BFF using my baby name

Anjibaby84 · June 2015

I don't mean to seem petty , I guess I just want to rant a bit.

So my BFF ( we're now 30 so even saying that sounds weird anymore) and I always follow suit in so much. So her finding out she was pregnant just 6 weeks behind me was bo shock.

We met in church around 2 and have been friends ever since. Went with each others family's for vacation every year. Practically lived at each others houses as teenagers and I fairly certain her dad would yell at me just as much as my own father. We both got married and her and her husband had moved away about 8 years ago for school and work. We of course kept in constant contact and when they had decided on a divorce and she came back home I was there as much as needed. She met someone new and after some time work moved them about 2 hrs away. We are still in constant contact and I've even traveled out to see them and their new home...... ( sorry I just want it understood this isn't just an acquaintance)
Well as soon as I found out I was having a girl, and I heard the name I've picked , I knew it was the perfect one. Of course my friend wanted to know the name before anyone else and her response was she loved it..... about six weeks go by and I'm so anxious for her ultrasound to find out the sex, and yah!!! It's a Girl!!! Well I ask her what names she has picked for a girl and she's like don't be mad, he and I both like your name..... at first I was in shock and didn't know what to say , i was so happy the baby was showing healthy ( we both have had loses) that I was like oh ok that's kinda cool..... now I'm fairly jacked! I've hinted around that I'm not really ok with it, I've asked numerous times if they are going with a different name and nope not buddging. My best friend is naming her daughter the same name as my daughter........... ugh, I just truly don't know how to feel......

lindsaypkelly · June 2015

Wow.
As much as you don't really get to dictate what someone else does or doesn't name their child, it really sucks that she would do that to you. By the sounds of it they chose the name after hearing it from you right?
I would definitely be upset and I'm actually surprised she would WANT to do that. I even feel guilty that a girl at work has a daughter with the same name as the one I've chosen.

Anjibaby84 · June 2015

Definitely chosen after I chose mine.... I would understand if it was a name they had picked out in case it was a girl but for her reaction when I told her it was one she never considered.
I'm confused why she would want that either , but it seems more as if when she told him my name choice , he liked it and they were just hoping I'd change my mind..... before they even found out the sex I had her name letters on the wall and have already been referencing her as this.
I honestly could never imagine doing that.... but am being made to feel I should be ok with it because the spelling and middle name is different. It's just super confusing and I'm trying to chalk it up as pregnancy hormones.

Youngwithra · June 2015

I would be upset too.

irsam · June 2015

Hell no I'd be mad as hell

fghmama6701 · June 2015

Just curious, what's the name?

AziaNick · June 2015

Hmmm...I'm 50/50 on this. I don't have any experience with this situation BUT yes I would be upset if a close friend of mine took my name, especially if it was unique and we decided on it for awhile. My husband and I knew our names before we were pregnant

then I would think that...is the middle name different? What if they spelled it differently? Maybe then it wouldn't be that bad

have you tried asking to spell it differently or changing it to a different name that is similar?

ChanceyEarp · June 2015

Are you planning to call her a nickname or anything? I did not technically steal my baby's name from my bff but she has had a name picked out for like 2 years....she loves Isabella Michelle. However she is not even married, in my case I am and expecting a little girl. After a long talk with my husband about names, we decided we loved the name Isabelle Grace! Not Isabella. But I believe my friend was a little upset it was similar to her name. So she and I talked and if she ever has a girl, she is naming her that but calling her Bella and we plan to call our little girl Izzy!

CANTW82BMOM · June 2015

I would be pissed. BUT, I would not change my name. If it's a name you love, eff it. Your LO will be here first.

erinnlou · June 2015

Well... maybe your kids will like sharing the same name?

stormyyautumn · June 2015

I would be pretty upset over that! Especially since the only reason she even knew of the name is because you told her it! I mean.. come on, that's a low blow if you ask me. :-\ Can't she do a different variation of it or something?? maybe drop or change the first letter?? geesh.. that's crazy.

