Anyone have a toddler who won't sleep? Rant!

kettlekitten · June 2015

does anyone have a kid who still doesn't sleep and is feeling nervous about bringing a new baby into the mix?

I am just about at the end of my tether with DD (2 years 4 months) who has never settled easily (from screaming for seven hours at night as a newborn to just faffing around shouting and crying for up to two hours before she falls asleep as a toddler - and then more of the same throughout the night), and who still wakes almost every night requiring resettling. Last night we were up for two hours with her, and that was after no day nap yesterday. I foolishly thought that would make her tired enough to nap today but it's 1.30pm and she's still standing in her cot shouting for me. She'll try anything to delay going back to sleep when she wakes at night - she will literally be lying down with her eyes closed and breathing deeply then sit up and go 'I'm hungry!' Or 'I need the toilet' but then she's so tired she will dissolve into screaming hysterics. We only acquiesce to requests for the toilet or for a drink of water. Last night was awful, normally DH and I are a good team but this pushed us into shouting and arguing territory (which obviously doesn't help the situation).

We have tried dropping her naps but it's apparent she stil needs one intermittently - we just don't know when. When she does nap, she will be awake til at least 9pm that night. Controlled crying works to some degree (it seems to help her sleep better) but we get so tired of the shit fight every fucking night so eventually, over time, we help her more and more to get to sleep, which makes it worse because she can't resettle herself when she wakes in the night. It's truly exhausting and being 7 months pregnant has made me really emotional and even more tired.

I don't think I'm really looking for help as we have tried everything (except co-sleeping which is not for us) - maybe just some solidarity that others are going through something similar?? I don't know. All I know is I AM OVER ITTTTTTTTTttttttt and terrified baby #2 will be the same :-S

Miz_Liz · June 2015

It is 2:38 am and I am up with my toddler too! :-S

cosplaymom · June 2015

My toddler was up for 14 hours straight today, no nap! She went to sleep without much fuss though.

But she sometimes wakes in the middle of the night crying "I want Mommy!" because of a nightmare and I have to bring her to my bed or she won't sleep. Not sure how we will handle this when we have a baby too.

CaliforniaDream87 · June 2015

DS has always been a horrible sleeper. He has no sense of a bed time whatsoever. I'm a working mom and I'm pretty desperate for sleep so co sleeping it's been for a while. I will say he is getting better (only waking once per night-between months 6-12 he woke every 3ish hours). I just keep saying "the universe will bring me a sleeping baby since my son was such a little "sparkler"

GL! Hang in there! This too shall pass.

kettlekitten · June 2015

Thanks ladies. Nice to know I wasn't the only one blessed with a 'sparkler' - thanks for that term @CaliforniaDream87 ! I'm also hoping the universe brings me a nice sleepy baby this time. Of course I'll take happy and healthy over everything else, but it's not too much to ask is it??

You probably all have friends with kids the same age who nap three hours in the day and then 12 hours at night too... Those people make me sick...

jesselayne8 · June 2015

DS is a Terrible sleeper. He is in a bed so there is no keeping him in there against his will. Sometimes it takes 2hrs for him to go to bed at night and some nights he gets up 4x a night. As far as putting him down at night we have found that the least frustrating method is the "super nanny" method. Do bedtime routine and put them down. First time he gets up I say "it's bedtime", kiss him and put him back in bed. Second time I say "it's bedtime" and put him back in bed. After that I put him back in bed without engaging him. Then I sit on the couch right outside his door until he falls asleep. For naps I either transfer him from the car seat asleep or rock him to sleep. He is usually so tired that it takes maybe 3 min to rock him to sleep. I figure rocking him to sleep isn't a big deal for naps because we are going to drop naps in the next 6 months. I don't rock him to sleep at night because I feel it's import for him to put himself to sleep at night. He seems to go to bed easily when his nap is short as in 45min-1.5hrs vs 2-3hrs.

Boslove · June 2015

DD woke up at 3am trying to play, she used to sleep thru the night but for the past 6 months wakes up at least once for her cup or bread. I am dreading to see how I will incorporate a newborn to that mix.

DD was a mild mannered infant so I feel like DS may be the newborn from hell. Fingers crossed we all get lucky this time around.

jlsweets · June 2015

This sounds how my son use to be- I feel what you and your husband are going through! I am a firm believer in naps and will cry the day he no longer naps ha, he is 3 and still napping.

At 2.5 I was at my wits end and felt like a zombie everyday with multiple wakeups that has been going on from Day 1 of his life. I finally listened to a friend and bought the Sleep Easy book. Within 1.5 weeks our son was successfully sleeping through the night, didn't need us, napping, etc. It was glorious! My husband and I felt like new people. We would wake up in the morning and I would look at my clock and be like OMG, we slept thru the night!! His behavior significantly changed as well and was like a new kid.

This method doesn't work for everyone and every kid but after so many failed attempts of trying a lot of different things I felt why not give it a try! It was the best book I ever read, if only I had practiced it sooner.

