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July 2015 Moms
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SO's parents throwing him a shower today RANT*

ashleyk985ashleyk985 member
in July 2015 Moms
My so mom & sisters have continued to overstep boundaries, throughout my pregnancy. And before his mom met my parents, she was already out of her lane by trying to plan a shower for me that would work around her schedule. I declined on multiple occasions & she stated that his sisters wanted to do something for him. But she's been just as involved in the planning process as his sisters. He doesn't even talk to his family on a regular basis, so I've wondered the whole time, how they'd know what I & my child will need. They've left me out of the loop the whole time, although I stated I didn't want a shower & eventually got irritated with them to the point where I said I wouldn't be in attendance. But they're upset now because his aunt took him to make a registry less than 2 weeks ago & his mom sent invitations out Mothers Day Weekend. Which during that time, I still knew nothing of the date of his shower. Anyways, I'm over his family at the moment because their theme seems to be, finding ways to make everything about them. His mom won't even give me time to call her back, before she'll text and say well I tried to call but you don't like to answer the phone....well if you'd allow me to call you back & for you to take several chill pills, then you could get your panties out of your a**! She's conveniently invited herself to the hospital, although she never asked what my plans are. I understand she's excited but they're truly close to getting the cold shoulder for their lack of tack, respect of boundaries, and the fact they can't hold water. I don't need his family announcing my child's arrival into this world & I'd rather not risk it, so 10/10 I won't have her around them until she's born. It could be worse & I do appreciate their "support" but I'm so over them.
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Re: SO's parents throwing him a shower today RANT*

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  • oneblessedmessoneblessedmess member
    I'm a little confused. What is the issue with them throwing a shower? You just don't want one?
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  • erinnlouerinnlou member
    I think your SO needs to be the one to set the boundaries with them.
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  • ashleytiffashleytiff member
    @ktabs same. This is the second grandchild for my MIL and she has barely bought anything but still wanted to come to the shower so she asked my husband to buy her a plane ticket. She cost us more than what she bought for us. Stayed at our house and sat on our couch while my mom and I were setting up for the shower.

    And then she wants to come after the baby is born and "help" me.
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  • jewels1029jewels1029 member
    My SO already has a child and his family threw him and the mother of his son a baby shower bc it was his first but her third. When it came down to our shower bc this is our first child together and my first all together they weren't involved in helping out with anything which was fine bc my mom and sisters threw my shower. My SO family doesn't believe in more than one shower so since this is his second child nobody from his family were invited bc they weren't going to come. Only people from his family that was there were his mom,sister and niece. Kinda made me feel like our baby was important bc we plan on getting married and have already discussed having another child together. Kinda hurt my feelings but I got over it. My SO mom also got my gifts that weren't really necessary. She complained that my mom bought all my big items and she wanted to buy at least one but when I told her what big expensive items that I still needed she didn't even bother buying so what was the point of complaining. Sorry for the rant it was just a lil irritating my shower was last weekend btw
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  • ashleyk985ashleyk985 member
    edited June 2015
    @vineheart137 Lol sorry! It was tad all over the place! I don't mind the shower so much, just the fact they knew he didn't know what I needed. We aren't living together or even in the same city at the moment. So everything LO will need and use, will all be used by me. And they're upset that a registry wasn't made sooner & how unorganized it's turned out to be. But that all falls on them and I don't have the patience for the multiple attitudes at this stage of game. So it's annoying hearing his sisters and mom complain about things that they never addressed.
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  • ashleyk985ashleyk985 member
    edited June 2015
    @ktabs This isn't their first grandchild & I never said I wasn't appreciative. But I'm the bad guy for not compromising how I feel to put on a show & to be fake. That's not who I've ever been & I'm not starting now. But it's more so the lack of acknowledging boundaries I've set up. And trying to take priority over my parents, who've been the most supportive in every aspect of my pregnancy. His parents want the praise without doing any real work. And I don't consider a shower support or help. Especially when no one has anything to bring, so they've shelled out money to basically have a party, that won't benefit their grandchild, and they could've used that money in a more productive manner if they wanted to help. And with the weeks seemingly rolling by so fast, they seem to acknowledge boundaries less & less.
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  • ashleyk985ashleyk985 member
    @erinnlou EXACTLY! And he hasn't, and for some reason, even after multiple different discussions, he can't. So that's extremely frustrating. Because no matter how I tell his parents, they make things out as if I won't ever have my child around them, because I want to experience my first pregnancy the way I want.
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  • ashleyk985ashleyk985 member
    @jewels1029 You're fine love! It's frustrating when you're not acknowledged in the way you should be. Whether it's boundaries, overall respect for your relationship, etc. so I understand, although I'm not in your position. We're experiencing something new & what's supposed to be exciting & it's irritating when the people close to you have no regard for your feelings. I've given my rant & said to hell with it all, if people don't want to get with the program. I won't deny my child relationships with her family, but I'm not going to stress anymore about how they act or compromise anything just to satisfy anyone who isn't making crucial decisions for my LO. Hopefully things will get better for us both.
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  • erinnlouerinnlou member
    ashleyk985 said:

