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September 2015 Moms
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MIL wants to be in room when I deliver??? Umm nooooo!

surprisepkg31surprisepkg31 member
in September 2015 Moms
My in laws recently visited from out of state. I had told my husband recently that when I'm pushing I didn't want anyone else in the room except for him and maybe my mom. My ex sister in law did not let my MIL in the room at all when she was in labor . So I figured it was okay for her to be around during labor but once things escalate I want to have more privacy. Thinking I was being a much better DIL. Well, my husband told his mom what I was wanting and I guess she let out a big gasp of dispointment??? Am I being un reasonable? I feel like it's such a private moment and she should not be so hurt!
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Re: MIL wants to be in room when I deliver??? Umm nooooo!

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  • chelseajeanenechelseajeanene member
    You are not being unreasonable! I've never heard of the MIL being there in the room, that's kind of weird
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  • str13str13 member
    Nope nope nope!! You are NOT being unreasonable. I felt bad for my MIL and SMIL because they only have sons, and I wasn't letting them in. I have a history of PPD and it's just too much to have going on all at once. I was admitted for observation and got aggravated and tense just because SMIL showed up unannounced!!!
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  • DidiVaioDidiVaio member
    Thankfully no one of our immediate family lives near us and we are planning to let them know after the baby is born. My mother and brother were disappointed but that's how WE want it.

    I wouldn't imagine to have ANYONE in the delivery room except from DH.

    Your DH should talk to her again and if she insists just don't let your mother in, too.
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  • CaboBride2015CaboBride2015 member
    Absolutely no no and no. I can't even imagine my MIL asking!
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  • ElleMF728ElleMF728 member
    A lot of hospitals will only allow 2 support people during labor.  I would not feel comfortable with anyone except for DH in the room while I was pushing.  Giving birth is stressful, chaotic and scary.  It is a major medical event, not a spectator sport, you should do whatever makes you feel the most comfortable. 


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  • Drey329Drey329 member
    Absolutely not! No chance in hell would I let my MIL in there and I know she's dying to but knows better than to ask me. 
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  • thefuturemrsdanielthefuturemrsdaniel member
    Totally not unreasonable! My mom and husband will be in there. My mom changed my diapers and had 5 kids and been there for my cousins births I figured she's done this a few more times than me haha she was there the first time and really helped calm my husband done when my son wouldn't catch his breathe. She's good with that ;) my MIL will not be told until after he's born because she's the opposite of my mom and adds stress to situations as seen the first time around.
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  • dmland17dmland17 member
    My MIL wouldn't even ask or assume an invite. I haven't asked my own mother to be in the room for pushing yet because I'm not sure I want anyone other than myself and my husband there for that part. 
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  • MIPCast27MIPCast27 member
    I allowed my MIL in the room when I delivered my first and I'll be happy to have her there for the second. It's her son too that's becoming a dad and this is a special moment for her. I am a mom of 2 boys, and I can't imagine not being there for my first grand baby in the future. can't imagine not letting her be there.
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  • KERJFKERJF member
    My SIL asked .. I politely said no. Very quick. She also wanted to be at the ultrasound but since we get 1 major one I do reserve those for just DH and I :)
    My mom was in with our 2nd and will be again with this one because I want the girls in if they can handle it (DD1 did amazing in the room and still talks about being in there).

    imageimage
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  • surprisepkg31surprisepkg31 member
    Thank ladies this makes me feel more normal. I thought it was very strange too. It's my vagina and my baby! I don't want to say anything rude either as my MIL and I are not close, she lives in the corn from Iowa and we have nothing in common. She makes really bad jokes that drive me crazy!!!!. I just don't want her to secretly be bitter w me.
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  • J0C0TXJ0C0TX member
    surprisepkg31 said:
    Thank ladies this makes me feel more normal. I thought it was very strange too. It's my vagina and my baby! I don't want to say anything rude either as my MIL and I are not close, she lives in the corn from Iowa and we have nothing in common. She makes really bad jokes that drive me crazy!!!!. I just don't want her to secretly be bitter w me.


