Any advice from experienced mommas?

jaboyd09 · June 2015

I did a search and couldn't find a thread like this...
As a first time pregnancy, I'm preparing myself for a lot of things to learn. Since we talked about unwelcome advice, I'd like to open up to welcome advice from people who have been here before, and are living through it again. If you could give one bit of advice to those of us who are new to this life, whether about pregnancy or parenthood, what would it be?

Beckah31 · June 2015

Never say "I'd never..."

foliver82 · June 2015

Enjoy every moment, every milestone and every stage. It may seem like it's a long 40 weeks but it flys by and you will miss it once it's done. I've waited 6 years to feel this amazing feeling again. It's truly an amazing thing.
Oh and if you can, keep a pregnancy journal.
Barnes and noble has acute one that you fill in every week I think.
I got it for my first and it's fun to look back through it.
Best of luck to you!

Jess0813 · June 2015

Read A girlfriends guide to pregnancy if you get the chance and it funny and tells you about all the stuff normal pregnancy books dont. Also take stool softeners after delivery ( trust me)!!!! I also agree with the pregnancy journal. I only did one with my first but its fun to look back at it during my other pregnancies.

313Meg · June 2015

It's good to educate yourself in reading book and such but also realize that when LO comes, it doesn't always work the way the books read. Babies are hard, being a mom is hard, and I felt myself feeling like I'm failing because of my expectations from other moms and from what I read.

Cut yourself slack and allow time to figure out what works for you and LO.

Eta- And get support systems in place. A ear to listen or someone to remind you that "you are doing a good job" goes a long way!

AlejandraN2 · June 2015

The sooner you accept that not many things are in your control the calmer and happier you'll be as a mom. Try not to compare your baby to others, to milestones, to growth, to everything. Each baby is so unique, and he/she will teach you so much. Also, on a more practical level, try to connect with local mom groups especially in the first few months. As the kids get older it's harder to have a conversation, but some of the friendships you form during the first few months stay with you for years.

Oh and you're going to make mistakes. And that's ok. And the baby may fall off the bed. And that's ok too. We all mess up at some point, but hey the babies won't remember a thing. All they know is the warmth of your cuddles and the smile on your face.

kepoole · June 2015

AlejandraN2 said:
The sooner you accept that not many things are in your control the calmer and happier you'll be as a mom. Try not to compare your baby to others, to milestones, to growth, to everything. Each baby is so unique, and he/she will teach you so much. Also, on a more practical level, try to connect with local mom groups especially in the first few months. As the kids get older it's harder to have a conversation, but some of the friendships you form during the first few months stay with you for years.

Oh and you're going to make mistakes. And that's ok. And the baby may fall off the bed. And that's ok too. We all mess up at some point, but hey the babies won't remember a thing. All they know is the warmth of your cuddles and the smile on your face.

I will never forget the night that my baby rolled off the bed! I got up to pee and she was OUT... Or at least I thought she was! I felt like the worlds worst mom but she's fine!!!

redfallon · June 2015

313Meg said:

It's good to educate yourself in reading book and such but also realize that when LO comes, it doesn't always work the way the books read. Babies are hard, being a mom is hard, and I felt myself feeling like I'm failing because of my expectations from other moms and from what I read. Cut yourself slack and allow time to figure out what works for you and LO. Eta- And get support systems in place. A ear to listen or someone to remind you that "you are doing a good job" goes a long way!

YES YES YES! If you didn't know already, @313Meg and I were in the S13 BMB together and then in a FB group together with a few others. It helps so much to have her support along with the other moms who are in the same boat. Some of the others were also BTDT moms which helped us FTMs out (like you are asking for here

)

AlejandraN2 · June 2015

kepoole same here! I thought I was the world's worst mother and then i told my friends and they were like um yeah that's happened to us 3 times. Babies are tougher than they look. And as much as i'd like to say it hasn't happened again there may have been another little slip from a couch...

redfallon · June 2015

I'll be very real here: in the first few months when you are learning about you and your baby, you may not be "in love" with your newborn. You may scream around or even at your newborn. You may have a baby who screams any time you try to put him/her down and/or won't go to sleep/nap. You may need to put the baby down in the crib, go to the other end of the house, sit in the bathroom with the fan on and scream into your hands or a pillow and/or take a shower for a few minutes to calm down and go try again. This is all normal. It doesn't mean that you don't love your baby.

