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Older siblings having a hard time accepting new baby

bpwife&mamabpwife&mama member
in August 2015 Moms
Anyone have a child or children that are not accepting the idea of a new baby well? DS will be almost 4 when his baby brother is born and he hates the idea. I've read books to him about it, I've talked about ways he can help me with the new baby, and I've included him in the planning of new baby. However, when asked if he's excited he says no. He claims he doesn't like the baby and doesn't want him here. I'm convinced he will fall in love once the baby is actually here, but I'm curious if other moms are dealing with a similar issue?
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Re: Older siblings having a hard time accepting new baby

  • Miz_LizMiz_Liz member
    No experience yet as this baby is #2 for us too; however I know people who have gotten the older sibling a gift "from" the baby. They brought it to the hospital with them and then when the sibling came to visit gave it to them, but I am sure you could give it to him sooner if you thought it would help!
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  • Shine2015Shine2015 member
    I have the opposite problem. My 4 year old is so excited and loves his sibling already. However, I am afraid of what will happen when we actually bring him\her home. We were at a party yesterday and I was holding a 5 month old and DS looked extremely jealous! Plus no matter how often I try explaining what a baby actually does, all he wants to do is talk about how he is going to have so much fun playing with it. I fear he doesn't understand that this is not an instant playmate!
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  • SassetteSmurflingSassetteSmurfling member
    Mine are opposite. My kids (2 and 4) are both very excited for the baby, but I'm not sure they'll be thrilled when it's actually here. They are very used to getting a lot of attention from DH and I. My two year old is especially not a fan of sharing, or waiting his turn and he is a hitter and a biter when he is told no or told to wait. I'm actually taking him in for a behavioral visit to the doctor next week because nothing works as far as disciplining him and I'm out of ideas.

    Right now he talks to the baby constantly and is always hugging and kissing my tummy and saying how much he loves the baby. I'm just afraid once he realizes that sometimes the babies needs will come first, he's going to be violent towards the baby :(
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  • ashbash1012ashbash1012 member
    Once my new baby is here my baby girl will be almost 4 as well. I've been talking to her about her brother, but with her being the only child for so long, some days she isn't interested. So I'm in the same boat as you, I need some mamas that know! She just cannot grasp the concept of baby, she still correlates the him with me. Not his own person.
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  • Miz_LizMiz_Liz member
    Shine2015 said:
    I have the opposite problem. My 4 year old is so excited and loves his sibling already. However, I am afraid of what will happen when we actually bring him\her home. We were at a party yesterday and I was holding a 5 month old and DS looked extremely jealous! Plus no matter how often I try explaining what a baby actually does, all he wants to do is talk about how he is going to have so much fun playing with it. I fear he doesn't understand that this is not an instant playmate!

    This is us too. DS will be 3 next month. He is excited, but I don't think he fully comprehends that she will be here permanently or that she won't be able to play with him right away. We point out infants when we are out and show him pictures and say, "See, that's how your baby sister is going to be..." but he is convinced when she moves in my belly she is "walking" and if I try to tell him she doesn't walk yet, he gets mad and argues with me.
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  • breezymeema7breezymeema7 member
    Maybe the idea of baby just isn't fun for him right now? Perhaps try putting all things "baby" aside for a week. No books, no prep, no talking about baby, nothing. See how he does with that. It could just be that he doesn't enjoy the planning and waiting part of baby.
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  • HarleenQuinz86HarleenQuinz86 member
    My friend just had her second baby and her son just turned I think 3 or 4 after her DD was born. He used to say he didn't want the baby or he didn't like her but once she was here he fell in love and doesn't want anyone else to hold her or take care of her. If you ask him he says that's his sister and you can't have her. It's really adorable.
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  • Baby2HGBaby2HG member
    My dd is 4 when she will meet her baby brother. Yesterday my cousin and her newborn girl came over and dd kept saying to me not to touch the baby, over and over. After a while she calmed down and I got a chance to hold the baby. I really hope she accepts baby C into our family. She has no choice. I tell her about her baby brother often but I don't overwhelm her.
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  • nakoppelnakoppel member
    My step daughter is similar to all of PP. Me and her mom are both having boys within 2 months of each other. Right now she is so excited and says how she can't wait to teach the babies and hold them. She talks to our bellies and keeps asking if we can give her toys to them. But she's been an only for four years and the only grandchild I'm afraid she'll get jealous. But I also know anticipating a problem before its here when I can do nothing about it isn't good.
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  • Thj417Thj417 member
    I didn't read all the posts - but, get your child a baby doll. Sometimes it helps to have the unseen become a tangible look alike before the real one arrives.
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  • jlsweetsjlsweets member

