Partners reaction

rebbeccaj · June 2015

i just want to know if anyone else's partner is so negative towards the pregnancy?
My partner struggles to talk about it and is still completely in shock.
Our first ultra sound is on Saturday. I was wondering if anyone else is or has been in a similar situation? Did they come around?
Hormones and patients don't seem to go well together

jonesl12 · June 2015

Took DH 20 minutes and a long drive to get over the Initial shock. Now 4 weeks later he is super excited. I think it takes some guys a while to get excited, some don't until baby is born. Hopefully he comes around soon

Shannon76Janmom · June 2015

Mine apparently had a chemical pregnancy with an ex gf, which I never knew until we did the HPT and got the positive result. I'm struggling because he said he won't let himself get excited or attached until I have the doctor get the blood work back because he's been down this road. I respect it but it is hard. He won't even joke about a symptom or really acknowledge it. I'm certain once we know for sure with the bloodwork, he will loosen up a bit. My first Ob appt is Wednesday. Like you, I'm hoping for some excitement sooner rather than later. I'm glad you reached out because I was considering a post on this same topic. Good to know I'm not alone!

sgraham1589 · June 2015

Mine too total jerk but he's coming around...

rebbeccaj · June 2015

Hope everything works out for you! What is a chemical pregnancy?
It's really scary. We have been together over 2 and a half years. Our relationship was rocky but the past few months it's been amazing and then as soon as I found out I was pregnant he freaked!
I'm English but a permanent resident in Australia and he is Australian and he went as far as saying maybe I should move back to England.... So selfish! I know most of it is shock but still. This scan better turn his head around because my head is everywhere!

rebbeccaj · June 2015

Oh

rebbeccaj · June 2015

Oh and get this..
We live seperate
He also works away in the week and is back on weekends... So the last thing I want to do is constantly call him or text him.

mommaSimpkin · June 2015

We found out when I was 4 weeks. Hubby didn't believe me until we went to my first ultrasound. We didn't see anything but the sac, cause it was too early but he finally believed it.
Now I'm 8 weeks, have an ultrasound on Thursday. The hubby is so excited it's adorable.

It's harder for men because they aren't the ones going through the changes. There's a saying I heard a while back and it kinda stuck with me.
" a mother knows she's a mom when she finds out she's pregnant. A father knows he's a dad when he sees his baby. "

Sometimes guys need a visual to be snapped into reality.

l4rk · June 2015

When I showed my man the stick, he said, "Oh, you think so?" As if I had chosen what it would say! It took him a couple weeks to acknowledge my pregnancy, I think because he didn't want to get his hopes up.

But at the end of the day, we both wanted and chose this. I think if your boyfriend wasn't expecting you to be pregnant, he could be going through a whole bunch of very overwhelming emotions. And being anything other than patient will likely backfire. Give him time to come around on his own terms--whatever they may be.

I would also have a hard conversation and find out if he actually wants this. You need to know what you're in for and if he doesn't want to be a dad, then you need to prepare yourself for a life where he isn't one. Do what's right for you, but don't expect it to mean it's also the right thing for him.

Sorry, I feel harsh just writing this. But I know too many women who put false hope into men who weren't up for being a father and it has made things so much worse for them...

CaraBoonie · June 2015

I've heard it said that women become mothers when they find out they're pregnant but men don't really become fathers until the baby is born (or something like that). I think a lot of guys are more afraid or it doesn't seem as real as it does to women (even when it's a planned pregnancy), but unless they are negative about it, it doesn't necessarily mean they don't want the baby, or that they won't be excellent fathers once the baby comes. Boys are just wusses sometimes. It's why they're not able to get pregnant, they couldn't handle it

lyannast · June 2015

My partner is good with everything but the lack of sex drive. I have hyperemesis gravidarum and am constantly being sick and feeling miserable... I'm just not in the mood! He's being an ass because apparently I shouldn't let a 'little bit of sickness' get in the way of our sex life... We still have sex pretty well every second day, it's just he has to be gentle and I don't enjoy it as much cause I'm so ill. Ugh. So frustrating. He needs a punch in the head!