    Firstly - my response in my head would have been HELL NO!  So you are not alone on this - as you see from all the other replies you've received.

    Secondly - you have no control over how she's going to take the answer no.  None.  That being said you have control over how you deliver the message.  If you do it in a respectful, yet NON-apologetic way you are fine by all the standards out there.  If she takes offense it's on her.  Not you.

    I don't understand people wanting to be in the room at such a pivotal moment in a couple's life.  It's as if parents/in-laws whomever have forgotten to loosen the apron strings.  This really is a moment for the new family - your new family.  This is one of those things that just bugs me a lot.  Not sure why...  it just does.  A new mom doesn't need any additional pressure on her at such a time and the fact parents and in-laws don't always see this bothers me A LOT.

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  • ssinnwellssinnwell member
    surprisepkg31 said:
    Thank ladies this makes me feel more normal. I thought it was very strange too. It's my vagina and my baby! I don't want to say anything rude either as my MIL and I are not close, she lives in the corn from Iowa and we have nothing in common. She makes really bad jokes that drive me crazy!!!!. I just don't want her to secretly be bitter w me.

    Don't knock Iowa corn, it's delicious lol!  Iowa born and bred and proud as hell!

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  • amp61470amp61470 member
    I actually asked my MIL to be in there with us. She is the only grandmother around and thought it would be nice for her to experience it. I was adopted my adoptive Mom who I am not close with is in Florida and has dementia so that rules her out and my biological Mom passed away in February. DH's Mom seemed like the right choice for us. I can however understand your feelings. I want a second person there, not just for me but for DH. It does make me a little uneasy due to the over exposure however, she has 3 sons so I figure she knows what to expect!
    Missed Miscarriage 3/27 D&C 3/29/2012
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  • WDDCHWDDCH member
    My midwife jokingly but seriously said, "If they weren't there for the conception then they don't need to be there for the birth." Obviously still up to me but no, just no. I don't need an audience. I need to focus.
    Pregnancy Ticker
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  • MW5280MW5280 member
    Nope. So much nope.

    I've already made it clear that it's me and DH for this show. Both of our sets of parents live about 45 minutes away in no traffic, so we have that going for us.

    And if LO happens to show up on a day we have the older kids, we will have to call a set to hang with them.
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  • KCwalza146KCwalza146 member
    Some of these responses made me LOL- haha. For me, no way will my MIL be in the room and I will not feel bad about it.
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  • str13str13 member
    @MW5280 we had to call my mom in for DD1 when we went into L&D last time, but I didn't want to tell anyone else until we were closer, or it was over. Before we talked about it, goofy DH text everyone!! I told him I didn't care who showed up, they weren't getting back to see me.
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  • surprisepkg31surprisepkg31 member
    @ssinnwell I'm not knocking it, my husband is from the corn, but literally the middle.of no where w a train track running through. They had Chillis for the first time when they came to visit us in Denver. His DD had never tried enchiladas and his mom asked me what cilantro was? Lol I'm being serious when i say they are super out of touch.
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  • surprisepkg31surprisepkg31 member
    So how bought this she is talking about coming out like a week before I'm due to just basically wait around for me to pop? Super annoying, I just wish she would come after the baby is born but she is talking about staying w us to help, but it's like....that's why I have my own mother???? I just feel confused as to why she thinks this is normal.
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  • shaunnar053shaunnar053 member
    surprisepkg31 said:

    So how bought this she is talking about coming out like a week before I'm due to just basically wait around for me to pop? Super annoying, I just wish she would come after the baby is born but she is talking about staying w us to help, but it's like....that's why I have my own mother???? I just feel confused as to why she thinks this is normal.