Mommy2b072 · June 2015

I would be livid!! I was upset when I found out Carrie Underwood had named her son Isaiah... I thought of the name and instantly loved it and no one I knew of had the name... Then she popped out of nowhere... So I would be furious if someone that close to me had the audacity to use my baby's name.. There's so many names out there GET YOUR OWN!! Good luck unfortunately there's not much you can do but seriously explain to her you hate the idea...

julesgulia · June 2015

I would be upset for just the simple fact that she knew you loved the name, and it wasn't just a coincidence. Or the fact that she didn't even ask you if that was ok. I'm not having a girl, but I had a name I loved and would have used. My friend isn't pregnant but kept nonchalantly saying now husband likes that girl name I love. It secretly made my blood boil, but I'm also like well I'm not having a girl ( and she isn't even pregnant) so kind of a free for all. If you love the name use it---your due date is first.

zmombie · June 2015

Um... Kind of messed up. Well.. More then kind of.. My high school best friend had twins after I had my oldest.. My daughters name is Jayda, (nickname jade) and she named one of her girls jayde.. Which honestly didn't bother me as we live far away, and it's not exactly the same. Spellings different so when we text we know which ones which.. But to name your child the same exact name as your best friends child, same age.. And they will most likely be friends or hanging out a lot... That's so damn selfish!

MrsJIsbell · June 2015

Geez, I'm mad for you!!! That's super rude and kinda weird. I don't think I'd ever consider doing something like that. My husband's MN is Alan and he suggested naming our baby Alan, I immediately turned him down bc I have a cousin Allan (our family is very close, in fact our mothers are sisters and our fathers are brothers).
Hubbs said it wouldn't be weird bc they're spelled differently and my cousin and I no longer lived in the danger city (and either of us probably won't move back to our hometown) but I wasn't having it.

I only wish you could talk some sense into her. I guess the best thing to do is just deal and move on. Maybe she'll hear another name from someone else and decide to steal that one's instead, lol

sutavim2 · June 2015

It is not a big deal. It's a name... I'm sure you two will not be the only ones with your kids sharing the name.

SnarkasaurusRex · June 2015

Not really that big of a deal...you don't own a name, even if you thought of it first. Since you're due before her, your baby will be here first. Use the name you love. If she uses it too...get over it. It's not the worst thing in the world to share a name (and I say this as an 80's Ashley who, at three different times in her life had a best friend also named Ashley).

stormyyautumn · June 2015

SnarkasaurusRex said:

Not really that big of a deal...you don't own a name, even if you thought of it first. Since you're due before her, your baby will be here first. Use the name you love. If she uses it too...get over it. It's not the worst thing in the world to share a name (and I say this as an 80's Ashley who, at three different times in her life had a best friend also named Ashley).

I disagree. I am also an 80's Ashley and to this very day I hate my name. Granted, there probably won't be nearly as many ____ (whatever the name is that they're using) as there are Ashley's born in the 80's but still... I HATE the fact that my name is so common and it's probably why my children have unique names. I'm all for originality.

Anjibaby84 · June 2015

Madelyn and we will call her Maddie...... She is spelling it Madyline and still calling her Maddy..... yes spelling is different, but when does spelling come into play. We'll be at the playground both yelling for our Maddies...... and for the ones saying get over it , it's not a big deal, like I said just wanted to vent , but the more I think about I am even more mad..... I'm assuming the ones that are saying this either A don't have a friend close enough that it would truly effect them or B really didn't put themselves in that situation to truly think how they would feel.

ChanceyEarp · June 2015

Her name is spelled like Madeline, the little orphan girl in france....is that how you both will pronounce it?

gotdiesel2007 · June 2015

Would I be upset maybe a bit, but its not a super uncommon name. Madelyn was ranked number 59 according to the SSA so its not that uncommon of a name to begin with. In 2014, the number of births with name Madelyn is 4289. So she certainly won't be the only one.

