June 2015 Moms
CBHoneyB
member
Very nervous, stressed, exhausted. Previous losses mentioned. Sorry
CBHoneyB
member
Ok so this is a long story, Sorry!!but I've been holding a lot back and I really just need to let it go.
I'll start with the doctors didn't think I would hold this baby girl in until term.
My husband and I have have been together for 12 years and married almost 6. We decided not to wait to get pregnant long after we got married, to our surprise is did not take long. We were very excited but at 15 weeks we lost our baby. I stayed on birth control for 6 months after then it took us a year after coming off to get pregnant again.
When we found our we were pregnant for the second time, this time with twins, I was nervous and worried about everything. We lost one baby but at 36 weeks I gave birth to a beautiful healthy boy. Shortly after I went back on birth control.
My husband deployed around our sons first birthday and returned after his second. We started discussing right away that we did infact want to try and have another baby. We decided we were going to spend a year together just the 3 of us and then try again, we knew that it could take a while to conceive again.
This is where everything kind of goes crazy.
Shortly after my husbands return my sister announced not only did she run off and get married but she was pregnant as well. She and her husband neither had jobs or a house of their own so they moved in with my parents who supported them and still continue too.
Last June 16th my sister have birth to a baby boy and at a month old on July 16th he passed away. My sister fell into depression( which is to be expected.) She became a bitter person and stopped taking care of herself all together. She refuses to get help and everything has to be centered around her. I tried to be as supportive as I could but it was hard to be around.
My husband and I decided we could not put our lives on hold for her. We both work and wanted to continue our family so we stuck with the plan and I stopped taking my birh control at the end of August when my prescription was finished. In October we discovered we were already expecting another bundle of joy. We waited a long time before we told anyone.
My due date is the 24th, I have already been in preterm labor twice and now have been holding on strong. I now how ever am dialated and effaced. Tomorrow is the 16th my sisters baby's birthday. She has already been posting all over Facebook about how horrible this week is and wants to skip it especially tomorrow. I fear going in labor and giving birth tomorrow. That day will always be about her and her baby even if I give birth. She will make my daughters birthday miserable. To make matters worse my mother told her there is no way I would have my baby that day, I would just hold her in and refuse to give birth.
What the Hell!!!!!!!
If she decides to come tomorrow there is no stopping it, I am furious and hurt at the same time. I have tried my hardest to be gentle with my family over the whole situation but I'm at my breaking point. I'm just tired and stressed and I need their support, not this.
.
Sorry it's so long.
I'll start with the doctors didn't think I would hold this baby girl in until term.
My husband and I have have been together for 12 years and married almost 6. We decided not to wait to get pregnant long after we got married, to our surprise is did not take long. We were very excited but at 15 weeks we lost our baby. I stayed on birth control for 6 months after then it took us a year after coming off to get pregnant again.
When we found our we were pregnant for the second time, this time with twins, I was nervous and worried about everything. We lost one baby but at 36 weeks I gave birth to a beautiful healthy boy. Shortly after I went back on birth control.
My husband deployed around our sons first birthday and returned after his second. We started discussing right away that we did infact want to try and have another baby. We decided we were going to spend a year together just the 3 of us and then try again, we knew that it could take a while to conceive again.
This is where everything kind of goes crazy.
Shortly after my husbands return my sister announced not only did she run off and get married but she was pregnant as well. She and her husband neither had jobs or a house of their own so they moved in with my parents who supported them and still continue too.
Last June 16th my sister have birth to a baby boy and at a month old on July 16th he passed away. My sister fell into depression( which is to be expected.) She became a bitter person and stopped taking care of herself all together. She refuses to get help and everything has to be centered around her. I tried to be as supportive as I could but it was hard to be around.
My husband and I decided we could not put our lives on hold for her. We both work and wanted to continue our family so we stuck with the plan and I stopped taking my birh control at the end of August when my prescription was finished. In October we discovered we were already expecting another bundle of joy. We waited a long time before we told anyone.
My due date is the 24th, I have already been in preterm labor twice and now have been holding on strong. I now how ever am dialated and effaced. Tomorrow is the 16th my sisters baby's birthday. She has already been posting all over Facebook about how horrible this week is and wants to skip it especially tomorrow. I fear going in labor and giving birth tomorrow. That day will always be about her and her baby even if I give birth. She will make my daughters birthday miserable. To make matters worse my mother told her there is no way I would have my baby that day, I would just hold her in and refuse to give birth.
What the Hell!!!!!!!
If she decides to come tomorrow there is no stopping it, I am furious and hurt at the same time. I have tried my hardest to be gentle with my family over the whole situation but I'm at my breaking point. I'm just tired and stressed and I need their support, not this.
. Sorry it's so long.
Re: Very nervous, stressed, exhausted. Previous losses mentioned. Sorry
The way you are depicting your sister as a deadbeat and yourself as otherwise selfless in the planning of your pregnancies don't speak well about you or your concerns honestly. This is the 1 year birthday of your nephew who is dead...she's not over it she will never get over it. If you can't work up sympathy and find yourself obsessing over the random and low probability of giving birth and her "ruining" it by mourning her dead child's first birthday then you need to step away. Distance will be the most helpful here.
You can't help how you feel, and that is ok. But I don't think your mom meant her comment to be the way you're taking it. I'm sure she is just as conflicted as you(excitement/tragedy doesn't make the "right" way to feel very clear) and she just doesn't know how to deal with it in the most perfectly diplomatic way. There is no guide for this stuff sadly.
I'm glad you are keeping your distance, but if you are in situations where you keep "hearing" about it then you need more distance. Temporarily unfollow her on facebook(you don't have to unfriend someone to do this, it just takes them off your feed) and politely decline any social invites if you can. Stay in your hole until the day passes and then extend your sympathies if you wish.
Best of luck in this complex situation.
What a blessing to have family to support one another, particularly through this time. Your sister most certainly will need it as she's expressed it's a very painful season for her, and you'll also need support as each day you become closer to soon holding your little one.
I think as PP mentioned offering your sister, as a mourning mother, any space she's asked for this week would be respectful. She likely needs to be reassured that yourself and others in the family have nothing but love and concern for her, and hope for her future. Although I can't imagine that it's not easy to be around others who are celebrating what she so reciently lost.
& your mom is likely only saying what she believes is needed to comfort your sister, as mothers do. So let the comment roll off your back.
Putting pressure on yourself not to have a baby on a certain day is unrealistic and unhealthy anyways. Because really, whose call the shots? Not you. The little one will arrive when she chooses to do so. And yourself and your family wouldn't actually want anything different, you want a healthy and happy babe.
My thoughts would be to take the time to embrace the last few days or weeks of this pregnancy! You and the little one deserve it. Particularly after all the recent challenges! Soak up every moment!
When I was pregnant with my twins, my cousin and his wife were also pregnant. Their son died at 21 weeks. Even to this day, my cousin has a very hard time around my sons. Which I completely understand. It is a constant reminder to him that his son should also be running around with my sons.
Please be sympathetic to your sister, she is experiencing something that NO ONE should ever have to experience.
When I was pregnant with my twins, my cousin and his wife were also pregnant. Their son died at 21 weeks. Even to this day, my cousin has a very hard time around my sons. Which I completely understand. It is a constant reminder to him that his son should also be running around with my sons.
Please be sympathetic to your sister, she is experiencing something that NO ONE should ever have to experience.