Friends in different stages of life

jjodom · June 2015

kind of a venting session bc idk who to express this to. One of my best friends has been becoming more and more distant. Only texting me when she has a problem.

She is in a stage of life where all she does is eat, sleep, and party. That's it. We are only a year apart and she is acting like I did back when I was in college 4 yrs ago. I got a full time (8-5) job and married and our friendship didn't suffer. Now, about 3 weeks after telling her about my pregnancy, I can't really get ahold of her. It's frustrating because I know our interests are becoming increasingly different, but that has not hurt any of my other friendships.

Sorry had to vent somewhere.

rgz · June 2015

I can sympathize with your hurt feelings. Speaking from experience, it can be tough when you start to realize that your friendship with someone you once were extremely close with starts fading. But the older I've gotten the more I realize that you don't need to talk to someone all the time to validate your friendship and it's ok if a month or two or more goes by without talking to someone as long as you can pick up right where you left off. Since it's only been a few weeks give her some time/space and maybe she will come around. Otherwise, just try to focus your time and energy on the people who appreciate your efforts and reciprocate them to you. Good luck!

kleshelle · June 2015

I completely know how you feel! It sucks but it's a part of growing up, they'll catch up to our level one day hopefully and realize what's important. I've came to the conclusion I no longer really have friends... Which is sad but hey... My sister is in my level so she counts right? Seriously she's my best friend

mfarglio · June 2015

I realized when my mom asked me who she should invite to my baby shower that I only have one true friend and we sometimes go days without talking and sometimes even then it's just "Hi I miss you." That being said we live on opposite sides of the country.

Most of my friends are still in their party phases and I'll admit I'm young and maybe I should be too but after my first year of college I was honestly just sick of it, and when I stopped being "wild" I slowly lost touch with a lot of my friends. It's hard and it definitely hurts especially if it seems like you miss them more than they miss you but I honestly believe everyone has a purpose in your life and sometimes people just out grow each other. Friendships ending hurt way worse than break ups in my opinion.

BostonBaby1 · June 2015

I can empathize with you completely. As an older person, I can tell you that as we grow throughout our lives, unfortunately not all of our friends grow with us in the same direction. There are people that you will grow apart from. There are also friends that you will grow apart from for a time and then may reconnect with further on down the road. It is very difficult pill to swallow indeed. The most important thing to remember is that you are doing what is best for you and for your family right now. I know how painful it can be and I feel for you mama. Just try to remember that she is not in the same place as you and that the best interest of your family must come first. You'll meet lots of new women when you have your LO. You will meet other new mothers at the playground, at mommy and me classes and just around your neighborhood. I know this does not take the pain away, and my heart goes out to you. Don't count her out just yet though, she may come around. And if she doesn't, just rest assured with the fact that you will meet new people that are in a like minded place. (((Hugs)))

ammnam14 · June 2015

I feel you girl! All of my friends are out partying and being young. I'm 21, married, and expecting my first kid! I just feel so much older than my friends, it's weird.

On the bright side, we have our little families and all they have is a party. Lol

Sorry I can't offer advice!

dec15mum · June 2015

I know how you feel, going through the same thing myself. But, people mature at all different stages and your friend can't expect you to want to party all the time when you want to start a family.
I'm sorry i can't offer much advise but i hope it gets better soon!

CoreysMommy · June 2015

I understand completely! I'm in a totally different place than my best friend also. I'm 21, engaged, and expecting our 2nd kid. While she's 21 & having the time of her life. We live a few hours apart but when we can we go to lunch or dinner together. It's fun to hear about her shenanigans & she knows i'll be her biggest supporter when she has little ones of her own.

Knottie67744546 · June 2015

Amazing thread! One of my friends/associates act like I can't do anything with them. I'm not even showing and I would like to get some time in with them before I get as big as a whale..but they act like I got chickenpox or something. I'm all for having a good time but most of the time that party lifestyle reaps alot of, hangovers, regrets, minor altercations, etc...I see myself as lucky now that I have more important things to focus on. Hopefully everyone will come to their senses and want to get closer and compassionate instead of distant. What do you guys think?

RSB1982 · June 2015

Try not to take it personally. She will probably come around soon. Maybe she just needs time to get used to the idea. I am 32 and having my first kid while many of my friends starting having kids 5 years ago. I wasn't partying or anything like that, it just wasn't the right time for us (husband was still in school). It was a little hard for me at first. The friendship dynamic does change once children are introduced and conversations definitely change. Like @BostonBaby1 said, this may be a friendship that grows apart temporarily and you reconnect sometime later, when your interests are similar again. Best of luck to you!

yl1m32015 · June 2015

My best friend of 15 years, maid of honor at my wedding, totally abandoned me when I got pregnant. She completely freaked out, said horribly mean things to me and then told me that she just can't be friends with me anymore. It was a huge shock. She was my other half for half my life. But honestly, it was a good thing. I've learned that we were kind of a crutch for each other, that we really did need to find ourselves outside of each other. She's single, alone, has a shitty job she hates, has a terrible family life, is in so much debt it's scary, and her negatively and bitterness about life was damaging for me. I didn't even realize that until I had time away from her.

My point is, it's ok that you're in different places in life. Sometimes you need people for different phases of life, but they don't come with you to other phases, and that's ok. You'll meet and make other friends for future phases.

kmac103 · June 2015

I just had to have a talk with my best friend about how her cheating on her husband is getting around to a lot of people. She is active duty military and adultery is VERY illegal for military personnel.

Anyway, she and I have always been so much alike minus the whole infidelity thing and we used to be super close. We hung out every weekend and did pretty much everything together.

When I found out I was pregnant she was incredibly supportive and immediately started buying baby stuff for me. I am actually the one that started pulling away from her. I've realized that she's been lying to me about different things.

She has told multiple people that I am pregnant even though I am waiting until my next OB appointment at 13 weeks to let everyone know. My husband actually found out she had told people and confronted her before he told me that she'd been blabbing. She said that if she told anyone she was drunk and didn't remember.

The two of us are the same age, our husbands are the same age, and we all share the same friends which seems like it would lead to a harmonious pregnancy full of friendship.. I just don't have time to deal with the lies and the drama of her relationship. I've been there for her for so many years but she's never lied to me until now. I don't want a negative environment for my baby and that seems to be all I get with her anymore. It's really sad but people change.. In this case it was me.

MegStark · June 2015

OP, this is definitely a good place to vent. A lot of women on this board are feeling the same way or have felt it in the past. I'm 30 - going on baby number 2, and still waiting to see if a few college friends will ever come around. You'll meet new people, but I do understand what you're feeling.

Shanna729 · June 2015

People come and go, it was really hard for me to lose my best friend once I had my son but we were in two completely different phases in life and I think it's pretty normal to outgrow people. Cherish the memories you had and keep looking forward, you will meet new people throughout life that will be just as important.

kksquared · June 2015

I totally understand. I got married at 19 and now at 24 having my first. My best friend and I used to party some and go to the bars but that got old fast. Especially now that I'm pregnant. She also moved pretty far away and came back to visit last week. She won't be able to come home again for at least a year (she loves temporarily in India). In afraid when she gets back we will be totally different people.

Want a personalized experience?

Friends in different stages of life

Re: Friends in different stages of life

Choose Another Board

Search Boards