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November 2015 Moms
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Anyone being asked about baby shower details already?

cps8410cps8410 member
in November 2015 Moms

Hello all,

I'm not due until Nov. 22nd, but quite a few people at work have asked about if I'm having a shower so I started researching venues. After reading through message boards, I see that it's really bad form to throw your own shower. I don't really have any female friends and my family is going through some tough financial times so no one is able to host a party. My sister offered to help me, but she works in a factory 6 days a week and has a hard enough time taking care of her own errands on her one day off.  I already have all the big ticket items because of hand-me-downs from family. Would it be bad form for me to plan my own party and just ask my sister to help me pay for a hall with cake and punch? Ideally, I think it would be neat to receive baby books with hand written messages inside instead of cards or boxes of diapers instead of being registered somewhere. Thank you for your input and good luck to all you moms-to-be. 

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Re: Anyone being asked about baby shower details already?

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  • Elyse1384Elyse1384 member
    Tough spot you're in, but honestly not sure throwing your own is good form. Maybe do a sip and see since you already have major stuff?
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  • cps8410cps8410 member
    I would love to do sip and see, but right now our apartment is just too small. It's just 600 sq ft. We are currently house hunting so maybe in the future.  My sister also lives in a very small apartment. All of my husband's family lives across the country. My mom and dad have been divorced for 15 years and it's been ugly. I don't imagine that either one would invite the ex in-laws to their homes.  Crossing my fingers that we find a house soon. Maybe a blessing in disguise if there is no shower.
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  • oliarnmom1517oliarnmom1517 member
    That's a tough situation and maybe just have people send you stuff in the mail.. That way since they are so busy maybe if they have time to run to the post office and send it out.. But now that I think about maybe that's not a super great idea either but it's only a starter idea..
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  • Ceridwen77Ceridwen77 member
    oorl11052015 said:

    That's a tough situation and maybe just have people send you stuff in the mail.. That way since they are so busy maybe if they have time to run to the post office and send it out.. But now that I think about maybe that's not a super great idea either but it's only a starter idea..

    I'm scratching my head. Are you suggesting she just ask people to mail her gifts with no party? I also am not finding where she said people were so busy (except her sister)?
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  • oliarnmom1517oliarnmom1517 member
    Ceridwen77 said:

    oorl11052015 said:

    That's a tough situation and maybe just have people send you stuff in the mail.. That way since they are so busy maybe if they have time to run to the post office and send it out.. But now that I think about maybe that's not a super great idea either but it's only a starter idea..

    I'm scratching my head. Are you suggesting she just ask people to mail her gifts with no party? I also am not finding where she said people were so busy (except her sister)?
    No like she have a shower but the people who can't make it for whatever reason just tell them if they really want to get them something to maybe send it if they want to.. My ideas aren't so great when I'm tired lol but that maybe wasn't a great idea but it was something.. Lol
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  • MargaretC5MargaretC5 member
    Planning a shower does not need to be a lot of work or money. I have been to some that are just a bbq in someone's backyard. Mine was at a Chinese restraunt and besides the location I found out planned in one night (my host had some health issues and my mom and aunt took over at the very last minute). If your sister offered I would have a heart to heart conversation with her about it. Since you mentioned you do not have a lot of female friends maybe a coed bbq/potluck would be a good idea. In my state you can reserve locations at state parks for parties for free. Or does either apartment building have a function room.
    I like your book idea. I went to one shower where the invitation asked that you bring a book with a personal message instead of a card.
    And I agree with the PP your Co workers might be fishing, my Co workers planned a shower for me at work.
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  • TacoSarahTacoSarah member
    edited June 2015

    You could have a party to celebrate instead of a shower. Maybe ask a friend if you could have a BBQ in their back garden, it doesn't have to be fancy and expensive. Or is there a local park that allows BBQs and picnics that you could use for free? People host their own birthday parties so I don't see why you can't have a party if you would like to. It's just a get together with all your friends after all.

    If people say they would like to get you a gift and ask you if there's anything specific you'd like, then you could say books etc would be nice. Otherwise just let them turn up and if they bring a little something then accept their generous gift but don't ask or expect anything.

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  • JennsouleJennsoule member
    As I mother of almost 5 I say plan your own party. And I've been to several diaper and book showers. If they don't like they won't come.
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  • whatabout2ndbreakfastwhatabout2ndbreakfast member
    I've had a few people ask about showers and being registered already - I'm due Nov 30th so only 14 weeks along. When do people typically register?

    I've been to showers where the mom requested books in lieu of cards, I was actually thinking of doing that because I'm not sure what I'd do with all the cards!  I've never heard of a sip and see, that sounds like a wonderful idea!
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  • CarrieOct15CarrieOct15 member
    Eh... I wouldn't plan my own shower because I don't really feel comfortable asking for things. If you're comfortable with it, then just do you. This isn't the Victorian era, and a breech in etiquette is not that serious. You are going to get a lot of side-eye for every little parenting choice you make, so I would just stop giving a crap what people think now. 

    I do agree, though, that you should mention to your corworkers asking about the party that you don't have anyone planning one for you. I'm sure someone would step up & help. 
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  • KeHill08KeHill08 member
    The idea of a shower or party at a local park is a great idea! I've seen a few done at the park in my hometown. They have a shelter with picnic tables and bathrooms and outlets, so it works well. Another thought- does the city you live in have a community house? They have one where I'm from with a beautifully remodeled room that many people will rent for various functions, such a bridal showers and baby showers. I've been to showers where guests are kindly asked to bring a book instead of a card a write a message to baby on the inside cover. I've also been to one where if you brought a pack of diapers then you were entered into a drawing for a special prize.

    I see you said your family can't help with a shower because they are going through some difficult financial times, and that is very understandable. Would they be willing to host if say you were able to help pay for it? Just to keep with etiquette, although not everyone feels the same way, so it's really up to you. Also, if you look on pinterest, there are SO many baby shower ideas, even ones for throwing an inexpensive shower that actually looks like it costed a bit.
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  • Elyse1384Elyse1384 member
    CarrieOct15 said:
    Eh... I wouldn't plan my own shower because I don't really feel comfortable asking for things. If you're comfortable with it, then just do you. This isn't the Victorian era, and a breech in etiquette is not that serious. You are going to get a lot of side-eye for every little parenting choice you make, so I would just stop giving a crap what people think now. 

    I do agree, though, that you should mention to your corworkers asking about the party that you don't have anyone planning one for you. I'm sure someone would step up & help. 
    Oh sorry I forgot, we live n the narcissistic era.  I'm sorry, but it just isn't appropriate whether one is comfortable doing so or not.  The entire point of a baby shower is to "shower" expecting mothers with gifts to welcome her FIRST child into the world and help equip her with essentials.  It is tacky to throw yourself a party that centers around gift giving.   Also note that I say FIRST, because (on an unrelated sidenote)  I hate when women feel entitled to showers for their 2nd, 3rd and so on... child.  There are more appropriate venues (e.g. a Sip and See) where it is not tacky for parents to throw a party where gift giving is typically (although not always) involved.  

    cps8410, like I said, it is a tough spot, but since you have essentials would you consider a Sip and See at a comfy venue since you don't currently have the space for one?  By comfy, I mean a place with an area where you can retreat to if you're nursing or just want to give the baby a rest from the noise of the crowd.  As others have said, your coworkers are probably asking since they are interested in doing something for you, so don't hesitate to let them know that there are currently no plans for a shower given the tough logistics you mentioned.  
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  • SamanthaAshley820SamanthaAshley820 member
    edited June 2015
    My mom threw my shower; but made me do all the work. I had to choose the food, send out the invites, clean the house, ect.

    And NOW she's all against the mom to be doing anything! Lol
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  • CarrieOct15CarrieOct15 member
    Elyse1384 said:
    CarrieOct15 said:
    Eh... I wouldn't plan my own shower because I don't really feel comfortable asking for things. If you're comfortable with it, then just do you. This isn't the Victorian era, and a breech in etiquette is not that serious. You are going to get a lot of side-eye for every little parenting choice you make, so I would just stop giving a crap what people think now. 

    I do agree, though, that you should mention to your corworkers asking about the party that you don't have anyone planning one for you. I'm sure someone would step up & help. 
    Oh sorry I forgot, we live n the narcissistic era.  I'm sorry, but it just isn't appropriate whether one is comfortable doing so or not.  The entire point of a baby shower is to "shower" expecting mothers with gifts to welcome her FIRST child into the world and help equip her with essentials.  It is tacky to throw yourself a party that centers around gift giving.   Also note that I say FIRST, because (on an unrelated sidenote)  I hate when women feel entitled to showers for their 2nd, 3rd and so on... child.  There are more appropriate venues (e.g. a Sip and See) where it is not tacky for parents to throw a party where gift giving is typically (although not always) involved.  

    cps8410, like I said, it is a tough spot, but since you have essentials would you consider a Sip and See at a comfy venue since you don't currently have the space for one?  By comfy, I mean a place with an area where you can retreat to if you're nursing or just want to give the baby a rest from the noise of the crowd.  As others have said, your coworkers are probably asking since they are interested in doing something for you, so don't hesitate to let them know that there are currently no plans for a shower given the tough logistics you mentioned.  
    I guess I just don't get why people get their panties in such a bunch over it. It's a baby shower, and I think all new moms deserve one, even if they don't have any ladies in their life that have the time or ability to throw one for them. Why miss out on such a fun occasion just because some ladies on the internet are going to get all pissy about it? I wouldn't throw my own, but that's just me. I wouldn't hold it against anyone, personally. 

