Is a babymoon really necessary? Some goals before TTC

Katm89 · June 2015

Hi everyone,
My husband I have been talking about babies for 3 years. We have been married for 4 1/2. My DH has 1 more year of college but we plan to start TTC right before his last semester. I've had many goals along the way and wanting this baby so much has actually made me a better person. I found a new job that pays much better than my last( switched from being a teacher to working at student services in a college). Still not AMAZING pay though. MY DH will graduate as an engineer. He is 27 and I'm 26. He's graduating late because he was in the marines until 2012. All of our friends that stayed in the military have children already and we had always planned on waiting 3 years and then having children, but it just wasn't feasible and DH really wanted to be there, not busy with classes. Not only have i switched jobs, but I've started running and lost 20 pounds. I've done my first 5k, and 10k and my goal was to do a half marathon(13.1 miles) on Halloween. However, now I realize that we have never gone on a vacation somewhere far by ourselves. We never even had a honeymoon. We just got back from Alaska with my parents and spent close to 3 grand but it was with other people. Everyone recommends going on one last trip. We have our 5 year anniversary coming up and I looked at cruises to DR or Mexico to travel and TTC. But 2k wasted or save for baby and go somewhere cheaper? Like rent a lake house for 3 days? I feel like I'm settling if we don't do it but it seems like a waste of money right before we conceive and DH graduates. Not to mention when the baby is 6 months we will be buying a house.
advice?
what would you do?

jnnfrrose6 · June 2015

The fact that you see spending money on a vacation as "wasted" answers your question. If the value (to you) is that the money spent on a vacation would be "wasted" by that experience, then don't do it. Plenty of people have babies without taking the time or opportunity to travel prior for many reasons. Conversely, there are plenty of less expensive options if you feel it's something you really need to do.
FWIW, we took a "last hurrah" trip and spent 10 days in India and Nepal. It was amazing and I'd never consider the money we spent on it wasted. For me (and DH) we're very happy we went and have the memories and experiences, but that needs to be a decision for you and your DH.

Katm89 · June 2015

I don't think I would ever think it was "wasted" after the fact. But it's always hard committing to spending that kind of money upfront. Thank you for your answer... I just realized that I could never regret spending the money especially for our 5 year anniversary... it is definitely a milestone and we missed our 1 yr anniversary due to my DH being in Afghanistan. India must have been AMAZING!

Xstatic3333 · June 2015

I agree that it's totally personal. H and I want to take a big trip before #1 comes along, but travel is just a big priority for us. Always has been. We're pretty committed to travelling with baby too, but realistically travel budgets will be low during the daycare years, so overseas may be out for a while.

Katm89 · June 2015

Yea, DH and I discussed that we will still travel and vacation but it'll be more like renting a summer place a 3 hour drive away than Europe haha.

MKM2014 · June 2015

It's definitely not necessary but I would recommend it since you haven't been anywhere just the two of you. Although DH & I love to travel so my opinion is highly skewed

we are also planning TTC around my graduation & we are planning a trip that will coincide with our first month of trying. It's just coincidence that I have a semester gap during that time but we think of it as a fun way to kick off a new chapter in our lives- with graduation, the possibility of a new baby and not long after a new career all on the horizon.

StarbucksShip · June 2015

My husband and I aren't too big on traveling, and the idea of a honeymoon or babymoon is "meh" to us. We're happier taking weekend trips around our nearby region. So we put the bulk of our extra money into buying and renovating a home. Not once have we questioned the use of that money. And while we would be able to enjoy a trip, I can definitely see us calculating how it could have helped in other ways.

Katm89 · June 2015

Yea, I really like the idea of planning a vacation to mark the time you first TTC. I think it'll help allow us to celebrate it. It's surprising that waiting to TTC and it coming up within the year has really made me start thinking about our wedding... the good and the bad. People get so judgmental. I burned my wedding dress and my coworker was like omg what a bad omen. It was just a dress to me. o well.. this same coworker said she didn't believe it was right to send a child to daycare...

Xstatic3333 · June 2015

Katm89 said:
Yea, I really like the idea of planning a vacation to mark the time you first TTC. I think it'll help allow us to celebrate it. It's surprising that waiting to TTC and it coming up within the year has really made me start thinking about our wedding... the good and the bad. People get so judgmental. I burned my wedding dress and my coworker was like omg what a bad omen. It was just a dress to me. o well.. this same coworker said she didn't believe it was right to send a child to daycare...

