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June 2015 Moms
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Birth disappointments

kkdb14kkdb14 member
in June 2015 Moms
To all the moms who've already delivered, was anyone else disappointed in the way their birth and/or hospital experience went?

I was induced at 38+5 and delivered at 39 and couldn't have had a better birth, however, my time spent in mother&baby after DD arrived was the complete opposite of what I wanted. Everyone knew that I wanted zero visitors at the hospital, and yet SO decided to invite his friend, his grandparents, his other two friends, and his entire immediate family to visit. My family respectfully stayed home like I wanted, and ended up being extremely hurt and disappointed, rightfully. I was (and still a week later am) extremely angry. Can anyone else relate?
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Re: Birth disappointments

  • britneythebridexobritneythebridexo member
    I can somewhat relate with the birth of my first. When I went into labor DH and I agreed to have everyone show up later after baby was born but here I am mid laboring and his mom surprises us. She stayed the whole time until I kicked her out before pushing. She was very mothering which was helpful but it made me feel so guilty when I first saw my mom. But then after in postpartum when I had visitors none of my family wanted to hold the baby at all! It was so strange. It made me feel weird. Also zero men except my dad showed up which I thought was even stranger.
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  • esampson1983esampson1983 member
    Originally we weren't going to have family come visit. But we found it was really helpful to have my MIL and SIL visit in the hospital. They came one at a time so we didn't overwhelm LO. They also brought food when they came, like sushi since I hadn't had any while pregnant :D I also think my first day post c/s it was helpful for DH to have someone there with him since I was loopy from the meds. And they would care for LO and give us some time to rest, which was nice. So it was actually perfect for us.
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  • WestypetWestypet member
    jjvanwagner25 said:

    I'm right there with you. I was also induced, which is not fun! My mom, sister and MIL came to the hospital while I was being induced. They were just talking about everyday things and getting on my freaking nerves because I was in so much pain. In the end I kicked them all out and got an epidural :) best decision ever!
    If we ever have another child I will make sure no one comes until after LO arrives.

    How did that conversation go? I'm concerned about finding the middle ground between "gtfo" and whispering to DH our code word for "get me out of here", which is "mistletoe".
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  • kkdb14kkdb14 member
    jjvanwagner25 said:

    I'm right there with you. I was also induced, which is not fun! My mom, sister and MIL came to the hospital while I was being induced. They were just talking about everyday things and getting on my freaking nerves because I was in so much pain. In the end I kicked them all out and got an epidural :) best decision ever!
    If we ever have another child I will make sure no one comes until after LO arrives.

    SO was hurt by the fact that I invited my mom to come for the beginning of the induction process (we had agreed NO ONE at the hospital period, but he agreed with this after I told him i needed her for the IV and such since I'm a needle fainter) and I allowed her to stay longer than intended. The backlash was that he invited all kinds of people the day after birth. I kicked my mom out as soon as there was any progress happening (took 20 hrs for active labor to begin, and that only happened because my water broke).
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  • addingonaddingon member
    @angiekay84 Your spinal headache story = one of my biggest worries. I had a spinal tap disaster about 8 years ago that caused me a spinal headache for weeks. Talk about a whole new kind of hell. For that reason, I'm actually more terrified to get an epidural than to go without one - which to most people sounds ridiculous. For me, it'll be a game time decision. I'm not sure how common spinal headache complications are from epidurals, but I'm glad you posted this because I don't think most people are familiar with the whole concept.

    I hope everything goes smoothly for you and LO this time!
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  • jesscmvjesscmv member
    @Westypet Well it was easy for me because they went outside to smoke and then I told DH to call them and tell them not to come back! Lol. They really meant well and after it was over I apologized and everyone was very understanding. Hoping yours goes smoothly! Good luck!
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  • jesscmvjesscmv member
    edited June 2015
    @kkdb14 It's literally exhausting being in the hospital with all those visitors! I'm glad people wanted to see us and the babies but I really hated it. I know that sounds terrible but it's true!
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  • agapeflower117agapeflower117 member
    I haven't had this baby yet, but with my first my big disappointment was my pushing.  My DS's heart rate would slow during contractions, so there was a time crunch to get him out.  The midwife called in an OB to confirm, and without even looking at me, told the nurses, midwife, and my husband that I wasn't doing a good enough job pushing because I didn't have any confidence.  I was so incredibly angry I could've choked him out on the spot.  I wasn't pushing well because I was using the wrong muscles - I was using my vaginal muscles instead of my "pooping muscles", I guess you could say.  I ended up getting him out just fine, but this time around, I'm definitely going to use different muscles!

    I'm not sure what the deal is going to be with visitors yet this time.  My parents live 6 hours away, and so do my in-laws, so we told them when I had DS we were in labor when my water broke.  He was born only three hours later, so they weren't even out of the state yet when they got the news (they showed up later that day; my in-laws wanted to wait to give us space and came three weeks later).  I was happy to have them there and not in the delivery/waiting room (that would've made me anxious!) But this time around, my mom is on palliative chemotherapy, and if she's able to travel at all it'll have to be such a wait-and-see situation...kind of nerve wracking.  
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  • hkuntzman89hkuntzman89 member
    I was induced Sunday morning (the day before my due date). The first nurse I had was extremely opinionated and didn't hesitate to attempt to impose her opinions on me and my fiancé, which we neither agreed with nor were comfortable with. Thankfully, I only had her for about an hour and a half before shift change. My next two labor and delivery nurses were absolutely wonderful.

    I planned to wait for my epidural until after my water was broken but the nurses recommended that I get it shortly after I started my pitocin. I did get it when they recommended it - I'm a first time mom and figured they'd know more about what they were talking about. However, the nurses kept leaving me on each side for too long so the epidural would settle and I'd feel everything on the other side.

    I ended up laboring for 28 hours with baby sunny side up and refusing to turn. It was miserable. They attempted to put me in a million different positions to try to move her but nothing worked. I had awful back labor and felt all of my contractions from 6-10 cm.

    They tried to have me use a labor peanut (which looks like two yoga balls fused together if you've never seen one) and put my legs around it. I'm 5 foot tall and have very short legs. I tolerated it for probably less than 5 minutes and couldn't take it anymore. Every other position they tried to put me in resulted in putting extreme pressure on my catheter which made me even more uncomfortable. They finally tried to lay me on my stomach to turn baby but I couldn't breathe. My OB came in while I was attempting to push myself back over and told me it was time to push.

    Baby turned from sunny side up on her own on my second push and I only pushed about 30 minutes, which was a huge relief. Of course I had the typical love at first sight moment and the awful labor didn't matter at all anymore when they put her on my chest.

    My nurses after delivery were less than impressive until the one I had right before I left. I would have preferred to have been checked on more often. We did perfectly fine on our own with her but it would have been nice had they been a little more attentive with us being first time parents. I will give them the benefit of the doubt, however, and will use the same hospital when we have our next one because my beautiful baby girl was the first of 10 deliveries (including a set of twins) on Monday!
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