    But it's the internet, so obviously you can't please everyone! Lol I just don't get the heavy debate about this topic in particular. 
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  • Elyse1384Elyse1384 member
    CarrieOct15 said:
    Elyse1384 said:
    CarrieOct15 said:
    Eh... I wouldn't plan my own shower because I don't really feel comfortable asking for things. If you're comfortable with it, then just do you. This isn't the Victorian era, and a breech in etiquette is not that serious. You are going to get a lot of side-eye for every little parenting choice you make, so I would just stop giving a crap what people think now. 

    I do agree, though, that you should mention to your corworkers asking about the party that you don't have anyone planning one for you. I'm sure someone would step up & help. 
    Oh sorry I forgot, we live n the narcissistic era.  I'm sorry, but it just isn't appropriate whether one is comfortable doing so or not.  The entire point of a baby shower is to "shower" expecting mothers with gifts to welcome her FIRST child into the world and help equip her with essentials.  It is tacky to throw yourself a party that centers around gift giving.   Also note that I say FIRST, because (on an unrelated sidenote)  I hate when women feel entitled to showers for their 2nd, 3rd and so on... child.  There are more appropriate venues (e.g. a Sip and See) where it is not tacky for parents to throw a party where gift giving is typically (although not always) involved.  

    cps8410, like I said, it is a tough spot, but since you have essentials would you consider a Sip and See at a comfy venue since you don't currently have the space for one?  By comfy, I mean a place with an area where you can retreat to if you're nursing or just want to give the baby a rest from the noise of the crowd.  As others have said, your coworkers are probably asking since they are interested in doing something for you, so don't hesitate to let them know that there are currently no plans for a shower given the tough logistics you mentioned.  
    I guess I just don't get why people get their panties in such a bunch over it. It's a baby shower, and I think all new moms deserve one, even if they don't have any ladies in their life that have the time or ability to throw one for them. Why miss out on such a fun occasion just because some ladies on the internet are going to get all pissy about it? I wouldn't throw my own, but that's just me. I wouldn't hold it against anyone, personally. 

    But it's the internet, so obviously you can't please everyone! Lol I just don't get the heavy debate about this topic in particular. 
    The OP posted this topic on a public forum seeking opinions so I gave mine.   That doesn't make me pissy... it makes me responsive.  You seem to be the only one bothered by my opinion as clearly I don't share the same POV as you. I believe there are different formats available for parents who want to throw a party on behalf of their new addition.  I actually think Sip and See parties are adorable and a great way to support a young family while meeting the new cutie.  I have been to 2 and elect to bring gifts - especially if the new mother wasn't able to have someone throw her a shower (in that case I actually brought 2 gifts because I like to help people out if I have the means).

    All that said, the entire point of a shower is to be showered with gifts to help prepare for a baby.  Just like you wouldn't throw yourself a bridal shower, I don't believe you should throw yourself a baby shower. I don't care what the OP, you or any other woman on this board decide to do as it doesn't impact me either way.  That said if an opinion is requested, I will share mine. 
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  • CarrieOct15CarrieOct15 member
    Elyse1384 said:
    CarrieOct15 said:
    Elyse1384 said:
    CarrieOct15 said:
    Eh... I wouldn't plan my own shower because I don't really feel comfortable asking for things. If you're comfortable with it, then just do you. This isn't the Victorian era, and a breech in etiquette is not that serious. You are going to get a lot of side-eye for every little parenting choice you make, so I would just stop giving a crap what people think now. 