rebbeccaj · June 2015

Really? Sex is all I can think about now and he will happily help me out. I'm only feeling sick at night time but whenever it comes to sex I forget everything! Apart from my aching boobs...
Yesterday he was very supportive and bought me some things and is helping out with payments for the doctors and stuff which is great. I don't want to get my hopes up but I really don't believe he is that much of an ass to never see me or his baby again. He left this morning to go back to work in Central coast and he will be back to pick me up for our ultra sound on Saturday morning. The fact he stayed up most the night rubbing my back and belly seems positive. And he wants to go to the scan..
It's just he won't talk much about it :S
He says he understands that everything is completely different for me and in all honesty he will never understand...
Time will tell.
I will be 25 when the baby is born and he will be 28. So time to grow up!

BabyRut2015 · June 2015

I feel for any woman who had to deal with her first trimester AND a grumpy or less than enthused partner......

My husband doesn't talk a ton about it.... but he has said how excited he is to be a dad, he's gone to our 1st 2 appointments & wants to keep going to them, he rubs my belly all the time and tells me I'm still sexy even though I feel disgusting and greasy and fat, he helped me out a ton with grocery shopping and housework when I had morning sickness, and I can't imagine doing all of this with someone who hardly acknowledged what was happening or was distant... or so rude about getting less sex, grow up!

Smack these boys around!! Tell em you need em to step up a little and be more supportive!!! For you, not even for the baby at this point in time (we got that part down

KFrob · June 2015

My SOs initial reaction was to be really excited and super cute about it. This is his second child (he has a child with his ex-wife) and my first child. That was 5 weeks ago. Then by 8 weeks he had a little freak out. But his freak out was still cute. He was worried that our relationship or I was going to change because I had been not myself with all the symptoms wearing on me. He also got worried that we weren't ending up with enough time together to just be a couple, just the two of us, before the big change of a child happened. Now mind you we aren't married, but this was planned. All calmed down after me reassuring that I'm still me, I'm going to start to feel better and that we're going to take advantage of the next 7 months together and do all sorts of stuff before the baby comes, we're making a bucket list of sorts. I also realized that maybe I was being too focused on myself, the baby, and my symptoms and he was sort of feeling left out and unappreciated for everything he was doing for me.

sgrant0316 · June 2015

My Partner is like that also! I try to talk to him about the pregnancy and he just doesn't want to hear it. Like recently I was trying to talking to him about making the announcement to our friends and family that I'm pregnant and I gave him so many ideas and I kept asking him "what do you think?" And he would just respond with a head nod or all he would say is "ok" or "I don't know what to say" and that scares me. At a point it makes me feel like he doesn't care since he never a wants to talk about it...I just hope this is only temporary and I hope he will start to feel different about later

mahlod · June 2015

Mine is just as shocked and not so excited. It's almost two weeks since we found out. It's really stressing me out and I wonder if he will ever come around. He is moody and sleep all the time. All the pregnancy tendencies that I should be doing.

carlyhammond · June 2015

My SO isn't the type to show emotions.
When I told him ( I called him because he was at work ) so I couldn't judge his reaction.
He seemed a little distant and he wouldn't talk about it for a little bit- then suddenly one day he tells me he told his co-worker (before I told anyone) so, he's excited about it.
He has a daughter from an previous marriage so it's not his first, but he's still excited.

allslee · June 2015

We had a loss in August so this baby was very much planned. I ran out of the bathroom pretty much crying when I saw the positive and then we both cried. Very emotional for sure.

ashley.nelson · June 2015

My husband was actually very angry at first, shouting how much more careful we should have been. Now in his defense we have already had two miscarriages and I personally believe he was more scared than anything.. Easiest thing to do, is give him his space. Men process thing differently than women do. Allow him time to fully grasp what is happening. My husband is very slowly coming around, it's been almost three weeks since we found out. We are waiting in anticipation to make it through the first trimester, and he has finally expressed that he is crappy bricks. We are staying calm, and hoping for the best, but like I said before. He is slowly coming around, just give your guy some time

It'll work out the way it needs to

Congratulations!!

