Disconnected, disapointed with pregnancy

bellartsbaby · June 2015

Guilty confession: I have hated being pregnant. I'm having an emotional disaster daily, I'm so uncomfortable in every position whether it is sitting laying or standing. I'm working 50+ hours a week at 36 weeks pregnant and finding myself lying through my teeth every time someone asks how I am. Yesterday I discovered my first set of stretch marks and I just cancelled my maternity photos because I honestly don't want to remember this misery... I actually haven't taken any belly pictures, is that weird?

Im afRaid my husband ( we were only married a month before I got pregnant) will never be satisfied with my body again, as we've only been intimate a handful of times since I started showing and I can't really blame him. I look and feel disgusting.

I'm so scared because I always thought I would make a wonderful Mom, but with 4 weeks left I still feel completely disconnected from my son, and it seems like I'm already a bad parent, where's my excitement? I'm completely terrified of the birthing process, I'm scared of disappointing my son, of losing my husband and becoming a depressed pathetic mom.

Anyone else feel like this or am I alone in my ever worsening mental state?

Melis222 · June 2015

Sorry you are feeling so down. The best I can tell you is after I had my first the emotions were intense...I remember crying and telling my hubby that I was sorry I "ruined our lives" but I was completely in love with my baby. The hormones really play tricks on you. Maybe it's just your hormones making you feel how your feeling?? It's good that you recognize your feelings and don't bottle them up. I hope you feel better soon.

bellartsbaby · June 2015

I really hope it's just my hormones, I really want to feel excited

zmombie · June 2015

it's most likely just hormones.. But def talk to your doctor, feeling this way before he's born, you will likely have post partum depression. Maybe they will just start you on something as soon as he is born.

As far as being afraid of disappointing him., I understand that! I think every mom is afraid of letting there kids down,
Your husband if he's a good man, didn't marry you for your body. Maybe try talking to him. If your afraid birth will ruin your vagina.. Don't worry about that! It goes back, also if you tear or have an episiotomy, the doc stitches you back up. And the 6 weeks without sex gives you enough time to heal and rebound.. I personally tore all the way, the doc did a great job repairing.. Jokingly I asked him to add a few stitches more because I was afraid of never being right again.. But there was no need, it was like Being a virgin again. Not sure if everyone's like that.. But it's possible.
And the misery, is very common. The pregnancy glow isn't due to excitement.. It's due to sweat, hormones and hot flashes!
Try to relax and know that your doing great and these feelings are very normal.. But don't feel ashamed of talking to someone (doctor, husband) about it. Keeping it in and hiding it will only make you feel worse.

AziaNick · June 2015

No your not the only one. I feel ungrateful a lot of times, we have been trying for almost 4 years to get pregnant and finally we have this opportunity to have a little one BUT I hate being pregnant. My whole family is far away and I get homesick all the time. Nothing is ready and nothing seems to go as I wanted it too. I feel the baby move but my husband knows more about her movements then I do! He tells me, "oh that was her fingers, did you feel that?" And I'm like nope, I felt her moving but I can't tell what body part it is! There are time where I just want to be alone and My mom had really bad postpartum depression and I feel that I might have it too. I just feel depressed and tired all the time. It
Probably has something to do with hormones but take it day by day I guess, it's what I do

anago90 · June 2015

It is completely normal to feel what you're going through. Don't feel sorry for hating being pregnant. Not every woman is overjoyed and in love with all the changes their body is going through. Believe me I feel the same way and went through it with my first pregnancy also (7 years ago). I completely hate being pregnant and miserable with all the uncomfortable symptoms that go with it. However, it doesn't mean that you don't love your son or that you will be a bad mom. Don't let yourself think there's something wrong with you, not every woman loves being pregnant. The whole idea of how women should be in love and mesmerized for the opportunity to have this wonderful tiny human growing inside of you makes me gag. Some women love their entire pregnancy, while some like me only wish to get this over with and count down the days! Nobody can blame you after all your body is working hard and overheating while you sweat like crazy! This is a HUGE change for you and don't blame yourself for not being overjoyed with that baby bump that only gets in the way while you're trying to find a good position to sleep at night or trying to get out of bed in the morning. Does this mean you're ungrateful? Not at all. It also doesn't mean you will be less of a mother as other moms who relished and enjoyed their entire pregnancy. It's completely okay not to be in awe and amazement every single day of your pregnancy. You're allowed to complain, and don't worry this nightmare will be over soon! The only good thing that comes out of a pregnancy is the grand prize you will get at the end- your baby! ;;)

LECDale · June 2015

With my first I hated being pregnant, I felt guilty all the time because I had 3 miscarriages before him. In my experience this is totally normal. I didn't feel a connection to my son until he came out and was on me for a minute. I mentioned to a close friend that I felt no connection and she agreed with me, she didn't feel a connection to her 3 boys until they were out. Her sons are adults now, and she's a phenomenal mom. Let your doctor know how you're feeling, update them weekly, he/she is a judgment free safe person.

Get those maternity photos! A professional photographer knows how to use the light and make you glow. I had them done and I'm so glad. It took me a while but now one is hanging in my living room and I love it. I also told the photographer what I was self conscious about and he did a great job hiding my "problem" areas. If you don't like how they come out, print a couple and toss them in your baby book. Your child will appreciate it.

My first son is two and it still shocks the hell out of me that my husband can find me sexy after carrying his baby. But I'm almost positive he finds me more attractive now, c-section scar and all.

It will all be ok, but it will be better if you have someone to talk to.

