Grandma as daycare

ChanelLovesB · June 2015

anyone have a parent or grandparent watching their kid when you went back to work? Or even an aunt/ uncle/ cousin? Whomever it may be. Not a professional nanny but a family member. How did you discuss pay rate ? Or did you just give them something monthly/ weekly? How much did you give ? My mom is willing to watch the kid just haven't discussed this part yet.

babyyyy3 · June 2015

His grandmother will watch our son Monday tuesday and wednesday. He told her the amount he would give her (pretty fair amount!) She wants to just because it's her great grandson and it makes her happy! But we know she has to be paid.

mamaloaf · June 2015

My parents watch our baby one day each week. We don't pay them. They take care of food, diapers, wipes, etc. If it were more than once a week, then I'm sure we'd have different arrangements, but clearly they aren't doing it to make money.

I know everyone's circumstances are different, but I personally wouldn't want my parents to take on the responsibility of watching my kids 5 days a week. Number one, they'll always feel like their rules apply vs if I had different wishes. With me paying an independent party, I don't have this problem. Number two, my parents are retired and worked hard to deserve that free time. I wouldn't want to take 50+ hours of their week to watch my kid. That's just too much.

mommyofX · June 2015

This topic I know too well. My sister drops off my nephew(3.5yrs old) to my mother M-F 8-6. Since he was 10weeks old. She pays my mom waaayyy less then deserved! And she knows the financial struggle my mom is in. My mom could of/SHOULD OF stayed working and NOT retired(with no pension(sp)) instead of making less then a teenager for watching her grandson. My sister can def afford to give her more, and it's not even ever week. It's "when she can". I feel like my sister is taking advantage of our mom. And she deserves to get payed more. Especially since she was a kindergarten teacher for years and years. So he's developing so quickly because of my mom and what she does with him. Now I understand it's family n u do things out of love. BUT she shouldn't be ok with watching my mom struggle. My mom is a kind hearted women and doesn't like confrontation, and never says anything. My sister would be paying a ton more if she enrolled her son into a place. She should at lest pay her weekly and up her pay.
Sorry for my rant.

Anyway idk how much u should pay ur mom.. It should just be enough where she isn't freaking out every month just to get by. Make sure u talk to her and find something u both r comfortable with. I'm not sure ur moms financial situation, maybe she doesn't need the money at all. But definitely talk to her.

TulsaLeka · June 2015

My mother has fully expected to be my childcare even before I was pregnant. She volunteered and started planning on being my son's day care provider since she found out I was pregnant. She knows my husband and I can't afford it and this is her first blood grandbaby AND the first grandbaby that's going to be in the same state, and town for that matter, as her. So she's stoked to be able to have that relationship. She hasn't brought up the money part, and I think she expects to do it solely for the joy of having her grandson with her.

However, I've already decided to give her a check twice a month for taking care of him. She's already been so much help, emotionally and financially, and has refused when I try to give her something. This is why I'm NOT telling her that I'm going to pay her, I'm just going to do it.

My husband works Monday thru Thurs, ten hour shifts. So he'll have the baby on Fridays

But I'm not gonna pay him LOL

ChanelLovesB · June 2015

@mamaloaf very good points. As a little background. My mom is single and also is/was a stay at home mom and is uber excited about her first grandson as there are a million women in our family. So it was her idea. I'm considering more of a Part time situation just bc I'm not so comfortable sending a newborn to infant care although I'm sure there are some great ones. We'll see how it plays out as far as how long this goes on. But it's a lot to think about

@mommyofX I'm going to have to sit down and ask her what her expectations are. It was her idea and she's just excited for him and she has always been a SAHM. So she didn't quit any job to do this. You're right I really need to
Just ask her. I'm going back to work at 8 weeks, I think and I think at least until he is six to eight months I'd be more comfortable.

kelseyrayay · June 2015

My mom is watching him as well when I go back to work. She doesn't have a job so she really wants to. She doesn't want us to pay her. She said grandchild lovins is good enough for her.

jesselayne8 · June 2015

My mom watched my nephew 4 days a week for the first year of his life and it put a HUGE Strain on my mom and sister's relationship and a strain on my sister's marriage. My father was also pretty unhappy with the situation and he was ultimately the one to end it. Nephew now goes to daycare 3 days a week and grandma gets her time with him one day week. I think part time is great but I would never want my
Mom to watch my kids full time.

