November 2015 Moms

Very honest question(s)/comments...please do not bash.

Hi. I feel like I need to confess. I've been reading posts and comments. I will admit that I did not read the 'rules' of this board before posting a few months ago. I do not use the 'search' tool. I probably ask questions that have been asked before. I do apologize to each of you for all of my indiscretions. I really am just here to see what's going on, voice an opinion or two here or there, and see what's up. I don't think I've made comments or posts anything out of the ordinary.

I am the only one of my friends who is pregnant right now. I've have a rough last few years with my own health and this pregnancy was not planned; however, I am deeply in love with my baby already. I do have a 4 year little boy who (as of right now) is my world. I'm sure after his little baby brother gets here, they will both be my world. My first pregnancy was via IVF and was complete opposite of this pregnancy - I have questions, I have concerns/worries. My husband is wonderful. We've been married going on 12 years. We've been through a lot together and we talk about pretty much everything and anything; however, there are questions and comments I would like to ask from other expected moms or other more experienced moms - that I do not have a personal connection too. For an honest answer or view point.

After reading the more recent posts, I'm not going to lie, I'm a little intimidated on asking questions or commenting. I'm a pretty emotional person and feel sorry for all of those ladies who are asking questions and get bashed; however, I understand why some may get annoyed by some not following directions. I do not want to leave the group, but durn...I'm not sure I feel comfortable with asking questions or making comments. Should I leave the group because of this?

After seeing comments about 'do not ask this question again' and so forth....what questions are acceptable to ask? I promise you I am not being smart - I'm honestly asking. What topics are acceptable to discuss? If I did my own research, I wouldn't probably have questions to ask or comments to make - but I thought this was the point of our community? I've read a few times that you wouldn't walk up to a complete stranger and ask them some of the questions people have asked....but complete strangers (which I realize we all still are) are not just walking down the street - we are all here for the common cause. Again, I am far from being smart here...I'm genuinely asking honest questions. Please be honest, but please also know I'm only being honest with you and think they are fair questions.

Please be nice. *Deep breathe* "post discussion"

Re: Very honest question(s)/comments...please do not bash.

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  • Pontot31Pontot31 member
    edited June 2015
    Everything they said.
    If you have a question skim the first 2 pages first and check to see if there is already a post. If there is. Add to that discussion. If not- ask away.

    Questions - as long as they are Not about bumps or something that has been asked 10 times- are always welcome.

    Jumping into discussions is the best way to get to get involved.
  • As one of the "meanie poopie head regs" on this board this is a very good question.  This is how I decide whether or not to start a subject A) Any time you are concerned and it's not been discussed in recent times (you have already said you use the search brava!) and you don't want to bump the old thread (It's okay to bump a thread (if you are not the OP)- write BUMP followed by your question it goes back to the top). B) Personal and unique to you (dog passed, kid walked, new house) you just write AW and what you are AWing C) You need some T&Ps due to any issue at all (all us meanie heads write support on each one of those threads and legit mean it) D) You are bored and it's a fun thread.

    The bulk of us get grumpy when we are wading through pages of AW posts for which there is already a common thread (ie: having a boy/girl/raccoon/zombie, look at my belly!- HDBD is Wednesday, we announced, etc) because we care and want to address those with real issues and questions that need answering. I would definitely refrain from saying "no bashing" or "nice comments only" because sometimes when we are having a pity party we need to hear things we don't want to hear and frankly it makes some posters mad that you are dictating a response from them. Dear Diary type post go something like this "Today I had a totally great day DH totally spoiled me and I think I felt the baby move" there is no question and no way to start a conversation from that so it clogs the boards and is rude.

    Sometimes you are going to get snark no matter what. You just have to let it blow over and ignore, everyone will move on quickly unless you get defensive then the GIFs come out. I hope this helps.

    Your not mean your all cute fluffy & squishy & l <3 ya ;)

    P.s was that a little creepy mwhahaha lol
  • There aren't any questions that are really off the table unless they've been asked 28475 times. Using the search feature will pull up those posts. It's important to use this feature as a lot of women have given the same, great advice multiple times. A lot of other questions that may not have been answered get pushed back due to the multiple postings. That's what gets annoying. Also, there are permanent stickies at the top if the page that remain there. These are great posts to read and contribute to.

    Also, we are not a personal google. Research your question first and if you still have no resolution, then ask your question. We are always glad to offer advice. It may not be what you want to hear but it's generally good advice.

    Asking a group of strangers to "be nice and supportive" gives the connotation that you think of us in a negative light from the get go. It immediately puts us on the defense.

    Removing a negative tone when reading a response will also be helpful. I am sure some women will read a negative tone in what I'm saying in this response but, I'm not being negative.