I also second the "never say never..." and don't be too disappointed if plans that you made don't work out. Your baby will have its own personality. I wanted to babywear and thought it would be awesome. Emily had other ideas. You'd have thought I was torching her with a hot poker when I tried. She didn't like it until she was closer to 3 or 4 mos old. I don't have lofty ideas for this second one, which is why I'm looking at double strollers and not thinking "I won't need it - I'll just babywear!" Maybe I'll get lucky, but I'm being practical, too.

Oh, and you probably won't be going to the bathroom on your own any time soon after new baby comes, unless you are a working mama and can go the the adult place and use the bathroom at work

Yes, I've had to hold my baby while on the toilet, and even nurse while on the toilet. It's still a baby magnet and if I'm in there, she wants me to fix something for her or just be in there with me.

btrfly0730 · June 2015

Ignore every birth story good and bad from your friends and strangers. It is scary as is it and you have no idea what your labor and delivery will be like. Be educated on labor and delivery from professionals and ignore the rest

redfallon · June 2015

btrfly0730 said:

Ignore every birth story good and bad from your friends and strangers. It is scary as is it and you have no idea what your labor and delivery will be like. Be educated on labor and delivery from professionals and ignore the rest

To add to this, even if you don't really want to do a birth plan, it's good to look at one and see what options are available and what kinds of things to expect. There may be things that you didn't know were possibilities. With that, don't be too rigid, and realize that things may not work out exactly the way that you wanted them to. Here is the one that I looked at with DD:

https://images.thebump.com/tools/pdfs/birth_plan.pdf

It is very easy to follow and not too long. I filled it out and went over it with my doctor beforehand and with the nursing staff when we got to the hospital. I told them that it was how I'd like things to go (like a wishlist), but we weren't going to be freaked out if it didn't go exactly the way we listed. I think that it helped both me and DH to be better prepared for what to expect.

kanda0820 · June 2015

Be prepared for a change in lifestyle. My husband and I waited for eight years after we were married to have kids. Our son, 22 months, is busy! We hardly have any free time to ourselves, a clean house or time to do hobbies. In exchange, we have a healthy, happy almost two year old. We never realized how our relationship would change once he was born - we struggled at first to find a happy balance for our family and yes I did experience postpartum. There are hard times but your child is so worth it.

As far as the actual birthing process, don't bother with a plan. Doctors/nurses are trained to bring your child into the world safely while looking out for your best interest. Sure we took the classes but once it came time, everything we learned flew out the window. As far as medications go, the hospital will have what you need. No worry to pack them in your hospital bag. There were lots that we purchased and never used. Do pack food though. My husband ended up eating some of the snacks that I packed since we went into the hospital at midnight and our son was born the next day in the afternoon.

redfallon · June 2015

kanda0820 said:

Be prepared for a change in lifestyle. My husband and I waited for eight years after we were married to have kids. Our son, 22 months, is busy! We hardly have any free time to ourselves, a clean house or time to do hobbies. In exchange, we have a healthy, happy almost two year old. We never realized how our relationship would change once he was born - we struggled at first to find a happy balance for our family and yes I did experience postpartum. There are hard times but your child is so worth it.

As far as the actual birthing process, don't bother with a plan. Doctors/nurses are trained to bring your child into the world safely while looking out for your best interest. Sure we took the classes but once it came time, everything we learned flew out the window. As far as medications go, the hospital will have what you need. No worry to pack them in your hospital bag. There were lots that we purchased and never used. Do pack food though. My husband ended up eating some of the snacks that I packed since we went into the hospital at midnight and our son was born the next day in the afternoon.

What types of medicines? Wouldn't the hospital charge you for medications that you need to take and don't have with you? I took my Zantac with me in my toiletry bag so that I'd have it on hand if needed.

redfallon · June 2015

Another one for newborn stage: NEVER LEAVE HOME WITHOUT EXTRA CHANGES OF CLOTHES! Mostly for baby, but sometimes for you, too.

You never will do that again after the first poopsplosion you have to take care of while out and about.

flyinmommy · June 2015

Learn to stand up and set limits with family. If you want a couple days of quiet at home after baby, tell people. If you don't want visitors at the hospital, tell people. If you need help, ask and don't be afraid to say no when offered "help" that isn't helpful.

helen76d · June 2015

Put olive oil on newborn baby butt until meconium...aka babies first poop...is finished. That stuff is like tar!

