FTM and just had a convo with my SO about breastfeeding and it did NOT go over well

hannakeegan · June 2015

ive mentioned to him in the past that if I can I want to breastfeed our son who is due July 17th, for as long as possible hopefully at least a year. But this morning we had a conversation about it and I mentioned that when I'm out in public like at a restaurant or airport or wherever really that I will not go into hiding in a bathroom or a car to breastfeed our son and I have no problem in doing it in public. To which he responded "No that's disgusting! Nobody wants to see that, that's gross you DO need to go to the bathroom to feed him" ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?! All this time I thought he would be on board with me and be an advocate even that if we were out in public and someone came up to me asked me to feed our child else where that he would stand up for me but apparently I've been sorely mistaken. He actually said that its gross that you're feeding another human milk out of your nipple. Those were his actual words. He agrees with me about breastfeeding our son since we do believe it's better than formula (nothing against moms who choose formula) but only in private. he his completely against breastfeeding in public saying it's disgusting and inappropriate. We are not modest people btw. I asked him if it's more inappropriate than the Victoria's Secret ads you see in the mall, and he said that's completely different. OMG IM JUST SO MAD AND UPSET I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHO TO TALK TO ABOUT THIS!

ChristyM87 · June 2015

When both of you are calmer, talk to him about why does he feel this way. My husband hasn't been around breastfeeding a lot but is fine with me feeding uncovered in public as he understands that it is not sexual and not like I will be trying to show off my boobs. I haven't registered or bought any covers because I am not planning on using any.

hannakeegan · June 2015

I did ask him why and he actually said because it is disgusting that milk is coming out of my nipple, like a cow. He understands it's not sexual in any means and that was a point that I made too that nobody would see more boob than if another woman was showing a good amount of cleavage which is very common but it's not about seeing the boob for him it's the act of a human sucking milk out of my nipple that he says is gross and inappropriate.

butterfly061583 · June 2015

Sounds like he has a personal problem. Mine tried to complain about my daughter being 9mos and her legs hanging over my legs while nursing her which to him meant she needed a bottle. I just ignored him and continued BF without ever giving formula until she was 2 yrs and 4 months old. As far as BF in public, people who get disgusted have issues with seeing breasts as overly sexual instead of recognizing their true purpose. I was able to nurse using a breathable cover made of muslin that had little eyelets that allowed for plenty of air she never tried to pull it off and never got hot. Even without a cover women are able to BF in public discreetly without exposing themselves to the whole world and without going into a bathroom etc. Ask him if he would like to enjoy his meals in a restroom. Seriously it's all in people's heads when they get offended because there is nothing about feeding a baby that is offensive. I had people give me dirty looks even fully covered when I BF on benches in stores while shopping etc. I learned to smile back and ignore them. There were also women who smiled happily at me knowing what I was doing was best for my baby. I wasn't able to change his thoughts about this but after I ignored his rants enough he shut up about it. Maybe he didn't grow up seeing women in his family BF in public. I'm not sure there is anything you can do to change his mind. Just do what you need to do to feed your where you please to feed him/her and don't let this stress you out.

zmombie · June 2015

Oh hell no!!! I personally have only ever fed formula just because it's my preference, but i completely agree that you should be able to breast feed wherever you want! If anyone's offended by a NATURAL thing that our bodies are meant to do, then that's their problem!! It pisses me off how women can walk around in those micro bikinis with there cooch lips hanging out.. But feeding your child is disgusting!

Try not to let it get to you though... Breast feeding is the best option. You could also use a blanket or something, just to make him shut up... Not that you should have to. Maybe he will come around once he sees you doing it.

beeish · June 2015

Maybe he will have a different perspective once little one is here. It seems as if he isn't familiar with breastfeeding. I agree that bathrooms are so unsanitary and I would never formula feed in a stall so why should you have to breastfeed in one? Ridiculous.

AlexandraMarcotte · June 2015

What a crummy situation!

I wonder if he would feel better knowing that nursing in public can still be discrete with like a cute nursing cover (if you want to use one, like the ones that double as an infinity scarf) or with a convenient nursing top?

