I love my husband but...TMI and Rant

LEGALLYblonde86 · June 2015

Let me start out by saying, my husband doesn't give me a lot to complain about. He works hard, he doesn't cheat, beat or belittle me. He is incredibly thoughtful and takes amazing care of me and my daughter. If he goes through a 6 pack of beer in a week, that's a rough week at work. He doesn't go out to all hours of the night with friends without being available by text if I need him. He doesn't gamble or go to the bar. If he comes home from work and the house isn't spotless or dinner isn't done because I have been sick or our daughter is sick, or I just have a lazy day, it's like ok, let's grab a pizza and relax tonight. He's awesome, he really is.

However, there is one thing he has no tolerance for. Accidents...of the bathroom sort. I had a hard time with my bladder after having Olivia and would often be fine one minute and the next be pulling over on the side of the road because there was no way in hell I was making it to the next Wawa or gas station. If Olivia has an accident, which does not happen very often, I can almost watch his patience melt away. We can be in the car and she will say "Mommy, I really have to go to the bathroom" while doing the potty dance. The child has to go and the first thing out of his mouth is "If you have an accident, you are grounded" and he will drill her about it the rest of the ride. I have tried to explain to him that sometimes it is harder for girls (and women) to hold it because of our anatomy. Guys can hold it a little better than we can. He thinks I am exaggerating and can not wrap his head around it.

So last night we went to Walmart. He wanted to get Olivia her own radio/CD player for her Kindergarten graduation and get her the new Nick Jonas CD (edited version). He went to look for the radio and I went to look for the CD. I bent down and all the sudden...I had an accident. I didn't have to go to the bathroom, but even at 29 weeks, we all know the baby is big enough to push on things and before I even knew what was going on, I could feel my pants getting wet. I couldn't even eel it coming out, just my pants getting wet. Thank God I had on dark pants because I was afraid to tell him. I kept trying to subtly hurry him, but he was so set on getting the right radio that we were there another 30 minutes before we left. OMG it was so embarrassing. I am also so glad it wasn't worse and that I could keep it to myself...and thank God he didn't try grabbing my ass.

hcook321 · June 2015

First of all, it's not a "quality of good character" or that he's a good husband because he doesn't cheat or beat you.... it shouldn't even be a thought in his or your mind. I digress....

Anyway, why does he have such a problem with accidents? Have you asked him about why this is a trigger for him to react the way he does? Did he maybe experience the same reactions from a parent or authority? Your kids (and maybe you) will have accidents, it's a part of life. You can't walk on eggshells because of how he might react. If he got sick and accidentally peed or crapped his pants, do you think he'd walk around Walmart soaking wet for a half an hour? I'm going to say probably not.

For your sanity and relationship, you guys need to talk about this problem so that the control/reaction issue isn't there any longer. It's certainly not healthy for either of you.

mommyofX · June 2015

That really sucks u have to feel that way. Especially during pregnancy, and ur daughter being so young n dealing with it. Maybe something in his childhood is making him react that way. But in the mean time maybe try wearing or carrying a maxi pad with you.
When I was in my 1st/2nd trimester anytime I'd throw up I'd pee myself. I was out shopping once with my mom n she had to buy a new pair while I was in the bathroom n bring it to me. So embarrassing!I

Good luck momma!

dkizz82 · June 2015

Oh goodness. My niece is 6 and has bladder spasms. My brother used to spank her for accidents (that was before her knee her condition) It would make me so mad I couldn't see straight. Anyway, the pediatric urologist explained to them, and maybe it'd be good for your husband to hear, that girls are built differently and things are different for the bathroom. Like girls should Lena forward when peeling to get all urine out of their bladders.

Like PP said. I'd talk to him and see why it makes him so mad. Then make him go to the pediatrician wth you to discuss it or find some articles.

lap018 · June 2015

I agree with @hcook321 100%. You mentioned he does not belittle you yet you have a legitimate fear to tell this man, a man who's child you are currently carrying inside of yourself, that you had an accident and thus were forced to walk for half an hour with wet pants. I cannot see why he would not have some sympathy for the woman that is carrying his child after having an accident (caused by said child). This seems like a deeper issue, a woman who can clean herself up and do her own laundry after having an accident should not be guilted,shamed, or made to feel like a child when something happens that is not in her control.

toccoaparker · June 2015

I'm sorry, I love my husband but I'd be damned if I would walk around in pee pants to appease him. Everyone makes mistakes and has accidents, including him. There is no reason that you should feel ashamed about a natural body reaction, especially while pregnant.