    I hope this helps.
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  • Don't feel like you can't ask questions. I don't think anyone on this board wants to run anyone off. The majority of people are genuinely helpful when they are not annoyed by seeing a dozen AW posts a day. I got on here with my first pregnancy in 2010 and I found people to be supportive and still do. There are some things you would rather ask a stranger than ask of people you know. And here's a possible UO: Maybe it's because I'm 39 and I'm dating myself but my only gripe is when sarcasm and snark are posted in GIF form. Something about the eye-rolling and memes rankles me because the people who use them are usually pretty succinct, compassionate, and articulate when they give advice or support. Some people are running off to create their own groups but I would advise you to stay and keep an open mind. Life isn't always going to give us warmth and fuzziness. We also have to accept and deal with the thorny stuff.
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  • VexyMommy said:
    Pregnancy brain issue - when I read you were dating yourself I thought, "That's a cute way to say you're a single mom."  
    Haha. I was trying to say I feel so old here sometimes. I feel like I'm that granddad shaking his walking stick in the air and saying "Get off my lawn!"
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  • And not as a comment on anyone's maturity by the way, in case it comes across that way.

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  • VexyMommy said:
    Pregnancy brain issue - when I read you were dating yourself I thought, "That's a cute way to say you're a single mom."  
    Haha. I was trying to say I feel so old here sometimes. I feel like I'm that granddad shaking his walking stick in the air and saying "Get off my lawn!"
    I understood after a second.  I'm 31 and sometimes feel that way around here too.  I try to remember back to when I was a FTM at 21 and put myself in those shoes sometimes before responding to people.  lol.
    June Siggy Challenge image
  • @wallserve all of this!

    Also it can be worrying what some people ask on here before they've researched or called their doctor. Telling your story and asking if anyone has had a similar experience and looking for support and reassurance that way- is very different to posting something like "I'm really bleeding what shall I do" etc.

    I think this is a general fail in society at the moment though?! I had a mum on my Facebook post a photo of her son covered in hives, his tongue swollen and saying he's "finding it hard to breathe what shall I do." Common sense has to come in to play!

    I'd even argue that the best thing about TB is that we are all strangers on the Internet so you can get an honesty that you can't find in friends without it being awkward or it digging up issues etc...

  • Pontot31 said:

    Everything they said.
    If you have a question skim the first 2 pages first and check to see if there is already a post. If there is. Add to that discussion. If not- ask away.

    Questions - as long as they are aren't about bumps or something that has been asked 10 times- are always welcome.

    Jumping into discussions is the best way to get to get involved.

    FTFY before things got super scary and someone says "But Pontot said so!". ;)

    Woops! Fixed.
  • You've gotten some great information here and I hope you feel more comfortable about being a part of the community. If you read through the posts you can see that usually it gets messy when people take offense instead of taking the advice being given. There are many repeat posts that when they get called out OP simply says "okay great" and that's the end. Or if OP doesn't like the advice being given it often sounds like they just wanted to get sympathy or hear one thing. Be open to what advice you're given.
  • Almg15Almg15 member
    I have totally felt this way too! I usually go back 5 to 10 pages before finding what im looking for, but sometimes when iv had to search, ill find a post from like 2010 or something crazy lol and theres no way im posting on there. I didnt make a board for my last question because i saw a few (specific) rude ppl on the boards and didnt want to deal with them..i just want my question answered. I feel like if u have a legit question or just need an opinion on something, than it shouldnt be a big deal. I posted my opinion on an unpopular opinion board and apperently i couldnt have my own opinion lol so iv learned that ppl are just going to be rude either way. So ASK AWAY! Who cares, its the internet. Someone will answer ur question.
  • All of this. And just to reiterate what @JLW0504 said, we are not a personal Google. There is a way about asking the question that shows that you truly want to be a part of the community and aren't just here demanding answers to questions that anyone can google:

    How much protein should I eat while pregnant?
    Vs
    What are you ladies eating to get more protein? Here are my go-tos, but I'd love some new ideas!

    There are some instances where I don't mind you using us as google. If you've gotten some potentially bad news it may be more frightening after reading some of the shit on Google. Just be smart about it. Warn us in the beginning if there is a reason you haven't tried Google first.
  • Almg15 said:
    I have totally felt this way too! I usually go back 5 to 10 pages before finding what im looking for, but sometimes when iv had to search, ill find a post from like 2010 or something crazy lol and theres no way im posting on there. I didnt make a board for my last question because i saw a few (specific) rude ppl on the boards and didnt want to deal with them..i just want my question answered. I feel like if u have a legit question or just need an opinion on something, than it shouldnt be a big deal. I posted my opinion on an unpopular opinion board and apperently i couldnt have my own opinion lol so iv learned that ppl are just going to be rude either way. So ASK AWAY! Who cares, its the internet. Someone will answer ur question.
    I really appreciate you taking the time to try to look, but there is a search function that automates the process a good bit.  You can also tailor it to only the November 2015 board and only with the keywords in the title to get better options.  I don't think anyone is saying not to post, just do a little research here or on google first. 
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  • I suggest joining a Facebook group... I recently did that and I'm so happy I did. I feel very comfortable with all the ladies there and it is not at all intimidating. Best of luck to you!
  • Almg15 said:

    I have totally felt this way too! I usually go back 5 to 10 pages before finding what im looking for, but sometimes when iv had to search, ill find a post from like 2010 or something crazy lol and theres no way im posting on there. I didnt make a board for my last question because i saw a few (specific) rude ppl on the boards and didnt want to deal with them..i just want my question answered. I feel like if u have a legit question or just need an opinion on something, than it shouldnt be a big deal. I posted my opinion on an unpopular opinion board and apperently i couldnt have my own opinion lol so iv learned that ppl are just going to be rude either way. So ASK AWAY! Who cares, its the internet. Someone will answer ur question.

    Wait...so OP is asking about the board culture and why certain questions are frowned upon here so that she can learn. So your response is "lol just do whatever it's the Internet"? How is this helpful to OP?
  • kmkrushi said:

    All of this. And just to reiterate what @JLW0504 said, we are not a personal Google. There is a way about asking the question that shows that you truly want to be a part of the community and aren't just here demanding answers to questions that anyone can google:

    How much protein should I eat while pregnant?
    Vs
    What are you ladies eating to get more protein? Here are my go-tos, but I'd love some new ideas!

    There are some instances where I don't mind you using us as google. If you've gotten some potentially bad news it may be more frightening after reading some of the shit on Google. Just be smart about it. Warn us in the beginning if there is a reason you haven't tried Google first.
    Completely agree with this. Googling about potential issues before a trained medical professional has had a chance to diagnose & talk through with a patient can be extremely stressful. Anytime anyone is struggling with a potential issue/bad news they will get tons of support here; even if people haven't been in her shoes.
  • Almg15Almg15 member

    Almg15 said:

    I have totally felt this way too! I usually go back 5 to 10 pages before finding what im looking for, but sometimes when iv had to search, ill find a post from like 2010 or something crazy lol and theres no way im posting on there. I didnt make a board for my last question because i saw a few (specific) rude ppl on the boards and didnt want to deal with them..i just want my question answered. I feel like if u have a legit question or just need an opinion on something, than it shouldnt be a big deal. I posted my opinion on an unpopular opinion board and apperently i couldnt have my own opinion lol so iv learned that ppl are just going to be rude either way. So ASK AWAY! Who cares, its the internet. Someone will answer ur question.

    Wait...so OP is asking about the board culture and why certain questions are frowned upon here so that she can learn. So your response is "lol just do whatever it's the Internet"? How is this helpful to OP?
    Shes already gotten a lot of great advice..so im sure she gets it by now. Before i said that i gave her the advice to search pages and that it should be a legit question or if she needs opinions. Im also going to tell her how it really is and that she doesnt have to be afraid to ask a damn question, its just the internet, u can ask whatever question u want! Either way at the end of the day, some will be rude and some will answer ur question.
  • Almg15Almg15 member
    VexyMommy said:


    Almg15 said:

    I have totally felt this way too! I usually go back 5 to 10 pages before finding what im looking for, but sometimes when iv had to search, ill find a post from like 2010 or something crazy lol and theres no way im posting on there. I didnt make a board for my last question because i saw a few (specific) rude ppl on the boards and didnt want to deal with them..i just want my question answered. I feel like if u have a legit question or just need an opinion on something, than it shouldnt be a big deal. I posted my opinion on an unpopular opinion board and apperently i couldnt have my own opinion lol so iv learned that ppl are just going to be rude either way. So ASK AWAY! Who cares, its the internet. Someone will answer ur question.

    I really appreciate you taking the time to try to look, but there is a search function that automates the process a good bit.  You can also tailor it to only the November 2015 board and only with the keywords in the title to get better options.  I don't think anyone is saying not to post, just do a little research here or on google first. 