    She can think whatever she wants, in the end, it's YOUR decision who comes and when they come. This is your child and your body and you don't have to make excuses for any decisions you make regarding these things. Just talk to your husband, your his wife, he needs to have your back and express to his mother how everything is going to go down, because it's what you and he have decided on, period. Stay strong girl. If MIL starts calling the shots now, she will ALWAYS be calling them.
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  • surprisepkg31surprisepkg31 member
    @shaunnarose I'm usually very firm and have no problem setting boundaries but I just feel like since this is my first time I'm not sure how to go about anything! But I'm sure as I get more and more pregnant I won't be as nice anyway. Lol thanks for the pep talk!
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  • shaunnar053shaunnar053 member
    @surprisepkg31 anytime girl! Lol. I'm sure you'll have no problem putting your foot down! I'm a FTM too, I completely understand where you're coming from. I've had a couple times already where I wasn't sure if I was just being a crazy FTM or if my feelings were valid! Hahah. But you're in the right 110%.
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  • str13str13 member
    @surprisepkg31 I might get your SO in on this one. Have him say that he wants it just to be the two of you. And that he wants time as a family when he gets home. She's much less likely to cut up if she thinks it's what he wants. Maybe!! :)
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  • wannabeamongoosewannabeamongoose member
    You totally get to make the decision for yourself, regardless of what MIL wants. That being said, in some cultures this type of thing is "normal." My mom and MIL are both welcome during L&D. That's just how my family does things. Best to communicate it now, and with SO's help and support, so that you're all on the same page when the time comes.

    **TW**
    Me & DH: 32
    Married 2013
    Kiddo #1: Sept 2015
    BFP: 1/19, EDD: 9/30

    "I'm having fruit salad for dinner. Well, it's mostly just grapes, actually. Ok all grapes. Fermented grapes. Fine, I'm having wine for dinner."
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  • mrstzouganosmrstzouganos member
    I would never ever let my MIL in the delivery room or even the labor room, she brings unwanted stress!!! My husband is an only child and this is the first grandchild on his side so his family is super excited! However, my MIL doesn't drive and she lives about 2 1/2 hours from the hospital round trip and she expects my husband to go pick her up so she can be in the delivery room with us. I flat out told her no way is he leaving me and the train is about a mile up the road from the hospital, she complained but understood that I want it to be a private moment! We will not be telling anyone that we are in labor until we are checked into the hospital and almost ready for his arrival because I want some time where it's just the 3 of us with no crazy family members over crowding our time as a new family of 3!!
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  • lex91402lex91402 member
    Don't announce when you are going to hospital. That will keep her out of the room! Or make sure your nurses are aware that you only want your husband and your mom if you ask for her. They should help keep other visitors out. Best of luck!
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  • piscesmommy222piscesmommy222 member
    shaunnarose said:

    surprisepkg31 said:

    So how bought this she is talking about coming out like a week before I'm due to just basically wait around for me to pop? Super annoying, I just wish she would come after the baby is born but she is talking about staying w us to help, but it's like....that's why I have my own mother???? I just feel confused as to why she thinks this is normal.

    She can think whatever she wants, in the end, it's YOUR decision who comes and when they come. This is your child and your body and you don't have to make excuses for any decisions you make regarding these things. Just talk to your husband, your his wife, he needs to have your back and express to his mother how everything is going to go down, because it's what you and he have decided on, period. Stay strong girl. If MIL starts calling the shots now, she will ALWAYS be calling them.
    Omg this a thousand times this^^^^^^^
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  • baker1jm2baker1jm2 member
    My mil just decided that she wants to come stay with us the weekend of my due date in hopes I go into labor while she's there even though it's already been decided and discussed that my parents would be the first to come (it's their first grand baby and my mils 4th)..both of our parents live out of state. I'm saying absolutely not be I don't even want her in my house when I'm in early labor let alone at the hospital during delivery. I'm a very private person and I just know her being there will make me feel uncomfortable. I think it's generous you would let her in the room at all!
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  • surprisepkg31surprisepkg31 member
    edited June 2015
    Pregnant power Hear me roar! Lol yes! Thank you all! I like all the passion and hormones going on here. I honestly don't want her up in my biz at all! I think she needs to just cooperate on my watch and not be so pushy. I agree I may just delay all notice to her about labor. I don't want to be induced so I don't see how I can tell her to be on time anyway. My husband supports whatever I want and isn't afraid to let her know. I'm a very strong person and when I feel something is unjust, I am very firm on my stance. Thanks for all the encouragement to do this how I want!!!.
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