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Bridesmaid dress - advice

Krysta6Krysta6 member
in October 2015 Moms
I'm supposed to be in a wedding 4 weeks after my due date (so if I go over it will be two weeks). I just got a text from a bride with the dress she wants, it's one of those convertible top styles. So the original one she sent won't currently fit me (it's only small, medium, large). So she sent me a plus size option that is 3x the cost of the original. But I'm annoyed because it's one size fits all up to size 24. I was a size 6-8 dress prepregnancy but now I'm probably a 14 because upper stomach is huge (well everything is larger!) So now I have to spend more than everyone else, spend a lot on alterations and it doesn't look like it's going to be easy considering my boobs may be huge (would my already DDs even fit in a backless strapless bra?!?)

I'm wondering if it's terrible to drop out, in the sense I don't want to deal with this dress crap. I would still be apart of everything else just not stand up there with her. She isn't ordering dresses from a store it's just an online place.
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Re: Bridesmaid dress - advice

  • morganabyrdmorganabyrd member
    Can you order a large and a plus size one, and return one of them later once you know what you need?

    Would she be ok with you dropping out but still including you in everything else? Is the dress the only problem? Sound like there might be other things about the wedding bothering you...?
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  • jkarayusufjkarayusuf member
    I am in a wedding three weeks before my due date and I got a larger size and my regular size so that I can use material from the smaller dress if I need to expand the dress
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  • Krysta6Krysta6 member
    morganabyrd said:

    Can you order a large and a plus size one, and return one of them later once you know what you need?

    Would she be ok with you dropping out but still including you in everything else? Is the dress the only problem? Sound like there might be other things about the wedding bothering you...?

    I'm just annoyed with this dress crap. Originally we were going to all be in different dresses and colors. Now everyone is in the same dress same color. That wouldn't be a problem if I wasn't due so close to the wedding. I guess I was a nice bride because my girls picked whatever they wanted I just picked the color.

    Any STMs would you order a maternity dress or just a large size for 2 weeks postpartum? Is my ribcage going to go back to normal?
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  • Krysta6Krysta6 member
    jkarayusuf said:

    I am in a wedding three weeks before my due date and I got a larger size and my regular size so that I can use material from the smaller dress if I need to expand the dress

    Before your due date and you aren't getting a maternity dress??
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  • LiveNLove44LiveNLove44 member
    I was in my sister's wedding 5 weeks after my daughter was born, and shopping for the bridesmaid dress was such a pain! I feel for you!! I ended up getting a dress that was WAY too big. I was a 4-6 pre-pregnancy, and then I had people telling me I'd be the same size I was at 5-6 months pregnant when I am 5 weeks post-partum. That was SO wrong for me. I ordered a size 14 (what the hell was I thinking?? This sounds a lot like what you're thinking, too), and they couldn't tailor it down enough to make it look right so I was stuck with a dress that was still too big but looked as much like the others as possible. I was so annoyed with my decision to order that big. 

    PP mentioned maybe ordering both and returning one, but that isn't a likely option for many bridal stores (I'm hopeful you could do it if you're going with a non-bridal store). If I were to do it again and I were faced with SML, I would get the large and not the plus size. That sounds overboard. I know they say you can tailor it down, but within reason. You can't tailor it to half the size if that's what you need while maintaining the integrity of the dress' features. 

    Are there other reasons for dropping out? If it's a really close friend, and I assume it is since you're in the wedding and not just a guest, then I'd stick it out. I can TOTALLY relate to the predicament, and I know it's super frustrating!!
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  • Krysta6Krysta6 member
    @LiveNLove44 but not a single measurement of me fits in the large and I don't even feel like my boobs or hips have grown that much! I think pre-pregnancy I would have fit in the large. My rib cage has definitely expanded and if I can breastfeed won't my boobs grow? I just don't know how this is going to work!
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  • mommy_wife_nursemommy_wife_nurse member
    Is there a dress that's similar in a maternity option? Maybe you could suggest to the bride that the dresses be the same color, but different dresses so each bridesmaid could pick the dress that works best for her body? You are in a tough position :(
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  • gogracegograce member
    I'm in a wedding four weeks after my due date. The bride let us all pick our own dresses as long as it met her criteria. I bought a dress. At the time, I fit into a size 20 comfortably, but I ordered a 24 because I have no idea what my body will look like that soon after having a baby. I'm going to try to get the bridal store to tailor it for me the week of the wedding and pay a rush fee, but if they won't, I'll find a seamstress in the area.

    I was asked to be in this November 2015 wedding last September. Had she asked me after I was pregnant, I would have declined.