Murphyer · June 2015

Do your kegel exercises!!! Seriously... I didn't do them the first time around and regret it everytime I sneeze!

I also second the "never say never" .... Be prepared for things to change and your baby to have different needs than you expected.

If you choose to BF and have struggles in the beginning, go see a LC! Don't be shy or afraid to ask for help with this... You will likely need it.

Lastly, take every supply the hospital will give you... Both for the baby (don't lose the nose bulb) and yourself (pads, undies, Tucks, etc).

GalLaura · June 2015

I read so many books about pregnancy and not enough about when baby comes, specifically In regards to sleep. I had an lo who hates sleep and didn't know what to do...so much written on this topic. Once the baby is here you have no time to read books and when you are sleep deprived forget it!

dp1320 · June 2015

A lot of great advice has been given already!

I also second, third, etc "never say never" ... because odds are, you will - and you'll feel bad for judging other moms for doing just what you're doing.

100% agree with joining a moms group - it was the best thing I did and saved me while I was on maternity leave and beyond.

I was warned about "post partum" but you just don't know how bad it is until you go through it - it's awful - bloody awful. Stock up on lots of industrial size pads, tuck pads, etc etc a couple weeks before you're due to make sure all that stuff is at home when you get there - because you will need it! Take it easy, and allow yourself to heal.

Oh, and take all the mesh panties you can from the hospital

ToneGirl · June 2015

Go into labor/delivery with an open mind. Like pp have said, having a birth plan isn't necessarily a bad thing just don't get upset if it doesn't go the way you planned it. Mine was completely different than what I had planned and it was still wonderful and memorable.

Don't go buying/registering for every single baby item there is out there. I used like 25% of all the stuff I bought or was given. You don't need a fancy wipe warmer (actually I don't recommend it b/c when you are out somewhere and don't have that warmer and need to use cold wipes, baby will scream and it's just a nightmare).

Yes, the first couple weeks are hard!! You might feel like you have no clue what you are doing and that's ok. It's a learning process and you will make mistakes. Post partum depression might happen for you (it did for me) and it was awful...get help if you need it, don't wait and think you are a bad parent.

Don't compare your child to other children. I did this and I felt like my child was so far behind and I was doing something wrong. He eventually caught up. All children grow and hit milestones at different times.

ssinnwell · June 2015

Let people help you if they offer! Especially if they want to bring you food! Don't try to be super woman.

kjswan3 · June 2015

Wow lots of great advice!!

Like others have said "never say never"....be open to most things, but all in all you will develop that mothers intuition....trust yourself and your capabilities!!

Seriously forget about house work/ cleaning when you bring baby home until you get into the swing of things. Enjoy all of those snuggles and naps together. Seriously the.... Best. Thing. Ever. So just forget all the little stuff and enjoy your little prince or princess. I totally did not cut myself enough slack and tried cleaning/cooking etc...and really got burnt out at first.

Don't feel bad about ordering out, or reheating frozen stuff that you made ahead of time (I recommend doing this!!!)

Post pregnancy body freaked me out a little (even though I read and heard stories from friends on what to expect)! I felt like I was never going to look like "me" again...you will. Give yourself time to heal and stare at your baby and think "I made you"....such a cool feeling and how my amazing body made this miracle!!!

redfallon · June 2015

Also listen and adhere to the post delivery instructions. They told me not to lift anything heavier than my newborn for a number of weeks. After two weeks? I thought I was good to go to the grocery store with DD. I lifted her in her infant seat into and out of the car and the (big part) of the grocery cart. I hurt for two days afterward.

Speaking of grocery carts, don't put your newborn in the top of the cart meant for sitting children! You can find room around the infant seat in the inside of the cart and underneath the cart. Please do not put the infant seat onto the handlebars of the cart!

That's my PSA for the day.

VixDecember2015 · June 2015

After the baby comes, you may be an emotional wreck and a sleep-deprived zombie. Try to find humor wherever you can--because projectile poop is a real thing. And when it happens at 3am, you either end up laughing or sobbing. But don't worry if you still can't laugh at the time, because after 6 months and a good night's sleep, it will be hysterical.

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