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December 2015 Moms
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Am I being too sensitive?

ariyanas1momariyanas1mom member
in December 2015 Moms
I have circle of friends & all of them have toddlers & babies while I'm the only one with a teenager. Finally I'll be joining the club soon though.
I often see them on Facebook checking in at the zoo, park etc. and they don't invite me. I am always invited to birthdays, bbq's though. I get sad/offended when I see pics of them together and think about the fact that I may have a teen, but it doesn't mean we may not want to go to the zoo, pumpkin farm etc. with them....am I being too insecure/ easily offended?
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Re: Am I being too sensitive?

  • BostonBaby1BostonBaby1 member
    No. I think it's rude of them. But I'm not surprised, this happens all the time with women. Keep your chin up mama! I'm sure it's not personal.
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  • ariyanas1momariyanas1mom member
    Thanks, I had my first early in high school and they're all just starting like I'm starting over now. It's weird having no one to turn to for advice because everyone else is just starting. I'm kind of excited to be in their "baby circle" now though soon.
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  • raq_2020raq_2020 member
    i don't think you're being too sensitive. i feel that way too with similar situations. there are some people who are really awesome at being inclusive and others (i think, unintentionally) who really suck at it. i know it's easier said than done, but i always feel sooo much better if i say something about how it makes me feel left out. it's probably unintentional and maybe your friends would want to know if they are accidentally hurting your feelings or leaving you out. 
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  • taysuntaysun member
    I thinks it's rude but they might not realize that's something you and your teen would be interested in. I'd bring it up next time you talk that you would like to be included if you can do so without getting confrontational.
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  • ariyanas1momariyanas1mom member
    I'm sure it's probably unintentional, I guess they don't know any better since they don't have teenagers. I should stop being sensitive, I think too much sometimes. I guess they would never know unless I say something... But I wouldn't want to say something and seem like a sensitive crybaby to them or have them invite me out of pity.
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  • Blake&BlairBlake&Blair member
    If I were your friends I would assume you wouldn't want to go do the kid stuff. If they were going out as just the girls and never invited me, sure I'd be offended. Have you told them you want to go or are feeling left out? 
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  • lalg28lalg28 member
    If this was my BFF I'd probably mention how I felt. Less close friends, probably not. If you're afraid to mention it, I'd just not worry about it, I'm sure they don't mean to be rude.
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  • gerblahgerblah member
    I think it's all about the way you word it. Like, "is that the new lemur exhibit at the zoo? I've been totally meaning to check it out. You guys should let me know next time you head out there".
    It lets them know you are interested without being too "why didn't you invite me?"
    And establishing yourself as part of the group will only help once new little arrives.
    Hope that helps.
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  • redfallonredfallon member
    Blake&Blair said:
    If I were your friends I would assume you wouldn't want to go do the kid stuff. If they were going out as just the girls and never invited me, sure I'd be offended. Have you told them you want to go or are feeling left out? 
    Same here. If it was me, I would never think to ask someone who didn't have a toddler/baby to go along with other moms with toddlers and babies. It's just a different dynamic.

    Jamie


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  • mac-n-cheesymac-n-cheesy member
    I don't think you are being insensitive. Good etiquette would dictate that your friends invite you along, even if they are not sure it would be something you and your teenager would necessarily partake in. I'm of the mind that the more the merrier and if they are your good friends it would be nice of them to at least call to extend and invite.
    That being said maybe next time you talk to them and a recent outing you were left out of comes up maybe you could mention politely "It sounds like you had such a great time! It would've been fun to be there!" and see what the reply is.
    If you are not invited next time after doing this then your indirect communication cue was obviously lost on them and maybe it would then be time for a more direct conversation about feeling left out. Your friends may not even realize that they are leaving you out and that you feel this way.
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  • VesperLoveVesperLove member
    I think it's rude of them, but like others have said, I don't think it's intentional at all. They probably just assume that your teen (and thus you) wouldn't want to go. I don't think you're being overly sensitive or overreacting; however, I do think you could try and remedy it!

    DH had a good friend with a wife and two kids. We have no kids. They are always posting pics of going out and doing things with them - the aquarium, the zoo, etc. DH and I never think to go do things like that on our own (because we don't have kids) and obviously aren't invited to go with them because they probably assume two adults wouldn't want to tag along.

    However, after seeing their last pics, DH asked if I would ever want to join them. I said of course so he called up his friend and said, "I know this is totally random but we saw your pics at the zoo and would love for you guys to let us know the next time you go do something fun like that. We'd love to spend time with you and your kiddos and would love to get out and about more."

    His friend was stoked! He always struggles to find time for his friends but doesn't think to include them on "kid" outings ... so he was really excited to find out that we would like to join and make a day out of it.

    Long story short, without calling them out on it, say something to try and let them know that you'd like to join. Say something like, "We saw your post from the (insert most recent activity here) and it looked like a blast! Next time you go, let us know. We'd love to join you guys!"

    Hopefully that will clue them in that age of kids shouldn't matter and that it can be fun for everyone. Good luck!
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