    Same situation over here- I think it's just a really hard concept for them to understand. There is so much talk about the baby yet they aren't here and for them to grasp they are growing in mommy's belly all this time I think is a bit hard ha. My son loves to feel the baby kick but as soon as we start talking about the baby coming he puts his hand up as to stop us and yells NO! If anybody asks him about being a big brother and excited he gets upset and doesn't want to talk about it. Same with baby items coming out to be cleaned, it's overwhelming for him to see all these items but no baby? Could be a bit confusing for them. I haven't been talking about it lately and have held off on cleaning the rest of the items. My sister just had a baby and we went to visit her in the hospital and he was totally sweet and in awe of the baby and was doing little baby talk ha it was really cute. I think once they can physically see the baby they will be just fine! It's a big transition for them as well

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  • lynp3lynp3 member
    My 11 year old is less than impressed about the fact that he will have two new little sisters in a few weeks, While my 5 year old can't wait to be a big brother! My older son has started to act out and his attitude is getting bigger than himself! I'm trying to spend extra time with just my older son and I but I can't reward his behavior either. These babies will be here in a few weeks no matter what he wants.
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  • Perfect SonnetPerfect Sonnet member

    My daughter is really excited as of now, but like others have said I don't think she really *gets* it.  She and I always stop to look at the babies in the daycare nursery on the way out, talk about how there is a baby in my belly and she will live with us in a few months, etc.  However, I don't think it is easy for young children to really conceptualize their world changing to that degree.  I think most of the work and acceptance comes after the baby comes.

    I will be doing what others suggest like buying a gift from little sister to big sister and vice versa, as well as playing up the big girl, mommy's helper thing.  good luck!


     

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  • CGlessCGless member
    My stepson was seven when we had our baby and when we told him he was not excited. He would say things like "the baby is going to cry a lot and keep us up", "the baby is going to poop a lot", "the baby going to scream"...

    It made me sad that he felt that way because I was very excited. But the first time he got to hold the baby changed his attitude completely.
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  • evaoorevaoor member
    edited June 2015
    Hi! My almost 4 year old girl seems really really excited about the new baby, talks give kisses play with my tummy so far so good, i been talking to her that babies are tiny and delicate and they cry a lot, sleep, etc kind of telling her all the negativea also so she doesnt expected everything wondeeful right away, other thing that make me feel more confident and secure is that she had the opportunity to meet some friends newborns and little babies and she behaves amazing around them, i need to work on the gentle hands but so far she seems so happy and excited to meet her new baby brother/sister. But let see how it goes when baby is actually here, im planning the gift at hospital and all that also. Good luck
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  • 2ndtimemomy2ndtimemomy member
    My daughter is 3 and she is not exited at all. She throw The baby stuff away. She come to my tummy and tell the baby to go time out .
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  • sjra1028sjra1028 member
    My son(8) is extremely excited! My stepson(almost 9) is starting to hate the idea. :(
    Saturday he threw a fit on the way to the baby shower and then was obnoxious to my family that had come. He got over it when he found out we were going swimming.
    Yesterday, we had a big cookout and my husband took away a broken shovel handle from him. He got mad but wouldn't admit to his dad that he was mad at him, so he said he was upset with me. He told my husband he wants me gone and doesn't care if he doesn't see his new sister.
    So now I'm in the doghouse. My once loving husband agrees that I should leave bc obviously I've upset his son so much that he refused to leave his room and have dinner with the family. I ended up on the couch last night and my stepson walked up to me and said that now he can watch movies in my bed and he just smiled.
    I've never seen him do this. I totally get that it's a jealousy issue, but having me kicked out? Really??? And my husband is defending him bc he's his 1st born. I'd do the same thing with my son, but this is just too much.
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  • sjra1028sjra1028 member
    @Miz_Liz I agree. I tried to sit down with him last night and he went off on me before I could even begin. My FIL talked to me earlier about it and said he sees what my stepson is doing. He doesn't want me to pack up my stuff. I have no where to go anyways except a shelter. And my husband was drinking during the argument and said a lot of hurtful things that he normally wouldn't ever say to me. It's scary how my stepson is enjoying this though. I never expected him to be like this. My SIL had warned me a few months ago to not leave him alone with the baby once she's born. She wouldn't clarify as to why.
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  • cosplaymomcosplaymom member
    DD will be 2 when her sister is born. So far she seems to like the idea, she likes babies. When we bring baby home, we are going to give my toddler her own little rocking chair in the nursery and a new "newborn" baby doll so she can take care of her own baby too.
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  • PurpleBookmarkPurpleBookmark member
    DS was 2.5 when DD was born, he was very ambivalent and when she arrived he would often ask for her to be put away in the pack n play. He never did hold her but once she became a little more interactive he really bonded with her and now they are best friends.

