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Soulless...

CaissieBabyCaissieBaby member
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
I've had to tell more people about our miscarriage than I did about pregnancy. We only found out 10 days before we miscarried that we were pregnant. It is amazing the scenarios and future you can imagine in such a short period of time. The pregnancy hadn't become completely real to me yet, I called baby "it". I'm what I like to call "emotionally stunted" while other women screamed and jumped for joy at their planned pregnancies coming true, I sat stunned and reminded my husband and my best friend that blood tests needed to be done to confirm and it was still early etc. I didn't get all lovey or glowy, I had barely accepted it. But when I lost the pregnancy, I was distraught to say the least. For the first 48 hours I did nothing but cry. Partially from physical pain, and partially from emotional pain. I felt the loss so much stronger than I did that positive test. I knew 2 days before I went to the hospital something was wrong, I didn't feel pregnant anymore. Two days later light spotting appeared, DH and BF were constantly saying it's normal, but I knew something was wrong. The loss was so much more real for me than the pregnancy. And now.. Three days after confirming the loss and still in pain while my body naturally does its best to flush what would have been my babies home, I'm trying to move on. I want to forget this happened. I want the pain to stop. And yet, when I act like I'm OK (because I really want to be) everyone else acts like they expects me to remain emotionally upset for a very long time.
I suppose, I'm reading all these posts from people who after months are having a hard time and I feel.. Soulless that I want to move on after a week. Any advice is appreciated.
Pregnancy Ticker

                                                     23 DH is 25
                                         Married August 9th, 2014
                                                    First Baby!
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Re: Soulless...

  • MamaBishMamaBish member
    I am so sorry for your loss.
    You are not soulless. Many of us have wanted to move on, but many of us simply can't. 
    I'm almost 3 months out from my loss and I can tell you that I am so sick of being sad. I'm tired of it. But I AM sad. And I have to go through it. I don't really have a choice. 
    Some days, I feel ok and like the sadness has maybe passed, but it can come back and it can come back in force. There is no right or wrong way to deal with loss. You do what you need to do.
    ((hugs))
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    🌈  Preemie 2016  🌈
    ♥ Stillborn 2015 ♥
            
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  • whit3183whit3183 member
    I totally agree with @MamaBish.  Wanting to move on doesn't make you "soulless."  Probably most of us here still struggling months or years after a loss feel the exact same way you do.  But WANTING to move on and WANTING to forget something happened is much easier said than done. 

    Also, acting ok to family and friends and co-workers is totally different than actually being ok.  I think a lot of people turn to this board to express how they really feel, while putting on a happy face and seeming totally "normal" to the rest of the world. Finally, keep in mind when comparing yourself to others here that while miscarrying 10 days after a positive pregnancy test is totally traumatic,  it's a far different experience than what those who had later miscarriages or stillbirths went through. I personally rebounded from my 6 wk miscarriage much faster than I did for my 9.5 week miscarriage because I had not yet seen an actual baby with a heartbeat; feeling better after a shorter amount of time does not make you a bad person. You will probably feel a mix of feelings, and they're all normal. 
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  • gardensparrowgardensparrow member
    I'm so sorry for your loss, friend. And there's really no textbook way you're supposed to feel right now. But definitely let yourself grieve if you need to, and don't rush yourself into moving on when you're not ready to. I don't know if this will help, but there's an article at https://bit.ly/1Gwj1QE that talks a bit about what you shared, and has some referrals you might find useful. So, just FYI if you want to take a look. But, most of all, I just wanted to say you're in my prayers...

    #girlluvs2garden#
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  • CaissieBabyCaissieBaby member
    Thanks you ladies ❤ this helped, a lot.
    I am so sorry for everyone's losses, I know we're all going through it differently but it really helps to talk to others
    Pregnancy Ticker

                                                         23 DH is 25
                                             Married August 9th, 2014
                                                        First Baby!
    Report Reply
  • CowgirlK39CowgirlK39 member
    Lurker here. I can relate to you for sure. We have been struggling with fertility for a while and were shocked when we got a surprise BFP. Blood work showed it was true and then I MC'd the very next day. I was horribly devastated for a day, allowed myself to be sad for that time and then picked myself up by my boot straps and tried to assess what to do next.  It's okay to be okay, just as its okay to be sad.

    Right now, I just feel worry about it happening again. We are working really hard to monitor our timing and everything but I am trying not to be too hopeful. I'm no longer sad for my loss, but scared about what may happen next.
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