AimeeB1980 · June 2015

I am not a fan of being pregnant either! This is my second pregnancy. Just like anything else, some people love it and it's ok to hate it! All of your emotions and anxiety, while normal, are not fun. I agree with those above you may be more susceptible to baby blues or ppd. I would talk with your doctor - I know that might seem really scary and overwhelming. I had ppd and felt like a failure and admitting I needed help was the hardest part by far. I ended up on Zoloft and it made a huge difference. I have already picked up my rx for it this time around and will probably start taking it in the hospital. Good luck, hang in there. And I promise you'll be so in love with that baby.

cowdawn86 · June 2015

I think women who insist they love being pregnant lie! You need to find time to rest. And talk to your husband. He probably doesn't realize how you feel. And have sex! Ride him backwards it will make you feel less awkward about your bump. Having sex might make you feel more connected to him!

Numajawara · June 2015

@cowdawn86 well idk about others but I love being pregnant and guess what? I ain't no liar . :-w

Ckorines · June 2015

Numajawara said:
@cowdawn86 well idk about others but I love being pregnant and guess what? I ain't no liar . :-w

Preach. I thank God for this moment and appreciate every second that is given to me. I do however, sympathize with the OP and hope that once your hormones balance out you feel connected again. Remind yourself that this is only temporary and the reward at the end of the journey is well worth the difficult process. I wish you the best of luck and hope you have a more pleasant experience from here on out!

ktabs · June 2015

I understand completely! I had 3 miscarriages, 2 ectopic pregnancies. This took two rounds of IVF and $20k and started as a triplet pregnancy but is now a single. I am so grateful to have made it this far and I hate to admit that I am miserable and hate being pregnant. You aren't alone. If you go to the infertility boards, you would see the same thing. The guilt is real but I don't think it makes you a bad mom. Seriously, the various ailments are not exactly pleasant! Chin up, buttercup

babydoll1008 · June 2015

It's totally fine if you don't feel an emotional connection to fetus when pregnant. Fetuses make your body stretch, ache and cause nausea. What gives?!?! I am not the person who loves pregnancy either. I recently made a top ten pregnancy moments on here to try and think positive. I do feel positive about some things but all and all I would rather not be pregnant at all. I would rather be able to breathe and have my body back!

Hang in there! One more month (give or take!) of being pregnant! And your feelings of being pregnant won't affect your motherhood. The relief you will feel of finally not being will make everything feel better!

charliepepper · June 2015

I totally understand where you are coming from and I don't think it's awful at all. Although I'm grateful for a healthy pregnancy, I'm definitely not enjoying it. I'm also working a lot (60 hrs, on my feet) at 36+ wks, and I think the physical exhaustion increases emotional strain and overall makes this experience less pleasant. And although I think it's great that some other women love their pregnant bodies, I'm self conscious about mine and think belly/maternity pics are weird.

I actually have several friends who felt the same way, but never shared their
experiences until I shared first. I think we are all expected to LOVE pregnancy, so those of us who don't end up being scared to speak up. Talk to your OB, talk to your husband. You shouldn't feel like you're alone in this.

Mjstine · June 2015

I am so right there with you. I hate being pregnant.

ashleytiff · June 2015

I'm absolutely certain I will be in love with my baby boy but I haven't enjoyed my pregnancy either.
My husband loves my body right now and I'm sooo over being big and uncomfortable. Sometimes I feel like he might think I'm a bad person for complaining so much.

runnergirl29 · June 2015

When you hold that little boy in your arms, things will look differently because in an instant your life is no longer your own. And he will steal your heart.. I felt that away with my first and he was so beautiful it just took my breath way how you can truly fall in love at first sight.

love1wolf · June 2015

I worried with my first that I would not be "motherly" but once he was born and I got to hold him it is a bond beyond words. I would agree that perhaps it is just your hormones playing with your emotions but would definately mention something about it to your doctor too.

maryvoorhies · June 2015

I would mention it to your OB, as suggested before, it could be depression, but it may just be that you're not a happy pregnant lady, not uncommon.
Let your husband know how you feel, unless he is pretty shallow, he'll still be attracted to and love your post-baby body, but you should talk to him. If you don't wanna have sex, don't have sex, but have a discussion about it.
I'd like to tell you that you'll feel an immediate connection to your baby when he's laid on your chest, but you may not, you may have to work at it, but keep your doctor in the loop about your feelings, and it will happen. You will have that connection that you want.
As for being terrified of the birthing process, try not to be. I'm pregnant with my fifth, I can tell you, it's not (typically) as bad as it's made out to be. It hurts, but you can do it. And there's no shame in an epidural.

laurabroder · June 2015

I'm sending you a hug and a prayer for peace.

VToman · June 2015

Please don't feel bad! I have felt all of that and more at various times during my pregnancy. I've hated being pregnant, except for feeling her move... that's been really cool. But, in the beginning, everyone else seemed so excited and I had to fake it because I didn't really feel much of anything. We did have a small scare that turned out to be nothing and, truly, for me that's what made me realize how much I love her already. But, I can't say that I feel this way all the time. Especially when I'm tossing and turning in my sleep, or have heartburn, or feel like a giant whale!

I've been open - well pretty open - with my husband about how I've felt throughout my pregnancy. I think you could try to do the same. He's your partner and support in this, and he will be there for you and your baby. Also, mention your feelings to your dr. These feelings are probably hormone related, but depression and post partum depression is nothing to ignore. You have to take care of yourself so you can take care of your family.

Some mothers bond right away, some don't. But, it will come in time.

Don't be afraid to ask for help from your support system - family, friends, and especially husband and doctor. None of us are superwoman and there is no shame in getting help when you need it.

Take care and God Bless.

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