Shower Guest List...

saraking437 · June 2015

I'm a FTM. My Sisters-in law are throwing me a baby shower and have asked me to send them a guest list. They told me upfront that it didn't matter how many people I invited. I'm not big on huge crowds and just want my family (which is actually pretty big anyway) and my 4 best friends to be there. I contacted my mother-in-law and asked for her list for my husband's family to be invited to the baby shower. And I literally said my husband's "family." However, her list also has a bunch of her neighbors and her friends that neither my husband or I have even met before. I have never even heard her talk about them by name. I know that these people will most likely not come (they live 3 hours away), but might feel obligated to send us a gift or something. I hate the thought of them thinking that I'm being gift grabby. Do you think they will know that it is my MIL's doings and not think I'm rude? Should I say something to my MIL? I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I also feel really weird having my SIL's send invitations to these women who don't know me or my husband at all.

Disneygeek77 · June 2015

I'm pretty positive they will know it was MILs doing and not yours.

saraking437 · June 2015

I kept thinking the same thing, but just wanted some outside opinions. Thank you!

akanini · June 2015

Your MIL is happy and wants to invite them. Don't worry about looking gift grabby. My mom was ecstatic for me and invited her friends too who didn't know me. However they came to my shower, brought gifts, and had a great time.

VOR · June 2015

Here's the thing, though. You can't rely on "they won't come". they MIGHT actually come. Personally, I'd tell MIL that there is a limit on how many people can be invited and it really needs to be limited to family.

She can offer to throw a shower for these people if she REALLY wants to invite them. OR they can send gifts on their own w/o inviting them to a shower.

But again- if you really want a smaller, family and close friends shower, then speak up and basically tell her "no" (but w/ a spin).

delujm0 · June 2015

Are the host SILs on your side or your husband's side? If they're on your husband's side, like one of them is actually his sister, I'd let her deal with your MILs guest list. If that's not the case, and you don't want those people invited, tell your MIL exactly how many people from her side she can invite. She'll probably start with actual family, so if you calculate it right, these random friends won't make the cut. If she wants more people there, she can host her own shower.

dufferoo · June 2015

I would just mention (nicely) to your MIL that you were trying to keep the shower to close friends only. You could tell her you only invited 4 friends and didn't want others to feel excluded if it ballooned into such a large event.

CaboBride2015 · June 2015

delujm0 said:
Are the host SILs on your side or your husband's side? If they're on your husband's side, like one of them is actually his sister, I'd let her deal with your MILs guest list. If that's not the case, and you don't want those people invited, tell your MIL exactly how many people from her side she can invite. She'll probably start with actual family, so if you calculate it right, these random friends won't make the cut. If she wants more people there, she can host her own shower.

Agreed 100%

saraking437 · June 2015

My SILs are married to my brothers. DH is an only child. I will say something to her about the guest list number and that I don't want it to balloon and people be offended. That is a great idea. Thank you!

VOR · June 2015

saraking437 said:

My SILs are married to my brothers. DH is an only child. I will say something to her about the guest list number and that I don't want it to balloon and people be offended. That is a great idea. Thank you!

Don't over explain, though. keep it SIMPLE. Trust me. If you say too much, she'll look for holes. even saying " iwant to keep it to close friends", she'll argue that these are HER close friends and it's important they be invited. Saying "The hosts can only afford/fit X number of people" is more tangible and less room for her to argue.

neverblushed · June 2015

MIL gets to invite who she wants if she and your SILs are hosting it. What she's doing is not abnormal. Everyone will know it's not you who invited all these people you've never met before.

It's possible your MIL has been to a ton of their life event celebrations, and she's just excited to be the grandma in the spotlight. Just smile through it, be gracious, and send thank-yous promptly for anything you receive.

saraking437 · June 2015

@neverblushed: My MIL is not a host of the shower. It is just my brother's wives (SIL's), who she has only met once at our wedding four years ago. I think you are right, she is just really excited (first grandchild.)

@VOR: I'm glad you mentioned that, because she is definitely one of those "give an inch, take a mile" people. She is known for weaseling around boundaries and disrespecting/crossing lines. That's part of why I'm trying to be so cautious about this situation. I know she is excited and I don't want her feelings to be hurt, BUT I know that I need to put my foot down on things or she will slowly take over...

mego14 · June 2015

That's great that she's excited about becoming a grandmother, but if you don't want those people invited, I would absolutely say something to her. Some people love big showers with acquaintances invited and some people love smaller, more intimate showers. I personally like smaller showers with close friends and family. I wouldn't hesitate for a second telling my MIL that we are keeping it to close friends and family. And like previous posers stated, if she has a problem with that, she can throw her own shower and invite whoever she wants!

Good luck.

saraking437 · June 2015

Thank you! I guess I feel so badly, because she did want to throw me a shower at her house. However, it wouldn't work because I am not allowed to travel over 6 hours at that point in my pregnancy and she lives about 8 hours away. I couldn't do a shower any earlier because I will still be in summer classes (I'm a college student.) Actually I only had one weekend between graduation and the week that my doctor will restrict ALL travel, so I could barely do the one shower that my SIL's are throwing me (which is a 4.5 hour drive.)

She just sent me some additions to her list today. All people I don't know. I understand she is excited, but this is not a wedding. It's a baby shower, which is to welcome me into motherhood. It just seems awkward to ask people to welcome me into motherhood that I have never even heard of before. I'm going to think carefully and talk to her tomorrow afternoon.

Thank you all so much for your inputs.

CaboBride2015 · June 2015

If she wants to host something an invite people you don't know maybe you can suggest she host something once the baby has arrived... a sip and see or something similar, when you're able to travel and feel comfortable having the baby around groups of people.

saraking437 · June 2015

@CaboBride2015: Great minds think alike! I actually did suggest that when I told her we couldn't do the shower up there before baby gets here. She nixed it immediately with no explanation.

That would have been SO perfect though! I really wonder if she doesn't want to do that because she didn't get her way with the shower...I hope not, but it crosses my mind.

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