Good luck and hang in there!

bhargrave88 · June 2015

My daughter will be 3 in October and we just recently transferred her to a big girl bed. I am missing the crib terribly... Because for naps, it took her 1 to 1.5 hours to fall asleep.. But she couldn't get out which meant that I could do things for myself until she did, then she napped for 2 - 2.5 hours. Now that she's in a daybed, she gets up constantly.. And refuses to nap, even though she clearly needs one. Which results in a super clingy grumpy toddler come 4-5 pm.. And she refuses to sleep before 9pm!

However once I get her to bed at night she will sleep the entire night through so I can't complain.. But I do miss naps. I really need that "me" time to refresh myself during the day, and me not having that is making me more frustrated more easily. I feel horrible then because she has autism and therefore I should be this picture of endless patience and crap.. But she is constantly moving or getting into things and at 31 weeks pregnant.. I get tired easy and need a break mid day too! Definitely not alone there, OP

Perfect Sonnet · June 2015

My daughter has always gone through phases. Just when we think "hey, we've got this!" she throws a wrench in the wheel and starts some new anti-sleep regime. For us, we usually have to stop doing something we are doing to enable the issue (letting her sleep with us or on our floor, getting her the gazillion things she asks for/doesn't need, etc.) and lay down the law. We tend to enable her until our breaking point since we both work and get up early. I know it is tough though...good luck!

kettlekitten · June 2015

I'm feeling some solidarity here :x

I'm dreading that the two of them are going to tag team at night, occupy both DH and I and wake each other up as well. I struggled with post natal depression after DDs birth and the sheer, prolonged fatigue was one contributing factor.

@jlsweets I might just check out this Sleep Easy book as I haven't come across that. I don't know if I can cope with many more years of sleep deprivation!

@bhargrave88 I feel your pain about naps and late nights, though we don't get the unbroken sleep at night. It sounds like you definitely deserve a break - don't blame you for losing your patience, I certainly do, and that's without the extra challenge of autism thrown into it...

I wish all of you the best as well - there may be some tough times ahead for us but hopefully we are all blessed with healthy, sleep-loving babies this time around

cg0112358 · June 2015

DS1 still has,trouble going to sleep by himself and he'll be 5 in A

CaliforniaDream87 said:
DS has always been a horrible sleeper. He has no sense of a bed time whatsoever. I'm a working mom and I'm pretty desperate for sleep so co sleeping it's been for a while. I will say he is getting better (only waking once per night-between months 6-12 he woke every 3ish hours). I just keep saying "the universe will bring me a sleeping baby since my son was such a little "sparkler"

GL! Hang in there! This too shall pass.

DS1 didn't start STTN until he was almost 3 and still has trouble going to sleep by himself (he'll be 5 in August)! DD1, on the other hand, starting sleeping from 6 am to 6 pm around 3 months (briefly upset at the 6 month growth spurt) and now does 8-7 going to sleep on her own in her bed, she won't be 2 until August. I swear we got a sleeper the second time around because oh how rough we had it with DS. I'm not sure #3 would be on the way if she wasn't such a good sleeper (although she is a little spit fire in so many ways while DS is calm and sweet).

So, OP, yes, struggling with a toddler here, just not the one you would expect.

banfrog · June 2015

My DS1 is 4 and has issues getting to sleep and sleeping through the night too. As a baby he'd scream for hours too. He's autistic so we've found that just keeping a routine for bed wasn't enough for him. I made him a lap weight that he cuddles at bedtime which has helped a lot getting him settled. He still has issues staying asleep but I want to try a weighted blanket.
My younger sister has Asperger's and I've talked with her about her sleep issues. She still has sleep issues but she said heavy blankets have made a difference for her.

KMBC2552 · June 2015

My oldest was a terrible sleeper since birth. I don't really think he got any easier until he turned 4. Putting him down was always a HUGE project. As I am finally feeling some relief with him, my second, who despite having terrible night terrors, has always been our great sleeper has started to become very difficult. He is in the defiant toddler stage where he will test and push as far as he possibly can. That should be a blast when the baby gets here. I've already informed my husband that I will deal with the baby, but he will be on kid duty if anyone wakes during the night or gets up at the butt crack of dawn.

lilana1011 · June 2015

My son is now 2years 5months and JUST starting to sleep through the night. Regular chiro adjustments since January have helped us immensely. Even cleared up an ear infection with no antibiotics. It's been a huge change for us.

gremarie21 · June 2015

I do! He wakes up screaming "mom!" At 3 am every night, just wants me to get into his bed with him for a bit, I am exhausted and don't know what I will do when the baby comes!

kettlekitten · June 2015

Well I'm glad to hear I'm not alone! DD finally went to sleep at 9.40 pm tonight. Five minutes later she woke up crying about a sore arm. WTF?? Who can possibly hurt their arm after sleeping for five minutes? I get tired early in the evening so it's already past my bedtime (:|