    Oh ya i know about the search, thats how id find them from so long ago lol but i just mean that ill look really good first before even thinking of starting a thread. But ya i was just saying that ppl can make u feel like u dont want to even post anything because ur going to get rude comments..just like the original poster was saying, she doesnt feel like making a thread because of the comments. It just kinda sucks that we feel that way ya know..
  • Almg15 said:
    Almg15 said:
    I have totally felt this way too! I usually go back 5 to 10 pages before finding what im looking for, but sometimes when iv had to search, ill find a post from like 2010 or something crazy lol and theres no way im posting on there. I didnt make a board for my last question because i saw a few (specific) rude ppl on the boards and didnt want to deal with them..i just want my question answered. I feel like if u have a legit question or just need an opinion on something, than it shouldnt be a big deal. I posted my opinion on an unpopular opinion board and apperently i couldnt have my own opinion lol so iv learned that ppl are just going to be rude either way. So ASK AWAY! Who cares, its the internet. Someone will answer ur question.
    I really appreciate you taking the time to try to look, but there is a search function that automates the process a good bit.  You can also tailor it to only the November 2015 board and only with the keywords in the title to get better options.  I don't think anyone is saying not to post, just do a little research here or on google first. 
    Oh ya i know about the search, thats how id find them from so long ago lol but i just mean that ill look really good first before even thinking of starting a thread. But ya i was just saying that ppl can make u feel like u dont want to even post anything because ur going to get rude comments..just like the original poster was saying, she doesnt feel like making a thread because of the comments. It just kinda sucks that we feel that way ya know..
    It does suck that you feel that way but your feelings are yours, no one else is in control of them. This board has had recent drama but the advice is always spot-on regardless of the snark involved. If you look at any of the non-AW posts there are very good answers. I have given over 1600 replies to threads to answer and support lots of posters. You are focusing on the bad and thinking "what if I get snarked?" well ignore the snark and you'll get a ton of good information. If you can't then you are right this board doesn't have the right flavor for you, that's okay too.

    Many PPs (myself included) have given the simple guide for what brings out the snark and basic questions or need for support aren't on that list. Sometimes if it is a redundant question I link previous discussions and direct the person there because there is a ton of good info and I don't want to type the same auto-response 20 times in 2 days, that is not mean or done in a rude manner, but to show the person the easier way and free myself up for answering someone else's question.
  • Ask what you would like to ask and when you would like to ask it! You're not bothering me or many others at all! I refrain from posting on here sometimes too because of the responses I might get. However, we shouldn't be fearful. This is my first time being pregnant so there are a lot of things I am unsure of. Take care and no worries! Ask away! :)
  • Love this post!! You are very articulate and I appreciate someone going into detail. The idea "the shorter the better" is not necessarily true. Thank you for having the guts to post this.
  • Almg15Almg15 member
    rlgoge01 said:

    Ask what you would like to ask and when you would like to ask it! You're not bothering me or many others at all! I refrain from posting on here sometimes too because of the responses I might get. However, we shouldn't be fearful. This is my first time being pregnant so there are a lot of things I am unsure of. Take care and no worries! Ask away! :)

    I said pretty much what u said just maybe a little more bitchy (ill admit) and got a bit of an attack for it. I find the people over at babycentre and what to expect ALOT nicer and more helpful..they dont make u feel afraid to ask or just state an opinion AND they dont care if its been asked 7 times. We both said "ask away" but here its just not true..u really cant. Just thought id vent that before i leave the bump. Hopefully for ur first time here u dont get the heat too bad.
  • Almg15 said:

    rlgoge01 said:

    Ask what you would like to ask and when you would like to ask it! You're not bothering me or many others at all! I refrain from posting on here sometimes too because of the responses I might get. However, we shouldn't be fearful. This is my first time being pregnant so there are a lot of things I am unsure of. Take care and no worries! Ask away! :)

    I said pretty much what u said just maybe a little more bitchy (ill admit) and got a bit of an attack for it. I find the people over at babycentre and what to expect ALOT nicer and more helpful..they dont make u feel afraid to ask or just state an opinion AND they dont care if its been asked 7 times. We both said "ask away" but here its just not true..u really cant. Just thought id vent that before i leave the bump. Hopefully for ur first time here u dont get the heat too bad.
    I'm glad you found a site that works for your needs. Bye.
  • Almg15Almg15 member

    Almg15 said:

    rlgoge01 said:

    Ask what you would like to ask and when you would like to ask it! You're not bothering me or many others at all! I refrain from posting on here sometimes too because of the responses I might get. However, we shouldn't be fearful. This is my first time being pregnant so there are a lot of things I am unsure of. Take care and no worries! Ask away! :)

    I said pretty much what u said just maybe a little more bitchy (ill admit) and got a bit of an attack for it. I find the people over at babycentre and what to expect ALOT nicer and more helpful..they dont make u feel afraid to ask or just state an opinion AND they dont care if its been asked 7 times. We both said "ask away" but here its just not true..u really cant. Just thought id vent that before i leave the bump. Hopefully for ur first time here u dont get the heat too bad.
    I'm glad you found a site that works for your needs. Bye.
    Ugh! Me too!!! Goodbye!
  • kmkrushi said:

    Hahaha! This is becoming rather literal for me. It's gotten to the time when I need to buy bigger panties!
    Word.
    YCSWU 



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