Love4littlethings24 · June 2015

I agree with previous posters, I think guys are different and need their own time to process. When I found out I was pregnant, spouse was really taken back and didn't believe it and had pretty much a mild panic attack. He came home and I peed on a stick and I think him seeing that he started to accept it more. Fast forward a few weeks to our first appointment and seeing the baby and hearing and seeing heart beat, his demeanor changed and he was happy and excited. Now he rubs my belly in front of people, tells them how excited we are, that he thinks it's a girl. I think men need their own space to process and when you allow them and kinda respect that they need that, well, it worked out that way for me. I say leave it be and focus on you and your happiness and give it time.

babym418 · June 2015

I agree with the posts. My boyfriend was initially very excited but as reality set in on all the changes happening he freaked out and is still freaking out. Not to mention we were only a month into dating when we found out. It's been a struggle for us and a constant decision on what direction we are headed. He's a interesting character for me. I'm very much used to giving men space to process things, but he interprets that as my lack of support. He wants me to push him to talk about it more and work through what he is thinking and feeling. While we are struggling we have great communication so I think that is the most important in addition to patience. Men always say we are way more emotional but in my experience they have us beat!! I think more women are strong and grounded. Make sure to take care of you and baby. If you start to become insecure and needy he will get worse. Show him you've got this!!

thebeefamily · June 2015

He was dropping hints about me possibly being pregnant which made me test. Once I got the positive he wanted to know if I was going to the doctors, etc. Once I confirmed the pregnancy via clinic he no longer wanted to hear about the baby. I believe he's scared about this entire transition. He's younger than me and still has a lot of growing up to do which is no excuse, but I get it. Also this will be his first child and mine as well and even I'm scared.

He doesn't want to hear about the baby until I'm at least 5 months along. This could be due to a previous miscarriage with an ex.

Mamagator82 · June 2015

rebbeccaj · June 2015

Ashley nelso

rebbeccaj · June 2015

Damn it this stupid phone!!!
Ashley Nelson thank you for the congrats
I actually really needed that haha

rebbeccaj · June 2015

I guess we can all only wait and see.. He actually asked me if I thought he was going to change after the first scan and I said yes!
He's definitely got a lot on his mind. He actually told me he doesn't want an unhappy life..... Blood has been boiling!
4 more days until the first ultrasound and I'll keep you all posted with everything. Hopefully everything works out for all of us

I understand that men are different and he actually tried to explain that to me funny enough..

Love4littlethings24 · June 2015

OP, kinda off topic of baby related but you should check out the book why men marry bitches. It sounds offensive, but the advice in the book is actually awesome. Some may not agree with it, but I tried it on spouse and it was like night and day. If you're a people pleaser or always feel like the positive one or one putting in slightly more effort. You should check this book out. I read it in one day, totally glued to it!

kgcnyc · June 2015

When I told my husband he actually asked "are you sure?" And "how sure" and didn't believe me until I took 3 more tests. He says he's happy, but he doesn't SEEM happy. He did think the first ultra sound was kinda cool, so I'm hoping as we progress so does his excitement and happiness.

rebbeccaj · June 2015

Haha why men marry bitches. I'll check it out. Where can I find this book? Also 4 days to go!!!! I am all over the place an have no idea how I'm going to be on the day of the ultra sound. I am scared
Hopefully everything with the baba will be ok.. Also lots of people are saying that doctors calculate the due date by Ovulation.. My doctor said it was by my LMP

l4rk · June 2015

@rebbeccaj, that book will be in any major bookstore. It's white with bright red lettering, in the self help section under Relationships.

It's an alright read but I wouldn't take the advice too far... it should really be, "Why Men Love Strong & Powerful Women"...but that's not as catchy.

chic02 · June 2015

I am a first time mom and this pregnancy was not planned... When I found out and told my boyfriend about it he freaked out and didn't talk to me for a couple of days, after those couple days he told me that he needed a little time to process but he still wants to be with me and try and do this together... It's been almost 4 weeks since then and we are back to normal but talking about the baby is still a little hard for him but I'm not pushing it because I know that he is just scared and nervous about everything, but he's talking about it little by little... But we are still in this together and I feel that we will be for the long run.

rebbeccaj · June 2015

That's good

fingers crossed it works out for you
It is hard biting your tongue.. Especially with this crazy hormones.
I can't stop crying!

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