meli1112 · June 2015

My mom is retired and my dad works weekends. They watched another couples' two kids once a week for a few years, and they wouldn't take money from them, so I know they won't take money from me! I will probably do what the other mom did...randomly give them gift cards to places for dinner, the movies, etc.

jilladelario · June 2015

After I went back to work my brother watched my daughter for three months while he was waiting for bootcamp to start (he was 21) he lived with us during the week and since he didn't have a car I was the one taking him home to my parents on the weekends and any doctors appointments. We paid for his food as well obviously. We paid him $800 a month.

Once he left us my sister quit her job at petco and we have the same arrangement with her. $800 a month, room, food. I pay her once a month. Once this next one is born we will be going up to $1200 possibly up to $1400 depending on where we are financially. She's a student and does her school online. If she wants something in particular at the grocery store I almost always pay for it.

I never even looked at childcare in our area but one of the ladies I work with has her son in full time daycare near my parents. She pays over $1200 a month for just him.

For me, the fact that I don't have to get her up at 3am (I start work at 5 and hour away) and pack a bunch of stuff is the biggest thing. I have someone I trust with my daughter in my home and we get along really well. I do try and stay away from my parents house on saturdays because that is the only full day she gets away from my daughter so unless we're going to garage sales I do my visiting on sundays. We joke that her work likes to follow her home!

puccagirl77 · June 2015

LOL- I think my parents would pay me to be allowed to watch my kids every day. (We don't because my Dad does what he wants to do regardless of what we tell him and so it is worth it to pay someone rather than to constantly argue with him). I think it really depends on the relative's financial situation and your relationship with them. If they are solvent, then I might offer to give them like $50 a week for gas/expenses. If they are struggling, then I would offer to pay them the same as a Nanny.

ElleMF728 · June 2015

puccagirl77 said: LOL- I think my parents would pay me to be allowed to watch my kids every day. (We don't because my Dad does what he wants to do regardless of what we tell him and so it is worth it to pay someone rather than to constantly argue with him). I think it really depends on the relative's financial situation and your relationship with them. If they are solvent, then I might offer to give them like $50 a week for gas/expenses. If they are struggling, then I would offer to pay them the same as a Nanny.
This seems so small even for someone who loves and wants to watch your children. When I was a nanny I made at least $400.00 per week. I'm a SAHM and if DH only set aside $50.00 for me per week for gas and expenses, well, I might not even agree to watch my own kids for that.

babywhaley17 · June 2015

We have found a neighbor who is a SAHM and has baby fever, but doesn't want anymore of her own. I offered $150 a week and everyone is really happy with the situation. We will continue to pay her full weeks even with holidays and DH works 1-2 weekends a month, so he had occasional weekdays off where he will stay home with the LO. Average daycares run about 250-300 a week around here, so we feel lucky to have found this situation

Katelovely · June 2015

I'm going to be able to take my daughter with me to work, but my mom has offered to watch her on the days that she is off since she has such a flexible schedule. My sister and my almost 7 month old nephew live with my mom, and my mom is always begging to watch my nephew, so I know that a couple of times a week, or here and there my mom will be ecstatic to watch her granddaughter. My mom would never accept money from me, so I'll just take her to lunch, get her gift cards, spa days, etc. We live less than 10 minutes apart, and my husbands family is about 15 minutes away, so we should always have someone close by in case one of us has to work extra and cant bring the baby.

j&gmiller2015 · June 2015

My SIL will be watching the baby for the first 6 months M-F 5-6 hours a day. I felt the most justified way to pay her was to call a few daycares in my area and average their weekly costs and pay her that. For instance...the 3 daycares were $155, $145, & $148 per week. Which averages about $150 week. Since she is driving 1+ hours a day and for the convenience of her coming to my house everyday I feel like I should pay her the same amount as daycare. I'm not looking for a 'deal' in child care, I just don't think I can take my newborn to daycare. That's just me. I would call around and see what the going rate is in your area and start there.