Miz_Liz · June 2015

I have to admit, I too am a little taken aback by how your husband reacts to accidents. It isn't like we are talking about a dog who intentionally takes a crap in his shoes because he is mad at him....we are talking about his young daughter and his pregnant wife! What is he going to do when you are in labor if you poop while pushing the baby out?? I would have a serious talk with him about his attitude with regards to this. Also, on a side note, are you positive you peed yourself and your water didn't break when you were at the store? I have definitely had some "oopses" myself this pregnancy, but I could always feel that I was peeing (just couldn't stop it) when it happened.....

PurpleBookmark · June 2015

I agree with PPs, I'd be concerned about his issue with accidents. You shouldn't be too scared to tell your DH you peed yourself. You are pregnant and it happens. Even if you weren't so what, what if God forbid you have a medical condition someday that could make you incontinent? The stores sell special pads for a reason, many women (and men) have issues with their bladder, especially as they age.

I would seriously address this with him, it isn't fair to you or your DD or your new LO that will need to potty train someday! That kind of attitude can really hurt a kid.

irohspupil · June 2015

I absolutely cannot wrap my head around the way your husband acts about this.

My husband has IBS and sometimes cannot make it to the bathroom in time. I've had to bring him a change of clothes before because he had an accident while at work. We have to carry around two rolls of toilet paper in his car just in case; he always has to be the one driving just in case, so he feels in control; we have to carefully plan road trips; etc.
I would NEVER make him feel bad for his condition. I love him too much for that, and I think he feels bad enough about me dealing with it. He just can't help it, and I completely understand that (unfortunately he has had to deal with family members being less understanding).
Some pregnant women just can't help it. It's a part of life and to humiliate someone for it is far more ugly than the accident itself.

Brodie and Chevelle · June 2015

I have a hard time relating to this one because my husband is the exact opposite. He has been so incredibly understanding of my bladder issues this entire pregnancy. I had a hard time with it even before pregnancy so now barely anything has to happen for me to pee myself! The other night I was sitting in my chair..had no idea I even needed to go to the bathroom but just started to feel my shorts get wet like you talked about. I got up and was like..oh crap, I peed myself again! My husband laughed and got out the stuff to clean it up while I went and washed up/changed. Super helpful guy!

I agree with pp that it might be a good thing to talk to your husband about to see why it bothers him so much. I've been trying to do kegels but it hasn't really helped me that much, but it's worth a shot to see if it helps you at all! Good luck.

Edit: because I type words backwards sometimes.

TyAzaunti · June 2015

I don't think she started the post with saying he doesn't beat or belittle her to say this is what makes him a good husband I think she was trying to give us a clear understanding that this is the only issue they're having and that everything else about him is wonderful so we wouldn't assume he was a bad guy.

I believe the people who posted before me are right, there does need to be a conversation but maybe bringing in some outside perspectives like bringing it up next time you go to the doctors so that he understands this is a normal part of pregnancy & you nor your child should be expected to control it.

Jenni329 · June 2015

I think it's a shame that this is just one thing but sormething that could impact hugely on your relationship and your childrens' way of thinking. If he doesn't sort out his issues with it then both of your kids could grow up thinking the same way. My nephews paternal grandmother once screamed and practically threw him off her lap when he accidentally peed on her when he was potty training. It really upset him and caused him to cry whenever he wet himself which set him back massively. Thankfully both his parents helped him through it. I really hope he can get over this and be there for you all 100% because it can't be nice for him either having such a strong negative reaction to something that is completely natural.

kelseyrayay · June 2015

You shouldn't be scared to tell your husband anything..

CarelessDiva89 · June 2015

kelseyrayay said:
You shouldn't be scared to tell your husband anything..

^^This. You should be able to tell your husband whatever is going on & get support from him. I definitely agree that this needs to be discussed as it doesn't sound like a healthy way to live. I would never walk around a store for 30 minutes after I had an accident all because I was scared to tell my husband. It just doesn't sound right. Good luck

jlsweets · June 2015

I feel sorry for your daughter that she has to be fearful of having an accident and being punished. This is one thing I would NOT be ok with and would never allow my husband to act like that. My son is pretty well potty trained but from time to time accidents happen, I always remain neutral. There are times I want to yell and get frustrated but that isn't teaching him anything. If anything it would only make him more fearful and could cause him to hold it even longer and have an end result of more accidents.

sjra1028 · June 2015

I'm sorry that you have this fear, but you're pregnant! Accidents happen! Especially with little kids! Don't take this the wrong way, but it makes me wonder what he'll be like when it's time for potty training.
You definitely need to talk with him about this issue and don't be embarrassed to tell him you had an accident in the store. I've had sooo many accidents especially after getting sick. It's just part of being pregnant bc it's hard to hold in sometimes!

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