Major advice needed

kcave21 · June 2015

a little back story
So my parents have really done some ugly things to me getting loans in my name is probably the biggest and now we are stuck with paying the debt...

Any how I went 8months without speaking to them when I found out then my mom became very ill and was put on life support so I was there at the hospital by her side and the ONLY one there the one they screwed over the most...after the hospital they just stopped picking up my calls and ignored me like I didn't exist so I went on about my business and decided that I was just done and that was the last straw. With my first, they have maybe seen her a hand full of times and she is almost 3 we use to live not more than 1min away and I think the came to actually see her once. She doesn't even know who they are it is really sad!! Now I am going on about 6months of no speaking and I am a little over a week of having my second. My husband asked me if I was going to tell them when Hunter will be here and have them come to the hospital and I just don't know what to do. I am at a loss he says it is up to me and I feel like even if I invite them and they will come I am sure that it is just going to be weird and it won't make a difference in them ever seeing him again bc we now live about 30 min away.

What would you do?

OnWayto3 · June 2015

Wow, that is an ugly situation all around. What is your gut instinct saying? If you were to see them now, would you be happy/relieved/stressed/angry? Would having them at the hospital do anything to improve your relationship, or their relationship with a new grand baby? I guess I'm not seeing the benefit of inviting them in when you're going to be so vulnerable as it is... However, I do understand if there's a glimmer of hope that doing so will improve the outlook.

Knottie64157109 · June 2015

Keep this time drama free. My mom is the same way. She can see my baby later... Maybe but the birth is my families time not her drama time.

bbnmama2012 · June 2015

It is not your responsibility to make them part of your kids' lives. Kids don't need grandparents. Just make sure they have a good mommy and daddy and your babies will be just fine.

Ask yourself: what could you or your baby possibly benefit from seeing them at the hospital? If there is no benefit for you, I would not let them know.

Surround yourself with people who love and support you. Forgive those who don't, but move on from them too.

kcave21 · June 2015

THANK YOU ALL!!! I was so conflicted on this and I felt like having them there would do no good or change anything with them seeing Hunter after the birth at all! I am going to keep it just the family that has been there for me through it all!

Thank you again!

almakie · June 2015

I'm having a few family issues myself, my SO and I have decided to keep hospital visits for the ones that we know give us unconditional support and love, and make my hospital stress free.

You don't need extra stress when LO arrives! Enjoy your new addition to the family you and your DH have created for yourselves

annatta79 · June 2015

Totally not what you asked, but please see an attorney about those loans. You are not responsible to pay off fraudulently-obtained debt.

MrsWiggleWaggle · June 2015

annatta79 said:
Totally not what you asked, but please see an attorney about those loans. You are not responsible to pay off fraudulently-obtained debt.

Maybe not, but I had a friend with this issue. It came down to that if he had pursued the issue then the loan companies would have pressed charges against his mom. He decided to take on the debt rather than see his mom go to jail. He hated her but he just couldn't do it.

kcave21 · June 2015

MrsWiggleWaggle said:

Totally not what you asked, but please see an attorney about those loans. You are not responsible to pay off fraudulently-obtained debt.
Maybe not, but I had a friend with this issue. It came down to that if he had pursued the issue then the loan companies would have pressed charges against his mom. He decided to take on the debt rather than see his mom go to jail. He hated her but he just couldn't do it.

that is where I am at!!! I just cannot do it--it breaks my heart! Even though I know they are in the wrong I just cannot bring myself to do send my parents to jail!

My mother takes care of my grandmother and my grandmother has no one--my father is a dead beat loser who refuses to get a job and help out so if she goes to jail I don't know what would happen to her either. Unfortunately there are many many things that have happened I just touched on the tip of the ice burg

NotISaidtheCat · June 2015

kcave21 said:

MrsWiggleWaggle said:

annatta79 said:
Totally not what you asked, but please see an attorney about those loans. You are not responsible to pay off fraudulently-obtained debt.
Maybe not, but I had a friend with this issue. It came down to that if he had pursued the issue then the loan companies would have pressed charges against his mom. He decided to take on the debt rather than see his mom go to jail. He hated her but he just couldn't do it.

that is where I am at!!! I just cannot do it--it breaks my heart! Even though I know they are in the wrong I just cannot bring myself to do send my parents to jail!

My mother takes care of my grandmother and my grandmother has no one--my father is a dead beat loser who refuses to get a job and help out so if she goes to jail I don't know what would happen to her either. Unfortunately there are many many things that have happened I just touched on the tip of the ice burg

I would take legal action or let it go. No point in staying upset about something you're capable of but unwilling to fix.

pixieprincss · June 2015

I would tell her about baby's birth out of general respect, but a dramatic reunion fresh out of birth while still in hospital is something I would not offer. You might enjoy the book Beyond Boundaries. It is about these exact types of situations where you are trying to figure out if you should move ahead with a relationship after a period of firm boundaries, and what that will look like.

kcave21 · June 2015

thank you, I will be looking at it tonight on my kindle

dancingram · June 2015

There are some really amazing books out there about setting boundaries with people in you life who just end up hurting you over and over again. It is ok for you to lovingly (without resentments) detach from your parents. Some people are just not healthy enough to be a part of our lives, and it's ok. I'm so sorry they treat you like this, you should know you deserve better, and they just may not be capable of providing that for you. Self-care is just as important for you as a mom as taking care of your own babies. The healthier you and your relationships are, the better parent you can be. Good luck, and know that you are not alone!

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