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3rd Trimester
lindamarie93
member
Monsterinlaw, Do I allow her in delivery room?
lindamarie93
member
Okay, So my boyfriends mother and I have recently got into it because while her and my mother had been planning a shower for my daughter, my mother in law had been planning her own behind everyone's back... (Like this women had a date, her own invitations, and guest list she didn't share...)& then backed out a month before the actual baby shower. Mind you... My family (mother) has been the only one planning&buying while his mom has been quite&complaining about not feeling involved, but was always very vocal and outspoken about having $1000 put aside to spend on the shower. Both myself and my boyfriend agreed on a co-ed shower that way both families can mingle and neither one of us feel uncomfortable. When I confronted her and expressed my feelings about the situation the conversation quickly turned heated and now I'm the bad person&I'm ridiculous because I'm not allowing her to have a shower for "herself." This is my first child and first time dealing with another family and their traditions. My family is super close, and my boyfriends not so much, but that's no reason to have separate parties&get togethers.. I mean this damn lady already had my daughters first birthday planned out for just her side. Who does that? I'm expected to go to her shower&I've yet to hear any details or the date. She doesn't speak to me at all now. I'm due in August&I'm not sure if I'll have her in the room when I deliver. It has been a month since the incident&she has yet to reach out or apologize to me about the secret shower or the nasty comments she said to me&knowing her she won't. This has caused constant arguments&tension with both sides&is constantly stressing me. Do I allow her to share this precious moment or not? Any advice or stories of similar situations will help. Thanks
Re: Monsterinlaw, Do I allow her in delivery room?
That aside, you do not have to allow anyone in delivery room that you do not want there.
DS2: BFP 02/09/13 | EDD 10/26/13 | said goodbye 06/02/13
Also, you do not need to have anyone you don't want in the delivery room. Even if you and MIL were BFFs, you still don't have to have her in there. Many people prefer only DH.
As for the shower - it is perfectly acceptable (and pretty typical) for your side and your husband/boyfriend's side of the family to have separate celebrations. It's lovely that your mom was willing to co-host your shower and have both sides at one event but clearly your MIL preferred to do a separate one. Showers are a gift - you don't get to weigh in on the details (if your opinion and wishes are solicited, by all means, speak up but you don't get to control anything just because you're the honoree). In my honest opinion, accept the two showers gracefully and move on.
I also agree that two smaller showers are probably better than one big one...you want to make sure you have time to speak to everyone in attendance, so the bigger the shower the harder that is.
That being said, I always think it's kind of weird to have anyone other than the dad in the delivery room (unless you're estranged from the dad or have a doula or something). I can see how it might upset your MIL if your mom is in there and she isn't, but as long as you and your BF are a united front about setting the rules it's fine if you want to do that.
2nd round exp 8/20/18.
you are the boss. put your foot down. don't let MIL run the show, you don't want her in the room. she doesn't need to be there. as far as baby showers.... we did a big one and it was fun! I don't like my MIL OR FIL ugh theyre horrible sarcastic ppl who are 50 years old acting like their in High School. -_- anyways. YOUR the momma not her (:
As far as being In the room that's a separate issue. I personally wouldn't because she obviously doesn't respect your decisions and wishes when it comes to a simple baby shower and probably won't respect wishes on your big day.
Normally I give credence to monster-in-law stories (I have a Tiger-In-Law myself). However, in this instance getting snippy about someone else throwing you a party seems kind of cruddy.
The delivery room issue is completely separate. I say mother & father only. If you don't want your MIL there then I think you are justified. I wouldn't lob it all together with the BS issue. It's not even the same zip code.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
As for the birthday party, she doesn't get to have one just for her. Yall plan one and invite ALL family. If she comes she comes. If not her loss.
Two showers are ok but if yall agreed to one and now she wants her own just don't go to hers. That's ridiculous. She has to plan the shower around you bc you and baby are the reason for the shower NOT her. Your BF needs to step up and put his foot down. Period.
My sister will be present to take photos and videos for my husband and I. Of course he will be with me from the get go. The whole MIL thing I find is just crazy. Yes it's her sons child, too.. But it's not her child delivering the baby.. To me that warrants zero right to be present.
Don't feel pressure by ANYONE. Do not make a decision that may end up causing regret or possibly weakening the excitement or mood of baby being born. Do what you feel is best for YOU. And no one else!
Also, If you don't feel comfortable with certain people in the room with you while you deliver, it's completely ok. It's a very important and intimate moment for you and the last thing you should even be thinking about is feeling guilty about someone else's feelings when it's YOUR big day as new parents. Plus, uncomfortability can REALLy stress you out and stress can cause high blood pressure and a not so serene environment for such a special moment. Just do what you feel is right and helps you stay calm and positive for baby.