Feelings after c section

SUNshin322 · June 2015

Four weeks ago I had my baby via section which was not expected. Although I am very grateful to have her here healthy and safe, I can't help but be sad my birth experience was not as I pictured for so many months, and I am envious of woman who had their babies as expected, vaginally and placed on their chest so on so forth. I didn't hold my baby for a couple hours after as I was sick from the medication and barely even remember it. My failure to breastfeed is also mainly because of the pain from the surgery. I just feel sad, envious and inadequate. Anyone else feel this way and how did u deal with it?

Kye042 · June 2015

I had this exact same situation. I had a traumatizing emergency c section (I wanted to have an all natural birth) and was not able to breastfeed due to all of the pain from surgery. I also had post surgery complications which made taking care of my LO impossible.

I had very bad baby blues for 3 weeks and now I'm dealing with post partum anxiety. I am taking hormone replacements to level out my hormones, prenatal vitamins and anti depressant. I have also surrounded myself with supportive family and friends and never shy away from asking for help when I'm overwhelmed. If you ever need to chat know that you're not the only one going through this and it's very normal - message me if you need to chat!! You can do this

saric83 · June 2015

I kind of feel like this too, but I didn't have a specific birth plan in mind. Yet I never expected it to be how it turned out since it was pretty traumatic. I just remind myself that we did everything in our power to make sure he arrived safe and sound, and that's really all I care about.

I'm exclusively pumping, which I hate, but I'm still happy to be able to provide him with breast milk. Again - just doing the best within my control.

It's hard, and I wish it was different. But there's no going back now, and I'll just use that info to make informed decisions for future c-section.

Kye042 · June 2015

You have the right mindset! I was so traumatized as I was rushed into the OR and the baby was born 15 min later - I really felt like I was going to lose my baby or die myself (we're both done) Take everything day by day and it'll get better.

SUNshin322 · June 2015

Thank you for the kind words, good to know I'm not alone in my feelings!

Kye042 · June 2015

Definitely not alone. I'm 4 weeks PP and still dealing with anxiety but everyday where there are no tears or I'm able to do things independent are small wins that I'm proud of

smwahowski@hotmail.com · June 2015

I also had an unexpected c section. Since I spiked a fever in the OR my LO ended up in the nicu until I was cleared of fever for 12 hours...at first breast feeding was hard and stressful. The first two weeks of pp were rough but taking walks every day with the LO helps clear mindset and grateful that my body was able to produce such a sweet being....thankful to say that everything is getting better with each day

jc0n15 · June 2015

This was me with my first. I wasn't better until about a month and a half later. My daughter and I never really bonded until it was time for me to go back to work.....so depressing. In fact it took me 2 years to even consider another baby. But the second one is so much easier. You will get through it, just take it one day at a time

BrooksManor · June 2015

I cry alot about my birth cause of comments from my husband and I felt like I copped out. I had severe nerve pain a month before due date and went 13 days over and had to be induced. After 3 hours of pushing with no movement and no way for assistance. I was so worn out, shaking violently from non working epidural. I was worried about the traces of merconium from when they broke my water 14 hours before. His head just seemed stuck at my pelvic bone. Than the contractions after I was told to stop pushing were god awful. I was worried when they started yelling merconium during my csection. He had to go to the nicu over night for a fever and tests but he was okay. Bruise on his head for a week. Just a long day that didn't go as planned. I feel I guess disappointed.

lully25 · June 2015

I am an ftm and i planned to go natural but my lo moved alot he kept filpping upside down and at week 39he turned breach again,he flipped 4 times from week 28 so the dr said i will need a c section as he might choke from the cord being around his head,i went to the c section very happy and trusting first thing i wanted a spinal so that i can be the first one to meet my baby but i got general ansthesia ,then i woke up quickly after the surgery and i felt all the pain as the pain relief(tramadol)didnt work on me, i heard the baby crying and everyone around him and i was unable to see him from the ointment in my eyes then i was unable to breastfeed until the night i woke up to soo much pain and i was crying ,they gave me pethidine and i felt a little bit better i felt awful up to 3 days after surgery and i cried a lot as i was unable to even hold my baby or respond to his cries i felt helpless,and i was unable to bond with him it has been a month and am starting to fall in love gradually ,so keep going you are not alone time heals everything and the baby will make u love him through the time