I plan on nursing in public as well, but eased my husbands concerns by stating I would use some kind of cover that would conceal my lady parts (cause let's be honest, I don't want other people seeing that either -- even if it is natural) and let me BF with ease.

mers90 · June 2015

What about using a blanket when you are in public? I don't agree with the way he said that to you and most of what he said, but even when I'm all in for breastfeeding and did it with my son and I'll do it this time too I do agree that when you're in public you should cover yourself. I don't want to start a controversial topic and have 1000 people against me, but for me, my body is private and I definitely don't like having lunch while looking at a strangers breast (because yes, when babies are eating they cover it all, but they let go every once in a while and people can see everything then). You don't need to run to a filthy bathroom, but you could cover yourself ... But again, that's my opinion. I never did it in front of anyone other than my husband or mother.

abbymessina · June 2015

I agree that he definately handled it wrong with saying what he did. I have breastfed both of my children and plan to again with my third but I also never have breastfed in public without a cover or blanket covering myself. I never wanted to feel uncomfortable or make anyone else uncomfortable even though it is a totally natural thing to feed your child. Just my opinion

ashleytiff · June 2015

1. You could ask him to eat all of his meals in the bathroom
2. You could ask him to eat all of his meals underneath a blanket.

I hate how no one has a problem with seeing boobs until they are actually used for their purpose.

shmarpler · June 2015

I plan to breastfeed, but have no intention of ever nursing in a public restroom. I don't like going into them and there is no way I'm going to feed a baby surrounded by the aroma of poo! I tend to be a little more reserved than most, but I would rather feed in public with a cover than in a bathroom. Maybe after baby comes he will become a little more accustomed to the idea.

confuegosuzy · June 2015

Why is it not disgusting for your body to GROW the baby but totally disgusting for it to then FEED the baby?

I am pro breastfeeding and intend to do it, but I also think it's weird. If you really stop and overthink it, it is. But so is pregnancy in general, so there's that.

Tell him to grow up.

kmhefner01 · June 2015

My DD hated the nursing cover and I refuse to feed my kid in a nasty bathroom stall. Usually at restaurants I would ask to be seated in a discreet corner so I could nurse. I did get frustrated a lot in stores that didn't have anywhere I could nurse without a cover and often went to my car which was very inconvenient or use bottled breast milk which DD didn't care for. Luckily my town has been adding nursing rooms to many shopping areas. I will probably be less concerned about what other people think this time around. Hopefully your SO will be more open to you feeding baby in public after he gets used to seeing it at home and realized there is nothing weird about it.

butterfly061583 · June 2015

kmhefner01 said:
My DD hated the nursing cover and I refuse to feed my kid in a nasty bathroom stall. Usually at restaurants I would ask to be seated in a discreet corner so I could nurse. I did get frustrated a lot in stores that didn't have anywhere I could nurse without a cover and often went to my car which was very inconvenient or use bottled breast milk which DD didn't care for. Luckily my town has been adding nursing rooms to many shopping areas. I will probably be less concerned about what other people think this time around. Hopefully your SO will be more open to you feeding baby in public after he gets used to seeing it at home and realized there is nothing weird about it.

Have you ever tried a Muslin fabric with breathable eyelets? I'm in CA and it kept my baby cool and she stayed under it. It was designed so that I could see her and she could see me. Not saying you have to use a cover but if you ever need to, try that type of fabric out. Most of the covers suck but there are a few lightweight breathable ones out there. This time around I'm just going to tie the muslin fabric around my neck and skip buying a pre made cover.

rw3190 · June 2015

Getting a nice cover for feeding your baby and doing it in public should be ok.
I can't see why he'd disagree.

I'm not going to just plop by boob out for everyone to see while I feed my kid.
My personal opinion.

jesicabrennan · June 2015

I did not discuss this with my husband before I had our DS, I pretty much just did it. It was my body and if I felt like getting my boob out in public I did, no need to ask anyone's permission. My body, my choice.

