their behavior toward you as rude because they're so plagued by their own troubles.
I would take the advice of talking to her about it. I agree that there is no reason for rude behavior and hopefully that will improve from being honest and open with her. I do think you need to understand that while she may quit with snarky comments and be respectful, that she may not come around or be involved...and that's ok. Personally, if I talked to her and she was still rude, then I wouldn't continue to involve her. I can be understanding of pain, but I don't need rudeness.
It sounds like when women encounter close relatives who conceive before them, especially quickly and with ease, when they themselves have struggled for years to carry to term or even conceive, the proximity to a family member who is pregnant may feel like a blaring neon sign reminding them they are not pregnant. It is not wrong for them to have a variety of emotions. It would be best if they could handle them in a healthy way by perhaps talking with others through their pain or self-removing themselves from family events that remind them of the pregnancy, rather than acting out angrily at the pregnant woman. But people become able to talk about pain at different times, if at all. And it can be hard to avoid family events; if they self-exclude due to pain then they may end up worse off from isolation. It's a hard situation. Understanding is needed on both sides. But it looks like sometimes the one who was blessed to get pregnant may need to be the offerer of the olive branch and forgive her relatives for acting out, reminding herself it is very likely due to pain and NOT about her or the coming baby. Not saying this is easy. I agree with others that it may be best to talk with the hurt relative. Maybe it would be good to acknowledge your pregnancy may remind her of her pain, and you have no intention of that and sympathize. Tell her you invite her to things because she is family and want to include her, but ask if it would help her more to not invite her. It may be better to choose someone else as a godparent given the strengh of her negative feelings right now.
BrooklynBroussard I know all about infertility. I wasn't supposed to be able to have children. In fact, my husband and I had already decided instead of going through painful process of fertility treatments with a likely chance of not getting the results we wanted, we would adopt. It is hard and I have watched friends and family get pregnant without any problems. Did I envy them? Yes. Did I act selfish and avoid their company because I couldn't stand to see them happy and I wasn't? No. I have a wonderful husband who supported me, I loved on my friends babies as if they were my own, and then one day in February, found out I did not have a stomach bug lol I learned the lesson that just because you don't have a baby when you want it doesn't make you infertile and sometimes you cant trust what doctors say. I'm 21 weeks, perfectly healthy, and so is my son.
There are a lot of unfavorable circumstances in life and you choose how you live with it. If you want to be happy and rejoice with others as they experience happy times that consist especially of finding out they are pregnant for the first time, I'd say that is a good choice. If you want to sull up and be selfish and think negatively of everyone who has what you don't, then I actually feel very sorry for that person. I do expect my sister to come to and support me even though she may be dealing with her own issues of infertility. She is my child's aunt, will be his Godmother, and she's my sister for crying out loud. We have been through everything together. I'm a first time mom, excited and scared all at once of what my future holds for me and my family. It would be nice to know I had someone I could talk to and vent to without being afraid that one mention of my child would upset them. I truly do feel for those who have struggled with getting pregnant and if any of you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here. I remember feeling hopeless and like something was wrong with me. I also remember feeling like I somehow let my husband down because I may never give him the family he has always wanted. My advice is to never give up and don't let negativity rule your life. If I have offended anyone, that certainly was not my intention. She asked for opinions on the subject, I expressed mine based on how I feel about my unsupportive sister. Certainly do not be mean, and yes be compassionate towards her, but also do not let her steal your happiness of having a baby.