LittleRue · June 2015

I would be livid. Yes there's a lot of the same names out there but that's the joy of being pregnant getting to choose your own babies name, it's their identity. And when your BFF comes along 6 weeks later and just uses the name you have for your daughter it takes away from it. What if you made it more unique by naming her Addison or Adelyn? Just don't tell your friend.

ashleytiff · June 2015

@stormyyautumn hi, another Ashley here. I don't even turn around in public when I hear my name cause it's never for me haha.
I'm going with a more unique name for my son too because of this.

beeish · June 2015

You are entitled to feel however you want. To each their own. I would still use the name. When I found out I was pregnant I told some family members my boy and girl names. I also told them if they decide to ever use them I would still use them. So we would definitely have two in the family. We can't control others actions. My advice would be for you to do what makes you happy and not base your decision on her actions.

katedewberry · June 2015

Yes, you don't have the right to tell anyone what to name their kid, however, it was totally bad form for your friend to do that. There is an unwritten rule that you don't use the names that other people are already using. DH and I went through the name book and often times we would like a name, but it is already being used in one or both of our families. We also have 3 other couples that are preggo at the same time as us. All of us are looking at very different names. It is kind of like dibs or shotgun, you call it first, it is yours. I know that sounds childish, but it is rules of the playground.

Have you talked your friend about all this?

astraealynn · June 2015

oh.no. i'd be SO angry! especially if it happened in that manner. if it had been a complete coincidence in the end, it'd suck but you can't really get angry about that. i'm even MAD AS HELL that some other baby shares an INSTAGRAM HASHTAG with mine! (i thought our name was pretty unique - unique enough to only have one other person using it i guess.) i know that THAT is absolutely ridiculous, childish, and immature but i can't help it; just that makes me angry so having your best friend use your name after you told her is inconceivable to me. i'd definitely say something.

carlyyo · June 2015

I would be very upset by this too. You mentioned that "you have hinted to her that you are upset by it". I think you need to be more direct and tell her it is very strange considering how close the two of you are and how close you hope for your daughters to be. I think you should suggest she consider other names since you came up with this name first.

dunn1678 · June 2015

I agree with most people. If your daughters were born years apart I wouldn't see it as that big of a deal but since she is only weeks behind you it is a bit strange to be using the same name.

I do agree that Madelyn is a pretty common name but that doesn't mean it needs to be common in your circle of friends and family. I have a best friend like the one you described, in terms of closeness not name stealing, and I know both of us would be pretty upset if either used the same name we pick, especially after telling each other.

Vent away, I think you are totally justified in your emotions, pregnancy hormones or not. I would definitely talk to her about it and let her know how you feel. If not it could have major lasting issues with both you and your friend and your kids. Maybe after she knows how you feel she would be open to thinking of her own baby name.

Good luck and congrats on having a baby name already, we are still unsure with 5ish weeks to go!

Savanna111911 · June 2015

I would be pretty upset by this as well. It would be one thing if it was just a coincidence that you both liked that name but that doesn't appear to be the case.

I think to start with rather than dropping hints you may need to be a bit more direct. Tell her how you feel about this and how important it is. You dont have to be nasty about it but just be honest.

At the end of the day though, you have to realize (and I know you already know this) that you don't own the name and she and you are both free to name your daughters whatever you want to.

It sounds like you all are great friends, and I think it is very important that you don't let this ruin your friendship. That would be very sad. At the end of the day, despite how frustrating it may be, it isn't worth ruining the friendship over. Who knows, one day your little girls may be good friends and think it's funny/cute/cool that they have the same name. I had a best friend with the same name as me for a few years in elementary and middle school and I thought it was the coolest thing ever. I think the worst thing that could come out of this is to ruin a long friendship.

erinnlou · June 2015

Anjibaby84 said:
Madelyn and we will call her Maddie...... She is spelling it Madyline and still calling her Maddy..... yes spelling is different, but when does spelling come into play. We'll be at the playground both yelling for our Maddies...... and for the ones saying get over it , it's not a big deal, like I said just wanted to vent , but the more I think about I am even more mad..... I'm assuming the ones that are saying this either A don't have a friend close enough that it would truly effect them or B really didn't put themselves in that situation to truly think how they would feel.