    For this baby DS will be 4 and is more excited, although he still doesn't want to hold the new baby he says. He really wanted another sister so he was excited she's a girl and he has had a lot of name ideas.

    DD is 20 months old and is wild about little "sissy", lots of belly hugs and kisses. I think she will have a much tougher time when baby is here.

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  • Jenaboo4Jenaboo4 member
    sjra1028 said:

    @Miz_Liz I agree. I tried to sit down with him last night and he went off on me before I could even begin. My FIL talked to me earlier about it and said he sees what my stepson is doing. He doesn't want me to pack up my stuff. I have no where to go anyways except a shelter. And my husband was drinking during the argument and said a lot of hurtful things that he normally wouldn't ever say to me. It's scary how my stepson is enjoying this though. I never expected him to be like this. My SIL had warned me a few months ago to not leave him alone with the baby once she's born. She wouldn't clarify as to why.

    Sounds scary how your step son is being. I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. If you & your husband are able to work it out please watch that boy around you little girl. Sometimes kids do crazy things out of jealousy. But don't make it obvious or it'll cause problems it sounds like. I wish you the best of luck. Who knows though, he might turn around once she's here & might be in fear another kid might take more of daddy's time.
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  • CanadaMom17CanadaMom17 member
    sjra1028 said:
    @Miz_Liz I agree. I tried to sit down with him last night and he went off on me before I could even begin. My FIL talked to me earlier about it and said he sees what my stepson is doing. He doesn't want me to pack up my stuff. I have no where to go anyways except a shelter. And my husband was drinking during the argument and said a lot of hurtful things that he normally wouldn't ever say to me. It's scary how my stepson is enjoying this though. I never expected him to be like this. My SIL had warned me a few months ago to not leave him alone with the baby once she's born. She wouldn't clarify as to why.
    Run, even if it is to a shelter.  Your husband is not fit to be one, or a parent.
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  • lvrunningirlielvrunningirlie member
    Right now my three year old is so excited for "his baby". He'll tell anyone who talks to him that his baby's name is Naomi. He even brought one of his stuffed animals to her room and put it in her crib for her to have. He is a complete momma's boy though so I'm not sure how he'll feel once he actually has to share my time and attention. Yesterday when I picked him up from daycare they said they were trying to get a picture of him smiling and he was refusing to smile, so they asked him about his sister and he started talking about her just cheesin away so they took the picture then lol.
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  • lvrunningirlielvrunningirlie member
    Jenaboo4 said:
    @Miz_Liz I agree. I tried to sit down with him last night and he went off on me before I could even begin. My FIL talked to me earlier about it and said he sees what my stepson is doing. He doesn't want me to pack up my stuff. I have no where to go anyways except a shelter. And my husband was drinking during the argument and said a lot of hurtful things that he normally wouldn't ever say to me. It's scary how my stepson is enjoying this though. I never expected him to be like this. My SIL had warned me a few months ago to not leave him alone with the baby once she's born. She wouldn't clarify as to why.
    Sounds scary how your step son is being. I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. If you & your husband are able to work it out please watch that boy around you little girl. Sometimes kids do crazy things out of jealousy. But don't make it obvious or it'll cause problems it sounds like. I wish you the best of luck. Who knows though, he might turn around once she's here & might be in fear another kid might take more of daddy's time.
    That sounds really scary. I would have a real problem being kicked out of my own room because of a child who is upset... and does not have any power in my bedroom. Not to mention, you never give a kid that much power in your house, I don't care if he's your husbands first son... you guys are the unit. Now this kid knows he has the power over you and can manipulate his dad. I'd also second the being cautious of baby around this child. This whole situation makes me nervous. What husband makes a his pregnant wife sleep on the couch?
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