Husband says "just stay positive"

Re: Husband says "just stay positive"

• Goldsgirl9 member

  June 2015

  I am very sorry for your loss. It's definitely not easy. I've had two losses, the first being very early at 5-6 weeks. I didn't want to be around anyone and I felt completely isolated like no one understood or could help me. My husband was afraid to touch me or even bring it up. He mentioned a few days later that he knew that every time he hugged me I would breakdown crying and he didn't want me to cry. He thought he was helping me.
  
  Perhaps your husband is feeling the same way?!? I don't think anyone (man or woman) can comprehend what you are going through because they themselves are not going through it. Thankfully your husband is being positive and trying keep you feeling positive as well even though it may not feel like it at the moment.
  
  I'm sorry you're feeling this way and you are more than welcome to pm me. I've suffered two losses this year and it's been quite the roller coaster. All I can say is it will get better!

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• jacobsone2 member

  June 2015

  I was going to post something similar today. I think they just do not know what to say. They do the best they can to comfort us, but I just don't think they feel the loss the way we do. Yeah I'm sure they are sad about it too, but it's not the same. I blew up at my husband because I had been crying(like I have been everyday) and he came up to me and asked me what was wrong. It wasn't very nice, but I said "wtf do you think is wrong?" And the day before he asked me how my day went. And I said, "It fucking sucked. How do you think it went." I know that it sounds so mean, but some of the things he says to make me feel better just infuriate me. How do you think I feel? Why do you think I'm crying? The same reason I have been crying all week. When we talked after the fight I told him not to ask those questions and instead ask how are you feeling today. And that if he sees me upset and crying over the next few months or however long it takes me to feel better, that's what's wrong. He said it kills him to see me so sad. So maybe your husband just doesn't want to bring it up and see you sad. Maybe sit down with him and ask how he feels about it and tell him how you feel. Tell him that you need him there to listen.
  
  

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• ecarlson87 member

  June 2015

  That's what my SO keeps saying, it's making me crazy. Sometimes it makes me want to punch him in his adorable face for a second. There is no way I can explain the emotions to him. Gotta give him credit though, he knows I'm hurting.

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• CaissieBaby member

  June 2015

  My husband definitely feels the same emotional pain I am, we both had dreams that shattered with one trip to the bathroom and a yell that we needed to go to the ER. As for physical pain he doesn't know what to do, he hugs me a lot and won't let me clean or cook or anything. It was very frustrating because I'm an active person and being cleaned up after is infuriating. He took my dishes upstairs and I said no I can do it, he goes nope, just lay there. And I cried. He finally explained that where there was nothing else he could do to help my physical pain, he needed to do these things for me as they also helped him.
  Your husband could also be experiencing similar emotional pain and is unsure how to express this. Short of trying to keep you happy and in good spirits, he's at a loss of what to do. His asking what's wrong might be his way of asking if there is anything he can do. If that makes sense.

  
  

  
  

                                                       23 DH is 25

                                           Married August 9th, 2014

                                                      First Baby!

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• stephhilde1000 member

  June 2015

  My DH says the same thing.  He just says "we will have kids or WHEN we have kids" anytime that I mention how scary it is that this can happen again.  It is frustrating because I feel like he is moved on and I still have the constant reminder with the bleeding on and off every day.  It has been 2 and a half weeks since my d&c. 

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• SmilesMcGee member

  June 2015

  I'm glad someone posted this. It seems it's more difficult at times to deal with the nonchalance of my DH than the loss of my baby 5 days ago. We have 3 kids already, but all from previous marriages (none of them planned). We'd been trying for 5 months and I was starting to worry something may be wrong. Finally, we tried FertileCM and conceived my first cycle on it. It seemed too good to be true. I guess it was.

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