intro-worst week of my life

queenklau · June 2015

Hi all, have been lurking for a few days now. I was part of the December 2015 moms as of Monday...I had my almost 11-12W appt. and they found no heartbeat or movement and the baby was measuring 1 week behind. I was diagnosed with a MMC at 10W5D...I was devastated, and to make matters worse my husband got stuck at work and couldn't be there with me when I found out the news. I didn't know what to say/do/think/feel, I was in shock. This is my first pregnancy. I had my d&c yesterday, thankfully I am ok physically. I have not had cramping or too much bleeding (although not sure if that's ok). I took most of this week off for personal time and to grieve, but it feels like a roller coaster of emotions. We live 1000s of miles away from most of our family and close friends, and I don't like talking about this over the phone. I feel like I disappointed my DH, my family and those few that knew. I feel like I let my baby down, that I didn't do something right....I

MayBeSomeDay16 · June 2015

So sorry for your loss. I had a MC in April and it was a huge shock. It was awful telling even the few ppl who knew of the pregnancy about the MC. You did nothing wrong, MC are sadly very very common and i bet many of your friends and family members have suffered a MC as well. Take it day by day and then get back on the horse and try again!

whit3183 · June 2015

I am so, so sorry for your loss. That is just terrible. I had a MMC at 9.5 weeks and it was also the worst week of my life. The coming weeks and months will probably be pretty rough for you, but that is normal and it will get better. The one thing that is important to know is that you did NOT let anyone down, and this isn't your fault!!! I found after talking to people over the course of my two miscarriages that nearly everyone with multiple children has had a miscarriage at some point. It's unfortunately just a fact of life and not a reflection on you as a person. Sending you lots of love!!

lilyandtheoandlulu · June 2015

I am so sorry you are having to go through this. I miscarried naturally last week. I was very early on...had not even had the dating u/s yet. I understand what you mean about feeling like you have let people down. I hated seeing DH upset and having to tell my mom I was pretty sure I was losing the baby right after telling her I was pregnant. My OB was quick to point out that nothing I did or did not do caused this happen, and I hope you know that too. Praying for you!

Knottie77461390 · June 2015

I also had an ultrasound a week ago yesterday that showed no heartbeat. They started testing on Friday, Monday and on Tuesday 6/16 at 9 weeks 1 day I was told that it was no longer a healthy pregnancy. I chose to do the pills at home and miscarry at home. I may still have to have the D&E next week if I haven't "passed the pregnancy" (as they keep calling it). So I'm past the physical pain of yesterday and today I'm just supposed to get on with my life? I'm not sure how. Back to business as usual? My brain knows that if it wasn't healthy, this is best but my heart just isn't on board. This was my first pregnancy and I just don't know how to just jump back into the real world. Sorry, I know this wasn't a helpful response...just wanted you to know that you aren't alone.

queenklau · June 2015

Thank you all for the kind words. @Knottie77461390 your response was extremely helpful. We will get through this together. I'd much rather discuss this with you ladies, because nobody around me understands what we are going through (or have gone through). I get the same cliche responses or "I don't know what to say". I know they are sad and worried about me, but I don't want to talk about it anymore with them, it's not productive.

rachrobertson · June 2015

The first weeks are the most difficult. I found it easier to vent to people that had been through the same thing instead of my mom who has never experienced it. She meant well, but also kind of said 'move on, don't dwell on it'. Not that simple. We are now expecting again and we aren't telling anyone until I start showing and they ask. I unintentionally distanced myself from a lot of people because of insensitivity and not not understanding what I was dealing with.

kcmichel · June 2015

I was a December 2015 mom too. Had a MMC as well. Im so sorry for your loss! I understand your feelings. This is now my 2nd loss in a row. We've always wanted a big family and have 3 kids so I am too wondering whats wrong with me that suddenly I can't hang on to babies.
It's good you took some time off to grieve, I was so much more grief stricken this time than I was with my very early MC.
As hard as it is we need to realize how common these issues are. And if we don't know what caused it then there is no real reason to beat ourselves up or blame ourselves. Its normal to want to be angry at and when we don't know where to point our anger we become the easy targets. As for your family, what I did was sent out a group text message to my Aunts/Uncles and close friends who knew so I only had to say it once and they understood why I did it that way. If you have parents that may be the best case to make a phone call and let them pass it on to siblings etc if it's easier.
Again I am so sorry for your loss! Please don't beat yourself up, maybe getting some grief counseling could help you too. Thoughts and prayers are with you!

Serpica · June 2015

Thank you for these posts. I don't have a lot to add but went through the same thing this week, and the emotional/physical pain is just too hard to bear alone. It really doesn't help to hear that "it's very common." It rationally should help, but it just does not. We did nothing wrong, there's nothing more we could have done. I just hope the waves of grief start easing up for us in the next few weeks. For now if I can be there for any of you, that's the only thing I'd want to do. Thinking of you all.

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