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April 2015 Moms
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bachelor party

chrisandsarahweddingchrisandsarahwedding member
in April 2015 Moms
So my husband decides to go 5 hours away for a 3 day bachelor party. I am a ftm with an 8 week old. I never actually said I was okay with him going, but the guy having the bachelor party is a good friend of both of ours. I told him why doesnt he think about just going for one day..he didnt really acknowledge that statement. Im just wondering if you ladies would be okay with your husbands doing this or would you be frustrated as well. Now I am laying here, upset, just got my LO to sleep after a long crying spell of no latching, and am thinking, why the hell isnt he here with me.
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Re: bachelor party

  • NickiochNickioch member
    Yeah mines 7 weeks and I wouldn't be down with that at all, esp because weekends are so precious with him home and not at work. I think it's more important than ever now with a baby to up the communication in the relationship. Speak up, say what you need, express your feelings and think about how everything effects each other. If he didn't acknowledge your suggestion that's unfair of him, there needs to be compromise you're a team. I've found myself being cranky when I'm nursing and tired and my husband comes home and stares at the iPad. I give him time to unwind from work, I mean I get it we both had long days, but then had to say listen, nursing is really lonely and I need you to hang out with us not play that stupid game right now... he had no idea I was upset unless I told him straight up.

    I also think it's kind of shitty though that this good friend of yours wasn't more understanding of him missing the weekend, you'd think it would be assumed that the new dad can't make it!

    Just talk to him when he gets home, don't let it all build up into a big fight, no ones got energy for that these days and you need to be able to talk about things. Good luck!! Try to get out of the house and have a nice weekend regardless!! Send dad tons of pics of baby doing cute things.,,or crying!
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  • astrat017astrat017 member
    So when my first son was 8 weeks I went out of town for my best friends bachelorette party 5 hours away. I was gone for 2 nights and yeah some of it sucked for my husband but he did fine. People can't plan their lives around when we have babies and imo shouldn't have to. Maybe be really understanding about him doing this and negotiate yourself a girls weekend another time for you.
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  • erikaluna01erikaluna01 member
    I had the same struggle with my first, except it was my husband's work schedule. He was literally MIA for the longest time. He thought he could continue doing this thing after the baby came. We talked many times, sometimes arguing other times peacefully. He didn't change over night but he made a dramatic improvement. Now that we have a second baby, he doesn't work long hours like he used to. Plus, he's very mindful and understanding of all of the work required to raise two kids. Talk to him. Tell him how you feel. It's the only way he'll get it.
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  • taahirataahira member
    I would be ok with it. Although I've just had my third child, I'm way more relaxed now than I was when I had my first. As someone else mentioned. Life dosent stop, for you, your DH or the people in your circle just because a baby is born. My DH travels quite a bit for work, I really take that opportunity to spend one on one time with my children. It's nice to hang out just us.
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  • Devinrae255Devinrae255 member
    I am struggling with the same underlying issue---DH wants to still go out and have some fun. Some men don't have the same need to want to bond with their babies not saying they don't love them but I have noticed some differences in different men they don't have that connection or want for it like us moms do. My DH showed no interest in my 8 1/2 week old until recently and even now it is limited he doesn't do much for the baby  and I am starting to become ok with that. He has gone out for late nights and fun here and there and he just thinks that I am jealous, yes true I am a little but I was more upset he expected me to do this alone around the clock. He has 2 older children my step daughter is 4 and step son is 6, I've been told he was the same way when they were babies but now that they are older he is an AMAZING dad to them and they are his world. Don't hold it against him if the connection is taking a while to build, it will happen. 
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  • MudLoverMudLover member
    I would be totally fine with him going to a bachelor party. Actually, a week before my due date he went out of town 3 hours away for a weekend bachelor party trip. He was hesitant to go and I made him. It was for his best friend since elementary, no way was I going to be the reason he missed that. 

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