Without any judgement, I'm curious why you burned your wedding dress. It's just not something I've heard of before.

Also, your coworker sounds obnoxious! Don't let others expectations tell you whether you want to travel. Your life, you money. It sounds like you want to though.

Katm89 · June 2015

Well, I got married very young and didn't want to save it. We did a trash the dress shoot and it was covered in paint.. I didn't want to just throw it in the garbage or pay to get it dry cleaned. So it just felt right. We sat around the fire pit, drank some beers and cheered to the wedding being over. I saved my veil and my lace corset though. I wasn't very attached to my dress. It was T- length and looked great with my husbands uniform but my "dream" dress would have been a fit and flair but it was too fancy for the type of reception we had.

Katm89 · June 2015

@purrbucket if a home would have been an option for us right now, it would have been great! but unfortunately they don't count the GI bill as income so we can't qualify for a mortgage til DH graduates

Xstatic3333 · June 2015

Katm89 said:
Well, I got married very young and didn't want to save it. We did a trash the dress shoot and it was covered in paint.. I didn't want to just throw it in the garbage or pay to get it dry cleaned. So it just felt right. We sat around the fire pit, drank some beers and cheered to the wedding being over. I saved my veil and my lace corset though. I wasn't very attached to my dress. It was T- length and looked great with my husbands uniform but my "dream" dress would have been a fit and flair but it was too fancy for the type of reception we had.

Gotcha. Super cute picture! I love tea length dresses but I'm super pear shaped so one wouldn't have worked for me at all.

Katm89 · June 2015

@Xstatic3333 Isn't that just the way? a fit n flair wouldn't have looked nice on my shape because I'm so short

StarbucksShip · June 2015

Katm89 said:

@purrbucket if a home would have been an option for us right now, it would have been great! but unfortunately they don't count the GI bill as income so we can't qualify for a mortgage til DH graduates

Understood, but I mean that if you're the kind of person who values having a home, saving money (especially thousands) would be great for home ownership. It boosts your down payment or acts as a cushion for maintenance.

Katm89 · June 2015

@purrbucket I completely agree. My husband calls me the "savings nazi" because we save for everything and I never feel its enough and emergencies always happen to take it away. When we had moved here we had 14k in savings, but now we have 2k. It usually starts at 5k and goes down to 2k and then goes back up to 5k. Money will be more consistent when DH graduates.We will buy a house a year after DH graduates so I'm thinking we will be able to buy a house easier. I think with the VA loan we only have to put 3% down.

sparklingdiamonddancer · June 2015

I agree with pp that it's about your personal value. And I love your idea of burning the dress - it's clearly personal and individualized for you! I saw take the same approach with the babymoon idea. Decide whatever works best for you to feel like you are ready for that stage. If you want to take that trip, then it's worth the money because it's worth it to you!

I will say that buying a house is crazy is expensive in ways that you don't imagine. Good for you for having those savings! I had $28K saved when I bought my last house (just $125K) and it seemed like it just got sucked up. But I went with more of a fixer upper! Definitely do some loan shopping! The VA loan is fabulous and there are some other programs that can help with the down payment with the military background.

Katm89 · June 2015

I'm going to play it by ear and see how I feel in sept when we would have to book it. Maybe I can save the 1428$ up before then and justify the expense. I think it would be a great memory even if we didn't conceive. And yes, we don't know much about buying a house. It seems there isn't much you can find out before you start the process which is frustrating. we deff have to move when the baby is 6months because we have lead paint and when that baby crawls we need to be out. But we also don't know how long it will take to conceive so maybe we will move before baby arrives. I've come to the conclusion that I can't plan everything and I just need to have a bit of faith.

juliebeannn · June 2015

As PPs have said, it's definitely a personal decision. Among my friends, some people went all out and took fabulous vacations to the Caribbean or Europe and I know others that drove a few hours for a weekend getaway. I think we'll do something in between.

Before DH and I decided we'd start TTC this summer/fall, my brother and I talked about taking my mom on a family vacation to Cancun in January/February for her 60th. Depending on whether I'm KU (and how far along I am), that might end up being our babymoon.

We're also taking a mini-vacation over Labor Day weekend to Rehoboth Beach, DE (3 hours away) to kick off the baby-making fun.

