Hi everyone. I've been MIA on vacation and now I'm back but I've got a dilemma.
So it seems that I will be a few days over 36 weeks at the time of my best friend's wedding, which is a 1.5 hour plane ride away. I've been open to her since day 1 that I wasn't sure if I could come or not and she has been pretty cold about the whole thing. I am upset about it and definitely can understand why she is upset, but she is not understanding at all toward me and in some ways is making me feel like I am making the wrong decision. She keeps saying that it is absurd to think that I would go into labor early and even said "Well you knew when my wedding was when you were trying to get pregnant"-- hinting at the fact that I should have planned around her wedding.
My last birth was at 41 weeks, but there were many complications that left both myself and my daughter injured. This time around, with a new doctor, we are trying to prepare and prevent however possible because the chances of it happening again are the same. I'm not at risk for preterm labor, however if by chance it does happen, I want to be with the careteam who are working with me right now.
I try to defend myself and explain to her my fears, but she doesn't seem to get it. She actually said, "Well I don't understand it".
What would you do? Any advice? Any experience in either person's shoes?
Please share.
Re: Missing bff's wedding
I wouldn't fly, no way. But at 36 weeks I may be persuaded to drive (probably not physically drive myself). I'm just thinking about this situation as if this was MY best friend, because I know I would be sitting at home just feeling awful. And then the next day when I was still pregnant I would be "what iff'ing" and even more upset. BUT my best friend has children too, so we have that level of understanding. I'm guessing she doesn't?
It's a crappy situation but if your friendship is good, it can get over it! And if it doesn't, then it's better now than later.
Your concerns about going are perfectly valid, and like a PP said, airlines won't let you fly. Driving certainly is an option, but you would have to stop frequently to walk around. How long of a drive would it be?
I really hope she comes around or that you can work something out!
Thanks everyone. I always fly Delta because of Skymiles and they actually don't have flying restrictions-- I didn't know this until SHE told me and I checked myself.
The drive is about 12 hours straight through and we'd need to stop frequently (and overnight) with our 2 year old, which makes it much longer.
And she actually does have a baby... which makes it more unbelievable that she can't get where I'm coming from. Thankfully, she had a fantastic experience with her birth.
She wasn't cold about it but she was upset that I couldn't make it. I was really upset not to be there and I'm still sad that I missed it, but it's just the way things panned out. She had a wonderful day and she and I had a special day of catching up, looking through the photos and watching the wedding video a few months later when she came to stay with us for a few days to meet DS.
Serious question.... Have you been 36 w pregnant before? 1.5 hours in a car or plane certainly doesn't feel "not that long" at that point.
jamiem522 was suggesting that OP wait and see how she feels. While I'm certainly not recommending that OP fling caution to the wind or disregard her doc's recommendations, it's entirely possible she will feel up to it at 36 weeks. The 2 hours (one way) that I spent in the car at 40 weeks with DS felt exactly as long as it always does, pregnant or not. IMO, it is a valid suggestion.
OP, talk to your doctor first and see what they suggest. If and when he/she clears you to travel, you can make up your mind on how important it is for you to be there, and whether you are comfortable making the trip. GL!
I'm not sure how often you fly, but it's not really feasible to "wait and see how you feel" to book air travel or most people's budgets, given that most tickets are non refundable or get incredibly expensive as travel date approaches. . Not to mention hoofing through an airport with a bag, lead time for security, etc. that's nice that 40 weeks pregnant felt no different to you than normal, but I'd venture a guess that travel for most people at that stage is harder than it was for you.
Then as one PP said, if the doctor says you can't go, then it becomes the doctors fault you can't travel. If the doctor doesn't have a problem with you going, then book a ticket! (But I would say you probably shouldn't be in the wedding just in case baby decides to come early)
I absolutely agree. My issue isn't whether or not to go, but more of how to deal with my friend giving me such a hard time about something I can't really control.
For sure I know she is sad that I can't go and it is coming across as cold and mean. I hope she gets over this and stops trying to make me feel guilty.
I absolutely agree. My issue isn't whether or not to go, but more of how to deal with my friend giving me such a hard time about something I can't really control.
For sure I know she is sad that I can't go and it is coming across as cold and mean. I hope she gets over this and stops trying to make me feel guilty.
I think it'd be best to let things simmer down a little bit. It's a bit of a shock to find out your best friend won't be part of your perfect day. Harsh feelings will blow over if she truly values your friendship. Would you be able to help her in some capacity prior to the wedding so that you still get to be a part of it... maybe even flying out there and helping in person if you can afford a ticket for a flight that's happening when you're more like 30 weeks? (I know our finances are tight but maybe yours aren't as tight)I'm so confused... You're due a week after a friends wedding but have never been pregnant?...you saw a bunch of pregnant women (many for a multiple time) all giving same advice to a pregnant woman, and as someone who has never experienced it decided to give the opposite advice - in the meantime basically saying that traveling late in pregnancy is no big deal because you've seen people do it? Ok.
I'm so confused... You're due a week after a friends wedding but have never been pregnant?...you saw a bunch of pregnant women (many for a multiple time) all giving same advice to a pregnant woman, and as someone who has never experienced it decided to give the opposite advice - in the meantime basically saying that traveling late in pregnancy is no big deal because you've seen people do it? Ok.
---quote fail---
I agree. If many people are giving the same advice, there's probably a reason for it.
On the other side of that, I would do everything I could to attend my BFF's wedding. I'd check with the doctor for sure and try to make it happen. In my situation I wouldn't go because my DD was 5 weeks early and in the NICU for 10 Days so I won't be traveling after 35 weeks with this one, but if you went over with the first and the Dr gives you the green light, then absolutely. Everyone is different though. Do what feels right in your gut.
DD 12.2010
I agree. If many people are giving the same advice, there's probably a reason for it.
Sorry, I am currently pregnant.. First time. When I was being judged for having a different opinion I was asked if I had been 36 weeks pregnant before, that's what I meant to imply no to.
My EDD is Nov 1. My best friends wedding is Nov 7. Her wedding isn't a plane ride away, it's a 45 minute drive. I told her from the get go, that there is a considerably large chance that I may not be there.
To make a very long story short, she got drunk one night and expressed her feelings that it upset her that I may not be there. And I told her TOO BAD. If you have a problem with it, don't let the door hit ya on the way out. I told her I wasn't missing her wedding for any other reason other than the fact that A) I could give birth at her wedding which I'm sure she didn't want. I could be in the hospital having a baby or C) I could have a week old baby I'm not leaving. And if she didn't like it tough titties!
If this person is truly your friend, then she will understand and come around. I get that weddings are stressful and you think for that one day the whole world should revolve around you, been there, done that, but this is so much more important to you than her wedding. It is you and your child's health. She should understand that. Good luck!
I know I acted like a fool during my wedding planning and I've apologized to everyone for my behavior. I'm sure she'll come around if she's truly your friend.
Anyways, I didn't read everyone's comments, but it seems like most people are saying don't go. really talk to your doctor. I'm tentatively planning on flying when I'm 35 weeks this time to attend a wedding my DH is in. But of course I'll see how my pregnancy goes and how I'm feeling. I guess it's different if you're in a wedding and the bride needs to know now. Last pregnancy, my doctor said I couldn't fly from 37 weeks (term) and later so...