    @erinnlou EXACTLY! And he hasn't, and for some reason, even after multiple different discussions, he can't. So that's extremely frustrating. Because no matter how I tell his parents, they make things out as if I won't ever have my child around them, because I want to experience my first pregnancy the way I want.

    Well I can tell you from experience, things will not change until he steps up and sets boundaries with them. They won't respect you until they see that he is behind you. I think you should really try and sit down and discuss with him how important it is to you that he talks to them. He should want you and your child to be respected.
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  • irsamirsam member
    I know it feels they are pushy and they probably are but its nice when someone truly loves your child. I have never had a baby shower or anything. My husbands family never even met our daughter and won't meet this one. But they are all over his other son by a crack head druggie whom I raise as my own and calls me mommy. It's extremely weird how they love him but not the ones I birthed but I wouldnt mind if they at least said hi or didn't ignore our kids.
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  • zmombiezmombie member
    Fully understand the annoyance.. And them throwing him a baby shower is really messed up.. I don't know they just need to back off a bit. Yes it's there grandchild/niece (you did say it's a girl right?) but it's not there place. If you say you don't want a shower, then no shower it is! If you say no visitors.. Then that's the way it is! He don't even have a say in that because it's not his body and him that's going to be pushing and in pain! (Just my opinion)

    Sorry your dealing with this.
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  • MjstineMjstine member
    I understand the coming to the hospital thing. I've made it clear to both my family and his that we will let them know when I am in labor but to please remain at home until we are ready for visitors. We do not want to be bombarded with guests seconds after the baby pops out of my vagina. This way we can regroup, clean up, and have a moment with the baby first. It would drive me nuts if someone forced themselves on me like that. I would make her stay in the waiting room until I'm good and ready.
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  • sschwegesschwege member
    Something tells me there's a whole heck of a lot more to this story! 

    So you said you wouldn't be in attendance at a shower thrown for your baby and now you are mad because you don't/didn't know the date of the shower.  You said you weren't going to go, why should you be involved?  You said no one has gifts to bring, but his parents 'shelled out' money for a shower anyway.

    So let me sum this up as best I can.  SO's parents wanted to throw a shower for your baby, you thought they were doing it for the wrong reasons and you declined their offer.  Now they are hosting a shower just for your SO and you are upset because nobody will bring gifts and THEIR money could have been spent in a 'more productive' manner? 
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  • MrsJIsbellMrsJIsbell member
    sschwege said:

    Something tells me there's a whole heck of a lot more to this story! 

    So you said you wouldn't be in attendance at a shower thrown for your baby and now you are mad because you don't/didn't know the date of the shower.  You said you weren't going to go, why should you be involved?  You said no one has gifts to bring, but his parents 'shelled out' money for a shower anyway.

    So let me sum this up as best I can.  SO's parents wanted to throw a shower for your baby, you thought they were doing it for the wrong reasons and you declined their offer.  Now they are hosting a shower just for your SO and you are upset because nobody will bring gifts and THEIR money could have been spent in a 'more productive' manner? 

    I agree. There has to be more going on here, I found this rant to be pretty confusing. It just seems like these people are excited and trying to throw a baby shower for your little one. Of course the person hosting it would work it around their schedule (maybe you're upset that it interfered with your schedule or the shower your family planned for you? IDK) I bet they think it was pretty rude of you to decline and state you would not be in attendance. So they probably decided to honor the new daddy. I also don't get why you're upset that they have no idea what you "need"....you said you didn't want a shower so you have no room to be mad (unless they're mad at you for not knowing what to get for your baby and you already have everything).

    I'm guessing the shower is over and done with by now, hope it went well. I didn't mean anything bad by what I said....I just simply didn't understand what it was that made you upset.
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