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August 2015 Moms
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Little ticked *rant*

akumatoraakumatora member
in August 2015 Moms
My husband just informed me he'll be over an hour away for the next few days with a friend because she has a riding competition. This is the first I've heard of it, though he claims to have told me. Normally I'd be okay with this, but the past few days have been contraction hell. He never checks his messages while he's out either, so if I go into labour he may not know until after DD is here. I'm absolutely terrified of doing this alone, but if he's gone I may have to. Sorry for the long rant.
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Re: Little ticked *rant*

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  • jesselayne8jesselayne8 member
    I agree with @Miz_Liz if he is leaving town he HAS to agree to be reachable 24/7.


    TTC#1 for 19 months with PCOS and MFI IUI#3 + injectables = BFP!!!!  Beta#1-134(13dpiui) Beta #2-392(15dpiui) 
    #1 born December 2011
    TTC#2 - Beta #1 -51@10dpo Beta#2 -1353 @16dpo
    #2 born May 2013
    TTC # 3 June 2014 BFP 12-1-14
    #3 born August 2015 
    #4!!!!!!! due June 2017 
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  • akumatoraakumatora member
    He doesn't have a phone.
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  • akumatoraakumatora member
    Oh there's a trust issue. A major one. I'm just choosing to ignore it. I've told him before that I don't care that he drops everything to run her around everywhere, so long as it doesn't interfere with appointments. Now it does.
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  • albolan80albolan80 member
    Sorry... But f that. I'm pretty chill about my SO going out/hanging out with whomever, but I have zero trust issues with him. If I did, that wouldn't fly at my house, either.

    If you are ranting, then you know it's wrong....I agree with Miz_Liz, you have some bigger issues to address. Better to get it set straight now, and make sure you have clear expectations set for when you've got a high-demand infant around, because he'll miss a lot more than appointments if he keeps dropping everything to run to her.
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  • akumatoraakumatora member
    I don't want to have to explain to her why her father is never there, or always breaks his promises. I really wish it seemed like he cared about her even a little bit. This friend of his implanted the idea that the baby isn't his, and I'm afraid it's taken hold. But if I leave and try to take her he'll take it to court, and honestly he'll probably win. I don't want that either, especially with this aloof nature he has going on. If he has custody of a child he doesn't care about, what's going to happen to her? This whole thing is just making me feel sick. I try to sit him down and talk but he just brushes me off.
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  • kedbachkedbach member
    First, to be blunt, this is absolutely ridiculous and you should not stand for that at all. Second, how does he not have a phone? With him not having a phone, there's 0% chance I'd allow this to happen (not that I would anyway). Sounds like he needs to grow up- If I were in your shoes, this "husband" would be given an ultimatum. So sorry you're going through this!
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  • purduepat2004purduepat2004 member
    I have zero experience with this but wanted to tell you I wish you the best. I'm sorry you are dealing with this.
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  • SashaDenn25SashaDenn25 member
    Im with everyone on this. He has you and child that should be his number one priority. Hell, if you werent pregnant he still chose you as his wife not her, so YOU should be PRIORITY over this girl any day. I come from a husband who is so sweet and kind to me, so it frustrates me to see any girl get walked on as before DH I was in a both physically and mentally abusive relationship. Take it from someone who got stomped all over (I understand your situation isnt abusive, but honestly still unfair) STAND UP FOR YOURSELF AND THAT BABY!!
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  • kettlekittenkettlekitten member
    I agree with everything said above..and really feel for you that you have to go through this. Just wondering why you think he would get custody, if it came to that?
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  • akumatoraakumatora member
    Finally got him to sit and listen. Told him that even though she isn't here yet, DD is still his responsibility, and top priority. We've also come to a compromise on the couple days he'll be gone. He's leaving our car here for me and taking one of his sisters' vehicles, and gave me a number that he can be reached at any time. If something happens, even if he has to leave his friend there, he'll be on his way back. Not exactly what I wanted, but it's something we can both live with.
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  • akumatoraakumatora member
    @kettlekitten he makes money, I don't for one. I have a hard time finding a job regardless of being pregnant or not. He also has a lot more help than I would, because he has his family. I have my grandmother, but she's on a fixed income of $700/month and lives in a run down one bedroom mobile. I also don't have any savings, or anywhere really to go. When my doctor okays a return to work I'm going to rectify all of this, but it will take a bit.
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  • sjra1028sjra1028 member
    I would like to kick him in the nuts. Yes. Hormones talking right now, but that's bull! Run while you still can before your baby is subjected to his crap. You can get help. Call your local DHS on Monday. They can help you with housing, food, and any other assistance especially since you're pregnant in a bad relationship. This IMO is mental abuse. He's screwing with your head and it can screw with your pregnancy. You and your baby do NOT need that.
    I'm really sorry you're going through this!
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  • akumatoraakumatora member
    @sjra1028 DHS? I'm not familiar with that term. And @Miz_Liz I've been thinking the same thing as of late. He's decided to go off his pills, and the past week or two I've seen more signs of who he was before all this started. Days like this one are gettinf fairly rare, which does give me a bit of hope. He's never been like this, he's always been a faithful family man. If it doesn't get much better soon though, I'll have no choice but to walk. It's one thing to put myself through this, it's another entirely to put my child through it.
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  • kettlekittenkettlekitten member
    From what I know of custody arrangements, nothing you stated above would prevent you from having custody of your daughter. I think the only way your husband would get custody was if you were 'unfit' to be a parent (mentally ill or violent or addicted to drugs or whatever). I'm sure other posters will correct me if I'm wrong. You are the primary carer and it doesn't sound like husband will be that involved with the baby if he continues to do what he does... As the PPs said there is usually help available for single parents and it sounds like you have the possibility of getting back on your feet when DD is a bit older.

    I hope you can come to some solution and show your DD how to be a strong woman, and to not let a man treat you like a doormat. All the best sorting out what is not an ideal situation at the best of times, let alone while pregnant!!
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  • toccoaparkertoccoaparker member
    It is very hard to prove a mother unfit and have custody taken away, not to mention unless there is a reason you shouldn't have your child, he would be a piece of crap for trying to take away your baby from you. Honestly he sounds like an ass and you should not have to put up with it. I'm sorry you're having to go through this, please look into resources that may help get you out of that situation. Good luck!
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  • sjra1028sjra1028 member
    @akumatora it's the department of human services.... Assuming you're in the states. If not, then there has to be something similar where you are.
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