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July 2015 Moms
keyshafoster
member
Congrats?
keyshafoster
member
So this isn't anything too much to deal with my pregnancy but thought id check here for opinions.
I'm 22 years old having my first baby. Due July 7th. My 40 year old mom decided to inform me yesterday she is also expecting. She decided she wanted another after I found out I was pregnant and I asked her not to. I am feeling a little slighted and feel like my son is being gipped out of a normal relationship with his grandparents now. Am I being overly sensitive due to all these crazy hormones? I am too angry I don't even want her in the birthing room anymore. What do I do?
I'm 22 years old having my first baby. Due July 7th. My 40 year old mom decided to inform me yesterday she is also expecting. She decided she wanted another after I found out I was pregnant and I asked her not to. I am feeling a little slighted and feel like my son is being gipped out of a normal relationship with his grandparents now. Am I being overly sensitive due to all these crazy hormones? I am too angry I don't even want her in the birthing room anymore. What do I do?
Re: Congrats?
Andplusalso. "Gypped" is technically a racist word.
While yes, I think it'd be a weird thing to experience with your mother, its def not your call on what she does. And if you think she'll make your delivery all about her pregnancy then don't have her In the room. But kicking her out just because she's pregnant is overboard.
Eventually this will become your normal, but until then, I don't blame you for not wanting her in delivery. It's your moment, not hers. She will have her own moment in the delivery room later on.
Kade Wayne born July 23, 2015
MC in February 2017
MC in November 2017
Oliver Dean (Ollie) due December 17, 2018
And my maternal grandmother had 13 children, she had her last child a year after my mom had my oldest brother. As a PP said, it's more like they're cousins than aunt/uncle-nephew/niece. It's a different sort of relationship but still a positive one. Not saying it's not a little unusual though, not many people are pregnant the same time their mothers are.
I don't think your anger over this particular issue is worth not having your mother in the delivery room. When her child is born, I don't think you're going to love that kid any less than she'll love yours, and you may regret your decision down the road.
That said, you do have a lot of hormones running through you and you might not have reacted the same way if that wasn't the case. I don't think you're a bad person for thinking the way you do, I just think you should rethink it lol
I honestly can't imagine being in that situation and being pregnant and raising a baby at the same time as my mom, but the choice to have more kids or not have more kids is up to every couple to make. Asking her not to is unfair. Additionally, I don't think that her child will take away from your special time. Children are a blessing and love should multiply and not divide your family.
I think it's totally possible that your hormones and general feelings that come with pregnancy could be slightly clouding your judgment here. It would be overwhelming for anyone to find out that their mom is expecting around the same time as them. It would be even more overwhelming to find out that your pregnancy is what made your parents decide to have more children. Add that to all of the pregnancy weirdness and you have a recipe for disaster of emotions.
If having your mom in the room with you is something you would ordinarily want, then please think long and hard before changing that decision. I would hate for you to regret it later. If you all are close try not to let this ruin your relationship. Her baby isn't going to effect the relationship she has with your baby and vice versa.
Good luck!
PS. I guess I say all of this assuming that you all otherwise have a pretty normal relationship. If I am wrong and she is normally very competitive with you then that does paint things with a different brush.
Now that my brothers are older, its become easier to deal with for sure. I live 4000 miles away so we do stuff like play xbox together, and when I visit home I'm that sister that takes them to get ice cream an hour before dinner, or that one time I dropped $150 at chuck e cheese lol
Married 03/18/10
DS #2 Born 05/19/11
DS #3 Due 07/26/15
Oh okay. Whoops.
This has been informative. We all learned something new
.......the more you know
I also remember my mom mentioning to my brother and I that she wanted to adopt, we were both like WTH (my mom want the best mother when we were little so I think that added to the shock)- she never did adopt (thank God)
I also agree with you that this new baby might take away from the "normal" grandma/baby experience. I don't get why people are saying it wouldn't. Grandparents typically can't get enough of the new baby. My family has welcomed so many babies this past year and ask the grammies are gushing with pride. I'm not trying to say that your mom won't have these feelings but I think she'll definitely be busy with her own new baby. There's only so much energy and time.
I'm not trying to be a downer, I just wanted to let you know I get what you're feeling.
At the same time, it's already done. You have to accept it and move on. This is your mom and baby sibling we're talking about. It might not be the picture perfect scenario you had in mind but this could turn out to be the best thing ever. I think you should still allow your mom to be as involved as possible (if that's what was planned before her big announcement) she may be too busy to help later and you wouldn't want to rob both you and your mother of these moments.
It would feel weird for me if I was going to become a new parent as well as a grandparent but I know that's a possibility at my age.
I don't feel too old to be starting again (I do feel tired but at 37 weeks who doesn't).
When I had my eldest at 22 my mum was too busy with her own career to help me much, and anyway it was my child my responsibility.
Both my parents are excited about this baby as they are both now retired.
It is not that unusual a situation and never has been I have cousins the same age as me as my dad was 12 out of 13 kids.
I'm sure it will all be fine in the end
I'm amazed at how many people just assume that their mother has to help them.
My mother doesn't work, but she has her own life and it wasn't her choice to get pregnant and raise a child - it was mine and DH's ... So while it may occasionally frustrate me that I don't have any help, I believe it is the parents responsibility ultimately.
On the one hand, you certainly cannot expect your mother to stop having children solely beacuse you're having one. That's very inconsiderate.
On the other hand, (while I agree it's your baby and not your mother's responsibility) your mother is not going to have a normal grandmotherly relationship with your child. She might for the first few months, but once she has an infant of her own, that'll be her main focus (as it should be). With that being said, whose to really say what a "normal" relationship is nowadays. There are so many blended families. Have you ever watched the show Modern Family or the movie What to Expect When You're Expecting? They have very similar situations.
From personal experience, I've found that the situation is actually not that bad. My mother had my first sister very early, and down the road 4 kids later, she had me at 35. My sister had a child only a couple years later (I know it's not exactly the same because my mom was first but still). My niece and I were best friends growing up, and while it was an odd situation, it was really nice. The relationships weren't exactly "normal." My sister and mother both acted as mothers towards us as opposed to me having a sisterly relationship with my sister, and my niece having a grandmotherly relationship with my mom. But we all loved each other very much and were all very close. It was unique, but it worked.
I do agree that it may have been a bit easier to take in had she at least waited for you to have your baby first. That was pretty inconsiderate of her. And like PP said, her baby fever may have been quelled by a grandchild. But nonetheless, I think you should try and put this behind you and really enjoy the experience with your mom. Your feelings and emotions are completely understandable, but nothing you do now will change what's happening. Take some time to really accept the situation.