Ftm with visitors

antoats · June 2015

Both my mom and mother in law want to come when I have my daughter. My mom specifically is very competitive and I don't want or need the stress of both being there the same time. I decided only my husband will be in the delivery room with me. How can I tell them I don't want both there without sounding rude?

Katerina&Baby · June 2015

First - don't worry about sounding rude. Nobody has a "right" to be in there with you or "deserves" to be in there with you - who you choose to allow in that room should be solely based on who you are comfortable with and want in there. You are going to be in a lot of pain and completely exposed - it's not unreasonable or selfish to not want an audience other than your husband.

Tell them the truth - say that you are excited for everyone to meet the baby but that you and your husband will be the only ones in the delivery room. Be polite but firm. If either of them throw a fit or try to guilt you, just keep repeating yourself (this is what you're comfortable with and that's the end of it).

antoats · June 2015

@Katerina&Baby I meant I don't want them at my house at the same time. I would rather them here at different times

Bigboobsmcgee · June 2015

Say exactly that. It's not hard to do. Just be honest.

Katerina&Baby · June 2015

Oh! Well if you're talking about a short visit, that's easy - just say that you don't want them to have to share their special new grandparent time so you would like to have them over separately. If you make it look like you're trying to be considerate of them, nobody should say anything.

This gets more complicated if you're NOT talking about a short visit - do you mean that they want to come stay with you at your house for an extended period of time?

More details would be helpful - how far from you do they live? What kind/length of visit are we talking about?

antoats · June 2015

My mom is 800 miles away and my MIL is across the country in Washington and I live in NC. My MIL wants to be here 10 days from the 18th to the 28th of July and my mom wants to be here sometime before I'm due and isn't sure on how long she's staying. I'm due July 15th @katerina&baby

jesselayne8 · June 2015

Are they staying at your house or a hotel? Will they help clean or cook or will they need to be waited on?

Katerina&Baby · June 2015

Gotchya. Just explain that it might be too tight in your house to have them both stay at the same time. There is a very real possibility that you won't give birth until after the 18th - try to get a feel for who has the more flexible schedule and then you should suggest the dates that work for you (and will keep them separate). Good luck!

PrimRoseMama · June 2015

Don't worry about being rude. They will live.

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