It's perfectly okay for you to vent and to feel the way that you're feeling about the situation. But you can't tell other people who don't see it as a big deal that they didn't really put themselves in that position. Some people truly would not be that upset about it. Every one has their own feelings and opinions, and they're not all going to be the same. You're not going to get the same response from everyone.
Honestly I would try and coerce her from using the name just because the spelling she's using looks terrible.
But it's a common name, I'm sure she's heard it at some point in her life before you mentioned using it. She may have "stolen" it from you, but usually when people hear a name for their child, they know it's the one. It's probably how you felt and still feel about the name. Do you really want your best friend to settle on a name that she doesn't love just because the one that she does love happens to be the same as yours?

mamaklemond · June 2015

Similar here...only I think a little worse bc it is a BIL/SIL who named their son one of our choices. We had a son last January and had a list of 3 names, ended up deciding not to use one of the family names on our list but it was our 2nd choice and we said if we had another boy that would probably be the name. Well....we wanted kids close so wr expecting number 2 less than 18 months after #1 but in the meantime my BIL/SIL had their first boy just in May. Before they ever talked about getting pregnant they talked about names and never once mentioned the family name that was on our list, but had a totally different name picked out for the future if they ever had a boy. All of the sudden when they learned they were having a boy it was now the name we had on our list for our 1st AND 2nd baby (we don't know the sex of this baby). Needless to say it upset me....pissed is more the word but whatever. Makes me want to never tell anyone names on our lists again!!!! Live and learn lol

Elecin · June 2015

I know we can't control what other people do but that was a seriously bitchy thing for her to do.

LeannFran · June 2015

My theory is to never tell people your names especially for this reason. She has every right to love the name you picked. Unless you legally own it then you get no say on if they name their daughter the same name. Odds are once you have yours and name her they may decide to change the name..nevertheless you shouldn't have told her.

aschoppers · June 2015

First, I want to apologize to the Ashley's on here. My first born is named Ashley. Dingy story, when I was pregnant, in 11th grade I went to a school for pregnant girls, another girl heard the name, encouraged me to use a unique spelling... come to find out she used it as a middle name for her daughter born two days after mine.

To OP: that really sucks, your baby is due first so I'd still use it. Perhaps in those 6 weeks your friend will decide she doesn't want to use the name. Or maybe since your not physically together much she- besides hoping you'd change your mind (I think that is rude) doesn't see it as an issue.

VToman · June 2015

ChanceyEarp said:
Are you planning to call her a nickname or anything? I did not technically steal my baby's name from my bff but she has had a name picked out for like 2 years....she loves Isabella Michelle. However she is not even married, in my case I am and expecting a little girl. After a long talk with my husband about names, we decided we loved the name Isabelle Grace! Not Isabella. But I believe my friend was a little upset it was similar to her name. So she and I talked and if she ever has a girl, she is naming her that but calling her Bella and we plan to call our little girl Izzy!

That's so funny, we're naming our girl Isabella Grace.

We already call her Izzy. I picked out that name years ago, before my husband and I had even met. Thankfully, he likes the name, too!

ee11 · June 2015

It is a super common name. Pretty but common.

alyempee · June 2015

I can't say much to this, I did it to my friend... Except she's not pregnant and I don't see it happening for years to come, but when we found out we were having a boy and hit a brick wall with names, my friend said "if I have a boy, I'm naming him Caleb.".... *LIGHTBULB* I fell in love. I had never even thought of the name. But I think if we were both pregnant and she had mentioned that was her name picked, I would've opted for something different. Now here's hoping she has a girl in the future, or decides to like something different. And if she doesn't, well I'll just have to deal!

aschoppers · June 2015

vcard091678 said:

ChanceyEarp said:
Are you planning to call her a nickname or anything? I did not technically steal my baby's name from my bff but she has had a name picked out for like 2 years....she loves Isabella Michelle. However she is not even married, in my case I am and expecting a little girl. After a long talk with my husband about names, we decided we loved the name Isabelle Grace! Not Isabella. But I believe my friend was a little upset it was similar to her name. So she and I talked and if she ever has a girl, she is naming her that but calling her Bella and we plan to call our little girl Izzy!
That's so funny, we're naming our girl Isabella Grace. We already call her Izzy. I picked out that name years ago, before my husband and I had even met. Thankfully, he likes the name, too!

Well, there will be a lot of Izzabella's (our spelling) out their. We had the name chosen before we even met. Lol

jjames2014 · June 2015

I'd be annoyed too-but best friends are hard to come by and she sounds like a longtime "real deal" friend. I wouldn't let this come between you, set a good example for your girls so that they know what real friendship is! I'm sure it isn't out of spite she's using the name. Hopefully you both have different middle names picked out!

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