nataha2 · June 2015

My mom also volunteered to watch my daughter 2 or 3 days a week when she is born. However, I feel like paying her for taking care of her grandaughter hourly or weekly would be wrong (she is a grandmother, not a nanny) and she thinks so too. Of course it's not fair not to give her anything at all since she will be working less, so we decided that we will just pay some bills for her, buy groceries when we come, give her money when she needs it (not like a paycheck), and just get her things she needs for the house. I feel like it's a lot better this way for both of us since she will know that if she ever needs something she can just let us know.

castlec3 · June 2015

My MIL will be watching our little one 5 days a week. We have brought up pay on several ocassionally but she insists that we just keep the fridge stocked and always have her favorite pop in the house. With that being said, we are aware things may change once she actually starts this task. And if she will not accept pay, we plan to send her on a nice vacation each year in lieu.

dkizz82 · June 2015

My mom could potentially get laid off. If so, she will move here and live with us through the week and keep baby girl. We have her signed up for daycare and its $175 per week. That is what we would pay her plus her food. It would be so worth it to have a live in babysitter I trust!

kedbach · June 2015

I watched my niece after I finished my masters, waiting to get a teaching job and I didn't ask for money but that's only because it was temporary! My mom is a nurse and is tempted to quit and all she was going to ask them for was a little less than what daycare per week was/ if they wanted my niece to have anything in particular to eat, to send it. It's tough with family because you don't want to seem like you're taking advantage of them, but you also don't want to pay more out of pocket than what daycare would be. The only advice I can give is, obviously discuss it in advance and come to an agreement, and take the quality of care/ convenience into account!

ann_jeremiah · June 2015

My MIL does our daycare..

Positives... Kids are in a place where they are loved, truly cared for and have 1:1 attention..

Negatives: if something isn't going the way you think it should... Telling your MIL is a way different story than telling a licensed provider or center. I feel that our differences in parenting style and how I think my children should be raised has ruined our relationship. She feels she has too much of a say in how or when things happen.. For example, potty training or amounts to put in bottles, coddling, etc.

Just think about how you will communicate with this person when/if they don't follow your wishes and what will/won't be a big deal.

puccagirl77 · June 2015

ElleMF728 said:

puccagirl77 said:

LOL- I think my parents would pay me to be allowed to watch my kids every day. (We don't because my Dad does what he wants to do regardless of what we tell him and so it is worth it to pay someone rather than to constantly argue with him). I think it really depends on the relative's financial situation and your relationship with them. If they are solvent, then I might offer to give them like $50 a week for gas/expenses. If they are struggling, then I would offer to pay them the same as a Nanny.

This seems so small even for someone who loves and wants to watch your children. When I was a nanny I made at least $400.00 per week. I'm a SAHM and if DH only set aside $50.00 for me per week for gas and expenses, well, I might not even agree to watch my own kids for that.

Honestly, I don't think my parents would even accept $50, so it really depends on the situation. They are totally fine financially. I'm not suggesting that it would be enough to live on- just an honorarium to offset the expenses they would incur.

deviduke412 · June 2015

I nannied my niece after my SIL went back to work. She did research into what daycare/nannies cost in our area. This can be a drastic difference depending where you live. She paid me $30 a day and I went to her house. I was there about 9 hours a day.

cosplaymom · June 2015

My mom and MIL watched my daughter 1-2 days per week each and we didn't pay either of them. I can understand negotiating payment if it is full-time with one grandma, to cover gas, food, toys/stuff needed, outings, anything else that they would be paying for while you're working. I think it would be silly to pay a daycare rate though. Unless your mom/mil is seriously needing extra income and you make a lot of money at your job. Honestly, everyone's situation is going to be different.

alyciamrs · June 2015

My mom's fiance, will be considered grandpa to my child, will be watching the baby after I return to work from maternity leave. He's been excited and wanting to do it since I found out I was pregnant. He said he would take $25 a week just to help him and my mom out a little bit. However, I told him DH and I would give him $50 a week so $200 a month. Plus we plan to get him a smart phone on our plan that DH and I will solely pay for. I realize I'm getting off cheap but he really wouldn't accept anymore than that. He just wants to have his first grandchild around.

kettlekitten · June 2015

Wow, daycare is cheap in America. It costs up to $100/day where I live... You can get half the cost rebated if you earn less than a certain amount, but that's still more expensive than USA based on what PPs have said!

