Postpartum.

balisticbritt · June 2015

Is anyone else worried or thinking about how it's going to be once the baby gets here? How you're going to act and feel?
I'm obviously a FTM and I'm worried because everyone always says its so terrible. It's a scary thought to hear such negative things. For any STM or moms, how did you get through your postpartum period? Do you recommend anything? And for anyone else what are your thoughts or ideas on it?

rainbowBOOM · June 2015

I think the best advice is to take things one day at a time and try to go easy on yourself. If you ever feel overwhelmed don't be afraid to discuss with your doctor. They can help. And always know you aren't alone with your feelings. People do understand and the anxiety is legit.

daniellelea1985 · June 2015

It wasn't that bad. It is a major transition and obviously different for everYone.

Every woman's postpartum recovery is different and every baby has a different temperament.

Take as much support as you can get, don't forget you need to care for yourself and don't feel guilty about doing so! Sleep when baby sleeps if you can (cause at night....you'll be up when baby is up!)

I'm worried being a STM how much more exhausting it's going to be with a 2 year old too... but I just keep telling myself that many women do this and more so I'll survive !

MrsJIsbell · June 2015

I told my husband the other day that I felt like I was going to miss it just being us two. I then cried for feeling that way, lol

My mom will be staying with us for a few weeks once baby arrives to help and kinda show me what I need to be doing and how. I'm sure she'll be very helpful but I'm actually more stressed about having her here than dealing with a new baby. I'm honestly freaking out though bc I feel so unprepared.....

JennyJensing · June 2015

It is no joke, that's for sure. BUT--there's a reason people do it more than once. For me, it would've been nice to keep perspective about the fact that it will not last forever. For some reason, I felt like I'd never be myself again and life would never get back to normal. Looking back, it took about 3 months for me to start feeling somewhat normal again.
Also, don't be afraid to ask for help! It takes a village!! Have people come watch the baby while you take a shower/nap/clean/get things done. If you are feeling destitute, talk to your doc at your PP checkup and don't be afraid to ask for drugs!

For the most part, my maternal instincts kicked in and it wasn't as scary as I thought it would be.

confuegosuzy · June 2015

I'm way more nervous as a STM than I was as a FTM. I'm remembering the things I did to survive with my first and realizing so much of it isn't an option this time. I'm worried the kids will never sleep at the same time, and since I'm basically a "married single mom" I'm on my own with it. I recommend freezer meals, naps when the baby naps, take lots of pictures, and be okay with letting the baby cry for 10-15 minutes so you can take a shower.

ourlittledarling · June 2015

This isn't directed to anyone on here more just a general frustration with my own experiences of other opinions on my life.

I really find it so sad how people in society line up to tell terrible stories to FTMs and complain about how difficult life will suddenly get. The funny thing is the vast majority of them wouldn't trade being a parent for anything in the world and can't picture their lives with out their little ones. Yes, things will be different, but you will have this little ball of love that looks at you like you are their entire world and we are all here because someone before us made it through the process of child rearing.

As a pp said, people choose to do it multiple times. I can only say do what works for you, don't feel like you need to live up to anyone's expectation or plans. This time is about you and your growing little family. When your milk comes in, (day 2-5), you may find some emotional changes come with it as your hormones swing but keep the perspective that it is normal and everything will even out. Skin to skin time can help with the feelings.

hay1122 · June 2015

Don't feel like you have be superwoman and entertain your mom while you have a new baby at home. Really take advantage and just focus on your recovery and bonding with your baby. Your mom will hopefully understand, and if not, speak up for yourself!

Bugs1718 · June 2015

ourlittledarling said:
This isn't directed to anyone on here more just a general frustration with my own experiences of other opinions on my life.

I really find it so sad how people in society line up to tell terrible stories to FTMs and complain about how difficult life will suddenly get. The funny thing is the vast majority of them wouldn't trade being a parent for anything in the world and can't picture their lives with out their little ones. Yes, things will be different, but you will have this little ball of love that looks at you like you are their entire world and we are all here because someone before us made it through the process of child rearing.

As a pp said, people choose to do it multiple times. I can only say do what works for you, don't feel like you need to live up to anyone's expectation or plans. This time is about you and your growing little family. When your milk comes in, (day 2-5), you may find some emotional changes come with it as your hormones swing but keep the perspective that it is normal and everything will even out. Skin to skin time can help with the feelings.

Couldn't agree more, when I was pregnant with DD, it used to make me crazy listening to all the negativity. Fortunately, I had some good friends that were very positive which helped me through that.