Savanna111911 · June 2015

I think it's different for guys sometimes because we unfortunately live in a society that thinks of breasts as more sexual. I would wait until you have both calmed down about it a little bit and see if you can get him to explain why he feels the way he does. Maybe when the baby gets here and it's his wife nursing his child he will come around.

kinnieloo · June 2015

I plan on pumping and having a supply for times were in public

I'm not against feeding in public , I am just personally not comfortable with it for myself, I'm sure he will support you in your decision after that baby comes and he realizes breast feeding is natural

kenziekelley03 · June 2015

I'm breast feeding an I find it a little uncomfortable when moms just have their whole chest out . Especially at restaurants if they use a cover up or something I find that completely okay but to me it's just a respect thing to the people around. I'll pump before going in public or out an if I didn't pump enough I'll have a cover up also the sling works great it looks like your just carrying your baby but you are feeding. It's all opinion I think breast feeding is amazing an great but I do find it uncomfortable when completely exposed

Numajawara · June 2015

So after reading this whole thread I asked my husband "when we're out and baby gets hungry what do you think I should do?" He said, "feed the baby duh" lol I said, "what if people are around and watching?" His reply "just put a cover over yourselves"... I said "oh I was just thinking about going in a bathroom to breastfeed". He looked so hurt after I said that and replied, "that is the most disgusting thing for anybody to do to their children because bathrooms are unsanitary .. Especially public bathrooms"

Like PP said he your husband probablyy wasn't raised around breast feeding women

JennyJensing · June 2015

I think people of our generation had varying degrees of exposure to breastfeeding women, since it wasn't as popular when we were young as it has become in recent years. My mom didn't breastfeed at all and never wanted to. Honestly, I thought I would be very weird about it, but it turned out to be very natural when it came down to it.
All that being said, it's still NMS to breastfeed openly in public. I'd always feed DD in my car or somewhere with a cover. Is it possible that your husband just doesn't like the idea of people seeing you topless? Maybe you could compromise and use a cover when you're out and about? I'd say be up front and hold your ground that you at least want to try it. Tell him about all of the benefits and maybe see if there's a La Leche League support group in your area that can help give you suggestions on how to overcome these type of obstacles. GL!

kate5all · June 2015

Ugh, modern views and opinions on breasts are so fucked up and contradictory. There's an awesome documentary on Netflix called "Breastmilk"--I recommend watching that with your man just to put this issue into perspective. Also, check out The Leaky Boob site--they're amazing and have a ton of articles on this very topic: https://theleakyboob.com/?s=gross

I saw the founder speak recently and she's amazing.

last14me · June 2015

My bf is a little weirded out by the idea of me breastfeeding, but only because he's used to seeing boobs as sexual...he doesn't think it's gross. But I'm right there with you on him not wanting me to breastfeed...he says he thinks it'll be too stressful for me because I didn't with my first two many years ago and this pregnancy has been hell on me (due July 22nd). He doesn't realize after the baby is born, I won't be in as much pain and be so cranky and overwhelmed.

Anyway, if I was in your shoes...I'd just do it...if he throws a fit in public when you do, he'll look like an idiot to some and justified to others. If my bf gave the reason your other half did, I'd tell him to piss off, but I am super modest so I'd probably pump so I could bottle feed in public...good luck :-)

Savanna111911 · June 2015

You know it might also be worth pointing out to him when you see people breast feeding cover less in public. Obviously not in an obvious way to make the mother uncomfortable. My dh was a little weirded out about by he idea of feeding without a cover. I saw a couple of folks out and about feeding in public and subtly pointed it out to him. He was amazed by how little you could see. I think in his mind it was going to be like full frontal or something.

NYMominCA · June 2015

I haven't read all the replies but I say just go with the flow for now. With DD, my DH had a lot of differing opinions on breastfeeding than I did (I was staunchly pro-breastfeeding, no formula, due to a desire to reduce the risk of the multiple food allergies I have; he was more "breastfeed at home, give formula when out") but once she was born it was a whole different story. His opinion changed as he got used to my nursing anywhere and everywhere (and he comes from a culture/country where they really DO whip out a boob and don't care about covering up or anything, but his mom did the whole bfing/formula thing and it worked for her and was "less stress" which is why he thought it would be best for me).

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FTM and just had a convo with my SO about breastfeeding and it did NOT go over well

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