    Talk to your bride! Express your concerns.
    As a recent bride, I just wanted my girls to look and feel good. While all my girls wore the same dress, I would have let them pick their own had I not found one I thought looked pretty on all of them. Bridesmaids are your friends, you don't want them to pay money to look ugly.
    Good luck.
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  • whitemn04whitemn04 member
    For my wedding one of my girls was due right around the same time. We all went together so everyone could try on. I wanted chiffon and it worked out great for my pregnant gal, she just went in right before they placed the order to get measured then got a couple sizes bigger. That material flowed nice over her belly and she was as comfortable as could be at 9 months. Maybe your friend would allow you to find something similar at a bridal shop and they could help you with sizing. Good luck.
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  • J1DJ1D member
    As soon as I heard my baby's heart beat let my friend who's wedding is in October knowid pregnant and I could not do the cake for her wedding. I didn't want to stress or the responsibility of possibly ruining an aspect of her wedding if my baby came early or if I was on bed rest of if just normal aches and pains of being 38 weeks pregnant made it hard to do good work.
    I think it's OK to discuss a change of plans if you are in a wedding too close to your due date. It's not like you all the sudden want out cause you hate the color of the dress or disagree with the frosting flavor the bride picked out. You are having a baby!!! That's kind of a big deal game changer. And now would be the time to bring it up while she still has time to change her plans.
    Talk to your friend. Who knows? Maybe she's freaking out about having you in the wedding cause she is worried about stressing you out or how you'll feel physically after baby but she doesn't want to "kick you out" of the wedding and hurt your feelings.
    Let her know you'd love to be there and support her but maybe you'd be more comfortable not being in the actual wedding party.
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  • LeabyrdLeabyrd member
    I am in my brothers wedding 6 weeks after my due date. She wanted the same dress for every one so I just bought a dress that was 1 or 2 sizes larger than my normal size. Pre pregnancy I was a size 4/6 I bought a 10. I am just keeping my fingers crossed that I loose that baby weight fast! If not I guess we will have to buy some extra fabric.
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  • christina4436christina4436 member
    Definitely not terrible to drop out just should have done it sooner. I did pretty much right away bc wedding is 4 weeks prior to my due date. My mom went 6 weeks early so didn't want to take any chances. I did offer to still be an attendant and said I still want to be included in everything though. So I get to wear my own dress but will help with things like assisting my good friend (bride) giving out the tips etc. win win for all!
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  • saintpaulJesssaintpaulJess member
    If you were a 6-8 pre-pregnancy, I really think the large will be fine.  Your body changes A LOT those first two weeks after birth.
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  • Krysta6Krysta6 member
    Thanks everyone! I think I was just frustrated with how everything keeps getting switched around and she isn't really thinking about the sizes and shapes of the girls. Now she wants to put me in a black dress while the other girls wear emerald green. I think I'm hormonal because I don't want to stand out as the girl who couldn't fit in the other dress! Plus the men are wearing navy so I think it will just look terrible. 

    On top of the dress silliness another friend of mine is concerned that if I have a two week old newborn I may not be up for all of this, so now that is making me rethink this too. I feel like a bad friend but I just don't know how to make all of this work.
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  • MamaOwl15MamaOwl15 member
    I lost 20 lbs the first two weeks after my son was born. While it took me two years to lose the next 20 (and go from a size 16/18 to a 12; I was an 8/10 pre-pregnancy), I don't think that's typical. You may find yourself a LOT smaller 2-4 weeks PP than you are at birth.

    But the boobs--that's another story if you're breastfeeding. My boobs got so big even some of my maternity tops didn't fit. You'll have to make sure your dress fits your boobs.

    As for your ribs, that's hard to say. My mom's rib cage expanded during pregnancy and never went back. Mine, on the other hand, seems to be going back to normal with my weight.

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  • LiveNLove44LiveNLove44 member
    Krysta6 said:
    Thanks everyone! I think I was just frustrated with how everything keeps getting switched around and she isn't really thinking about the sizes and shapes of the girls. Now she wants to put me in a black dress while the other girls wear emerald green. I think I'm hormonal because I don't want to stand out as the girl who couldn't fit in the other dress! Plus the men are wearing navy so I think it will just look terrible. 

    On top of the dress silliness another friend of mine is concerned that if I have a two week old newborn I may not be up for all of this, so now that is making me rethink this too. I feel like a bad friend but I just don't know how to make all of this work.
    @Krysta6, you'll make it work if you want to make it work. I think your friends' comments about you "not being up to it" are totally out of line. I realize people are trying to be supportive in acknowledging that you'll be going through a lot, but that's hardly helping the situation to say that you won't be able to do it. They don't know you PP and you don't know you PP. My friend was just in her brother's wedding a week and a half after a CS (just this spring). It was her second, so she knew what to expect, and she did what she could. I think the anticipation is harder to deal with than the actual event. It's only one day and you will love your friend all the same, regardless of how close you are to your LO's birth date. I hope the process goes more smoothly for you soon!!
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