lully25 · June 2015

Oh and am still struggling with low supply and sore nipples and am trying to pump every 3 hours and all i get is 1 .5 oz from both sides for 15 min each and am supplementing with 3 oz of formula

bethanylga · June 2015

BrooksManor said:
I cry alot about my birth cause of comments from my husband and I felt like I copped out. I had severe nerve pain a month before due date and went 13 days over and had to be induced. After 3 hours of pushing with no movement and no way for assistance. I was so worn out, shaking violently from non working epidural. I was worried about the traces of merconium from when they broke my water 14 hours before. His head just seemed stuck at my pelvic bone. Than the contractions after I was told to stop pushing were god awful. I was worried when they started yelling merconium during my csection. He had to go to the nicu over night for a fever and tests but he was okay. Bruise on his head for a week. Just a long day that didn't go as planned. I feel I guess disappointed.

I had a very similar experience (meconium in waters, drip to induce but no progression, c-section that turned into an emergency c-section) and am feeling similar to you - disappointed, like I copped out...not helped that my partner seemed to think that a c-section is the "easy option" and couldn't understand why I was in so much pain after. I've had a few big talks to him to try and explain how I feel and I think he's starting to get it....but there are days when I get pretty down about it. I just try to remind myself that DD came out safely and that's all that really matters!

ellekru · June 2015

Gosh. This is so similar to my experience. I really wanted a natural childbirth. I pushed for 3 hours after a completely uneventful, safe, healthy pregnancy and for some random reason my baby got stuck in my pelvis and couldn't be delivered so I had an emergency c-section. I remember crying the whole time and shaking uncontrollably worried that I wouldn't be able to BF and that I wouldn't be the first one to hold my baby. I actually said in between tears right before the surgery. "I skipped all the f*cking chapters on c-sections in my pregnancy books!"

I was so heartbroken and the surgery was such an out of body experience. I remember my husband trying to talk to me during and I just couldn't speak I was focused on the stupid doctor cutting me open and all of the people walking around the giant surgery room. When the baby came out I was so drugged up. I only had to wait about 45 minutes after she was delivered to hold her but that was still way longer than I ever pictures and then we had to sit in a room for 2 hours before letting any family see her. I will say that I was able to breastfeed right away, thank God. But it gets worse... Two days after while we are in the hospital I notice my baby is twitching almost rhythmically like every hour... I call a nurse in and they tell me it's the Marrow reflex. That's BS. Later that night I call in a different nurse and demand the my baby be examined by a doctor. Two hours later my baby is in the NICU and then being transferred to another hospitals NICU for tests... She had a neonatal stroke you guys. A stroke. My infant. When they told me this I just sobbed and sobbed and couldn't keep it together. I thought she was going to die. They didn't even explain that the twitching were seizures caused by the stroke and that it shouldn't be life threatening. They let me completely break down before explaining that she will probably be okay. Anyway, I spent my recovery from my c-section in the NICU because the hospital I delivered at was different and they discharged me two days after my surgery so I could be with my baby. A week later we took her home and she is healthy, and 11.5 pounds at 6 weeks, and perfect in every way. I thought the csection was the worst thing but the experience with the stroke and my baby having all of these tests and exams while having to stay in the hospital for another week was the worst. We are all very lucky to have our (healthy) babes regardless of how they came into the world, right?

bethanylga · June 2015

@ellekru wow, glad that you and your baby are well, I'm sure it must have been terrifying! Again, I had a similar experience - I could feel the Dr cutting into me during the c-section so they had to give me a general anaesthetic to knock me out, my OH was told to leave the room and when DD came out she had to go to NICU for a few hours, so I couldn't hold her for a long time, I was gutted.

Then when she was a week old she started having problems breathing and we ended up being transferred via ambulance (flashing lights and sirens) to a paediatric specialist hospital in central London. Even now she's not 100% and has to go in for surgery on 3rd July. Hopefully there will be no more drama once we get the surgery out of the way!

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