My DD goes to my parents place two days a week while I work. They also do incidental sleepovers and extra bits and pieces when I have appointments or engagements to attend. They love looking after her. I don't compensate them in any way because there is nothing they want and they are financially stable (which is kind of annoying - can't even get them restaurant vouchers or anything as they don't really like to go out!!). I feel terribly guilty of course but they seem happy with the arrangement. I would never increase regular babysitting for them though. I feel they are already at their comfortable limit (they also look after two other granddaughters on occasion), and with only two days a week they still have the energy for incidental babysitting. If I were to work any more hours I would put DD in day care at least part of the time.

As one of the PPs said, you have less control with a relative doing the child minding. E.g. Grandma and granddad introduced DD to chocolate and television before I would have liked, and give her the 'sugary' yoghurts (instead of the plain healthy stuff like I do!) but I don't complain about anything as, on the flip side, they have done so so much for her and just love her to bits (as she does them). It's worth the little frustrations as long as you're more or less on the same page!

Gasbarro2011 · June 2015

My mom is actually retiring in October so that she can watch my DD after my maternity leave ends. She will only be watching her until my office finds a suitable replacement for me, so that I can become a SAHM. It is looking like that will be in Feb. 2016. She will be driving 20 miles to and from my house 5 days a week, but she is so excited that I don't think she would take money if I tried to give it to her. I plan to take her out to eat and to do pedicures with her, as well as get my parents some restaurant and movie vouchers here and there as a nice thank you. I know she wouldn't accept any real money, but I want to show our appreciation in some way.

Kath1083 · June 2015

We are going to have my father babysit 1-2 days per week. He has been retired for 2 years and tbh was too young (he was in the trades) so I honestly think it'll be good for both of them. My mom is retiring after next school year and has already said they will do more when she retires. DH and I are both teachers on different schedules. The other days a dear friend will watch the baby. She stays at home and has agreed to watch the baby 3 days a week. I trust these people so much, that I am willing to pay her whatever she wants. I would be honest and direct and see what your mom thinks is fair.

SassetteSmurfling · June 2015

My mom has always watched my kids. It's only part time because of the way me and DH's schedules work out. We honestly never really talked about it, it was just kind of assumed by everyone from the beginning.

My parents are pretty well off and never accept money from us. I think they let us buy them dinner once on the last day of a vacation that they fully paid for. Anytime I try to give them money they find a way to give us back even more. One time my dad paid the contractor who replaced my roof without telling me. When the job was over and I asked about the bill I was just told it was already taken care of. It's just the way they are.

All that to say, I think it's a very individualized situation. And what's right for one family is going to be different than what's right for another family.

sarahmu7 · June 2015

My MIL watches 4 of her friends grand
children (twin girls 10 and twin boys 5) twice a week while their mother works until at least 2am. She takes them out to dinner most nights since she doesn't cook and I'm sure their mother doesn't leave any money. I'm not sure what's going to happen when she has her own grandchild , I'm sure they're going to be crushed when she's not around as much. I work from home and my schedule is 8a-5p and DH will be working 10a-10p a few days a week. We wouldn't need that much help, but I'm sure she wouldn't take any money we offered. And my mom is retiring in January so we're trying to get her something to do so she doesn't just sit there and watch TV all day. At least once a week and we'd probably pay for gas since it's about a 45 min drive each way.

cseley321 · June 2015

I would just google in home child care rates for your area and base it off of that. I know that some parents and grandparents will try and be polite and refuse, but personally I feel it's unfair to put that responsibility on them without paying a fair price.
My mother watched both of my cousins when they were babies all the way until highschool and was not paid well for it. She never once complained to their mother, but I saw the hardship it put on her firsthand. Little boys eat a LOT as they grow up, diapers are expensive when they are babies, all of this adds up fast.

mjones0721 · June 2015

My mom watched my son for a little while before I became a SAHM and she only wanted $50 a week. Granted she watched him at our house so we supplied everything he needed and she also lived next door so she didn't even have to use gas to come watch him. Also it was usually only for about 1 1/2-2 hours at a time because DH and my shifts only overlapped a little most day.

gulimz · June 2015

If I decide to go back to work, my MIL lives next door and my mom 2 blocks away. I'm not paying them anything because they're grandparents and in both mine and my husbands culture, it's their duty.

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