Bugs1718 · June 2015

As others have said, everyone's postpartum is different. With me, I was fine until DH went back to work and I was home by myself with this little bundle and I felt lonely. I was used to being at work all day. So, I started planning trips outside the house - the mall, the park, whatever, just to be around other people. We would also meet DH for lunch on occasion. For me, being with friends and family helped me get through that period. I wouldn't stress about it though, you may sail right through. And if not, there are plenty of resources to help.

mnj05 · June 2015

Your body adjusting to and releasing so many hormones at once is where a lot of the issues come from, in my opinion anyway. The first two-three weeks was the worst for me, I would cry at nothing, feel like I could fall down from being weak/tired (and I had/have a great sleeper!). Your body goes through a huge change suddenly in addition to adjusting to a new family dynamic. Take help, let the dishes, laundry, and all other housework wait. Find time to shower daily, it'll make you feel better even if you get right back into pjs. Focus on your overall health and snuggling that new baby! The rest will fall into place, you will have a routine, and you will find your new normal. Reduce stress however you need to whether that be bring more helpers in or make them leave. Like others said, the crazy times don't last forever so don't let it get to you!

aresee · June 2015

I'm a FTM too, but the midwife who taught my childbirth class gave some good advice. She said that in the first couple of weeks, you should focus on making sure the baby is fed, you are fed, and you get some sleep. Everything else is extra. That really helped me manage my expectations and has made me feel better about taking my time to get used to everything.

balisticbritt · June 2015

These are really awesome and encouraging thoughts/responses. Thank you guys

mers90 · June 2015

It is definitely an adaptation process, but it is not terrible! It's been almost 6 years since my son was born and I do remember feeling ridiculously tiered for some time (even with DH's helping at nights), but it goes by so quickly that you'll end up missing the quiet nights feeding your baby

... I always tell my friend who had a baby a couple of months ago to keep in mind that this too shall pass, everytime you start feeling frustrated or about to cry think that someday you'll have to beg your teenage son/daughter to spend some time with you! Oh, and since he was born I've been saving what I call "wedding photos", all those photos that will eventually embarrass him and I'll make a slideshow with all of them at his wedding! You'll see you can get 100 of those when you're alone with your baby.

Huler · June 2015

ourlittledarling said:

This isn't directed to anyone on here more just a general frustration with my own experiences of other opinions on my life.

I really find it so sad how people in society line up to tell terrible stories to FTMs and complain about how difficult life will suddenly get. The funny thing is the vast majority of them wouldn't trade being a parent for anything in the world and can't picture their lives with out their little ones. Yes, things will be different, but you will have this little ball of love that looks at you like you are their entire world and we are all here because someone before us made it through the process of child rearing.

As a pp said, people choose to do it multiple times. I can only say do what works for you, don't feel like you need to live up to anyone's expectation or plans. This time is about you and your growing little family. When your milk comes in, (day 2-5), you may find some emotional changes come with it as your hormones swing but keep the perspective that it is normal and everything will even out. Skin to skin time can help with the feelings.

This is not directed at you, just piggybacking off of the discussion!

While I am by NO means out to scare FTM, I found the opposite to be true in my social media circles! I feel like there was so much pressure to "enjoy every second!" and to really pump oneself up as super mom that it wasn't realistic at all. I had friends (not close ones) seemingly trying to outdo each other with their "amazing" deliveries and "amazing" adjustments and "amazing" newborns. I feel like that mentality leads to pressure for FTM and ultimately a "well, WTF is wrong with ME?" feeling of failure. There is a happy medium that needs to be found, that is for sure!

I just try to tell them to take things one day at a time. It's not pretty, but everyone gets through it and manages to do it again! I also always say, "it's OK to not love every second!"

daisyjo743 · June 2015

The media definitely make all new mums think they should be back in size 0, out jogging around the park and looking glam within 36 hours of birth, don't follow the pressure, relax, enjoy & take everyday at a time, & feel free 2 have a cry

bethanylynn456 · June 2015

Go easy on yourself! Don't expect to be perfect or feel like you're doing everything perfectly at first (or ever!) because nobody does!
I think the best thing you can do is spend as much time snuggling that baby as possible and let anyone help you who offers (even if it's your MIL haha). I know all I wanted to do was cuddle my baby and I stressed about going back to work - even from day one. I wish I could have relaxed and enjoyed it more.

sarahsairsair · June 2015

I got to a point where I was so tired and teary, that DH ordered me to the spare room to sleep one night and he fed the baby expressed milk bottle that night - this was the single BEST thing that improved my state of mind!

I only wish I did that earlier - one good solid nights sleep set me up to handle the rest of the early few weeks.
So this time, if I find myself getting overwhelmed - that's what we will do - at the time I felt a bit guilty- DH works a lot! But remember as a new mom, to look out for yourself too and don't try to be super-mom

It may be tiring at first but it gets better and you will see, it's SO worth it

stormyyautumn · June 2015

Don't stress yourself out about it. I was only 20 after I had my DS and I think I only had one day where I sat with him and just cried.. but it was more of a thankful/happy cry over anything else. After that I never had any issues. I didn't get depressed, I wasn't upset.. nothing.

You just have to take it one day at a time and remember that the sleepless nights only last for a short period. It goes by SO fast.. and I know it won't seem like that at first. I remember thinking to myself geez, I wish all of these people would stop saying that to me! But it's so true.. my DS will be 8 this year and it's CRAZY to think that it's been that long already.

You'll be just fine!

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