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May 2015 Moms
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How do you keep yourself from "hovering"?

tlh03tlh03 member
in May 2015 Moms
Our DS was born 3 weeks early on April 27. He's now going on 6 weeks old in a few days.

I find myself getting frustrated when DH wants to change things up and do it his way. I'm sure it is only my mama bear coming out, but I can't help it.

DH has been back at work for the past month and I've had the rest of the time learning our son and trying to figure out a routine that works best for us. Considering DH works all day and has to sleep at night, I always put our son to bed during the week. He's now in his crib at night (for the past 2 weeks) and I've been working on putting him down while he's drowsy so that he learns to put himself to sleep. I've been very patient with the process and it usually works.

Well it's the weekend and DH is trying to help with night shift to allow me to get more sleep, bless his heart. But he's completely messing up our night routine by getting him to fall asleep with him on the couch so that he can transfer him to the crib later. DS is still waking up every 4 hours to eat so this basically results in them two sleeping on the couch all night between feedings. (He did this last weekend as well).

I go back to work this Monday, so I'm stressing over this. I guess before I start rambling, am I over reacting? Will the 2 nights out of the week being handled differently really affect our schedule?
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Re: How do you keep yourself from "hovering"?

  • nursej519nursej519 member
    I have no advice regarding the schedule but I too find myself hovering. LO is about the same age and was born 5 weeks early. DH has also been back to work for the last 5 weeks (she is almost 6 weeks) and I am home all day and will be for 6 more weeks. When he gets home, he does everything "his way" and it drives me nuts. I try to not say anything but it is hard. Tonight, he was getting her changed and ready for bed. He changed her diaper and took the old onsie off. She always screams so he picks her up and consoles her before putting a sleeper on her. Then puts her back down to dress her, where she starts screaming again. It seems totally backwards and I guess it isn't a big deal but its just one of the many little things. I feel nitpicky but I can't help it. Luckily I've been able to bite my tounge and let him do his thing majority of the time.
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  • danibonellodanibonello member
    I'm lucky in that I have a hubby who, for the most part, recognizes that I've sort of become the baby expert since I spend 24/7 with her. He'll respect my advice, and if he ever feels like I'm nagging, he doesn't say anything. I also make a point to have conversations with him about it... "If you ever disagree with something I recommend, you can ignore it... I am just trying to save you the time and frustration of learning things the hard way like I already have". For example, tonight he is helping me with baby so I can pump... when she woke up he was going to feed her first, then change her. Obviously that doesn't make sense since changing her after will completely wake her up. I explained this to him and he was totally fine doing it my way.

    Maybe explain to your DH the reasoning behind your schedule and thinking?

    Good luck!
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  • MrsElizabethPlanoMrsElizabethPlano member
    Kind of what they said. It may not affect anything, what ur hubby's doing, but you should voice ur concerns and thought process. Ya'll may decide it's fine or he may concede into your way, but as a woman it's never good to keep things in lest u row to resent ur husband without him even realizing it. My husband wasnt around the first 4 months of my first bby's life and tried to do things his way for a week. I pretty much exploded at him and from then on when it came to kids i was the boss. It's a partnership and ya'll both have equal say...but yours may have more weight since you're with bby all the time.
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  • MrsS728MrsS728 member
    My daughter is one month old and my husband has been back to work for 2 weeks now. When my husband comes home after work I usually let him do his thing with her and then help him when needed. I want him to bond with her, without me. It's true that I can settle her more easily than he can, but I find myself  stepping back and letting him handle it until he asks for help. 
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  • mars8kmars8k member
    Well i'm lucky my husband is too scared to hold her, during the day we keep her in a basket in the living room with us, when she was 3 weeks old i left the room and she started crying so he picked up the entire basket and started rocking it lol it was so funny! He is now a lil better, and although i'd appreciate some help i can't really complain about him not helping cause i like doing things my way, i'ma super hoverer i guess

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