Is your husband jealous?

Sam2552 · June 2015

Sorry for the long story.
My baby is just a month old. However due to health problems with my grandparents, I took a trip with her to go see them. It was a week and a half long and my husband didn't get to come with. We got back a week ago. So he essentially missed out on a third of her life so far as he put it.

Ever since we got back my husband feels like she doesn't want anything to do with him. He works 10+ hour days. He comes home and cooks dinner. He only has a couple hours at night before he goes to bed where he gets to see her. He doesn't help at night because his job is dangerous if he can't get enough sleep. Also he wears contacts and doesn't have a pair of backup glasses. So when he takes them out at night he can't see. After getting kicked in the face while trying to change a diaper and putting it on backwards, he gave up trying to help at night.

Also she has been kind of colicky at night and will cry and scream. He thinks it's just because he is holding her. She will do this with me too but I can usually calm her down in 10-20 minutes. He gets too frustrated and gives up before then thinking he is the problem. He told me tonight that he is jealous that she seems to only want to be with me. I breastfeed too, so she does spend a lot of time with me. I am also home all day with her right now.

I know she doesn't hate him. She always gives him the biggest smiles when he talks to her. Also she used to kick whenever she would hear his voice or he came home from work when I was pregnant. I think it's just bad timing that he is home when she is being colicky.

Any one else having problems or suggestions on how to fix this?

mrscimino914 · June 2015

This explains my husband and I. I make him bathe her and give her bottles of breast milk sometimes but she not liking the bottle so he gives up. He says the baby doesn't like him. I really have no idea what exactly to do either. I just keep pushing him to bond with her.

MrsWhiteToBe · June 2015

Sometimes dads can get postpartum depression. He should maybe talk to his dr about it. Hope he realizes how much that little girl loves him soon.

mnbando · June 2015

MrsWhiteToBe said:
Sometimes dads can get postpartum depression. He should maybe talk to his dr about it. Hope he realizes how much that little girl loves him soon.

Yes to this. My husband had postpartum depression with my first kid and I wish he would have sought help sooner.

saric83 · June 2015

The only suggestion I have is to either take over the dinner duties or even switch off with him to let him spend that time with LO. We did that in our house to give DH a bit more time with DS.

keitlin415 · June 2015

My husband is having trouble bonding too. I am trying to just try and get him to participate in our routine. After our evening nursing session, I do bath time and then get her all swaddled up. She is always so calm then, so I'll just ask him to hold her while I do the dishes or while we all relax as a family or something.

seamama525 · June 2015

My husband has this problem too. Mainly because LO just wants to breast-feed most of the time and doesn't just want to be held by him. He will hold her for a little while but she will start crying and want back on me. I keep reminding him that this is just what is happening right now and soon she will be responding to things we do and smiling. I think he is really looking forward to the next stage where he can interact with her more.

jennygirlmt · June 2015

I sah and breastfeed and my girls were absolutely Mama's girls at the beginning. He just needs to keep helping and doing the things he can (diaper changes, bath, etc.)

In a few months she'll start enjoying play time and eventually will run screaming for the door when Daddy is home. My girls talk about him all day long. A one month old baby is not being selective, she is just responding to having her basic needs met.

But he can't give up bc he's frustrated, he needs to keep spending time with her.

marijaa333 · June 2015

We've both been kicked, peed on, punched, scratched and screamed at during diaper changes, which has helped my husband realize these things are not personal. I agree with PP, your husband can't give up and needs to realize it's all trial and error for the baby AND the caregivers.

cece3d · June 2015

My husband is gone during the week and only comes home on weekends. He misses out on a lot of stuff with all of our kids, but he's a persistent guy... That's how he got me. (I didn't like him on our first date). So he'll talk to LO as much as he can during the weekends. He spends all the time he can get trying to make her smile. He can't calm her just yet because he's bad at following directions. So Friday instead of holding her close and rocking her he sat there, while I was trying to eat and she was screaming bloody murder, just holding her in his lap repeatedly saying "I'm rocking her. I'm rocking her. It's not working. I'm rocking her." So I went and got her and he said, "See she just wants you." And I said "I told you what to do and your weren't doing it."

But other than that he'll grasp every other moment to be with her.

Want a personalized experience?

Is your husband jealous?

Re: Is your husband jealous?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards