handling visitors and house guests

inkblotanna · June 2015

Do you guys have a game plan on how you are going to handle guests?
My mom, dad and their dogs are coming from cross country when I'm 38 weeks and aren't leaving until after baby is here. My step-mom-in-law is also coming 2 weeks after I'll be 40 weeks for 2 weeks.
My mom is the only one that doesn't drive me crazy and I'm nervous how to deal with other guests. My husband will be gone and I also have a toddler so the help will be nice, but I'm kind of a solitary person and hate feeling like I need to entertain.

LittleRue · June 2015

I don't think they expect you to entertain. Put them to work lol they can be on toddler and dinner duty.

Savanna111911 · June 2015

I doubt they expect you to entertain. If they are going to be there anyway don't be afraid to ask them for help with the toddler or anything else you need!

coopmke · June 2015

I am curious about this too, as it seems many posters on here are in the camp of "no visitors for a few weeks" or things of that nature. We will definitely have people right away (my parents, in-laws, sisters) and are excited to share this time with them.... However it is overwhelming to imagine that many people around at one time. Everyone is from out of town, but only a two hour drive so it's pretty manageable.

I'm thinking initially my mom and sister will spend a few nights but my dad will drive back and forth (for work, to take care of their dog, etc). I'm not sure about my in-laws as I don't know if they are taking off work, planning to stay etc. Initially I figure people can stay at our apartment while we are in the hospital (csection, so a few days) and then from there I am hoping to kind of rotate people through so it is not too many at once because our place is just not big enough.

We are definitely gonna need help as we are having twins, and we appreciate it! But I am with you that it is stressful to think of coordinating while I'm super pregnant--- so I'm trying to go with the flow and not stress! Hopefully you aren't in a little 2 bedroom apt and can divide people up so you're not all on top of each other like we will be at our house! I wish I had more advice, this is more of a 'I know what you're feeling' post ....Good luck!

butterfly061583 · June 2015

I only need one support person at home and that is my mother. I will say no to anybody else, if need be just tell everyone you want alone time early on they should understand. Just have your mother there. You are not obligated to allow visitors and it's ok to say no. I personally don't want too many people around my baby, some babies get visitors colic where they get upset or overwhelmed and cry after being around too many people in a short period of time. My first born was like that she would get sensory overload from visitors and even store trips in the beginning. I plan to just say no. If you wanted the extra company and support I would say let them stay but since it seems like you only want your mother to stay, I suggest you do what will be most comfortable for you and it's not unreasonable IMO to postpone visitors.

JennyJensing · June 2015

A few things to consider (coming from a STM):
-You will be sleep deprived. For the first few weeks, I would only sleep in 2-3 hour spurts. You wouldn't believe the headaches this will cause!
-You will be trying to figure out nursing and bonding with your new baby. It's annoying to have to seclude yourself from parts of your own house while doing so if you're modest like I am. (i.e. I didn't want my dad seeing my boobs!)
-You will be doing well to cook a meal for yourself, much less entertain house guests.

I'm sure I missed a few, but I think some of these reasons may be why people restrict visitors at first. The only person I want there at first is my mom, because she will not hesitate to clean, cook, hold baby while I shower/nap, etc. If you have others coming to visit, I'd be very clear about expectations BEFORE they come.

inkblotanna · June 2015

Sounds like we all have mom's that know that they are there to be put to work and not trying to bond with a baby. I like the idea of just going with the flow and straight up telling them I need alone time. Hopefully no one will be offended.

VToman · June 2015

My mom is coming for a while and I'm sure my MIL will be around more, maybe even my SIL. I'm gonna need all the help I can get since this is my first time, so I will absolutely take advantage of their help for as long as I can get it. Especially in the beginning.

BerlyTown · June 2015

My mom is coming when I'm 36 weeks as we're likely going to be induced at 37 weeks. She is staying with us for 2 months. Originally it was only going to be for 5 weeks but she had to move her flight up when all my blood pressure stuff started happening. My dad is flying out in August for 2 weeks, and then my sisters and their two kids are coming for a week so I'll have 8 people at my house at one time.

If I am induced at 37 weeks it won't be so bad because I'll have had a month to recover before the rest of the family gets here. If I go full term to 7/22 I'll only have had a little over a week so that scares me a little but I'm excited that they are visiting. I'm in Georgia and my family is in California so only my parents have made it out here so far.

jtenkorang · June 2015

I'm taking as much help as I can get. Everyone in my family lives in town so they can come and go as they please. Breastfeeding makes my dad anxious so he will be in and out as I need to feed my twins. I have a 15 month old and twins on the way so I'm not turning down any help. Especially with cooking cleaning housework etc and any help that I can get with my toddler. She is very active and lives to climb in me. I'll be having a csection since I had one he first time. So no climbing will be allowed from the toddler. I think she's going to have a rough time. Especially since most days she just wants me and not daddy. Some days she won't even go to grandma and grandpa. :-/

SnarkasaurusRex · June 2015

I'm lucky in that my mom and MIL both live close, so I can call them when I need them but they can go back home afterward, haha. I know my mom is hoping to stay with us for a few nights in the beginning, but I've been honest with her and told her that I haven't decided.

DH has a huge family though (lots of siblings and step-siblings), and I'm nervous about all of them just wanting to show up and be with the baby. My SIL had a big meet the baby party for everyone when my nephew was one week old, but that's earlier than I feel comfortable with. I know they're expecting me to do the same thing, but, again, I've been honest with them and let them know that I'll invite everyone over when we're settled and comfortable. Several of my SILs have offered to bring meals over so they can meet the baby one-on-one, and that's agreeable to me. Less overwhelming, I think.

FIL lives on the other side of the country and will fly out to visit when LO is about 6 weeks and will stay at a hotel down the street instead of at our house, which I am immensely grateful for. Again, close enough that he can come over at a moment's notice, but still has somewhere else to sleep if we're getting overwhelmed.

I would just be honest with your family about visiting and your expectations of what will happen when they do visit. Most (sane) relatives will not expect you to entertain them while you're adjusting to life with a newborn.

kate5all · June 2015

It's so hard not to borrow trouble here, because we've all probably heard horror stories from friends and family about dealing with visitors.

I'm a little nervous about this, since both our families live in the same town and have keys to our place. I'm worried about unannounced drop-ins--especially from my MIL who works out of her home and is always out running errands. But maybe she'll be really helpful? Or maybe she'll be really good about asking first before coming over?

If I run into any issues with my family, I'd have no problem talking to them. If I have issues with DH's family, I'm putting it on him to set expectations/rules for visiting.

One tip I heard for making the most out of visits is to make a big list of chores you need help with and label it "FOR [DH]", then post it somewhere really noticeable so if visitors see it, they might say, "hey, I can help you with that." Otherwise, I don't think I'd have the balls to say to someone, "It's so great you're here. Could you walk the dog?"

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