I can't tell you what's right for your situation, but since you and your DH haven't vacationed much, I would try to squeeze in a babymoon, even if it's just a weekend getaway!

edit: words are hard

StarbucksShip · June 2015

Katm89 said:

I'm going to play it by ear and see how I feel in sept when we would have to book it. Maybe I can save the 1428$ up before then and justify the expense. I think it would be a great memory even if we didn't conceive. And yes, we don't know much about buying a house. It seems there isn't much you can find out before you start the process which is frustrating. we deff have to move when the baby is 6months because we have lead paint and when that baby crawls we need to be out. But we also don't know how long it will take to conceive so maybe we will move before baby arrives. I've come to the conclusion that I can't plan everything and I just need to have a bit of faith.

Depending on your state (the one you want to buy in) they may offer classes for buying your first home. These classes often cover the following topics:

Types of loans available (USDA, 5% down, 10% down, 20% down, 3% VA, 3% FHA)
PMI payments when taking a loan with under 20% down payment (this is an additional fee to your mortgage and is insurance for the lender in case you default)
Fees and payments in addition to the down payment (inspections, "good-faith" fee if you offer a home, home warranty, etc.)
What happens after you make an offer and under what terms and/or penalties you can withdraw the offer.
What the EPA and general safety needs you to look for: lead paint, asbestos, radon radiation, water-proofing, lead pipes, filters etc.

Also, FWIW, unless you're doing heavy renovation in a home or the paint is peeling, lead paint isn't TOO much of an issue. Apparently radon was a bigger deal. It cost us about 1,000 to install a pipe and ventilate our basement. This is something drilled into us because we bought a 1964 home. It has a greater chance of lead paint (we're not testing for it though), but if there were there's a variety of ways to encapsulate or remove it. There's been no flaking or indication of dust from painted surfaces so we're not too worried.

edit: I CLEARLY prefer owning a home to vacationing!

Xstatic3333 · June 2015

purrbucket said:

Katm89 said:

I'm going to play it by ear and see how I feel in sept when we would have to book it. Maybe I can save the 1428$ up before then and justify the expense. I think it would be a great memory even if we didn't conceive. And yes, we don't know much about buying a house. It seems there isn't much you can find out before you start the process which is frustrating. we deff have to move when the baby is 6months because we have lead paint and when that baby crawls we need to be out. But we also don't know how long it will take to conceive so maybe we will move before baby arrives. I've come to the conclusion that I can't plan everything and I just need to have a bit of faith.

Depending on your state (the one you want to buy in) they may offer classes for buying your first home. These classes often cover the following topics:

Types of loans available (USDA, 5% down, 10% down, 20% down, 3% VA, 3% FHA)
PMI payments when taking a loan with under 20% down payment (this is an additional fee to your mortgage and is insurance for the lender in case you default)
Fees and payments in addition to the down payment (inspections, "good-faith" fee if you offer a home, home warranty, etc.)
What happens after you make an offer and under what terms and/or penalties you can withdraw the offer.
What the EPA and general safety needs you to look for: lead paint, asbestos, radon radiation, water-proofing, lead pipes, filters etc.

Also, FWIW, unless you're doing heavy renovation in a home or the paint is peeling, lead paint isn't TOO much of an issue. Apparently radon was a bigger deal. It cost us about 1,000 to install a pipe and ventilate our basement. This is something drilled into us because we bought a 1964 home. It has a greater chance of lead paint (we're not testing for it though), but if there were there's a variety of ways to encapsulate or remove it. There's been no flaking or indication of dust from painted surfaces so we're not too worried.

edit: I CLEARLY prefer owning a home to vacationing!

The book Homebuying for Dummies was also very helpful! That and just getting a really good realtor who will answer all of your questions.

We had to have a radon system added too, but got the seller to pay for it. Woohoo!

Katm89 · June 2015

We have the book, Homebuying for Dummies... we bought it a couple years ago when we first moved to here because we thought we could buy a house. Where were those classes offered. We would deff be into them.

catrb89 · June 2015

Hubs and I are big on traveling. We own our place and crossed a few other thing off our TTC list, so we're in a financially good place. We definitely want a babymoon to a place that's not very kid-friendly and kind of kick off TTC that way. If it seems to be more trouble than it's worth to you, than maybe that's your answer.

Katm89 · June 2015

It is definitely worth more than the stress makes it seem. I'm usually extremely stressed during the summer and September hits and I relax a lot more. My DH uses the GI bill, so during the school year we get extra money and it goes straight to bills, so during the summer it's a shock to pay them ourselves haha. Only one more year and DH will have a fulltime job and finances will be much more predictable. plus our two cats cost 2k a year for dental surgery. DH always jokes that the animals are a reason we don't have kids yet.

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