Living near family or far away, opinions?

Re: Living near family or far away, opinions?

• mrsmtothek member

  June 2015

  I totally understand wanting to be close to family when you're starting your own. It sounds like you envisioned being a stone's throw away from your loved ones, but from my perspective, you *are* close to your family (with the exception of your sister). 3 hours is a quick drive and definitely doable for family visits on weekends. PA is also pretty close to CT. Perhaps its because I myself lived in TX for years with my family on the east coast, but you are lucky to be at the very least ON the same coast as your family. It might be different from what you had originally imagined (that's life!), but the best thing to do here is to take a deep breath and look at the positives. You guys will make it work. 

  
  

  As far as renting/vs buying goes, my husband and I played that game while we were in TX unsure of when we'd actually be able to get back to the east coast. Similarly, my husband is paramilitary and you have absolutely NO clue when that will happen if ever. My advice is to buy and get settled for sanity's sake at the very least. The uncertainty for us absolutely drove me crazy and after a few years I was very much over renting. Having a nest egg was also an important factor for me before starting a family, thats just personal preference though. You have to do what makes you guys feel most comfortable. 

  
  

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• StarbucksShip member

  June 2015 edited June 2015

  Katm89 Ooof, what a lot of ups and downs for you two! First, congrats on the jobs (I'm mad envious!) and graduations. It sucks that things didn't work out the way you initially planned. If you're unsure about the future it might be worthwhile to stick to renting.
  
  I spent most of my life away from my extended family and now my husband is away from his immediate family. Speaking as a child who grew up 14 hours from everyone else: I kinda loved it. As a wee one I didn't have a sense of "missing out." Grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins being far away was the norm. Instead, when we wanted to see each other it was a big deal. Everything was nicer than usual because of the visit. We got to eat out! We ate real homemade food from Grandma! It made holidays more special, or it was a summer treat. I saw more of the US by the time I was 8 than most of my classmates.
  
  During the first weeks of our lives, my grandparents were totally there for my parents. They stayed in the house, helped out, and spoiled us the best a week-old could appreciate. I bet your family would be offering help and love any way they can, too.
  
  As an adult... it is a little tougher. We feel a bit left out when we hear about big news last. Or when we can't spend as much time with our cousins and nephews. But, my husband and I value our current home and job more than those relationships. That sounds cold, right? But we don't love anyone less for it. We just enjoy living in a place that makes us feel good about life. This is where we're thriving and we want to start a family we're were comfortable (we know that it's not always an option for everyone else!). We trust our families to help us find ways to visit and support each other. That's the decision my parents made, too.
  
  What do you think would help you two feel best about starting a family?
  

  
  http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/5c047a
  

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• Katm89 member

  June 2015

  We got into a huge fight last night in the car on the way home from dinner with js parents.. mainly because thats finally when DH let himself feel how he felt about them moving away. I feel emotionally exhausted.. and agree that for our own sanity we need to operate under the assumption that we are staying here...taking it day by day
  

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• vampbride99 member

  June 2015

  That is a hard thing to cope with, my DH moved here (Chicago) from New York and we've been living here ever since we got married.  I know at times that's hard for him being away from family.  We have thought about moving to NY to be near his family, but it's just so expensive.  Currently, we live extremely close to my parents, so as of right now, we feel it's best to stay here; at least to have our first baby.
  
  You both will have to do what is best for you, and what will make you the most comfortable in your lives.  Even though you have family that is farther away, those times you will get to spend with them will be all the more special.
  

  
  
  
  
  
  
  

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• Katm89 member

  June 2015

  Things have settled down a lot and we have decided to stay in CT even if we are the only ones here. Our plan is buy a bigger home when we buy so that we can stay there for 15 to 30 years to pay it off. I'm starting to nest and I'm not even pregnant. I threw alot of crap out yesterday trying to make our apartment feel bigger so that having a baby doesn't seem too crowded. Thank you everyone for all the thoughtful replies. It truly means a lot to me.
  

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• mrsmtothek member

  June 2015

  @katm89 Good call. Trust me, you will feel loads better getting settled even if you are further from your family than you'd prefer. Living in limbo does so much damage to your mental stability and causes so much anxiety, its just not worth it! Good luck and take deep breaths. You guys will be fine!

  
  

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