    I do agree, though, that you should mention to your corworkers asking about the party that you don't have anyone planning one for you. I'm sure someone would step up & help. 
    Oh sorry I forgot, we live n the narcissistic era.  I'm sorry, but it just isn't appropriate whether one is comfortable doing so or not.  The entire point of a baby shower is to "shower" expecting mothers with gifts to welcome her FIRST child into the world and help equip her with essentials.  It is tacky to throw yourself a party that centers around gift giving.   Also note that I say FIRST, because (on an unrelated sidenote)  I hate when women feel entitled to showers for their 2nd, 3rd and so on... child.  There are more appropriate venues (e.g. a Sip and See) where it is not tacky for parents to throw a party where gift giving is typically (although not always) involved.  

    cps8410, like I said, it is a tough spot, but since you have essentials would you consider a Sip and See at a comfy venue since you don't currently have the space for one?  By comfy, I mean a place with an area where you can retreat to if you're nursing or just want to give the baby a rest from the noise of the crowd.  As others have said, your coworkers are probably asking since they are interested in doing something for you, so don't hesitate to let them know that there are currently no plans for a shower given the tough logistics you mentioned.  
    I guess I just don't get why people get their panties in such a bunch over it. It's a baby shower, and I think all new moms deserve one, even if they don't have any ladies in their life that have the time or ability to throw one for them. Why miss out on such a fun occasion just because some ladies on the internet are going to get all pissy about it? I wouldn't throw my own, but that's just me. I wouldn't hold it against anyone, personally. 

    But it's the internet, so obviously you can't please everyone! Lol I just don't get the heavy debate about this topic in particular. 
    The OP posted this topic on a public forum seeking opinions so I gave mine.   That doesn't make me pissy... it makes me responsive.  You seem to be the only one bothered by my opinion as clearly I don't share the same POV as you. I believe there are different formats available for parents who want to throw a party on behalf of their new addition.  I actually think Sip and See parties are adorable and a great way to support a young family while meeting the new cutie.  I have been to 2 and elect to bring gifts - especially if the new mother wasn't able to have someone throw her a shower (in that case I actually brought 2 gifts because I like to help people out if I have the means).

    All that said, the entire point of a shower is to be showered with gifts to help prepare for a baby.  Just like you wouldn't throw yourself a bridal shower, I don't believe you should throw yourself a baby shower. I don't care what the OP, you or any other woman on this board decide to do as it doesn't impact me either way.  That said if an opinion is requested, I will share mine. 
    Of course you're entitled to your opinion! :) I swear I'm not debating that. I just don't understand why this is a hot topic. Maybe it has to do with where I'm from, but I've never heard of all these baby shower rules before joining TB. Baby showers are looked at a bit differently here. They are more just parties to celebrate having a baby, & it doesn't matter who throws them. Some people register, some people don't, but people bring presents as a nice gesture.
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  • Tracyjean22PTracyjean22P member
    I think that it is perfectly fine for you to help your sister behind the scenes... But have all the invites and such come from her. That way you still get a shower, but don't feel that you are burdening her... And you avoid the whole "bad etiquette" debate.
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  • mapcalvertmapcalvert member
    I say have your sister be the host and you help behind the scenes. You deserve a shower, and people do not need to know the behind the scenes details.
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  • nycmommy13nycmommy13 member
    Yeah, I think your sister should be the official host but leave the planning to you if she's too busy. No one needs to know about that part.
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  • Peony1982Peony1982 member
    Ummm, thanks for asking for advice and then disregarding it, I guess.
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  • rmbuchholzrmbuchholz member
    It doesn't seem to me like OP disregarded anyone's advice, it seems like she considered all of it and is choosing to follow some of it:
    -if it's at a hall, have sister host but help pay/plan behind the scenes
    -if she has a house by then just have a BBQ to celebrate where gifts aren't asked for or registered for
    -check pinterest for ideas
    -she could have a party to celebrate the joy of being able to have a baby (since she has now stated that simply being able to have a child is a happy surprise for her)
    She clearly considered but chose not to follow the advice to have a sip n see because of the size of her apartment and concerns about flu season.
    She didn't state her reasons for not putting other advice into action, but I don't feel like she has to. She is following the advice that works best for her situation, so that seems fair to me. It's completely fine for us to all have opinions and for us to all disagree. I don't personally find it offensive if someone disagrees with and doesn't follow my advice, but I also don't feel as strongly about this topic as some - which is totally just my own feeling and my own opinion.

    Good luck OP!!
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  • keke2336keke2336 member
    OP,
    I think you should do what you want. You are a grown woman who can take these comments/suggestions and make a decision from there. Personal I don't care about etiquette and you shouldn't either. It's 2015 and who the heck made these rules anyway, "them".
    I hope you have a wonderful shower full of love and laughter.
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  • RaisingJulianRaisingJulian member
    Honestly I've only heard about this baby shower "etiquette" on the bump. My family throws showers for each other even if it isn't there first baby etc. My mother and aunt are throwing me a shower even though it's my second baby. So in my opinion if u want to throw urself a shower i don't see why not. Unless YOUR family isn't really okay with you throwing your own shower then I don't see why you couldn't.
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